You Can Cook (Patreon)

I want everyone on the planet to get better at cooking.

I mean that. Because of all the everyday disciplines a human being can pursue, it is probably the one that has most improved my quality of life. Because there is nothing more satisfying than sitting down and making something that’s twice as delicious (and twice as cheap) as whatever you could order in. Moreover, there is nothing that makes the people around you happier, nor makes you feel more appreciated, than cooking for others who appreciate it in turn. In short, I love everything about it. And I want people to love everything about it, too.

But I also want to say from the start that I know there’s so many competing issues that get in the way of this. For one, there are many people who have food sensitivity issues, along with those who have food allergies and specific diets. And there sure are big expenses in buying certain ingredients or kitchenware. I am not trying to be ignorant of any of this. I just want to share what’s been great from my personal experience. And even though it’s out of the film criticism purview, I’ve wanted to write this column for thirteen years now, dangit. So I’m writing it for the people out there who WANT to be eating better at home, but just feel a little lost in getting started, especially if they’re nervous. I mean, maybe you think you think you got too late a start? Or you aren’t sure where to begin? Everything seems super intimidating and even basic instructions are confusing to you??? That’s okay, I totally understand.

But the most important thing to understand is that it doesn’t matter. Ultimately, there is no “right way” to start cooking. It’s just important that you start. And that you keep trying. That’s it. You don’t need some immaculate inspiration or even a good reason. Heck, I started cooking when I was a really young kid because, well, my mom was not so great at it (sorry mom). It wasn’t so much that she couldn’t understand a given recipe, it was more that she would get distracted on the phone or something and the food would end up burning. So it was more out of a sense of fire prevention that I jumped in. And since I was so young, I started simple. I learned how the stove / oven worked and I’d cook frozen pizza. Then I learned how to make Steak-Ums in a frying pan. Yes, even that stuff is learning how to cook because you’re learning the basics of heat and surfaces! Soon it turned to pasta and chicken and all sorts of things here and there.

By the time I hit high school I was looking at a lot of food magazines, but then the biggest help was when a new book came out (and has since gone on to become a landmark text) by Mark Bittman called “How To Cook Everything.” And it is just what it sounds like: it is a super introductory cookbook to almost every kind of food imaginable (that’s popular-ish in America at least). It’s a hugely ambitious book, but Bittman’s big skill as a writer is that he’s so good at zeroing in on the core idea of each food and explaining how other ingredients augmented them. From there, the book became so popular he made a million more versions of it focusing on quick food, vegetarianism, etc. But I cannot recommend the initial book more if you want to dig into the 101 level of all types of food. But I also imagine that the “everything” of it all might be too overwhelming, too? Maybe you need something more video-based? Like Thomas Keller’s Masterclass is actually pretty good and has nice tips, but even that’s a little advanced.

The truth is before doing any of these things, I think there’s are a few big conceptual things to learn first. Because as the great chef Marco Pierre said, “it’s not about a recipe, it boils down to an understanding more than anything” And that’s the truth. Cooking isn’t about following recipes. Cooking is about learning techniques. It’s understanding what your tools do. And it’s about understanding what each ingredient does. But most of all, it’s about understanding what makes good food taste good in the first place. And in that spirit, there are a few things about that that I wish I understood way back when I started. Because I wasted YEARS trying to copy recipes without ever digging deeper into the real essence of taste.

Luckily, that’s what I want to share right now…

PART I - IN THEORY…

Please know, there are no prescriptive answers or “must dos” in everything I am about to describe in this theory section. Everything is just about re-thinking how you look at the food you already eat.

THE FIVE FLAVORS

Your tongue tastes five flavors, right? Salty, Sweet, Sour, Bitter, and Umami (which is basically that savory flavor in certain foods that makes you go YUMMMMMM). As even a casual eater, you can identify these things when you eat something, right? A pretzel is salty! Ice Cream is sweet! A sour patch kid is sour! Coffee / Tea is bitter! A nice meat ragu pasta is FULL of umami! But if there is any one thing I wish I understood when I started cooking it’s this: the most delicious foods utilize ALL FIVE flavors at once.

Sure, a given dish will concentrate on one or two of these core flavors first, but the good ones incorporate small elements of those other flavors to make a dish taste so much better, more balanced, and complex. And yes, that’s what makes something delicious. Seriously, have you ever wondered why fast food and processed foods taste so good? It’s because scientists work out these formulas to make a consistent product that incorporates the five flavors. I’m telling you, a damn Dorito is basically a miracle product in this regard. But perhaps there are more clear examples when it comes to illustrating this balance thing with food basics.

For instance, let’s go back to Ice Cream! The sweet treat that so many of us enjoy! But if asked you to pick the flavors involved you’d likely go, “hmmm, it’s sweet so that’s coming from the sugar and the milk in there and that’s it, right?” That’s true in that the sweet is the majority of flavor profile. But Ice Cream absolutely NEEDS a little bit of salt to balance it out and make the sweetness taste even better. And you know that little bit of vanilla extract that goes into most baked / dessert items? You ever smell it and go “ah! this smells really harsh!” That’s because it is really pungent when it’s all concentrated like that. But when a little bit is put into a dessert item, that extract adds a crucial note of sour and bitter that when incorporated into the final dish makes you go YUM. Putting a little of all five flavors makes it delicious.

To that same point, also consider the chocolate chip cookie. If you put a little bit of flaky salt on top? Suddenly, it tastes so much better. And a nice shredded dark chocolate chunk brings in bitterness. And you ever wonder what makes butter itself taste so good? Isn't it just churned sweet cream? Actually butter has a lot of monosodium glutamate in it AKA umami which is why it's so delicious on top of sweet (and why a lot of imitation butters may behave as a similar fat, but are less yummy). Don’t worry, you don’t have to have all these science-y details memorized yet. The point is just understanding the core concept: that there are all these little things going on in beloved foods that use all of the five flavors to make them taste so good.

From there, you just want to start thinking about EVERY food you eat in these terms. Because this is how you ACTUALLY learn about ingredients you eat every day. In our brains we may go “shrimp tastes like shrimp,” but actually what we love is that shrimp has a natural, delicate sweetness. Meanwhile, french fries are good because of that oily, salty friend outside, right? Well, it’s not just that. They taste so good because potatoes are a miracle food that is somehow just LOADED with natural umami. Likewise, many people drink Coffee or Tea in the morning because caffeinated products have this natural bitter taste, but it’s part of why so many people mix it with milky sweetness. To the same point, Oreos mix a bitter, salty chocolate umami cookie with a sweet creamy center. Meanwhile, most herbs bring a fresh bitterness to things that end up tasting so good on top of our savory foods. And hey you ever ask, hey, why is pizza so damn tasty? Because it is a perfect combination of salty and umami and mild, fatty sweetness of the cheese, and the sour of the yeast, and even bitter touches on the crust itself (the dark spots from the very hot oven). Yes, all our favorite foods have a natural component that tastes good, but are made even better with the littlest tweaks to the five flavors.

But you especially want to think about the five flavors in terms of  things you don’t like. For instance, a Cantaloupe and a Honeydew are both sweet melons that are often maligned, right? At its core, a Cantaloupe is a tad more sour, bitter, and even floral in comparison to other melon fruits. But for many it’s flavor is simply too strong and unbalanced. Meanwhile, Honeydew is sweeter and lighter with almost a hint of citrus, but it’s also rather waterlogged and not strong in flavor at all. And both of these fruits are disliked in comparison to, say, watermelon, whose sweetness pops naturally. But, believe it or not, you can make little changes that either take down or bump up those flavors. For instance, if you took ANY of these fruits and added a little spritz of lemon and put sea salt on them? Suddenly they’re ALL the most delicious things and full of complexity because you are bringing balance to the cantaloupe or emphasis to their existing flavor of the Honeydew. The point is that things you “don’t like” really can change with just a bit of augmentation. Because if you understand the five flavors then you can make almost anything taste balanced. And I honestly believe there is no food that is inherently “bad,” just preparations that aren’t made to be balanced in order to maximize the existing profile. But part of the key of making food taste even more delicious goes beyond the five flavors and into…

THE FIVE FACTORS

Samin Nosrat has an incredible book / TV show called “Salt Fat Acid Heat,” that is sort of the stripped down version of everything I’m talking about here and in the prior section (it’s on Netflix and worth watching). But instead of just four arenas, I’m basically blowing this all up into ten core ideas. Because in the end, it’s not just about the flavors, but the five factors that go into the various ways we construct a food item to make it taste so good.

Texture - Now, I find this to be one of the most crucial issues for some people, particularly those eaters who have historically been more picky. Because when we put something into our mouth (tee hee) we want it to be something that’s not just comfortable, but enjoyable, and in some small way, familiar. Because when it’s not? We genuinely have a physical reaction where we want to spit it out. I mean, have you ever watched a picky kid try to eat an oyster for the first time? To them, there is NOTHING appealing about putting a wet slimy thing from a crusty rock in their mouths. But for the adult me who has had a lot of them? Gah, thinking about those sweet, salty, briny little guys with a little lemon on mignonette sauce on them? I WANT SOME RIGHT NOW. THEY’RE SO REFRESHING. But way back when, I just had to get used to the texture, too. Cause let’s admit, it’s weird! But EVERYTHING is weird at first, no? So much of it is just starting to embrace the idea of weird. Because weird means new. Weird means exciting.

But the idea for this factor goes far beyond the uniform textures of what we like and don’t like and into combinations. Because making really good food is about creating ranges of texture within a single dish. I mean, have you ever tried to eat a dip WITHOUT a chip? it’s basically impossible. Have you ever had a sandwich that was way too wet and falling apart and things slipping out? That’s not just a poorly constructed sandwich in terms of physically staying together, but not creating a good mix of textures. You need a sturdier ingredient to counteract the mush parts. It's why having a nice toasted bun helps so many sandwiches and burgers not just keep their form, but create that crucial balance of soft to solidness. Even high end dining dishes consider this at every element, incorporating so many different textures into a given fancy dish. You’ll get something that can taste silky, saucy, crunchy, chewy, and crispy all at once. And by comparison, it’s often why textures like crumbly or mealy can often be so unpleasant. Again, there’s no set thing here of what you HAVE to do yet, other than look at every single thing you eat and start thinking about it in these broader terms.

Acid - If there is any one thing I’ve learned in making all my food taste better, it’s how important acid is to any given dish. You know why? Acid makes you salivate. That’s it. It makes your glands go OOOOOH, I LIKE DOING THAT AND WANT MORE. Meaning, it makes you want to keep eating it. Hell, like Pavlov, it makes your mouth water when even THINKING about eating it next time. But best of all, it is the number one way to make food taste lighter and more balanced. Seriously, a little spritz of lemon can bring brightness and a touch of tart sweetness to any dish. And amazing vinegars can bring salty, sweet complexity. Yes, a little dash of acid just “wakes” up any dish you are making. Honestly, putting acid in dishes is the single most crucial thing to learn about cooking (also note that it can curdle certain dairy products, but that’s literally how you make cheese). And yet… so many restaurants and areas of the country seem to ignore the need for acid? It’s utterly befuddling to me. I mean, growing up in New England, there’s a reason lemon wedges come with literally every seafood dish. And now being in Los Angeles, so much delicious acidic food from Mexico’s influence that I’m basically in heaven.

Fat - There are few things as poorly understood as the use of fat in food. I mostly blame the “low fat” craze of the 80’s / early 90’s, which demonized it to the point of literalization. But even though fat technically doesn’t have its own flavor, it actually serves a really important function in food. It doesn’t just add an element of richness (which really helps with texture and mouthfeel), it actually “carries” flavor within it. To wit, if you have ever eaten non-fat food you’ll note that it tastes incredibly dry and muted in comparison. But just a little bit of fat can serve the same function as a little bit of acid. The following illustration is more half-assed-pseudo-scientific than the hard science, but imagine that it creates these little bubbles for all the yummy other flavors to glom onto. And a little bit goes such a long way. This is why a lean, protein rich dish like Italian crudo or roasted sea bass will add a few drops of olive oil at the end to round things out. Fat is so crucial to making yummy food.

Now, that being said, one of the biggest problems in America is what’s happened with what I’ll call “super high fat cooking.” That’s because there’s an early point in developing every dish where if you add too much fat it effectively starts to drown out the flavor in question instead of carrying it (basically, you have too many fat bubbles, but not enough flavor going into them, so it tastes bland). So, what happens when you add too much fat is that you start adding in MORE of the other ingredients to compensate and it just accelerates from there, often drowning the protein or star of the dish in the process. Essentially, the second you add too much fat you’re getting into an arms race with yourself. You’ll see this in pasta sauces that taste too greasy, or if you ever look at lots of American crockpot cooking on TikTok, there’s so much egregious super-high-fat recipe making. To the point that there are whole novelty accounts for “when do they put a whole brick of cream cheese in the crockpot?” To be clear, my problem is not that I’m trying to harsh anyone’s flavor profile or what they like. My problem is that it’s such a backward, radical misunderstanding of what they THINK they’re trying to achieve by adding those fats. In most of these dishes you can literally put in 1/10th of the fat and 1/10th of the same spice and sodium and it would actually make those same flavors come out MORE in the final dish. I mean, I fucking love cream cheese! But scientifically, if you want that sweet little rich tang to come through in the crockpot chicken dish, you’d be shocked how much a little goes a long way. But this is how all fat works in cooking! You gotta find those goldilocks zones! And yet this misunderstanding is genuinely America’s biggest home-cooking issue right now (among many other big ones). It’s purely because people get into an arms race with their own ingredients.

Starch - Understanding starch is hugely important to understanding not just what kinds of foods you like, but the history of the culture around you. Yes, it’s time for a silly history lesson! Because every single developing society was faced with one essential question: how do we produce enough calories to grow our population? And the number one calorie producer is always some sort of carb or starch. Seriously, this is the backbone of every civilization and city development. Mesopotamia was among the first to figure out that whole wheat / bread thing. Mexico and Central America figured out how to grow corn and then nixtamalization to make tortillas and other corn-based bread-y products. East Asia figured out how to cultivate paddy fields to make rice the starch of choice. The point is that starch is at the epicenter of how our regional cultures developed… and in the modern world we basically have a million options to choose from. Potatoes, pasta, rice, bread, cereals, so many vegetables, plus endless varieties therein. But understanding that core idea that starch is the backbone of your calorie intake - and what makes foods feel filling - is important to achieving that big goal of cooking balance. Now, I could talk about this for hours, but in the interest of simplifying, I’ll cut to the chase: you often need 1/2 to 3/4 the amount of starch in a given dish you think you do. Like fats, it’s very easy to drown out your flavors with too much starch. But do with that what you will!

Temperature (Heat / Cold) - It’s weird to think about it this way, but cooking is essentially the act of dehydrating food. You’re just taking the water out. It’s why cooking something on a stove and making beef jerky is essentially the same thing for the same purpose. And the goal? Well, there’s many reasons to heat food. The first is that applying heat kills germs and bacteria that could otherwise be really harmful, so it’s all about health. But THE EVEN BETTER REASON is that it makes it tastier. You may have heard of “The Maillard Reaction” before, but basically it’s the science of how adding high heat to the surface of a food sears the surface and gives some nice browning that suddenly makes a food taste so much better. It’s the seared edge of steak, or the crisp of a potato chip, or the delicious golden bottom of a gooey cookie. Essentially, the heat creates amino acids that suddenly put so much more umami into your food! But again, just like with the application of fat, there’s a limit to how much you want to sear. Because quickly it can go from an umami sear to a singed char. And while a little bit of bitter char can be tasty in the right circumstance, too much of it makes the overall taste far too acrid.

But I like designating this factor as “temperature” and not just heat, because the application of cold is just as important to food. Not just because it helps food stay fresh or frozen, but because cold food is refreshing and cleansing. It’s a nice, cold glass of water when you’re dehydrated after a night’s sleep. Or a refreshing lemonade on a hot summer’s day. But it’s not just about drinks, there’s a reason so many deserts are served cold. And that’s because after a warm savory meal, you often want something that tastes bright, sweet, and refreshing to balance it out. But using coldness has so many hidden applications in the cooking process too. Using the fridge can firm up a dough, dry out the skin of chicken, or firm up fats that will turn to liquid within pillowed food. You can even throw cooked veggies into an ice bath to preserve their color. The point is that the application of both hot and cold to your food can have so many different results that are beyond helpful.

There! That’s every theory-based thing that I wish I understood before I started cooking.

Now, let’s start looking at the practice of cooking…

PART II - IN PREPARATION…

CREATE YOUR HAPPY PLACE

The number one reason people come to hate cooking is because the process annoys them. And I get it. Even after all this time there’s STILL moments where I mess something up and get mad at myself. But if you want to cook, from minute one you have to make a decision that you are going to learn to love this process. Moreover, you are going to make all of this your “happy place.” Which starts with the fact that this is now YOUR time.

Meaning it is now the time where you will shut out the rest of the world and have some peace and quiet. You can put on some music or a podcast if you like (I mix between both). And you use this time to chill and decompress. Does that seem hard to do? That’s okay, just keep re-enforcing that notion with yourself and you’ll get there, I swear. Is it hard to follow a recipe as you’re hearing voices on a podcast? That’s okay. Just hit pause for a second as you read, then turn it back on. Did your mind wander away from cooking? That’s fine. It’s YOUR time. Make a mistake? Who the fuck cares. Nothing is riding on this. You can mess up all that you want. It doesn’t matter. The whole idea is that you create a space for YOU to enjoy, whatever that means. Because if you never enjoy the process, no tasty result will ever be worth it.

This, of course, comes hand in hand with the other thing that people hate about cooking: going grocery shopping. And this is where once again I have to say “yeah, you have to learn how to love grocery shopping, too.” Really. Because now every time I go it is a fun little adventure where I get to pick my favorite things or try new ingredients and I get to EAT THE RESULTS (granted, the recent price surge has really put a dent in this overall feeling, yay capitalism). But here’s my biggest tip to learning to like grocery shopping: Learn to make quick trips.

I know that’s hard, especially if a store is a bit further, but I am telling you NOTHING makes the process more enjoyable than doing this. Not only does it take the pressure off the weekly-mega-trip, it ends up being cheaper because you have better fridge management with whatever you’re actually eating (and it also makes it so you are eating more fresh food). I literally go about every other day, but 2-3 times a week is a massive difference. I’m usually just picking up five things I need and maybe a treat or two. But this way you can take something that’s normally an hour or an hour and half and turn it into something that takes 15-30 minutes. Even if you are a busy as hell parent, I am telling you, this works. To wit, I convinced a busy family member with a young kid to try the switch and instead of the weekly hell trip, suddenly they get the quick duck out for a little “me time” on a solo trip three times a week. They were in awe of the change it had on them and their overall enjoyment of the experience. But no matter what path you take, you HAVE to learn to make this personal process a happy one.

Because, again, if you don’t learn to enjoy it, what’s the point?

WHAT YOU *ACTUALLY* NEED: COOKWARE

So 9 times out of 10 I’ll see a big chef give recommendations on what home cooks need to buy and not only are these items really expensive, they’re often hard for true beginners to use. So everything I’m only going to describe what you REALLY need.

A Good Knife - Okay, if there is ONE item to spend a little bit of money on, it’s this. And there’s two simple reasons for this. 1. You will end up doing 95% of your food prep with it. Seriously, you don’t need a big knife set. And almost every specialty cooking item (apple corer, egg slicer, etc) pales in comparison to having a good knife and some decent skills to wield it. Besides, the number one thing you will learn in cooking is that the last thing you want to do is go fishing through some drawer when you’re in the flow of things. Especially when you are ALREADY at your cutting board with your knife in hand. And 2. You actually have LESS accidents with a sharp knife. I’m not kidding. Because the blade goes right through the food cleanly instead of you always having to fight it, which is when the blade can go willy nilly in any direction. More over, if you DO actually cut yourself with a good knife? The cut may go deeper, but it’s a thin, clean cut that actually hurts way less and heals way easier. Seriously, there are a few times I’ve cut myself with my best knife and I barely even noticed because the cut was so thin. But now that you understand the why, there’s the question of “the what.”

As in what chef knife should you buy? The main argument is whether you want a traditional pointed European chef’s knife or a Japanese-style Santoku blade. I am 1000000% all about Santoku. I like that the bottom blade has a flatter edge with less arc. I like that the sharp tip points downward instead of straight out (which makes it way less dangerous). And again, I use my 9 inch Santoku blade for just about everything. But the main thing you’re going to want to do is see what feels good in your hand. Go to a store and try things out (you don’t have to buy). You want a balanced weight to it because if it feels too light you won’t feel like you have control over it. As for which brands? It’s ultimately personal, the only thing I’d honestly say is don’t go with Wusthof. I know it's enticing, but they make their money being the cheapest of the high end brands and while the steel is good enough, the handle work is so cheap (and it's what makes their knives feel so light and unbalanced). Personally, I like Shun knives, particularly the premier line, but they’re just a tad pricier. Also, you know that any knives that are MORE expensive than that really won’t matter to you unless you’re, like, a really high end chef. I mean, there are some knives that are 18,000-28,000 dollars that chef’s swear by but these people professionally cut expensive tuna for a living and we don’t. And if any kind of 100 dollar knife is not in your budget, it’s totally okay. If you’re looking for the best option of the really cheap brands, find a heavy Hampton Forge santoku knife  and you’ll just have to keep it sharp because the steel wears down super fast.

But really, one knife? That’s it? Well, you also need a little decent sharpener for it. And you also need a cheap bread knife for like 8 bucks (just because the serrated edge handles crust and chefs knives can’t). But yeah, you don’t really need any other specialty cutting tools. Granted, I have a few I break out sometimes. Like, I have a big hefty Chinese style-cleaver for meat and bones. And a little paring knife for when I gotta get in there. And I was gifted an amazing fancy fish knife for when I gotta be really delicate with my beloved fishies… but yeah, one really good knife will do most of what you need!

As for other equipment…

A BIG cutting board  - If you’re just starting, get a big ass plastic cutting board. Seriously, you have no idea how much the size is what matters until you’re doing your massive amount of dicing for prep work. You’ll really appreciate the room. I can’t even imagine going back to the smaller guys (which I only use when I don’t want to cross contaminate food items). With that, the reason I use plastic is for dealing with meat (particularly chicken) and not wanting it to seep into the wood grain and stain things (even though I know there’s arguments about this). The thing is that wood boards are beautiful and expensive and nice for vegetables and fish (they also are less harsh on your nice knife), but you really don’t need one until you get more advanced. I STILL buy a big ass cheap plastic board every few years for my workhorse needs (look for ones with rubber on the edge so they don't move around, either). Early on, it’s what you’ll want.

Cookware, Start Slow and Steady - I always see all these guides telling people to buy a giant 10 piece all-clad set WAY before they’re ready. Don’t do that. Buy equipment you can fuck up on a lot first! For instance, get a 32 dollar T-Fal non-stick frying pan with a lid. They’re really good products for the price and yes, they also go to shit within a couple of years. But that’s the point! You’re gonna make a ton of mistakes in learning how maillard reactions and heat works, so start with stuff like this. Learn for a year or two, THEN move onto all the stainless steel you want (which is much better, but takes patience and know how). Oh, and you’ll also probably need one BIG sauce pot, but that’s a volume of food thing, more than a material thing!

A Few Metal Mixing Bowls (Not Glass) - So you’re always gonna need a bunch of bowls to mix food in and set up your mise en place, but I’m all about using metal bowls. They retain both heat and cold really well. They are much easier to clean. Seriously, glass bowls are way more of a pain in the ass to clean (especially if you don’t have a dishwasher, which lots of places in LA and other cities don’t). And plastic bowls you can’t even use hand mixers in!

Wooden Spoons - Like the metal bowls, this is another weird hill I’ll die on, but I basically use wooden spoons for everything. They’re resistant to all kinds of heat and oils. They are softer material and don’t scratch the sides of pots as much as metal spoons do. I use them for basically everything I put on my stove (with the exception of a metal fish spatula and spider for deal with big amounts of hot oil).

One Cheap Plastic Spatula - I can’t believe how many years I didn’t use one and thought the wooden spoons would do, but their flexibility is just SO much better at cleaning out pans and bowls when you need to move ingredients and plate your food, etc. And lastly…

Rice Cooker - Of all the “singular use” cooking contraptions in the world, there is nothing more useful (and comparatively cheap on the low end) than a rice cooker. Seriously, the difference of effort and quality in cooking on a stovetop (where the rice can burn so easily) versus a little rice cooker (which makes it great every time just by hitting a button) is night and day. You can get a cheap dependable name brand one. I just have a Cuisinart one my friend gave me. But it makes every difference in rice-making being annoying versus wanting to make delicious rice two to three times a week (which has also turned into egg fried rice becoming my favorite breakfast). Seriously, so many other cultures understand the innate necessity of this, but if there’s anything Americans should be doing it’s incorporating a weekly starch like this that’s infinitely healthier than alternatives. And if rice is already your LIFE, then the high end ones are basically futuristic magic machines.

Now, moving on…

WHAT YOU *ACTUALLY* NEED: EVERYDAY INGREDIENTS / PANTRY STUFF

Salts - Let’s get the most important part out of the way: yes, Diamond Crystal Kosher Salt is the one to track down and use as your everyday salt. I know it’s harder to find in grocery stores, even in big cities. But the difference it will make in your cooking and food is IMMENSE. That’s because it’s finer and thus incorporates better. It’s less salty. And there is not a trace of “chemical” taste. What this really means is that you have so much more control with it. Meaning it’s much harder to over salt / under salt your food. And you will learn that this is probably the single most important thing about cooking (it’s called “properly seasoning” your food). It’s just so worth it and you can literally order it online (I know amazon is the devil, but do it if you have to. It’s 12 dollars and you will use it for six months or longer). Because every time my store is out and I have to get a box of Morton’s kosher I remember “oh yeah this is much, MUCH harder to use.” And iodized salt is basically a no go in most situations.

So why is salt so important? We touched on it in the top section, but it’s because salting your food early is basically what makes it taste good. That’s because salt isn’t TECHNICALLY a flavor (even though I said it was in the five flavors), it’s actually a flavor enhancer. It brings out all the other flavors and pronounces them. So when you salt food ahead of time, it penetrates into the food, enhances the umami, and brings out moisture. And the end result doesn’t taste “salty,” it just tastes “better.” There’s a lot more science that goes into it (along with some foods you don’t want to salt ahead), but that’s basically the rub. The only other kind of salt you may need is some Maldon Sea Salt to finish dishes. The reason sea salt is good is because the crystals are big and it's actually not that salty in comparison, so it adds some nice texture and pop to many dishes). There’s also some fun smoked salts. but you don’t need them now. Those two alone will do you wonders.

Soy Sauce - Let’s sticking with the salty / umami arena! Now, many Americans think of soy sauce as the thing you dunk sushi in, but it’s actually one of the most versatile ingredients on the planet. Not just because you use a bit of it in 90% of east asian dishes, but its applications can be used in so many other cuisines as well. You have no idea how often a few dashes of it in a butter sauce or vinaigrette just brings it to life. That’s because it's one of the most umami rich foods on the planet. But here’s the thing: you’re gonna want to find a high quality one that’s actually brewed because there’s a lot of cheap ones get by on being heavily salted with caramel basically. The one pictured above is the kind I buy from my local Asian market (I have no idea what it says, I just know it’s the kind they use at the super fancy Michelin restaurant I took classes at). There’s also a million other options of shoyu and tamari, but that’s all advanced stuff. The point is to find the best one you can find.

Butter - And now we enter the realm of useful fats! See how the early theory stuff is feeding into the practicality of what we’re doing now? Love when that happens! Anyway, you have no idea how much really good butter can make a difference in a finished dish. Any time I’m making something fancy and want the finished dish to sing with delicious butter taste, I use the salted Belgian butter Les Pres Sales pictured above. Otherwise, I’m buying unsalted Plugra which is European Style (the difference mostly has to do with fat percentage). And Kerrygolds isn’t awful, there’s just a slight grassy note I sometimes don’t like. But honestly, if I need to use a lot of butter in a dish, especially baking, I’m saving money and buying Challenge Butter or good ole Land O’ Lakes. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with them, it’s just you’d be shocked how much a really nice butter can make certain dishes (particularly your pastas) taste like the best thing you’ve ever had.

Oils - Ahhhh, oils, which are just more fats to use in your dishes! But look, I know there’s a whole bunch of boutique flavored oils out there and sometimes I get them as nice gifts and I’ll dunk them in bread and stuff. But when it comes to your everyday cooking? You don’t need them. You just need two oils, really. First, you need one good olive oil. Personally, I use this California Olive Ranch brand which is priced on the higher end of the mid-tier, but honestly it tastes and cooks better than stuff on the high tier. Better yet, it’s versatile so you don’t need a million other oils. Second, you need a neutral oil for lots of cooking that doesn’t overwhelm the flavor and also has a higher smoke point than olive oil (you don’t need to know what that means yet), so honestly I just buy cheap canola (veggie oil is good, too, but a little more bitter). They’re perfectly fine products. Grapeseed oil is technically the best neutral oil for that purpose, but it’s really expensive. And I don’t buy peanut oil even though it’s delicious because people could have allergies. And then lastly, once you get more advanced I have a fancy traditional french olive oil that I use for “finishing” dishes, which basically means put a few drops on a lean dish (like a crudo) that actually adds some balanced fattiness.

Vinegars - Here we turn to the “needs acid” part of the five factors! Of which, you only need a few when you’re starting. A white wine vinegar is pretty neutral and won’t overwhelm dishes but gives that nice balancing touch (red wine vinegar doesn’t just have a strong color, but can get too bitter or acrid, though in certain uses it's great). For a “nice” fancy vinegar I prefer sherry vinegar because it has way more balance with sweetness and even an umami richness. Meanwhile, Apple Cider vinegar is super delicious and has a lot of applications in American cooking (I put in things you would never think of, too, like tuna salad) And lastly, you need one that works with East Asian cooking, which is rice wine vinegar. When you’re just starting, use cheap brands to get used to how the flavors are different and then try the nicer ones to see the difference!

Building A Spice Rack, Go Slow! - I’m going to be super careful when talking about this one, because just like the “super high fat” cooking topic, but there is this tendency with what I’ll call “American Spice Rack” cooking to overdo it or do it haphazardly. Because I’ll see all these recipes that are putting a billion spices without thinking about what those ingredients are actually doing. To be VERY clear, I’m not talking about dry rubs / barbecue / Cajun / Indian / Mexican culture for which the application of lots of spices is a time-honored and carefully-honed art. I mean building out a massive spice cabinet is INHERENT to learning Indian cuisine. But instead, I’m talking about a certain brand of American home cooking that’s all about making “secret recipes” that are just spice blends shoving in the same loose combinations of the same ten random spices. It’s not that this is inherently “bad.” It’s that so many people think this is the secret to great cooking and the harsh truth is that most of those spices aren’t even being used well (especially when they’ve been sitting on a rack for three years and probably lost their flavor). So I just don’t want you to fall into the trap of that line of thinking.

Especially because there is so, so much to understanding the potential of each of these spices and how to incorporate them into a given dish, ESPECIALLY when fresh versions of a lot of those herbs would have more impact (besides, if you want to understand the impact of multi-spice cooking, the cuisine cultures mentioned above have so much to teach about how those combos work). Anywho, the real point is don’t feel some insane pressure to build up your spice rack now (everything else I’m mentioning is more important). Salt will do most of the work for you and bring out the natural flavors of the foods you’re actually using. And as you start tackling things that call for certain dry spices, buy them then and build up your rack through time. I swear, outside of certain disciplines and regional cooking mentioned above, it’s way less necessary to basic cooking than many would lead you to believe. Which is why I still have a lot of American-styled spices on my rack that I barely touch. Granted, there’s one spice that actually matters a whole lot…

Tellicherry Peppercorns / Grinder - Did you know that adding pepper isn’t just about giving a little “kick” of spice, but also a little nice bitter and sour note? Yup! That’s why we used it so much. So yeah, you’re going to want to get a good, easy to use pepper grinder that works even if you have wet hands from cooking (I used a little “good grips” brand grinder) and you’re going to want to fill it with Tellicherry Peppercorns. No, you don’t want to use pre-ground pepper because it loses its flavor after, like, a week. And yes, Tellichery peppercorns are better than regular ones because they have this wonderfully complex, fruity flavor that is much more balanced. Seriously, if you’re going to spend the seven bucks on something you’ll use over six months, then spend the ten dollars for the super delicious kind because you’re going to be tasting that pepper A LOT.

On Hot Sauce - Let’s get this rant out of the way here. Yes, hot sauce is fucking delicious. And there’s a reason for this. They are products that are designed to be full of each of the five flavors and tons of acid and the little kick of spice can wake up food. They’re amazing. But there’s an added reason people tend to REALLY love them: hot sauce covers up bland food. Because you are essentially taking a given food item and dousing it in a super powerful flavor profile that dominates everything and makes it all taste like hot sauce. And at that point, it’s like why even cook the thing under it? Why put in all that work to make something balanced if it’s just gonna get flavor bombed? What fun is it if everything you're making just tastes like your favorite hot sauce? Once again, I get it. I love hot sauce. I have five of them in my fridge right now. I am always gonna put it on my fried chicken, etc. They have really great applications in lots of cooking. But I just want you to be aware of the way they often get used as a crutch and if your goal is learning how to cook, you want to learn to make dishes that are so delicious and full of the five flavors so the hot sauce doesn’t feel necessary. Does that difference make sense?

Good Eggs - Eggs are the single most dextrous ingredient on the planet. They are full of protein, they go in breakfast, lunch, or dinner, they can make complex structures that help in baking and all manner of cooking. But which ones should you buy? Honestly, this video is a great explanation of what all those words mean and and Dan is so worth a subscribe! But really, I like finding a brand with nice bright orange-y yolk (which is more about diet) and as fresh as ones I possibly can. I will almost always have eggs in my fridge.

Flour, I Guess… - So this is where I admit I’m not a big baker. But that’s because flour is a temperamental, devil ingredient! I know that sounds silly, but there’s a reason people who love cooking end up falling into the baking camp or the savory cooking camp. And that’s because they really are different disciplines that require a different modus operandi. Whenever I try baking I’m like, “WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN’T FIX IT IF ITS NOT WORKING!??! I JUST HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE SHITTY RESULT!?!?” But what I love about cooking is how much you can change it as it’s in development. That’s the whole beauty of fixing as you go and using your know-how. This is part of the reason people say “cooking is an art, but baking is science,” because they really implore different kinds of exacting skills in how you come at them. But hey, if even I have flour, sugar, extracts, etc. in my pantry, you should too. Speaking of which, it’s time for…

The Pantry All Stars - These are the different ingredients I have on hand to make go to dishes from certain arenas. Starting with Italian: good canned tomatoes to make sauce with (I use Bianco Dinapoli, but cento makes good stuff, too). Dry pastas. Anchovies. A wedge of actual real deal parmesan cheese (look for the triangle slices from deeper in the wheel, there’s less edge so you actually get more bang for your buck). Mexican: Black beans. Can of Embasa (chipotles in adobo sauce). Masa Harina to make tortillas. Cumin, Paprika, Ancho Chilli powder, Mexican oregano, and garlic powder. Asian: Long Grain Rice of choice, Koshihikari rice for sushi. High quality nori. Packets of instant ramen I add nice ingredients to. And if you want to get more advanced in that asian arena, along with soy sauce and rice vinegar, there’s sesame oil, mirin, fish sauce, oyster sauce, cornstarch, Chinese black vinegar, szechuan peppercorns, shaoxing wine, gochugaru, and gochujang. But again…

Remember to GO SLOW. You don’t have to get all this stuff at once. The whole idea is you’ll slowly build up the stuff you need in your kitchen with time and see what you’re into. And in that spirit, here’s my thoughts on some bigger stuff you might want to get later on…

POSSIBLE KITCHENWARE (FOR LATER DOWN THE LINE)

This section is for those who are curious over what I think about some specialized kitchen items, so if you're just starting out and don’t care, you can skip ahead to part 3!

Food Processor, On The Counter - This is such an absurdly useful tool, but my NUMBER one piece of advice is to always have it out on the counter, right where it can be easily plugged in, if not plugged in already. Because if you have to grab it out of a stored cabinet? Or if you have to move it around your counter? TRUST ME that you are not going to want to use it ever. Which is why I keep mine out on the counter, right near where it’s easy to clean, too. Trust me, it makes a world of difference.

Kitchen Aid Stand Mixer - I don’t do a lot of baking so I don’t own one. But for those who do, the same “keep it out on the counter” advice applies.

Cast Iron Skillet - This is one of those things you’ll invest in at a later time. The whole idea is that they just get RIDICULOUSLY hot and thus are very useful, but the whole thing is that you have to be really disciplined in how you use them and more importantly, how you clean them. So hold off at first.

Pasta Maker - Again, this is one of those later down the line things, but I know a lot of people who buy a pasta maker, try it once, think “this is a pain in the ass” and never try again. But it really takes about 5-7 times to get the hang of it (not to mention making fresh pasta dough). But once you do? Omg the ability to have fresh made pasta at HOME!??!! You have no idea what a treat that is (and how much cheaper than a nice italian restaurant). But even when you get good at it, I admit it’s pretty time consuming, so it’s more like a special treat. You can even turn it into a fun little event where you teach people. Besides, you can make a TON of it and freeze it if you like, so later on it’s like, OOH fun surprise treat from my freezer! I literally got out some homemade agnolotti the other night (with bacon potato goat cheese scallion filling) and put it in a butter sauce and suddenly I had a five star dish in 10 minutes.

Pizza Stone - Again, this will be if you get into pizza making and they do work reasonably well. They also have some fun other applications for concentrating heat in your oven… But if you’re rich, you can buy an Ooni pizza oven and I’d love to come over and “borrow” when I leave.

Tortilla Press - Again, this is for when you’re ready to get into making a lot of Mexican food, but It’s pretty easy to start getting decent enough at. They’re not that expensive either and it's so fun to have fresh tortillas at home (which makes a MASSIVE difference with corn tortillas).

Wok - Yes. Yes. Yes. So this is my most recent new kitchen item and it’s totally changed my life. Part of that is the inspiration from J. Kenji Lopez-Alt’s new book “The Wok”and it’s so dramatically impacted my entire understanding of a lot how a lot of East Asian cuisine works, not to mention the way it reshaped my prior understanding of how different heat and surfaces dramatically affect the food I was already cooking. For intermediate and advanced folks, I cannot recommend it / the book higher.

Sous Vide - So I’ve been messing around with mine for a while now and, as a home-cook, I’ve come to a few conclusions. The first is that if you are the kind of person who never seems to get the right level of doneness on your steak or always overcooks X or Y, the sous vide can be a good tool to be sure you do get the right doneness every time. But if you’re someone who has already learned to use a skillet or an oven in order to get those deep, roasted flavors that only come from those more archaic heat sources? I have to say that I prefer the deep flavor and texture ranges of those methods in every regard. Don’t get me wrong, the taste of the sous vide methods are… interesting? And there’s this sudden delicate nature to the uniformness, along with the way other flavors get put into the bags I just… something deeply guttural and satisfying is getting lost in translation. And hell, I’m going to say it… I think Thomas Keller’s fascination with sous vide has really affected the savory courses at The French Laundry… he said, only by cooking everything out of his cookbooks, but never having been able to go / afford himself. But I’ve heard enough from people who have gone to cooperate! The truth is it makes running a high-end kitchen much, much easier, but that doesn’t mean you get a better tasty result. And honestly, the most surprising results I got from sous vide was messing around with cooking fruits and then chilling them (like the compressed watermelon with mango). That’s weirdly my favorite application for it. It’s also good for some specialty farm cuts and glands where being sure it’s fully cooked is really, really, really important. But overall, I think there’s a reason the craze died down.

Immersion Blender - I don’t have one and I want one, someone gimme!

Okay, with that, let’s move onto...

PART III - IN PRACTICE…

So I’m not going to be giving “recipes” here. Instead, I’m just going to talk about techniques, practices and ideas that I think can help with your understanding of what to expect as you go through the process of learning to actually cook. Which starts with…

PICK AN AREA OF INTEREST

The food world is so big and so massive that starting can seem so daunting. That’s why it helps to sit around and pick an area that you are interested in. And what if you’re not sure what you’re interested in? Well, what do you eat all the time? For instance, I know so many people love pasta and I GUARANTEE you that within a few short weeks with a few tips, you can make a better tomato sauce than anything that comes in a jar (yes, even Rao’s). It’s just about getting good quality canned tomatoes, some olive oil, some fresh basil, salt, and finishing with some high quality butter when you mix it. BOOM. You have no idea idea how much better it will taste. So dig into yourself. What do you eat all the time? Do you like cookies? Do you love the idea of a good soup keeping you warm for the winter? Do you want your entire house to smell amazing all the time with fresh bread? For me, the big impetus of what I learned first is that I loved seafood and I wanted to get better at cooking all the amazing fresh fish that was all around me. Which brings us to the notion that you should…

CONSIDER YOUR PALATE / REGION

Back in the five flavors section I asked the questions “what food do you like? What DON’T you like? And why?” And believe it or not, the area / culture you grew up in has a MASSIVE impact on what food you like, even in the modern world. Because every region has certain flavor profiles where they like one kind of taste ratio more than others, and a lot of it has to do with history and what grew around you.

For instance, did you ever think about WHY France became one the food epicenters of the world? It’s because they had a ton of the best farmland in the world, which wasn’t just good for wine and wheat, but lots of grass for livestock, which meant lots of milks and butters and fat and meat to consume. The conditions were perfect to develop all the famous “french food” we’ve come to appreciate today. Meanwhile, the Mediterranean climate was perfect for a slightly earlier coastal civilization, with its rich abundance of olives, grapes, chickpeas, fish, and goats which could handle the more hilly terrain. Comparatively, did you ever wonder why East Asia doesn’t use butter in a lot of dishes? It’s because there wasn’t a lot of grazing land, so there wasn’t a lot of fats coming from livestock. But there was enough space for chickens, which is the reason egg yolks are a fundamental part of the cuisine because it was the best natural way to add richness and fat! Believe it or not, all of these things had an impact on the way regional cuisines were built. And those regions STILL carry those effects into their flavor profiles today.

For instance, I grew up in New England which has so many clean, fresh, bright, salty flavors from the sea and because of the prevalence of apples, the love of sweetness skews to border on tart. And as I said earlier about Los Angeles, it’s all acid, acid, acid, with salsas, zesty flavor, and spices based on abundance of citrus and desert conditions. Meanwhile in Chicago? There’s so much less emphasis on acid (mostly because ingredients weren’t historically available), but things that make use of the high availability of fat and salt and wheat carbs / corn, with complimentary flavors often coming from the German influence of sour and bitter foods. And you can see that same emphasis on sour flavors in so much in Middle Eastern and Indian cuisines, too, which is due to all the ingredients that came from there. The point is that this history is EVERYWHERE and it’s important to see the world around you in all these fascinating terms of flavor. Because ultimately, it’s the way to understand both your own palate and the way it relates to what flavors others like. Because a really good cook doesn’t just talk in terms of percentages (40% savory, 8 percent sweet, etc), but also understands that people have different thresholds. To wit, I might hold up a taste of something and ask, “how bitter does this taste to you?” and for me it may be a seven. But for you it may be a four (this is why I only like negroni-styled drinks with way less campari in them). It’s all about learning your palate and preferences and why they are the way they are. Also, let’s go back to…

WHY RECIPES ARE MISLEADING

What would you say if I told you to “drive five minutes and take a right.” You’d be like, uh, how fast should I be going? How do I know it’s the right street?!? All these questions would be obvious. But the problem is that recipes, by their very nature, are always giving vague instructions like that. Granted, they are doing this because otherwise they have to stop and explain EVERYTHING in so much more detail, but it’s in those details where you actually learn the hows and whys of cooking. I will say, this is one of the very good things about what youtube / Tik Tok has brought to the cooking world because now you can SEE recipes actually being made in better fashion, but ultimately remember, the goal is not to follow the recipe. The goal is to UNDERSTAND what’s happening at every step. Because when you understand it, then you learn how to actually cook.

With that, let’s get more practical...

BURNS, CUTS, AND THE CLAW

So I spent YEARS early on thinking I didn’t need to use the claw because it felt awkward at first and thus… I cut my fingers a lot. That’s why you want to use “The Claw Method” and here’s a good video overview. I know it may be awkward at first, but I swear it gets comfortable with time and will save you SO MANY cuts and nicks and other things. Also, when chopping, don't ever worry about speed at first. Always, always, always do what’s comfortable. And you’ll be surprised how much you just naturally speed up with time. That being said, there WILL be cuts that happen no matter what in those early days. So will many burns on hot items. It’s just part of the process (I even had one emergency room trip). Don’t let it discourage you. Soon it will seem natural.

ALWAYS TASTE AS YOU COOK

Of all the pieces of advice, this is one of the most naturally helpful. Because as you prep ANY ingredient (as long as it’s not dangerous to eat raw), you want to taste it. Yes, even if it tastes bland and bad. We’re talking about a piece of raw carrot. An onion shard. A spice. Even a Szechuan peppercorn. The whole idea is that you want to KNOW what it tastes like and familiarize yourself. Then you want to taste what it tastes like when those two ingredients are together. Then when all four are together. Then they get cooked down a lot and the natural sugars come out and you’ll be like OH THIS IS SWEET NOW. Then you’ll taste it with a little vinegar put in or the final seasoning. The whole idea is that this is what actually teaches you to cook, because it’s showing you what different foods and techniques do to each other in the process. If you’re following a recipe, taste it at every step. You will learn SO much about how these ingredients and steps affect the final product, so you can start incorporating them into your final dish.

SALT SLOWLY

It’s the old adage, as you’re seasoning your dish in the process, go slowly with the salt because you can always add more in, but you can’t take it out (which again, is why having Diamond Crystal helps in control).

RUN A CLEAN FRIDGE

People are always shocked at how little stuff is in my fridge, given how much food I’m always cooking. Now, some of that is the fact I go to the grocery store more regularly, but also, that’s the point. Because I’m using everything I have and putting it on my plate to eat it. Granted, some of this is personal choice because I care a shit load about food sustainability and that means that I also run a zero-waste fridge. Meaning I never, ever let a food item go to waste and instead find the ways to make things out of the items I already have (even sour milk makes pancakes taste BETTER). Now, this takes a little know-how and discipline, but it helps to have a few “fridge cleaning” dishes ready to go. For instance, fried rice is a great way to use up any veggies or protein leftovers. Same goes for quesadillas or any pasta or pasta salads. Heck, before I left for the holidays, all I had was some butter, dill, and parsley and yet I made a pasta with that was fucking delicious. But it’s not just about the ethics of food waste, I cannot tell you how much this helps with food choice paralysis and learning how to make use of the ingredients you always seem to have on hand. Paring things down helps make them more simple. You will learn this with time.

DIET ISSUE CRAP!

Okay, I want to make it clear that I know talking about food can be such a fucking loaded thing for people. Not just because of how much food / body shaming there is, but the varying range of necessary diets and specific doctors orders there are out there. So ultimately, all of this is personal and I’m saying “this is what works for me” in my very specific situation. Because I subscribe to a very basic, loose notion of “eat a balanced” way. In the sense that I just try to keep what I’m eating as varied as possible and how often that tends to do the trick when it comes to staying healthy(ish). And believe it or not, cooking at home allows for this variation so much more than you might think. Not just because of your controlling of ingredients, but also you can really take a better inventory of what you’re actually consuming (whereas you have no idea how much fat, salt etc is actually going into the food you’re picking up or taking out).

Now, I talked about Mark Bittman above with “How To Cook Everything” and I don’t just love him because of that book, I love him because he got into food sustainability, too. The short version? We are eating way too much meat and not enough plants. And this is absolutely true. Like many global climate crises coming, we have a food crisis coming. To be clear, I love eating meat because it’s fucking delicious, but there’s deeper issues here. Not just in regards to the morality of whether or not we should be eating meat on an ethical level (and please know I’m incredibly sensitive to all of them), but whatever you believe, the point is that meat is going to become PROHIBITIVELY expensive shortly. This is not some far off date. This will be in the next 5-10 years. And then it’s going to get worse. Luckily, there are a lot of steps we can take to fight this (namely on the regulation stage), but it starts with just a lot of people adopting certain habits, namely just eating more plants in their everyday diet.

Bittman’s big idea is the “no meat before 6pm” approach and while that works for some, I honestly want more dexterity. Like, sometimes I want a BLT for lunch, dangit! And sometimes at dinner I want a nice big pasta that doesn’t really need any meat to make it yummy. So over the years I’ve basically worked out what I feel is a fairly realistic balance to my meat consumption that never makes me feel like I’m restricting myself (and again, this is not so much about health, but sustainability). For starters, you can eat a lot of fish and seafood, like three times a week if you want. It’s incredibly healthy. And when it comes to seafood sustainability, the problem isn’t that we’re eating out of the oceans period, the problem is we’re overfishing very certain items while plenty of great sustainable fish get thrown back because make average Americans go “ew, no thanks!” But they’re just as delicious. I mean, when I grew up fishing and people used to throw Fluke back, but now I know it makes for an incredible sashimi! And to be frank, what Japan is doing to the bluefin tuna population is criminal. I know it’s the most delicious thing in the world! But it’s endangered! We’re literally not gonna have it soon. But the ocean is absolutely full of delicious sustainable options and here’s a good guide that can help. Part of the reason I’m passionate about this is because My dad lived in an old fishing town and the regulations of this stuff are HUGELY important to me. Because you have to understand that local fishermen WANT to popularize all these other kinds of fish rather than fighting the big corporations for over-fished the products.

As for land animals, it’s all a bit more rudimentary. I can eat chicken twice a week. Pork once week. And beef twice a month. Just twice a month? Yup. But it’s pretty easy because I get to turn it into a big TO DO. Like I’m gonna go to one of my favorite burger spots, or pick up a nice steak to cook, or make some bolognese. It becomes a treat. And meanwhile everything else I eat is vegetarian. I cannot overstate how manageable this is. Even if I cook a lot of carnitas or something and eat them a few times that week, I just don’t have any the rest of the month and it all adds up to a fairly good balance. And I can’t tell you how much easier it is in the impossible beef era where I can make burgers / bolognese / enchiladas and people almost can’t tell the difference (also morningstar farms chicken patties are still my favorite tasting fake chicken product). The point is that we can start tackling this now before it all starts getting really bad. And every part of you will thank yourself if you start tackling it now instead of the hard adjustment.

LITTLE HELPFUL TIPS!

Man, I know using the word “hacks,” would be en vogue here, I just really don’t like using it. And more importantly, this isn’t hacking anything! It’s just using basic knowledge to help conserve yummy food resources! For instance, you know when you cook meat or something and you have all that leftover fat just sitting in your pan? DO YOU KNOW HOW VALUABLE THOSE FATS ARE!?!?! Like, if you have bacon grease? You now have the most delicious “oils” that you can use in your cooking to make other food taste amazing. I mean, have you ever cooked a steak in bacon grease? Have you ever crisped up potatoes in “schmaltz” aka chicken fat? Get ready for your new life to start. After I cook X or Y, I let the fat cool down and then store them in these little plastic jars and always break them out to cook with. Similarly, I take any leftover bones from ANY animal and boil them down in water to make a quick stock, throw in a little jar, and then label and throw into my freezer. I cannot tell you how useful and delicious these things are, especially in comparison to anything store bought.

Also, when it comes to food waste, the other day I had to use half a cucumber in a recipe. I then sliced up the rest of them and now put them into the brine of a recently finished pickle jar I had bought from the store. The person looked at me, “what the fuck!? You can do that!?” Of course you can! It’s pickle brine! The truth is it helps if you re-boil it all again, then cool it down, but you have no idea how often I’ll take vegetables that could go bad soon and just dice them up and throw them into my recently used pickle jars. Granted, you don’t want to use the same brine more than once (or twice more likely), but it’s easier than making your own pickles from scratch. Point is that there are just so many ways to NOT waste the food around you and make delicious things in the process.

But while we’re blowing minds…

FUCK THESE RANDOM MYTHS!

Bless Heston Blumenthal - The short version of why he matters (other than being a fancy pants 3 Michelin star chef) is that he actually examined science of how we cook meat and learned that old adage of “getting a good sear to lock in the juices” is complete poppycock. Not only that, but by only cooking one side and then flipping, you are leaving BOTH sides with prolonged time where they aren’t getting enough heat, so the temperature is getting distributed badly AND drying out. Thus, we got “The Blumenthal Method,” which is all about moving a piece of meat around a pan at shorter intervals and being sure all sides are getting high heat. As I say it now, it should be obvious. I mean there’s a reason rotisserie chicken is so delicious, right? It’s constantly moving across even heat! But the one thing to be careful of is that you really want to be delicate with the food because too much handling of certain things can make it fall apart. But it really is helpful to know!

Wash Your Fucking Mushrooms - This was beat into my head by two Michelin star chef during a cooking class who delicately reminded us all that, “they grow in the fucking ground.” Meaning there is potentially dangerous dirt in there. And no, wiping it with a paper towel does nothing, especially with intricate gill structures most mushrooms have. So why does everyone tell you not to wash your mushrooms? It’s because it makes the texture of them a little slimy and in their brain they’re like “ew, gross.” But then they insist that the problem is that the watery surface prevents the mushrooms from getting a good sear and Maillard reaction, like they would with meat. This is also not true. Not just because mushrooms can dry off post wash fairly easily, but even if you put some recently-washed moist mushrooms in a pan the water will cook off fairly quickly and they’ll start searing soon enough. In fact, the WHOLE POINT OF cooking mushrooms is to dehydrate them as much as possible before they’re basically impossible to overcook, all before you add yummy liquid back in that rehydrates them with deliciousness (like butter and soy sauce). I am telling you, that place taught me how to make the best mushrooms in the world and every time I serve them people freak out and lick the plate.

Okay, Homemade Isn’t ALWAYS Best - The great thing about cooking at home is that you’ll learn you can make better versions of so many things you’d normally take out. And I always argue that any food is worth learning how to make well because you can see all the benefits of it up front. For instance, with Kenji’s Wok book I’ve learned so much about the benefits of making my own fried rice, or stir fry dishes, or jjigae, or how to velvet meat. These have become essential parts of how I cook now… But there are still some examples that, no matter how good I can do, ultimately are better to just go elsewhere for. Like there are A LOT of ingredients in Pad Thai and some of them are really expensive… and I live pretty close to Thai Town where it’s not just cheaper, but there’s some of the best in the world. So I go pick it up there. But don’t just defer to that line of thinking and assume some place will ALWAYS do it better. Take the time to learn the skills and figure out what’s best for you.

And with that, it’s time for…

ONE FINAL NOTE - “Find A Way In”

Please feel free to ignore most of the 12,000 words I just wrote. I mean that. Because the important thing is that you just start cooking. Again, I started because I didn’t want my mom to burn down the kitchen. The important thing is that you simply “find a way in.” Learn how your stove works. Cut your hands. Make mistakes. But this doesn’t just apply to cooking, but the foods you THINK you don’t like, too. If vinegar doesn’t hit your palate right at first, try just incorporating a little bit and notice the way it makes a dish taste a little lighter. Or if you don’t like raw onions, try burying one or two at the bottom and seeing the way it balances the dish with a little sharpness. Soon you may find that you like incorporating these things after all.

The whole point is to keep trying to find a way in. And as much information as I put into this, what I hope all of this really did was just give a little more understanding. Or at least it helped properly set your expectations before you dive in further. For in the end, the point is simply to start. Because believe it or not…

You can cook.

<3HULK