A M*therF*ckin’ MACGRUBER Christmas (Patreon)

Sometimes, the best things defy the logic of existence.

Take the sketch itself. It was originally a MacGuyver parody (done 20 years after that show was on the air) and it featured Will Forte plays a bumbling, manic version of that character trying to disarm a bomb with everyday items… only he’s an idiot, it never works, and they all die. It was a solid sketch, but certainly didn’t seem like apt fodder for feature adaptation. And yet, Forte, Jorma Taccone and company merely used it as a launching pad for their buckwild action comedy. Likewise used the character’s bumbling mania to create one of the most genuinely unhinged protagonists of all time. And the results are incredible.

Seriously, MacGruber (2010) is probably one of my favorite movies ever. It’s a work of sheer audacity, at once a slick ode to its clunky 80’s and 90’s action forebears, as it is a shambling comedy that crests into maybe 12 of the funniest scenes I’ve ever seen. There’s just this constant sense of discovery and joy of watching it peel back the layers of its stinky onion. For one, it makes this incredible decision for everyone around MacGruber to play it (mostly) straight, which let’s Forte’s deranged, pathetic goofiness shine through. I honestly don’t know how people kept a straight face. Especially Vicki St. Elmo (Kristen Wiig) whose feather-haired gullibility makes her the only one who can look at him with adoration.  Which leaves our straight man Piper (Ryan Phillipe) as the unwilling audience surrogate, the one who can’t help but get swept up in the groove of The Grubes. And as you go down the rabbit hole, it’s amazing how outright DARK some of the jokes got (like the College backstory with Cunth). What’s sad is I feel like this is the exact kind of comedy that could have become a sleeper hit in the 90’s era long-play of theaters or the rental era. But instead it’s become part of the criminal lack of financial success for Jorma’s comedies. But, like Popstar just after it, it managed to live on with cult growth and group of fan who have been losing our fucking minds to try and keep giving it continue life, neverously sharing it (it always wins people over), keeping up the improbabliity of its existence. And now it’s rebirth has come to pass.

I can’t tell you how many people are grinning ear to ear that we now have a sequel series of MacGruber over on Peacock. Included in our ranks is none other Christopher Nolan. Seriously. He’s a super fan of the movie. And when they finally got the green light he was invited to the table read, but couldn’t make it, so he sent them one of the best emails I’ve ever seen…

“Though I can’t be there in person to watch you take the first step of your odyssey—know that my spirit soars with you, and whilst it’s perhaps unfair to add to the great sense of responsibility you must already feel, I am duty bound to tell you—the world is waiting, the world is watching."

For me, the timing could feel better. This Christmas is already mired by the spike of Omicron and so many terrible things, so it is one of the bright spots I am hanging onto with deep thankfulness. It’s another miracle of existence; a warm blanket I didn’t know I needed. Which also brings us to the rub of things. Because, Macgruber (2021) is also that most worrisome of things: a comedy sequel. I’ve written about them before, but there’s a lot of quiet trouble in repeating jokes and getting nostalgic laughs, because while it has a sense of callback with the audience, we must understand that it will never have the sense of joyful discovery that comes with the first laughs. Sometimes their safe geniality can even be silent killers of a franchise (I wrote about this with the Anchorman 2 column and everyone was like “awww it was funny and good to go back” and now no one talks about or even quotes because it and just goes back to the first one. Hell, you could argue it even took some shine off the mystique first). So the mark of whether or not they succeed is whether or not they evolve and create some crucial sense of differentiation…

Thankfully, the new MacGruber show gets there.

And I want to celebrate how it did it…

THE TEN FUNNIEST PARTS OF MACGRUBER (2021)*

*spoilers, obviously.

1. Vicky’s Song / Kristen Wiig - While she was certainly integral to the first movie, I’m so happy that Wiig gets to shine in this series. Because she really is the reason it all works. Part of it is her “oh gee, willikers!” innocent foil to Forte’s craven filth. Part of it is her loving adoration and approval of maybe the most selfish dude in the world. But more crucially, it’s the fact that they’re two actors so outrageously good at committing to the emotional reality of something completely ridiculous. And perhaps nothing highlights this more than Wiig’s song number in the cafe. I can’t stop thinking about it. It’s just one of those nuclear scenes, full of bored faces that linger as she goes full out sincere with the funniest nonsense rhyming songs that I can imagine… I’ve gone back and watched it five times.

2. The Russian Kidnapping - Probably the best overall sequence in the revival. One where all the comedic tension holds steady and they’re firing off amazing line after gag, after line, after gag. From the “I’m at your 11 o’clock, Sorry, central standard time.” To Vicki’s big bow dress, to MacGruber trying to light the Scientist’s vape pen, to Bond inflection of “Jebladoo… Matthias Jebladoo,” to Macgruber’s homemade “restroom” sign running out of room on the right side, to Vicki’s delivery of “Russian Hello.” It’s the episode that just has bangers from start to finish. And it’s the best example of the comedic range of what this property can do when it's firing on all cylinders.

3. Laurence Fishburne - The word of the article continues to be “sincere.” Because I love how sincerely he plays this role. At first, he seems like our Powers Boothe replacement (and he is, RIP to the great PB), just with the complication of also being Vicki’s new love interest. But when the turn hits? It hits so so so fucking good. What I love is there’s no malevolence in his bad guy turn. It’s just the logical payoff of him trying to play it cool, while still being so hung up on the fact that Vicki’s still so hung up on MacGruber, herself. He doesn’t ham it up. He just plays the scenes with this wide-eyed puppy dog sense of hurt. Plus, the gag where he tries to sing back to Vicki and cuts himself off for not landing it is amazing.

4. The Entire Episode Where Grubes Is Naked - I think it sort of sums up what makes Will Forte such a special figure in our comedy landscape. Yes, he has this amazingly weird brain that’s great for coming up with left-field jokes. But really, it’s his fearlessness. He so commits to the bit, but it always feels just a little bit unhinged, which gives it this air of danger and chaos, but this crucial understanding that there’s this weird, sweet, and terribly awkward vulnerability underneath. A way that we instinctively know that it will never go wrong in the wrong way, only wrong in the right way. Speaking to that commitment, he’s literally naked for an entire episode because he understands his butt and his awkward dick-holding is genuinely funny. And by going the entire episode with it, you get that whole arc of it being funny, then it gets normalized, then it goes even harder with the gag so it gets funny again.

5. Billy Fuckin’ Zane - You can’t talk about him without talking about Val Kilmer’s tour de force performance in the original. Seriously, Cunth is one of Kilmer’s best performances, even reminiscent of what he does so well in Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. There’s this droll casualness to how he goes about his evil terrorism, punctuated by these weird moments of surprise (like the painting scene). Amazingly, they found someone for the sequel in Zane who can sort of channel the same essence. Which is actually critical because in a world where MacGruber would presumably drive the villain nuts, it’s that cool detachment that plays so perfectly as the perfect foil because it always helps MacGruber come more undone (which is the bread and butter of the property.

6. The Opening Bond credits - They’re tragically short, but by season’s end I found myself singing along to the titular utterance. I don’t know, there’s just something so inherently funny about Grube’s immaculately-lit butt and his naked silhouettes falling through the sky.

7. The Line I Can’t Stop Quoting - “This isn’t a coinkydink, this is an on purpydink.” Seriously, I don’t know why it’s the one that stuck out, maybe it’s the satisfied happiness with which Forte says it, but damn I love it.

8. Sam Fuckin’ Elliott - Soooo yeah, I’ll agree. The set up is a little wonky and it hides more than it misdirects.Granted, the tender scene of them coming together is a nice attempt, as is the story about his Daddy giving handjobs for crack. But it doesn’t quite add up enough in a way that it feels like a truly functional integration prior to the switch (unlike the Fishburne character, which pulls that off really well). That being said, by the time it switches and Elliott can unleash his asshole dad, you can see he’s having all the fun in the world. There’s something so perfect about the way he says, “Oh Vicki, hi! Did you get to see me shoot Macgruber in the heart?” What I also love is how much it captures the through-line of how every serious, more grounded person just fucking hates MacGruber. Like, of course, this father hated having this little idiot son, but it also makes MacGruber’s delicate nature even more stark. Really, it’s the Frank Grimes thing from The Simpsons. They’re right about him. But there’s no joy in them being right and ruining the fun of the joke.

9. Checkov’s Tape Deck & Surprising Function - At the heart of MacGruber is the way there’s surprising commitment to action movie tropes plate straight (mostly found in the action and soldier types they face off with). I mean, I think part of the reason Nolan likes the movies is they operate within the same cool pastiche. But where he zigs, Forte and company zags. But they’re built from that same DNA and know how to have weird payoffs that work within the tropes. For instance, the tape deck being the way that daddy was tracking him the whole time? It’s some of those “surprising plot function” moments that you would never expect in a movie like this, but it helps lend that crucial skeleton to something that would feel too off-kilter without them. It’s just the kind of storytelling thing I appreciate most.

10. Crucial Nostalgia Joke Variation - So! This is kind of the big one and it’s the difference between feast and famine to me. Yes, the show goes to the well of similar gags than I probably like, but there is always just enough slight variation to them that it gets me through the nostalgia laughs and right into the new stuff. Like, nothing will ever top the original surprise of “I will suck your dick. I will let you fuck me,” scene of the first film, but there’s still something funny about Fortenow  desperately pleading to “cuuuuuuum on me” while Fishburne awkwardly says goodbye to co-workers in the parking garage. Same goes for the audience in-joke of “is this what you want!?!?” as he rips out more throats. Same for the great gag of “gonna go fast now” as he’s already been going way to fast in another agonizing sex scene. They smartly don’t go back for KFBR392, BUT they do sub with a similar-ish 696969 joke with passcoades. Again, nothing will ever beat the surprise of those gags in the first movie. But they at least are putting enough spin on it to get me through the nostalgia bumps. And into all the great stuff mentioned above.

So! Those may be the ten most crucial things, but I wrote down a million lines that I loved sooooooo…

BEST LINES / GREAT GAGS

-“MacGrubor” I love how often they allude to the fact he’s basically illiterate.

-The reveal of the bad kitty drawing on the prison wall.

-“I don’t care that you put her penis in her vagina, but please also put it in her heart” then doubling down with: “I said that to him, but I also wanted to say that to you.”

-There’s something so satisfying about Macgruber in one of those well-lit prison containment boxes you only see in movies.

-Vicki’s voicemail to Piper: “Macgruber’s deeeeeeaaaaad”

-Vicki, on Mac’s love making: “He would generously finish for the both of us”

-The action scene where Mac escapes the bunker and takes out the soldiers in the woods is such a great example of its mix of straight-forward action cinematography, Forte’s goofy style, and the over-the-top violence that just groks with me.

-Vicki’s scene with Fishburne post burning has three gems: 1) “hit me like a ton of feathers” 2) “my shrek” and 3) “and good luck with the terrorists!”

-The Combos line slays because we only get those from gas stations, right?

-“Remind me to mess up the next big story you’re excited to tell!”

-Piper, on why Mac still kept the chemical weapon around: “Why didn’t you destroy it?” / “Piper, someone worked very hard on this!”

-“I wanna tell you guys a story that I’ve only told about 40 other people.”

-“Vick, I don’t want Piper’s baby to get murdered! Or even to die of natural causes! But that’s how certain I am.”

-“I’m sorry I get carsick if I don't sing to myself in an American accent.”

-Mac still yelling “bam” with his empty gun WELL into the gunfight.

-The use of Crash Test Dummies’ “Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmmm”!!!

-“But what if I was a tight cannon?”

-The scene where Mac’s arming up and then awkwardly trying to get into the Miata? It’s one of those forehead-slapping gags I can’t believe I haven’t seen before? Has it happened before? It's so damn good.

-Mac to Vicki: “You’re not my property, not anymore.”

-“Your pubic hairs, yes.” Just one of the many endless lines where I don’t know how Wiig keeps a straight face, let alone a loving face as he delivers those lines. Everything about the ongoing locket gag is just so perfectly sincere.

-“You didn’t even neatly make your side of the bed while I’m still sleeping like you usually do,” one of those great throwaway lines that’s also just great for characterization.

-“Time to go make some widows.” A great throwaway line, but nothing better captures MacGruber’s perverse sense of Schadenfreude.

-Mac smelling and drinking his moms’ ashes.

-Mac, seeing Queeth laughing, “What are you thinking about? Your favorite Dilbert quote? Are you a little dumbass Dilbert fan?” A perfect put down out of nowhere.

-“Ohhhh myyyy gooood” the terrorist news hitting as MacGruber slow motion wipes his ass is just an all-timer gag.

-“Tomato, Tom-ah-toe”

-“At the very least, it’s a mission: very hard.”

-“So your name is Sharold Harold Kearnst?”

-“It’s a fib! You’re fibbing!” Everything about Wiig’s interrogation of Fishburne is just all star shit.

-Line in Mac’s dossier: “First soldier to record 1000 civilian kills”

-Macgrubers pratfall running up the wet stairs.

-Vicki: “MacGruber, did you just toot???”

-Piper, to Mac: “So you were a rich kid!??!” Oh nooooooo that so tracks for his characterization, unfortunately, hahaha… sigh.

-“I see you haven’t lost your taste for boogers.”

-Mac “I will never join your plan.” / Daddy: “I’m not asking you to, you fucking dode.”

-The payoff to the “throw my voice” gag.

-I was fully expect Macgruber’s trip to heaven to pay off with more angel sex, but that’s the benefit of not hitting with nostalgia jokes and going for something new. You get, “That’s what it feels for women too, like we have 1000 penises.”

-“And the fatherless becomes the fatherer”

-I don’t know why the shot of ghost mom dancing in the cooler slays me, but it’s so good.

* * *

And thus ends all my notes. Merry MacGruber Christmas to all of you. If your plans were fucked up by everything with Omicron and the existential horror going on, I’m so sorry. I’m currently going minute by minute on whether or not I’m going to be able to see my family for the first time in three years. I wish you nothing but safety and comfort. And as we try to stay zen about all this horrible stuff, I leave you with the peaceful lyrics to the greatest song maybe ever written…

“♪ Al Green took you to the river ♪ ♪ Berlin took your breath away ♪ ♪ The Eagles took it to the limit ♪ ♪ Janis Joplin ♪ ♪ Took another little piece of your heart ♪ ♪ But I ♪ ♪ Don't wanna take ♪ ♪ I wanna give and I wanna live ♪ ♪ And I forgive your primitive ♪ ♪ And pre-emptive attempt to shake ♪ ♪ And bake the rake ♪ ♪ That held my guard and take ♪ Your heart ♪ ♪ But you left me like a mess ♪ ♪ Oh, I confess, I failed the test ♪ ♪ To bless my quest to be the best ♪ ♪ To win your heart which was a part ♪ ♪ Of the start of my art which turned me upside down ♪ ♪ A frowning clown all around the town ♪ ♪ Who wore a crown and made the sound of ♪ The bubbles small and tall and heeded the call ♪ ♪ And went to the mall with Lauren Bacall ♪ ♪ And the late Lou Rawls and a Cabbage Patch doll ♪ ♪ And then in the bar, in the car ♪ ♪ With a star ate a Larabar ♪ ♪ With a pirate, arr ♪ ♪ And I met a robot whose name was Bobot ♪ ♪ And we shared a loquat on a tropical donut ♪ ♪ I love to shove above the dove ♪ ♪ Wearing oven gloves with Hilary Duff ♪ ♪ But then Jimmy Buffett took the tuffet ♪ ♪ From Little Miss Muffet ♪ ♪ And he told her to stuff it ♪ ♪ Oh, what a good time with a friend of mine ♪ ♪ And we started to rhyme and it flowed like wine ♪ ♪ And it went like this ♪ ♪ Back hair, fair, tear, share, Nair, hair ♪ ♪ Stare, lair, dare, pear, mare ♪ ♪ Mohair, kiss, piss, tis, list, wiz, this ♪ ♪ Shiz, Liz, yes, yes, this, biss, liss ♪ ♪ Doesn't have to exist if you say it with zest ♪ ♪ There's no rhyme or reason ♪ ♪ 'Cause you don't need a reason ♪ ♪ To run all the time ♪ ♪ Lime, slime, by mine ♪ ♪ I love you, friend ♪ ♪ I love you, lover ♪ ♪ I love ♪ ♪ Love ♪”

Fucking good, I’d listen to that on the radio!

<3HULK