HP: I got Transmigrated into the World of Magic [Chapter 72: Shameless!] (Patreon)

Katie's eyes are wide and unfocused. Ron's jaw drops so low he'll be drooling in no time.

Luna waves her arms in front of them. "I think you broke them, William. Either that or this is the most coordinated wrackspurt assault I've ever seen."

"You'd better be careful," Harry says with an amused smile. "I think once they snap out of it, either one of them is liable to start snogging you. Or both."

"Hm, Ron's a little too far on the male side for my tastes, but Katie's cute."

"William," Hermione says in a half growling, half embarrassed tone. At least I get a giggle out of Leanne.

"Sorry, Harry's the one that brought up snogging though. So, while Ron's broken, does anyone think he'll notice if I—" I gesture to the complete shellacking I'm getting on the chess board.

"Yeah, he always notices," Harry grumbles.

"Drat."

"I've got it!" Neville shouts, abruptly standing up and hip checking the table, shifting the entire thing. He didn't seem to notice. He slams the book down in front of Harry and Hermione and jabs a finger at a page. "There!"

Hermione's eyes quickly dance over the page, then widen. "That's it, Neville, it's perfect!"

"Wow, that's fantastic!" Harry says genuinely.

Neville is beaming so brightly I think he might actually start glowing.

"I wonder if Professor Sprout is growing any in the greenhouses?" Hermione muses out loud. "It looks like it has some use as a potion ingredient too, so Professor Snape probably has some, as a last resort."

"I'll go ask Professor Sprout right now!" Neville says, sprinting out of the Great Hall.

Hermione marks the page and shuts the book and catches my eye. She turns her head slightly and lifts an eyebrow, then taps the book.

I grin as I realize she's asking me if I know. "I shrilly pleadmy innocence."

Hermione rolls her eyes. "That's awful, William."

"She's a chilly breed, eh Harry?"

"Do not answer that," Hermione says, mock glaring at me.

"So you command, but will he heed your advice?"

"What do you think, Harry, will he stop or will he bleed?"

"Oh ho! Touche! This philly's speed on the uptake is impressive."

"If he calls me a philly again, never will he breed."

"Yikes, you are vicious! I wanted to purchase land near Hogwarts but it was a rather hilly deed."

She laughs. "That was quite a stretch. You really need to come up with something better."

"You're too good for me, Hermione," holding my hands up in surrender. Then I smile. "I totally cede the argument."

"Ha! Poor Willy peed his pants because of you Hermione!" Harry says.

I laugh. "Sure, kick a man while he's down, Champion, Man-in-Black. Fezzik is too good at this game." I say the last with a pseudo-Spanish accent.

Hermione's eyes widen, and then she laughs, too. "I think I should be Inigo."

"Inconceivable! You would not have won, then."

"Are you two finished, yet?" Ron cuts in. "You're making my brain hurt."

"What in the name of Merlin were you guys talking all that gibberish about, anyway?" Katie asks.

"Ah, my apologies, Ron, Katie. Welcome back, by the way. We might have gotten a bit carried away; something of a Muggle-born joke."

"Just a bit?" Katie asks. "No matter, let's go back to the Quidditch thing again."

"Yeah!" Ron agrees.

"You really think that nickname could help draw scouts?" Katie asks, eyes alight.

I smile. One track minds, they have. "Of course! Hermione may not appreciate objectifying you ladies since it should be about your talent, but hey: sex sells. We men are suckers for a pretty face. Most women, too."

Hermione hides her face. "You are shameless, William."

"Hey, this is just basic Muggle advertising. When you want to get men to buy a product, you get beautiful women to sell it, because men are attracted to them. When you want to get women to buy a product, you get beautiful women to sell it, because women are attracted to the idea of looking like said beautiful women." 

I gesture at Katie. 

"Stick a beautiful Chaser on a pro Quidditch squad, and men will dream about flying beside her, and young women will dream about flying as her. Now multiply that by three and add in a super-famous Seeker – sorry Harry – and you've got a sure ticket seller."

"Do you have a date for the Ball?" Katie blurts out suddenly.

I frown. Oops, I was supposed to be helping Ron out. "Sorry, I—"

"Damn, too late again!" she says, slapping the table. "Well I'm gonna run and tell Alicia and Angelina what you said before I forget it all. It was nice meeting you, William! Later, Harry!"

Before I can object, she's already sprinting out of the Hall. Leanne mutters a quick goodbye and scurries after her friend.

"Wow, you have a gift, William," Hermione says with a grin. "That's three people you've sent running out of here at full speed."

"At least they aren't running away screaming," I say weakly.

"Yet," Harry says. Most of the remaining people in our group laugh at that.

I can't help but also join in with a chuckle. "True enough, true enough. I think I'm about to send Ron running away and screaming from the horror that is my chess play."

"Nah, he's used to it," Harry says.

"Actually he's way worse than you, Harry," Ron says. "Checkmate."

I laugh again. "I did not see that coming at all. Well, Ron, I wish I could say it's been educational, but I didn't learn a thing."

"It's getting late, do you think Neville will come back here or just head for the common room?" Hermione says.

"Sprout will give him a pass," Harry assures her. "Let's just head up."

Suddenly a pair of pale, delicate arms wrap around my chest, then a mass of dirty blonde hair snakes its way over my shoulder, framing an equally pale and delicate face that plants a kiss on my cheek. 

"Thank you for what you did for Neville," she says with a smile. I'm too shocked to reply. She gives another light squeeze before she lets go.

"Goodbye, William, Harry, Hermione, Ron." She gives me a rather un-Luna-like smile then turns and sprints out of the Great Hall.