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ACE 14 (Patreon)

Published:
2022-03-22 16:47:02
Edited:
2022-05-13 19:42:09
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Content

Waking Violet Up

Comments

David Hedges

I normally don't have much negative to say about your stories that isn't just personal preferences, but having the main character monolog in his head about a plan for what seemed like a fifth of the chapter and then immediately after the plan is finished being thought out going "But I won't do that" is a literal waste of the readers and your own time. Maybe if we didn't already know the MC wasn't a total scumbag it would have had a little value as a terrible way to show how the MC isn't a scumbag, but by this point in the story we already know that. Therefore, Lee, this not only literally wasted our time as readers, but also your own time writing something literally added nothing to the story.

David Hedges

Besides that one complaint though, I thought the rest of the chapter was pretty good.

TravelerOfTime

Eh. I can’t say I feel too strongly either way about this chapter. There’s way too much internal dialogue in contrast with physical action. Though that’s more of a facet of me having read both the other Catalog fics you’ve written and developing a general understanding of the MCs. This version, Jaycifer, is either way too early on for me to get read on what set him apart other than Company Training, or is just too… morally similar to stand out. The monologue explaining what he could do in contrast to what he does is kind of frustrating because nothing substantial comes of it. If anything, him committing to that hypothetical would set him apart a great deal more, because it shows that he’s willing to compromise where his counterparts won’t, and sets an example for how he’s capable of moving down a darker path than the other timelines whilst not making him unsympathetic or wrong for doing so. Having him genuinely not expect this and seize it as an opportunity whilst still trying to make it work for both parties could’ve been interesting, especially without that added self-awareness, of which he showed he’s capable of earlier when he was chastising Powder in a way similar to Hermindinger. The way this chapter is structured, his self-observation is way too meta to invoke any other feeling besides ambivalence, because it’s clear that he’s not going to just LET himself commit to an action that he knowingly thinks will go against his personal values, being hyper vigilant about it to a degree that’s almost comically obscene to the point where you wonder why he would ever have to ponder compromising himself in any fashion whatsoever to begin with in this situation.

TravelerOfTime
>>80341860

To explain it, I think having Jaycifer think to himself and ponder stamping Vi like he did in this chapter but absolutely refusing on the grounds of blatant coercion, only to later adjust to the Vi escaping situation in a way that benefits him directly in an unknowingly manipulative way would make for a much better contrast and potential character opportunity. As it is now, Jaycifer is specifically way too meta aware of himself to offer that. Not even because of being a Arcane/Jayce Insert, because IC Leecifer is still distinct enough to be his own character despite the melding. It just comes off as odd, because despite his prior issues and admitted limits Jaycifer is so self-aware about everything that it makes hard to believe that he’s a character with the potential for dramatic irony or personal stakes, at all. It’s hard to explain, but to me it’s kind of like Anakin but if Anakin read his own script as a person and thus was hyper aware that he was going to become Darth Vader whilst still being forced to play along. It takes away a certain weight from the narrative implications that he could be going down a slippery slope through seemingly minor actions. Thus postponing it to a frustrating degree as the narrative basically pulls teeth to get him to adjust for a long time or on the other hand has him commentating and agonizing about his fall the entire way down. Neither option is as satisfying as reading about it happen through simple actions that show it, or even later sudden epiphanies brought on by prior actions being shown under a different light.

TravelerOfTime
>>80341860

Though saying the latter, Jayce and Viktor actually did do the self-commentary in the series, where they watched themselves fall with a certain level of self awareness that was illustrated beautifully. So in that case there’s a justifiable precedent. I just think what I’m trying to say is that it’s harder to engage the audience in the process, limited to more internal dialogue heavy means to show the awareness rather than visual acting and voicing. Hence my suggestion to show Jaycifer commit to the action off the cuff before later pondering or realizing in his head in a suitable moment, invoked by some outside sight, person, or action that causes him to realize too late (or not) where his plans or actions might be taking him.

PublicLee Speaking
>>80341860

I kind of get this. It was originally the first half of the chapter, but it kind of got away from me, and I figured this would work. Ironically, reading my other stuff means that you knew I wouldn't actually go for it, but for someone else, especially for those who are. . . Less kind, let's say, they might believe the proposed action is far more of a possibility.

Zerak
>>80341860

Despite its length it did feel like half a chapter, like he spent the first half analysing the situation and contemplating all options he has even darker ones (which is normal to cross your mind as far as I know) then as he was about to take action in the second half of the chapter, the chapter ends. I think it’s preferable to waiting a long time for the next part to be written, but you might want to consider combining this chapter with the next one when you post them on QQ. Or just releasing them at the same time or within a short duration of each other.

Galler

A lot has been said about the monologue but I would like to say that I really appreciated Powder in this update. It was enjoyable to see her trying to convince both Jayce and herself that Vi definitely needed more time to sleep.

JohnJohn2195

Only recently binged arcane so i had more backstory and could read this story with out getting lost and gotta say arcane was great and your stories continue to keep me engaged.