Story 10 - The Spy Who Rocked Too Hard (Part 19 🎸) (Patreon)

Author’s Note:

Thank you for being the best readers on Patreon! Here is the link to the Google Docs for those who prefer it.

Part 19

How did I, as a transmigrated Chinese-American foreigner, become a badass in this Xianxia universe? By being a kick-ass, genius student, of course. Muahaha!

In my past life, I constantly studied and researched. No piece of information was too low for me to absorb. As long as something could be verified through the scientific method, I would use it!

I’d even try to make it better.

Back then, I discovered that I shouldn’t be overly arrogant when it came to learning. While I knew more than everyone around me, that didn’t mean I knew everything.

Now that I had the chance to study something new, I was excited to sit in on my first poison master lecture. This was knowledge that would be lost in the future if I did nothing to attempt to preserve it.

Of course, while I waited, Little Spring ran into the hall with Little Teasing Mouse following him. He quickly scanned the room and found me. The two awkwardly shuffled past the rows of disciples.

Goddamn it. ::I thought I hinted that you should leave her ass behind.::

He visibly winced.

::She isn’t even an alchemist.::

::Sorry, Sister Lin. She wanted to come with me. If I had spent any more time convincing her not to attend, I’d be late.::

::Fine, just get over here. While this would be low-level information, it will be necessary for a solid foundation in poison arts.::

::I’m looking forward to it.::

If that girl spoke during the lecture I would throw her out with my own hands.

The two took their seats beside me.

A short man with white fox ears stepped onto the stage. With a gentle smile, he introduced himself as Winter Fox before lecturing about concocting poisons.

Teasing Mouse tilted her head. She was visibly confused. Then she opened her mouth.

I sent her the fiercest glare I could. She was not ruining an important foundational lecture for me and the rest of these students.

Tears welled up in her eyes.

Seriously? From just a glare?

Little Spring tugged on her sleeve to get her attention.

He must have told her something through the telepathic technique because she stopped tearing up. Her eyes narrowed. Then her face turned red as if it took a lot of effort for her to send a secret sound transmission back. She looked disgustingly adorable.

How the hell had someone this braindead survived so long in this ruthless sect?!

From his expression, it seemed like the brat calmly answered her questions as the lecture continued. It was like he was used to dealing with highly frustrating people.

I almost wanted to ask him who in his life was so hard to deal with that he took her annoying interruptions in stride.

Certainly not me.

***

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For an hour, Winter Fox concisely spoke about poison concocting. He went over the several well-known recipes that every intermediate poison master was supposed to know about. One was a pill that I could have sworn I’d seen in other Xianxia. It essentially disguised itself as a heavenly beauty pill, called Paper-Thin Beauty Poison.

It slowly turned the victim into an ethereal fairy, even going so far as to change their bone structure and fat percentage. But as their good looks increased, their skin would become fragile. Eventually, even a light touch would create a bloody wound. Their newly achieved attractiveness would vanish as the poison destroyed them from the inside out.

Fucking malicious. But this was an unorthodox sect, so it was to be expected.

Frankly. I almost wanted to feed it to that bitch Violet for what she did to me. Sending me fucking halfway across the world and expecting me to die!

Next, he confirmed my suspicions concerning the texts I memorized from the outer sect’s scripture pavilion. Those manuals had subtle lies and misconceptions that would be traps for invaders. A teacher like Winter Fox was supposed to correct those but those trying to learn it as it was would get fucked over.

For example, several poison recipes in the books left out their use of Red Star Sweet Maple Leaf. When used with a poison concocted with Viridian Snake Venom and Fire Cloud Mushroom Spores, it hid the poison’s scent and taste. It also increased those ingredients’ effectiveness. Brilliant and insidious.

Winter Fox even went over the few poison master’s unique hand seals, which looked nothing like the current standard. I had to take out a jade slip just to record them so I could practice later.

If I had time I could revise them to be powerful and Orthodox.

Frankly, the poison masters here were really in a league of their own. If this sect produced higher-realmed cultivators at a quicker speed, it would have become the strongest unorthodox sect on its continent.

Once the lecture ended, several disciples walked over and asked Winter Fox Questions. After he answered, they handed him either herbs, pills or spirit stones. Getting compensation like this was often how these teachers earned something for doing free lectures. And this Q&A session was the major reason I came here.

Unfortunately, before I could walk over, a tall man with azure hair blocked the way out of our row. The fucker didn’t even notice me and my need to exit. He stared at the dumb mouse girl while grinning happily. “Little Teasing Mouse! What are you doing here?”

“Big brother Water Viper! I was assigned to show our new Beast Tamer around the sect since we’re similar ages.”

Was this asshole going to move or would I have to make him?

Water Viper continued to rudely not even see me and instead eyed Little Spring with suspicion. “Well, let me know if he tries anything and I’ll put him in his place.”

The brat scowled slightly but held his anger in — probably because the guy was technically our senior.

“Junior Brother Verdant Spring is kind and suuuuper smart. And he has the cutest puppy spirit beast! He taught me so much... but I can’t really understand it all.”

Water Viper smiled. “Well, if you’re interested in poison arts, you know you can come to me and I’ll help you.”

The woman who sat behind us suddenly hugged Teasing Mouse’s arm. “If anyone is helping her learn about poisons, it will be me. Isn’t that right, junior sister?”

Wait a second. I recognized what was happening with this girl. And it explained how the author made her personality seem rational in this fucked up world.

Little Teasing Mouse received unconditional help, love, and kindness because of her cuteness. This allowed her to stay sweet and stupidly ignorant — increasing her adorableness factor. If she ever had any difficulties, her fans would help her, so she didn’t have to lift a finger.

Bloodsword probably ran into her during a mission on this continent some time after this sect was destroyed. He likely saved her just after her last helper died, sacrificing themselves for her adorableness.

If Little Spring technically had a protagonist halo, this girl had a black hole of adoration — what was originally referred to as a Mary Sue halo, before the term went out of style. Those weren’t necessarily opposing forces. In fact, it was possible that they’d end up orbiting around each other, drawing the other in.

Shit. If that happened, I’d have to deal with this dumbass mouse girl regularly.

Yeah, fuck that. I’d lived on that goddamned harem-filled mountain for a millennium, I wasn’t dealing with anyone’s braindead ass again. At least not for an extended period. I’d rather become an ugly hermit.

While I would not make this kid’s decisions for him, I could make my own choices based on what was best for me. And part of that was giving him a warning.

::If you start thinking that you need to help this girl because she’s so sweet and cute, I suggest that you run the other way until your head clears.::

He flinched. ::S-sister Lin! That—::

::—Just do it.::

::... Okay, I will. Is she using some kind of secret mind-control technique?::

I stared at him, examining his very confused expression.

::No.::

He scowled as if I’d asked something unreasonable.

::Look, there are some people who just need to not be near each other because they make the other a worse person. If you’re not careful she could be like that for you.::

::I understand… a little.::

::Do you?::

::No, not really. Sorry, Sister Lin.::

Fuck. Whatever. I tried my best to explain it in a way that wouldn't make me sound insane. It was up to the brat at this point.

Since the crowd around the lecturer temporarily decreased, I figured that it was time to leave the mouse girl’s black hole aura. I jumped over the seats and gracefully landed on the stage. “Greetings, Senior Winter Fox. I’d like to consult with you on a matter concerning poison body cultivation.”

He turned to me. “Ah, junior. I’m afraid I’m not an expert in that field. Though I have dabbled a bit. I can’t help you if your question is too advanced.”

“But as an esteemed senior, you’ll likely know who can.”

He puffed up his chest as if he appreciated my compliment. “Go ahead.”

“My demonic music student is also a poison body cultivator with a stable but incorrect base. From what I can tell, the poisons he was supposed to consume in equal proportions were not taken correctly. He has a severe but stable imbalance.”

He frowned. “How bad is it?”

I explained the proportions of each poison type I felt with my divine sense. Though I didn’t know the exact poisons, I knew enough to explain it to the master who did.

He smiled at me gently, but I could tell from the vein popping on his forehead and the flattening of his fox ears that he was furious. “By any chance, is he a disciple in the inner sect?”

“Outer sect.”

Under his breath, he said, “Foolish.”

There was more going on here than I realized. And it didn’t seem like an unfamiliar issue. “Do you already know how to fix his cultivation?”

He hesitated. “I’m not sure if you know this, but our sect gives supplies to the outer sect’s poison masters. They’re supposed to make the pills for the outer sect’s body cultivators.”

“You’re suggesting that someone is conning the sect by skimming the more expensive ingredients to sell to a higher bidder later?”

“That is exactly right!”

I frowned. “They’ve definitely created an inferior pill to trick contribution points off disciples, as well. If done skillfully, their fakes would look similar.”

His expression turned grim. “Their imitations would stall our body cultivators’ progression and hurt the future of the sect. I need to inform my seniors.” He took a step as if he was about to rush off, but turned back. “For bringing this to their attention, I’ll make sure you receive a reward.”

Well, that would be useful.

“Also, I’m a fair teacher, so I’ll make sure the senior poison masters know how helpful you were.”

Wait…

“If you’re lucky, you’ll get to meet Senior Noxious Fangstrike himself!”

Fuck. “No!”

He blinked. “What?”

I cleared my throat and clasped my hands behind my back to make myself look like a humble master. “I only brought this up so I could help my student. It’s what a teacher should do. It’s not enough to gain the attention of our esteemed seniors.”

He pressed his palm to his chest in shock. “Junior Linlin is so responsible and kind. You’re making me want to introduce you to them even more.”

Shit. “I did nothing to deserve that. Actually, all I need is for you to give me the information on poison body cultivation and I’ll fix my student’s poison imbalance myself.”

He nodded. “Since you call yourself an alchemist and not a poison master, I can assume you’re still new to the sect. So, I’ll work with my seniors to swiftly solve the fraud issue before it cripples our ability to defend ourselves in the future. Who knows how many promising young disciples these fools have already harmed?”

Frankly, I hadn’t expected an unorthodox sect to care this much about its outer sect disciples. Though it was possible that I simply ran into the only logical guy in the sect who actually gave a damn about his sect’s future.

“They probably haven’t harmed too many or they would have been caught by now.”

“Poison body cultivators are very important to us. You may not know this, but they’re often called the shield of us poison masters.”

I knew that. Most alchemists were treated well everywhere they went, and poison masters were just alchemists with extra steps. Not that they’d admit it.

“I’ll need to know the recipes for up to the third round of poisons and any medical notes you have on how their cultivation is supposed to progress.”

“Junior, I’m sad to say this but this isn’t the first time in the sect’s history that a poison body cultivator was given fake pills. If you want to cure him yourself, I'll just look into the possible cures and hand the recipes over to you.”

“That easy?” This wasn’t a trap, right?

He nodded with a smile. “I’ll have to consult with my seniors, but it shouldn’t be an issue. Come by here in a few days and I’ll have the prescriptions you need.”

Considering that the hardest part of living in a Xianxia was the lack of all the world’s knowledge at my fingertips… getting the information for a cure in a few days was pretty fucking fast. “Thank you, Senior.”

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Author’s Note: Thank you all for reading! You are the best readers a writer could ask for!

Sorry for the late chapter. I did end up getting sick this week. And sadly this chapter had a lot wrong with it... in that it was boring. I’m happy with how it turned out compared to what it had originally been but it took a lot of time to edit. Anyway, I’m tired. I’m gonna write more this week. Last week was a bust for my word count since I spent most of my time either watching my boy while being sick or lying in bed sick. It’s really hard to write comedy when my head is fuzzy. I have mad respect for writers who can work while they’re not feeling well as I am apparently not one of them. I did try. T.T