Story 10 - The Spy Who Rocked Too Hard (Part 12 🎸) (Patreon)

As I escorted Shadow Panther and Three Drops back to my courtyard, I started giving them introductions on the Dao of Rock. Since I planned to put these two through hell for the next week, I figured that I should start early.

After lecturing for a while, I paused to let the topics sink in.

Shadow Panther’s brow furrowed. “Ah, Senior Linlin?”

“What?”

“If I remember correctly, the test for rogue cultivators to enter the inner sect needs you to help us improve our cultivation or combat effectiveness.”

“Yes.”

“If that’s your goal, then I don’t see how having a demonic musician puppet would be stronger than a poisoner or sword-wielding puppet.”

I stopped and narrowed my eyes at her.

She held up both hands. “Not that demonic musicians are frail… I just don’t have a good grasp on what they’re capable of.”

“Actually,” Three Drops said. “I’m having the same problem. It’s hard to visualize how this ‘rock’ can help me with my strength.”

“Then I guess I’ll have to show you that the Dao of Rock isn’t weak. It could be what saves you if you get into a tight spot.”

We turned a corner to see a crowd of cultivators gathered in front of my gate. Most of them were at Qi Condensation, but three were in Foundation Establishment — which included the leader. He had golden-yellow hair that surrounded his face like a mane and round lion ears. Next to him, a guy wore a beard that reminded me of that live-action Monkey King movie from my past-past life. The last Foundation Establishment guy was heavyset with a small rhino horn growing out of his forehead.

Lion tamer grinned when his fox-like eyes spotted me. He stepped forward. “Little sister Linlin! Welcome to the sect. I’m your older martial brother, Hard Iron Roar.”

[Image Link]

Ugh. This guy looked like trouble. I was half-tempted to ignore him and enter my courtyard, but — if I could avoid it — I wouldn’t get on their bad side while I was spying on this sect.

I bowed. “Greetings, older martial brothers.”

The satisfaction in his eyes made me want to punch his face. I might be trying to get home but I wouldn’t allow these kids to take advantage of me.

“I heard that you were having trouble finding mentees.”

“You must have misheard. I already found some.” I gestured to my two shiny new students who smiled awkwardly and bowed to greet their seniors.

“Impossible!”

I crossed my arms and raised an eyebrow at him.

He cleared his throat. “I mean. From what I understood, there are no demonic musicians who would mentee under you.”

“You say that like they’re the only ones who can learn about music.”

He opened his mouth.

“Anyway, I’m busy. Let’s talk later when I have more time.”

A vein ticked on his forehead. He breathed out. This fucker had some obvious anger issues and I had zero intention of spending more time with him.

I took a step toward my courtyard but he blocked me. “Since I’m already here, I’ll say it simply. When I saw you play yesterday, I realized that you were the most interesting woman I’d ever seen. I can’t stand the thought of you facing any hardships in the sect. If you become one of my women, I can protect you.”

Eeeew. So many levels of ew.

The worst part was that, this guy’s character-type always fucking showed up in every Xianxia. And in this universe, it felt like they appeared every five steps. Usually protagonists killed guys like this to save their next braindead wife. That inevitably led to them getting chased by the asshole’s unreasonable father or ancestor for revenge.

Frankly, I should have realized that aging up my appearance would make these gross fuckers show up again. Back in my past life I seemed to run into them every few decades or so. I’d often have to squash them like bugs to get my point across. It helped that I had a massive and powerful sect behind me that would often take care of any fallout.

Now that I thought about it, Little Spring had been very aware of the audience while I was playing. He probably saw that something was up when he told me my song was dangerous.

Whatever. It wasn’t like I couldn’t take care of myself.

I crossed my arms. “Stop speaking nonsense. I don’t need your protection.”

“Heh. I don’t think you understand your position. It’s well known that demonic musicians are physically weak. If you become my dual cultivation partner, I can offer you safety and cultivation resources.”

How the fuck had he made it worse? With assholes like this littering the dumbass author’s Xianxia universe, was it any wonder why I’d sworn off finding a romantic partner?

I resisted pulling out my sword and hacking him to death. Instead, I took out my guitar and said to my new students. “Stand off to the side and pay attention. I’m about to show you the power of rock!”

They bowed and took a few steps back. “Yes, Senior Linlin!”

I flicked my sleeve as I turned back to Hard Iron Roar. “I don’t know how things work here, but I’m not weak. In fact. I can beat all of your asses.”

He scoffed, then gestured to the ground in front of him. A massive Lion spiritual beast appeared. Its fluffy ears twitched, and it growled at me. Next he pulled out a sky rank sword spiritual weapon. “As your older martial brothers, we’ll show you exactly how weak you are.”

The other two Foundation Establishment cultivators pulled out a Fire Ape and a White Three Star Rhino that stomped threateningly at me.

Frankly, I was shocked they didn’t attack me on sight like City Lord Bountiful Tenacity’s beasts. It made me curious about their taming techniques.

Hard Iron Roar ran a hand through his hair and grinned arrogantly. “Still think you can beat us?”

I reminded myself that melting this guy’s face might be a bit too harsh of a punishment. But I could definitely cause him to pass out and lose face. I knew just the melody to help me do it. The short song was created by Three Winds Sleeping Serenade who excelled at music that put people to sleep. It was heavily inspired by Tom Cardy’s About 8 Hours and was the most aggressive and metal lullaby ever.

I focused my mind and inserted spiritual energy into my guitar. As soon as I played the first chords, the beasts ran toward me.

Of course, I wouldn’t be just relying on my music. I sent a blade of sword Qi at each of their weak points. The lion and the ape dodged, but the bulky rhino wasn’t able to move fast enough. It crashed to the ground and slid to a stop.

When the lion reached me, it raised a paw the size of my head and slashed down. I jumped back while blocking the attack with my battle guitar, just in time to match the original beat, causing my instrument to ring out and enhance the song.

Hard Iron Roar’s blade flew toward me, but I blocked each attack in time to the song, using it as a replacement for percussion.

“Can’t you just become my woman?” Hard Iron Roar called.

“No!” I sang and struck the sword on the weak point I noticed it had, sending it flying to embed into the wall. Since it didn’t return, I assumed it got stuck.

The lion attacked me once more, but I jumped over the attack and sent out three lines of sword Qi, slashing its chin, eyes, and ears, leaving deep wounds. It briefly struggled to continue, but fell down with a loud bang.

“No! Golden Lion!”

I suddenly jumped back to catch the Fire Ape’s fist against the edge of my guitar. Then I simultaneously threw out sword Qi attacks at its heart, above its spleen and at its eyes — the famous weak points of the Fire Ape. They landed and carved deep gashes into the beast’s fur. It didn’t kill it, but it weakened it enough to make it fall asleep from my song.

I continued to play as I walked over to the three men. “Go to sleep, motherfuckers!” I sang… or maybe yelled. Either way, I aggressively willed these bitches to pass the fuck out.

Their eyelids drooped. Monkey Beard pulled out a staff, which he used to briefly hold himself up before he fell face first into the ground, and started snoring. Rhino Horn Guy put on golden knuckles before dropping to one knee. He punched his own arm to stay awake, but ended up falling onto his side with his eyes closed.

The cultivator who held onto consciousness the longest was, unsurprisingly, Hard Iron Roar. He pulled out two lioness beasts who immediately attacked me. I played the last chord, forcing the man to sleep. He fell onto the street and rolled to his back.

I kicked one golden claw away while swinging my battle guitar at the other. The force and energy I put into each attack sent both flying. They hit the courtyard walls on opposite sides. Fortunately, the walls were made of decent materials since they only dented a bit.

The two beasts stood up and shook their heads.

I grinned. “Why don’t you two back down or your master’s cultivation base gets it?”

I rested my foot on Hard Iron Roar’s dantian.

They stilled. I could see them struggle between their care for their tamer and their natural hatred of me. Eventually their care won out.

This sect had a damn impressive taming technique.

My two mentees had wide eyes and looked like they wanted to applaud but weren’t sure how to go about it. I looked forward to hearing what they had to say about the Dao of Rock now. They should also realize how badass their teacher was. Muahahaha!

“Little Sister Linlin?” The kid’s disguised voice came to my ears, but I didn’t take my eyes off the beasts. Of course, I also heard a few young feminine giggles near him. What the fuck happened while I was gone?

“Ah, Senior Verdant Spring. Did you find your two mentees?”

Xiao Bai ran up and placed his paws on the stomach of Hard Iron Roar beside my foot, as if we were playing a game. “Good puppy!” I bent down and patted the dog on his head.

“Bork!”

The lionesses shivered and backed into the wall.

When I glanced behind me, I saw Little Spring surrounded by a few girls who appeared to be around eleven or twelve. Many of them were blushing and trying to get the brat’s attention by whispering comments to him behind fans. It was almost like watching a miniature version of that donkey brained fucker, Bloodsword and his harem. What the actual fuck? Was this part of his protagonist halo?

I scowled at the shitty déjà vu this was giving me, then sighed.

As his martial sister and teacher, I could only give this brat the tools to understand the world around him so he could make educated decisions. He had to make his own choices in life. Even if they were the wrong ones. Like taking mentees who obviously had a crush on him. Girls in this universe could be deceptive and vicious as fuck. Especially the young preteens who didn’t know any better.

Little Spring ran out from the crowd, his brow furrowed.

“What happened?” He asked.

“Ah, this guy thought I was weak, so I taught him a very important lesson on how strong four arts cultivators can be.”

He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Sister Linlin, want me to take care of the cleanup here? Now that you’ve found some mentees, you must be eager to start teaching them.”

Oh! That would save me a lot of time! What a good, thoughtful kid! “I’d appreciate that.” I pointed back toward the girls. “Did you pick up a bunch of mentees?”

He glanced back at his followers and scowled. “No. I ignored them, but they won’t leave me alone.”

Ah! So, he hadn’t taken them as his students. Excellent decision! “Have you not pressured them using your divine sense?”

::I was going to use spiritual energy, but I thought they might tell that I came from a righteous sect from its energy, even with the disguise technique.::

::If you’re not confident about masking your energy, then that’s a wise choice.::

“I haven’t had too much practice with divine sense. I’m worried I’ll crush them to death and get kicked out.”

Of course! I knew I’d forgotten to go over something with the brat when I’d taught him how to use his divine sense.

“I can help you with that.”

He nodded.

“You’ll want to surround them with divine sense and gently put a physical pressure on them. Like this.” I showed him what I meant by using it on him.

“You can try to resist me as well.”

His eyes widened. “So strong,” he mumbled.

::Never forget that I’m your older martial sister, brat.::

::Yes, Sister Lin!::

“Now practice on me, since no matter how much divine sense you use, you won’t hurt me.”

I felt a light pressure on my mind, then body. I shook my head. “This strength would definitely hurt them. Go lighter, but have an intent to make them make way for you.”

He nodded. And I felt the pressure lighten but change in demeanor. “There you go. That’s the right amount to use against kids like them.”

Of course, by the time I’d finished my lesson, the girls had all scattered. Good to see the kids in this sect weren’t all stupid like Hard Iron Roar. It gave me hope that I wouldn’t somehow run into one of Bloodsword’s wives here.

“I better take care of this mess before they wake up. See you in a while, Sister Linlin!” Little Spring used his spiritual energy to lift and carry two of the three inner sect disciples. He waved as he turned a corner, with Xiao Bai running close behind him.

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Author’s Note: Thank you all for reading! You are the best readers a writer could ask for!

I apologize for not getting this out sooner. I’m still sick and editing while being sick is difficult for me (It’s why I try not to). The reason for that is because I have ADHD, and having a cold like this often makes it very difficult to concentrate for long periods of time (making things take way longer than usual). Fortunately, I did manage to edit it! I just hope it was a good chapter (do let me know if there is something weird here). It’s hard to tell in my current state.

On Music: I love Tom Cardy's comedic music. I'll sometimes play About 8 Hours to convince myself to get up and go to sleep. It’s a great song.

On this Part: Earlier, I was imagining Lin, in her past life, going around and slapping gross assholes. Then, when their family tries to retaliate the whole sect steps in and says “yeah, no. You don’t mess with our disciples. Even if they’re a little eccentric.”

That said, I really don’t like character archetypes like Hard Iron Roar. They are fundamentally 2 dimensional and they appear in almost every Xianxia and Wuxia in some form or another. They seem to exist to get beaten up. That said, it’s not like people like this don’t exist (there is a reason the character archetype exists). Sadly, they get away with shit far too often which is why it is fun to see them get beaten up in a story.