TED LASSO - S2 - EP7 - A Bottle(ing) Episode (Patreon)

Reminder! Like I said last time, I know people involved with the very heart of making this show so I’m crazy biased / disregard my take / yada yada yada. I just mostly want us to have a space to talk about this show each week and hear what y’all think. Cool? Cool!

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As always, let’s go subject by subject…

Ted vs. The Chair - Given the ongoing presence of Dr. Sharon, we've talked a lot about where I think a lot of this is ultimately heading with Ted’s trauma / his father / his clear need to go to therapy this whole time (and that was before the return of the panic attacks). But now is where the rubber meets the road. Last episode Ted was triggered by the thought of not being there for his son, ended up having a panic attack on the sidelines, and retreated to Doc’s office to make an appointment. But now it’s appointment day and, of course, that means it’s now takesies backsies time. He feels better! No need! Alas, it’s only natural. Because Ted is actually dealing with the five stages of grief.

We often think of grief as being strictly related to death (and in this case it may end up tying into his father’s death), but it’s not always exclusive. It can be any kind of meaningful loss. A divorce. A friendship. A job loss. A relationship. Anything in which the absence of it feels like giant hole has been carved out of you by a rusty spoon. And a number of those things have just compiled in Ted’s life in a pretty major way. But the thing is that Ted is already a “grown adult,” right? And pretty reasonably well-functioning? What that really means is Ted has a set of half-formed adaptations that have got him through this world so far. He’s kind and forthright. He wins people over with positivity. He builds meaningful friendships and is genuinely supportive. But this is not the same as being a complete, emotionally-grounded person who can deal with all of life’s complexities. There’s a point where all those half-formed adaptations stop working. And Ted’s relentless positivity (as much good as it truly creates) can often create a kind of denial inside himself when it comes time to deal with the not-so-positive things. Which, wouldn’t you know it, is actually the first stage of grief...

Denial and isolation. It’s the inability to process the grim news of what we KNOW is happening but can’t grasp onto just yet. Even literally, I remember years ago when my stepmom passed away really suddenly, my whole body just went numb and started shaking. I was at work. I got up and told my boss with a look of utter confusion. Then I literally sat there alone in my cubicle for an hour because I couldn’t put two thoughts together and didn’t feel safe driving. I just had to sit there catatonically. The truth is this is a way of our body trying to “protect us,” it’s going numb to protect you from pain (and the shitty thing is that crying and emoting works a hundred times better when processing that pain, but men are taught to stick stoically in the denial stage). But really your body starts processing in all sorts of ways. For instance, a panic attack is de-habilitating, but it’s also our body trying to warn us of danger and all those fight or flight instincts kick in. Last week we saw Ted feel at a loss to be there for his literal son and push it down with a kind of denial. Then when his figuratives ones (the team) were in trouble, his body just took over. He had to run away and isolate and be alone. He had to bottle up. But knowing how much what just happened was a problem, even Ted knows he can no longer keep it bottled up…But that doesn’t mean he knows how to finally let it out, either.

Which is why Ted’s first “attempt” at therapy is filled with more kinds of denial. You see him first start wrestling with that feeling of dread, which is what happens when someone secretly equates “talking about their vulnerable, negative feelings” with “the feeling of being grounded.” In a state of fear, Ted’s starts making the most Ted-like jokes ever, basically going into annoying overdrive. The whole thing is basically a metaphor for his entire personality, but mostly he doesn’t want it to “start.” But it’s also a kind of bargaining in a way (that’s a thing about the whole “stages” thing, they kind of all happen at once in different ways). He thinks he can just hunky dory his way through it and the second it gets to even the best hint of vulnerability (notice it happens right when the camera starts with slow zoom ins and the tension comes) he storms out. He’s still in denial.

But then comes back again for a second attempt because he “doesn’t quit.” But sometimes that just means you don’t want to be seen as a quitter. In truth, he’s kind of mad that he “doesn’t quit” because it means he has to come back here and do something he doesn’t want to do. So then comes the anger. And boy is “Angry Ted” a scary thing. He’s not screaming, but there’s that utter straightforwardness and needle-y stare that goes with it. You see him feeling “you’re trying to hurt me right now so I’m going to hurt back.” But of course it’s scary. Because often the people who “bottle up” are people who never learn “how to be angry.” Because they never learned that it’s a natural emotion that you can communicate about and put into healthy places of expression and not direct AT people. Without that, it comes out as undiluted anger, one which often carries resentments that have been sitting beneath the skin of the bottled up person the entire time. But usually this same person then regrets it. They don’t like getting angry after all! But it just creates shame spirals. Ones which reinforce the belief that anger is therefore “bad,” and keeps the bottling process going on even longer. All before the issues come back again.

But the thing that gives Ted hope is that he is not a man of unassailable pride. He comes back for a third attempt and apologizes. He listens and sees how exactly what he said about the money thing was so hurtful (Sharon’s comparison to what he does with Coaching was so smart). But as they unpack what’s been happening for him in this episode we get more clues as to the caginess. Ted doesn’t like that a therapist “doesn’t know him.” He likes friendships that feel like a two way street and are full of commiseration. But he doesn’t realize that the “not knowing” is instrumental. This is not a person HE can make feel better, which then makes him feel better. They are one-sided professionals who are there to help you figure out your shit. And it’s that shit that really bothers him.

Because Ted doesn’t want to be broken. He’s spent a lifetime dealing keeping himself together with positivity duct tape and making so many other people feel special. But there’s a reason he’s afraid of “deep, dark secrets” and practically underlines that notion right at the end: “Maybe I don't wanna learn the truth.” Because the hardest thing is to grapple with the truths you already know deep down. And yeah, we know being happy has worked for him. He’s good at it. But part of a crisis is finally learning how to do the things you absolutely suck at. The trauma of his life looms large. The stages of depression and acceptance will be even harder to process. But as Sharon says, it really, truly, absolutely does set you free… it just has to suck at first.

Honestly, my jaw was kind of on the floor as to how well they dramatized all of this. It’s a conflict-filled series of three scenes that articulates this complete psychology line by line, without being didactic and explaining it the way I have here. It just largely poses questions and responses. It’s not just just one of the most complex characterization things the show has done so far, but it’s easily of a pair from what I have seen from BoJack and (as the show references) The Sopranos. But it doesn’t stop there. Because Ted’s not the only one who has problems with how they’re bottling up...

Keeley / Roy - God, I love this show. Again, it’s playing with sitcom tropes, but it’s just so dead on about psychological insight. From the opening riff of the music (a nod to Groundhog Day,  she’s trapped in a world of being surrounded by Roy around at all times. It’s not that they don’t have a great relationship, it’s just the feeling of being surrounded by one person all the ding dang time (which is especially hard when that person is a grump). There’s no pressure valve for the self. The problem is that because it’s not “a real problem,” she kind of bottles up about it. And how does she deal with that bottling up? Yup. More bargaining. She thinks the deeper thing will be fixed if she asks for a few hours of him off reading somewhere, but when he obliges she pounces (because doing what she asks is too hot!). And again, it’s ultimately not about single negotiation. It’s about getting to the essence. And when you don’t get to the essence, it also makes it easier to get to the place of misunderstanding.

I love the running series of gags of him walking in at the exact wrong time when they’re all talking about him. And I especially love that she doesn’t deny it. And then I love in both cases when he’s like, “eh, big whoop.” We see this as maturity in a certain way, but then it hits it’s perfect point of invession. Because the reason Roy’s been saying “eh, big whoop,” is because it’s being cool and unflapple with gossip is something that MAKES him look secure (and he is actually secure with a lot). But when hinds out about something real and hurtful - because it involves a kind of small rejection from the one he loves - and ESPECIALLY that someone like Jamie knows? That makes him feel WEAK. And it all comes together and fucks his particular psychology right up (remember, he’s still the deep scared little boy in there). So he storms out. And all of this is part of the problem of how things explode when you keep bottling things up instead of in communication with the person in question. But they also figure it out, too. Because in the end it also ties beautifully into ideas of attachment theory and reaffirming the notions of space - because so much of security is understanding that it will be okay, that you’re not going away permanently, even if you’re not right there in front of them. there. It’s just beautifully articulated stuff. And it’s not even the most complicated thing in the episode...

Nate - With Nate’s closing moment of the episode I thought, “oh shit this is not going to end well,” which is probably the first time I’ve actually felt that way about something in this season. And it’s good that the show earnestly maks us feel that fear. But let’s start with how it starts.

Because the way it paints Nate’s “headspace” (which is the name of hte episode) is just so well done. There’s the scene at the kitchen table, his wanting to be acknowledged by his dad for his amazing moment, but of course his Father sees ANY positivity as something to be knocked down as ego; the need of “thinking about yourself less.” But the hypocrisy of this moment abounds. Nate had just brought his mother flowers on “just an ordinary day” and showed kindness. And he’s not even thinking of himself. He’s thinking of his father’s approval and their relationship. And in turn, his father is not thinking about his son at all. But it’s perhaps the most devastating moment that comes right before all this, when we see Nate’s dad ACTUALLY SMILING with wife just before Nate comes in.

You can imagine how horrible that must be to be around every day. Because it’s something you feel. The pain of seeing someone, someone in your family no less, loving one person more than you. And the way it can warp and bend and hurt. But this is also a man who is displacing whatever anger he has onto his son. And now, Nate is finally in a position to displace it onto others. This week’s target is mostly Colin, and I have to say, calling someone “a holiday inn painting” and talking about how they’re “just there” is a special form of cruelty (one which is, of course, how his dad makes him feel). But for the first time we see action from the fellow coaches. I particularly like the way The Beard put it, “You were rude to Colin. It wasn’t just rude. It was personal and weird.” And he’s dead on because it’s all of Nate’s internal struggle (and a sign he probably needs to see Dr. Sharon more than anyone).

But there’s something so much more pointed about the way the story builds. The second they all the make-nice with Colin, I thought inside “that apology felt a little too easy,” which turned out to be a pointed choice. Because often when the verbiage around someone’s mistake is about how it “goes too far” or just a bit out of control in this one circumstance rather than addressing a core issue, usually allows that core issue to go on. To think it just needs to be controlled instead of healed. Because as Nate is scrolling through all those nice comments, one random jerk is enough to set him off and find not Colin, but the one more below him in the pecking order. Oof, it’s all still bottled up. And it’s behavior that cannot be tolerated in perpetuity. There’s no easy answer for Nate. And like so much of this season, this is going to be a lot more complex than we imagined.

BEST JOKES / RANDOM THOUGHTS

-Thanks to this week’s writer of the episode, Phoebe Walsh, who plays Jane!

-Ted: “Who am I? … Don Draper! …. Okay, a little formal.”

-“Don't show your opponent you’re tired!” Once again, the episode’s metaphor slides right into the coaching issues, as he’s even trying to keep his players bottled up.

-Damn, The Beard was a dick about mantras, too? Btw - all this shitting on Colin is set-up for what i hope is gonna be a big payoff with him.

-Rebecca: “Apart from Leslie’s marriage, which is a pleasant greeting card of some kind.”

-This show is so smart, because from the opening scene about Keeley needing space I was like “this was weirdly close to a sex and city plot-line where Carries is having trouble with Aiden moving in andOMG THEY ARE PLAYING ONE OF THE EPISODES FROM THAT PLOTLINE.” What’s also deeply, deeply, deeply hurtful in my brain because I was like “this is too recent a show to reference” and then I realized this happened twenty years ago and many haven’t seen it… good granola... Also SATC ‘sfirst half was one of those really good articulations of interiority and a lot of other things no other TV was talking about, but holy fucking shit has so much of its myopia become dated.

-“Keeley, stop auditioning your complaints.” OOF, that line hit hard.

-The collective look of everyone the second time Roy walked in to the group of people talking about him is fucking perfect sitcom shit.

-Maybe it’s just the exact right amount of time has gone by, but Roy’s mind being blown by The Da Vinci Code in 2021 is so funny to me.

-Coach beard can do the Batman exit!??!?!  “So that’s what that feels like.”

-Sharon: “Impressive range, really.” / Ted: “Watch your back, Glenn Close!”

-Jamie saying “he needs me to give him space” is exactly the kind of on the nose line that works on this show, not just because it draws the point clearly, but because it trusts the fact that Brett Goldstein is going to react to it so sincerely and make it work.

-I have a feeling that the Trent Crimm quote may come back to be a problem (or may not in a way we don’t expect).

-What else you think is on the “Roy is sorry for not understanding Keeley” playlist?

-One of the things that’s been going on with tHe DiScOuRsE is how much Hollywood is learning the wrong lessons from this show by opting for “light and fun and comforting,” while once again, misunderstanding what we’re actually connecting to. The first seasons’ depiction of Ted was meant as this stark alternative to Trumpism and all sorts of toxic behaviors. But in a way, this season is doubling down on that very same instinct because it’s about introspection. And as well-observed and beautifully humane as that first season was, it’s not a good show if Ted just spends the whole rest of the time trying to win more people over. If you do that, well, eventually the whole world just ends up in a bottle, too. No, in the end, the real person you have to win over is yourself. Which includes inviting the worst, most fearful parts of yourself to the proverbial table. But there’s no other real way to move forward.

And on that front, Ted’s just getting started.

<3HULK