TMNT: MUTANT MAYHEM and The Earnest Teenage Dream (Patreon)

I was on the walking corpse of a website that is Twitt- I mean “X” and I happened to mention how much I just adored the new film Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem. And wouldn’t you know it, but I got a mean response from some random person! GASP!!!! I kid of course, but what was so fun about this person’s comment is that it actually touched on EXACTLY what makes this film so damn special…

“I didn’t know you were a child.”

I laughed at this, of course (especially for reasons that will be clear in a second), but sometimes you get a comment like this and you make the mistake of being like, “okay what’s the context here” and you just end going going down the rabbit hole where the commenter’s overall viewpoint doesn’t make a lick of sense and they just seemed to be be mad about Seth Rogen saying that this film was aimed at younger audiences (and tweeting angrily at him / others as a way to feel some semblance of power or something). Anyway, the whole point of this “child” comment is that it speaks to something quietly insidious that has been going on for a long time in Hollywood for a few years now. And no it’s not any of the usual offenders…

It’s the PG-13-ification of all movies.

Now, it’s less about the literal rating and more about how all new studio movies are essentially aiming at the same mindset. They are all stories about adults that are designed to appeal to our “inner kid.” Witness the rise of superheroes and wonderdrug of commercialized nostalgia. This has had a number of wild effects, but the first obvious problem is that it is infantilizing the adult audience and rarely confronting deeper issues that matter to them. Second, it gives rise to the simple realization that we stopped making movies for adults. Almost gone are the big studio dramas and even fun romps with established long-time movie stars (I mean, there’s a reason that my mom stopped going to the movies all together and it was literally her favorite thing in the world). But that’s actually its own essay. What this more concerns me is the flipside of this trend and its impact on kids and teenagers. Because we’ve also stopped making as many movies ABOUT kids and teenagers. Instead, they’re constantly fed the same “inner kid” adult stories in a way that reads as “inner aspirational kewl adult” for them. And I genuinely think there’s a whole host of problems with that, too (mostly because it’s equally infantilizing of their unique struggles and mischaracterizes adulthood). But they’re just leaving so many important stories on the shelf. And there’s a reason why things like Stranger Things become phenomenons on television. Making stories for, about, and focusing on young people in a way that makes those stories feel real and accessible to all is so damn important.

And it is the single best decision behind Mutant Mayhem.

Well, on top of every other decision because holy shit is it good.

My favorite thing is that it’s so vividly set in the here and now of young people’s lives. Aside from the random throwaway jokes, it really tries to eschew nostalgia in favor of creating something new. It’s not trying to retread, it’s asking why do you like THESE versions of the characters? But to talk about why it’s so good, I have to get pretty damn spoilery with the rest of the essay (so if you wanna go in blind, duck out now)] On one level, it’s just re-inventing the four personalities, but doing it in this soulful, earnest way that could even bring a neophyte into the mix. Leonardo was always postured as the boy scout leader, but here we actually get a film that tests his personality with him suffering as a tattle-tale and trying to find that crucial balance. And our famous “Party Time” Mikey gets recast as the awkward, under-sized comedy nerd who still could not be more affable. Raphael, always the dark rebel, gets a makeover as an anger-prone bruiser who is frequently told he needs therapy. And yes, Donatello goes from inventing brainiac to a huge weeb. All of this works like gangbusters. Every design choice here is inspired, from the braces, to the glasses, but to the forehead-slapping obvious decision to make them all different shapes and sizes. Honestly, the characters have never felt so fully realized. And I know people who have never seen a single turtles story are immediately like “omg i love them.”

But the film’s incredible knack characterization extends outward to every single figure on screen. There’s such lovely surprises in the rogue’s gallery from Rose Byrne’s Leatherface to Post-Malone’s singing Ray Fillet and, of course, Paul Rudd getting to just go for it. But you also see April O’Neal get a full arc as Ayo Edibiri shows her off her astounding gift for playing multiple feelings at once, often ping-ponging between them in a way that is so instrumental for making the drama work. At the same time Ice Cube plays the villain “Superfly”and commands the film’s tension with absolute flair. Is it me, or has he become one of our most dependable working actors? There’s always a part of Ice Cube that’s “himself,” because that sneering personality brings a heavy gravitas to everything he’s in. Because he’s just so naturally the “hard guy you don’t want to piss off” whether he’s cast as a boss man or rival. But he’s also so good at letting you POKE FUN at and deflate that persona. He’s also charming and dastardly funny. There’s even a softness in his everymen roles going all the way back to Friday. Here, the range of these emotions, along with that charisma is so damn important because it actually makes for a good seduction of the young boys. In many ways, Superfly is selling so much of what the wee turtles want to be. And it is that which puts them in the crux with Splinter.

Which brings us to another of the film’s amazing decisions. He’s not “Master Splinter,” he’s just “dad.” And that means re-imaging him as a goofy worrywort who only taught them ninja skills (from youtube videos at that) because he’s scared and never wanted anything bad to happen to them. But you really feel how these four boys are the only thing he has in this world (though clearly looking for people he can meet). Everything comes from pain and the deepest fear of loss, mixed with complete and total love. Jackie Chan is honestly incredible and it’s maybe my favorite acting performance he’s ever given? I mean, his physical performances are obviously untouchable, but there’s something so incredibly sweet, earnest, vulnerable, and open about every line reading. He’s this raw, aching nerve. The kind of loving father who is trying to hold on too tight as those dreaded teenage years begin to seep in. And it’s such a lovely backbone that gives the story its deeper power.

Especially because all the narrative beats show off just how good Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg have been getting at this over the years. Helping matters is how this is a team affair with Jeff Rowe and Kyler Spears from The Mitchells Vs. The Machines - and all of them working from drafts from Detective Pikachu scribes Dan Hernandez and Benji Samit. It all ends up feeling like the best case of addition by addition. The script isn’t just achingly funny, it moves from beat to beat with delicate set-ups motivating each and every scene that follows. And it doesn’t just pay off with some monster gags (my god, the milking runner), but the big resounding story beats it needs to put things over the top. If I’m being super picky, honestly, there’s only one little cut / nudge I’d do in the last act is getting rid of the beat where the humans help splinter / the turtles in the finale. It genuinely doesn’t add anything (they aren’t even characters to us) and in fact, it robs the bigger moment coming just after where the turtles save the day. People shouldn’t change cause they’re TOLD the turtles are heroes. April’s broadcast should sow the seeds of DOUBT, but it should be that final move where they stand as heroes and getting accepted and THAT’S when Splinter should see humanity’s kindness. That way, everyone’s ending story comes together in the same beat. But again, that’s just a little thing, and the film is alive with so many more beautiful details.

From April’s puking ghosts, to Mikey’s improv skit, to Splinter’s “human party,” every little moment either feels fully-realized or miles deep. The thoughtfulness abounds, like the film going from the opening image of them putting on the mask to the arresting final image of them taking the masks off to go to high school, a full journey shown in a simple gesture. There are dozens of examples of this, but when writing is on point, everything just feels right. Along with beautiful animation and direction working in step with a movie firing on all cylinders, complete with two of my favorite jukebox music cues (meme He-Man) and another banger score from Atticus Ross and Trent Reznor. I could go on and on. But that’s what it’s like when a movie is both full of forethought and drunk on potential.

But most of all, it’s a movie that zones right into the existential heart of a property and starts from the ground up, reaching toward the teenage experience of the here and now. It doesn’t care about the 80’s. It’s more about how kids are obsessed with Attack On Titan. But it’s not really about those signposts, either. It’s about that emotional thing that unites all kids who start growing up. The pangs of looking through windows at the kind of life you want to lead. It’s about finding the space where you get to try things, be yourself, and find outlets for the things that will start to make you, well, you. Along with the importance of all the support of your family back in the sewer (read: home). It’s a movie for kids and teens that doesn’t infantilize, nor promise some disaffected heroism, but just commiserates. And in doing so, for you the adult, it helps you remember what it was like once upon a time. It’s not about feeling like a kid again, but seeing the arc of time in a way that strikes deeper, reminding you of the power of the earnest teenage dream: to live, to go to school, to be “normal.” But always coming to the realization that “normalcy” is just feeling right and alive within your own skin. No masks required. So in the end, I loved Mutant Mayhem not because it reminded me of something I loved once upon a time.

But because it gave me something new, yet timeless all the same.

<3HULK