Gettin’ Back In The Saddle with F9 - THE FAST SAGA (Patreon)

“This feels nice.”

I must have thought that at least seventeen times while watching F9: The Fast Saga. Granted, this was my first time REALLY back at the movies. As in 1) not a rental / spaced out scenario and 2) with a full-yet-still-respectfully-masked crowd for a 3) big blockbuster series I love no less. It really felt amazing. With every single trailer we were like “does this look great or do I just miss movies???” Needless to say the impact of that return sensation probably earned the overall experience a lot of good will. But that’s okay.

Because the circumstances are always a part of movie-going.

You also may have noted that I’ve had a lot of Fast and Furious on the brain the last few weeks - what with a full rewatch and retrospective article where I broke down why I really love these dumb movies - and why I think they genuinely work so well. Yes, this is a ridiculous series where cars are magic, the plots are soap opera, and themes boil down to simple notions of “family” with Corona-lade barbecues, but it often backs that simplicity up with an understanding of nuts-and-bolts story mechanics and clear(ish) character motivations. And, most important of all, it has an abject willingness to be earnest as hell. Whether that earnestness is handled in corny or elegant fashion, it barrels headway into the kind of naked sentiment most movie series are too-cool-for-school for. And I adore them for it.

With that, I’m happy to say that F9: The Fast Saga for all it’s scatter-brained bloat, is another welcome entry in the series that understands that it’s about making the cast tables bigger, not smaller. And after some of the publicized problems with Fate of the Furious, it also knows the reach for the kind of course correction that matters to the series’ biggest fans. But the truth is I have very little to say about this film that isn’t spoilery. So if you love these movies, go see it as soon as you can and have a good time at the movies (I realize this is entirely dependent on your region and vaccine access <3). And if you’ve never seen them before, go watch - and follow along with the big retrospective article mentioned above.

Because for this one it’s going to be SPOILERS from here on in…

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I’m going to organize my thoughts by subject / character because I think it’s the best way to come at this leviathan of a sprawling movie. Actually let’s start with that approach…

Overall Plot Structure - Watching this one reminded me how much more weirdly focused the other movies have been by comparison. For all the slap-dash location around, it’s been more or less approaching one thing at a time en route to its destination (save for a few circular back and forths of the last couple movies). But this film not only has to juggle flashbacks to the young Toretto boys, but keep us engaged with Dom’s ongoing family issues, Mia and Letty’s trip to Tokyo, Charlize playing villain-in-glass-box with The Rich Dictator Kid, navigate the return of Han with his own new person in tow, and even has to find time for Ludacris and Tyrese dealing with the rocketboys. Safe to say you can really feel the bloat on this one (even more than last time), but part of me feels like it's a willing sacrifice to help course correct a lot of character inclusion. It’s messy, it doesn’t do enough with everyone, and it needs to set up each of these stories better - but it still gets you there. And maybe that’s enough. But let’s just say there were probably ways of “getting us there” in a little more cathartic fashion. Specifically when addressing…

Dom / Jakob - So we spend a loooooot of time on Dom and Jakob’s backstory / the inciting incident of their father’s death / and painting his brother as the bad guy responsible for it. I knew there was going to be SOME kind of turn or reveal about his motives - but it feels like they aimed for the one with the least teeth? Or is the least meaningful to THIS story? Like, it would have had a much bigger impact if the news about his father HAD any kind of real effect on Dom. As if it could alter the way he sees his “father as god” and had to truly wrestle with that image being torn down… but instead, he sort of just visualizes a bunch of images of that stuff in his drowning moment? It feels like such a missed opportunity to voice something more psychologically specific within him (which these movies are never afraid to do in the most clunky way, see the “second grade book report” line elsewhere in the film). Plus Jakob keeping that secret just feels like a weird motive that’s not in line with a lot of his behavior in those other big moments?

Honestly, I think it’s a lot more interesting if they play into the “Jakob doing it intentionally” angle, but in the end, his messing up of dad’s car was just a plain old accident. And all of this behavior has been part of a shame spiral and even now he felt truly sorry. That way there could genuinely be some kind of admittance / catharsis / forgiveness? I dunno. Right now it’s just like Jakob has to pick between his brother and some clear dickhead who betrayed him, which makes the choice way too easy - there needs to be a REAL character fear from him in coming back to that side. Also, there’s another component that could have helped this storyline too…

Mia - As always, it’s the right decision to bring her character back because this is a series about keeping everyone “in the family” (and taking care of actors by getting them paychecks). But having the bad guy be her brother too helps make for a good excuse for doing that. I also like that she gets to spend a lot of time together with Letty. But like the note above, it all just needs to go one step further. Like, it’s important to have them in actual conflict over this plot and she needs to be more of a lynchpin in Don and Jakob coming together instead of “I’m also here.” Like, they say she stayed  in contact with Jakob for a while, but it really should have been played harder. Because you also really have to establish not just that she really wants the two of them to get back together, but WHY. What did her older brothers mean to her? That’s the real set-up the movie needs (and not more car and dad lore?). Because that shot of her where it slowly zooms in on her being happy when Jakob shows back up and they’re all working together? That’s the exact shot you want but it feels nice texture! But it should be a HUGE payoff. And there were just a few simple ways they could have set up that moment up so much better.

Old School 80’s Universal Logo - Ahhhh! I loved it!!!!

Letty - Sure, she gets way less of a plot in this one, but plot is sometimes just baggage. Because she gets a good character moment  in this one (going into the water for Dom) and it’s super fun to see her on a motorcycle / doing magnet teamwork. We also at least check in on her psychological state of wanting the balance of war / peace in life - but mostly I like that the two of them are just pretty steady at this point. I think the series needs them to be more of a cornerstone now (much like Brian was) instead of a source of conflict. Speaking of which, there’s...

Brian - Okay, so the further we get into sequels the more curious I am about how the tactful move to keep him alive will keep playing… I mean, yes it’s weird how much a blue Nissan Skyline can evoke the sentiment of a person, but I also genuinely worry about it somehow becoming more crass? So far, no party fouls (except they didn’t set out placemats for their kids?) but… I’m mostly worried. And oh yeah, then there’s his new namesake…

Lil B - God that kid’s cute. I also thought it would have been funny to cut to him hiding in the hole the entire movie. Also I love the idea he could get confused with the real Lil B.

Land Mines and Tension - I liked that whole opening jungle sequence mostly because it played by the rules and ended with Tyrese actually getting in a really tense sequence - one that played with a lot of back and forths of gasps and laughs at the end. He played all of that REALLY well. I wish the movies did more tension-based sequences like this in general!

Han - Okay, so there’s a looooot of shoe leather on this retcon and they try to cram it into about four different plot-line intersections to justify it… and then they outright admit it’s clunky (with Russell’s line “not my best work”). But probably the best decision it makes is turning the postcard from Furious 7 into a message about where he can be found. In the end, I’m happy Han’s here, but I also wish that he got to do more than give a long speech once he was actually back. Honestly, the most invested I felt was the end credit stinger because YES they are going to get into the Shaw thing - AND I also like that Han gets to handle it himself - BUT it also can’t help but feel like we’ve only dipped a toe in it?

Elle - At first I was like hell yeah when this new character showed up kicking ass and then I was equally excited when her plot-line was made integral to the story... but then she quickly gets kidnapped and worse, doesn’t get to say much. The “not letting Asian women talk more on screen” is a bad trope that so many things fall into - and worth throwing away indignantly. But either way, like so much in this movie, I am happy she is here going forward. Also, HOW long was she was Han apparently???

Ramsey - Nathalie seems much more at ease on the team, but she also gets one great fish out of water sequence (driving the truck) in this film. After the screening, someone noted how much they liked that she made all the jokes about herself and no else was piling on in that dumb sexist way a lot of other movies do. In the end, the sequence is about her being a natural instead of a butt of a joke.

Magnets, How Do They Work?!?! - At this point I’m also realizing magnets just cinematic as fuck? All the scenes where they get used are entertaining as hell. A+ favorite character in the movie would watch again.

Mr. Nobody - Man, Kurt’s not gonna miss his golf sessions, is he? I’m also a little tired of his ability to facilitate… everything in these stories? Is he the new M for them or what? If so, what’s the real spin on that dynamic here? I dunno, they sorta gotta figure out the core essence of this going forward.

Rich Dictator Kid Whose Name I Forget - I love when a character shows up and is immediately intended to be the most hate-able villain. Like the second I saw him I was like, “oh this guy’s gonna die.” But it’s sort of interesting they put him in league with our lingering adversary in…

Charlize - Okay, so two movies in… her character doesn’t work? Like they always have her doing these malevolent villain speeches and acting like the incarnation of doomsday but… that’s not really Charlize’s bag? I’m not saying this as some kind of put down. She’s an exceptional actress who has proved herself ten times over. But the stuff they’re writing works best for effete, mustache twirlers. The kind of thing Ian McKellan could do in his sleep. But that’s not what Charlize does well. She’s got these wide, determined-but-vulnerable eyes and she can chew scenery but only in a way where she’s either 1) having fun or 2) expressing angst- which means you don’t want to saddle her with being a cool-as-ice drag (note how the only scene that really worked was when she was having fun and calling that dude we hated a puppet). Anyway, since she’s still kicking around I kinda want her to gang up with Cole Hauser and John Ortiz and all the other leftover true blue villains of the series to form a bad guy gang. I dunno. It’s just always more fun when you get people together. Speaking of which…

Twinkie & Earl!!! - I literally cackled when I saw Bow Wow and Jason Tobin both pop up on screen. And of course that means we also got…

Sean!!! - Sure, we saw him pop up for that brief moment in Furious 7, but this is some actual inclusion (hell, they even got invited to the barbecue). But moreover I like the idea that Sean Boswell has morphed into some hillbilly weirdo gearhead who seems like he’s getting high on rocket fuel. Crazy guy energy is always welcome in these films. And as someone who has always genuinely loved Tokyo Drift, getting to that moment at the end with the hug genuinely felt like a nice little honoring of the fact that that third movie - and these four people - are what started all of Han’s inclusion from the beginning. It ALL belongs.

The Lack of Resources - This movie really has a bunch of weird set-up problems. It’s like they kind of coast with / touch on these ideas and then hit these big climaxes without realizing they needed to make us realize the initial dire situation more clearly - basically, you have to dig the holes they are in a little deeper. Like this film should have soooooooo much more emphasis on the fact that they’re resource-less without Mr. Nobody. There’s no “toybox” this time and so they have to emphasize the fact they’re gonna have to go to old friends (hence Sean and the gang) and end up duct-taping and McGuyvering themselves through this - even into space. Again, it’s kinda “there” already - it just so needs to be set-up better. It needs to be what this one is “about.”

Queenie - Yup, you let Helen Mirren show up and have fun. It’s honestly the best scene in the movie even if it’s all about getting Vin from point A to point B - but god it’s so much fun (Notice it’s the only scene where Vin can’t stop smiling). I mean, “you’re my favorite American.” That’s a genuinely good line. And for a movie with a lot of bloat, it’s totally the kind of thing you take your time with and do right. As for the cameo that comes soon after…

Cardi B?! - I guess you’re in this movie!!!! What’s perhaps telling I literally forgot about the cameo until I was looking back through imdb. On one hand it’s like sure, why not. But on that other hand it’s rough because noooooothing about that scene plays as real on any level. I mean this series loves its clunk, but this was a bridge too far even for them.

Michael Rooker - Always happy to see him, but I wish they got to play a bigger conflict here (it’s like so many of the Dom / Jakob things, they HALF get into it, but can never find a real point to dig in and stay). I mean, he’s too talented to not get more out of him? Then again, sometimes they’re good with truncation. Like with…

Shea Wiggum - I love that he keeps coming back for a bit part in this continuity-loving series and I genuinely think his broken nose is a great running gag.

Younger Dom + Crew - A+ job casting director. Not just for phenotypes, it just all FELT right. I don’t know how to explain it.

Vin Diesel’s Acting Evolution - I’ve spent a long time making fun of Vin Diesel’s hyper-stoic, reaction-less posturing, but for most of the series I’ve mostly just gotten a kick out of it. Like, there’s often SOME kind of purpose it’s playing in the movie. But good granola does this film put it to the test. It just shows up like three times too many and man… Whenever I go back and watch that first movie and see that young, hungry, charming kid… that’s what I’d like to see some of that next time. Like we see in the Queenie scene, I really miss the smile coming through more than anything else.

Feeling The Age - Oh gosh, pretty much everyone’s looking old now, huh? Part of me really likes watching a bunch of 40/50 year old aging Gen X-ers run around and cause trouble in these major blockbusters because: take that Hollywood! But some people are also ageless so it throws off the mix. I mean seriously Michelle Rodriguez and Tyrese are vampires, right?

Faith - There’s so much made about the multicultural cast of these films and it’s something that needs to be shouted from the high heavens. Like, there’s sooooooo much Disney shit that they’ll pat themselves on the back for when it comes to a single bit of inclusion and these movies setting the example and making bank for twenty years now. But it comes with acknowledgement that there’s also ways these movies are fairly conservative. I mean, they’re basically faith-based at this point w/r/t Dom and Christianity and despite so many kinds of inclusion, they haven’t touched an LGBTQ issue with a ten-foot pole (which is perhaps odd, given that some members of the cast might want to speak on that). But that also comes with an admission that this conservatism might also reflect ways in which their wider multicultural audience is conservative, too? There’s people who could write about all this with far more insight. It's just something I keep thinking about with regards to why people embrace these movies across a political spectrum (it sort of reminds me of Jad Abumrad’s “Dolly’s America” series and why certain things create political overlap). Curious about any and all thoughts below.

A Diegetic “Hongry" joke! - Yes, they made one. And if you’re wondering how I could get this far without mentioning them, the reason is because I was saving the best for last…

Roman + Tej + Space - Hahahahhahaha they just did it this time. Of course they did. Why wait until Furious Ten when you can do it right now? It’s like they saw stupid Elon Musk and the stupid car and knew exactly what to do. Cause cars are magic, right? Now, is it the most ridiculous part of all this movie? Of course. Do they hand wave it with a lot of crazy explanations? Also yes. But not only is “steering into the absurdity” part of what this series does so well - like playing into the idea that they’re lucky and not invincible is directly acknowledging it - they back it up with the sentiment that earns it with that great final speech. To them, it really is about “a couple of kids from the hood” getting to play in space, too.

And it honestly reflects the spirit of what these movies have ALWAYS been about. There’s a world of thieves and spies and super assassins and debonair cocktail parties… and they’re car garage kids. The kinds of kids who grew up street racing and cruising looking for parties. In other words, they’re the kids from my high school. And in the grand world of blockbusters and superheroes, which is full of rich kids and “destiny-obsessed” white boys - they say: “no, we get to be here, too.” And that’s what the two of going to space is really about: trampling over the notion of WHO gets to do these things. And that’s the thing that connects the weird, earnest soul of the series. It doesn’t matter what crazy things they do…

… It matters who they still are.

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Whether or not all this is a generous reading or not. I can’t say. I always argue “mileage may vary” and no more so when it comes to a film so blatant in its attempts to make its fans happy. But there’s no doubt I want more story work next time (and especially a singular driving story throughout), especially if the series is going to survive. But in the end, F9: The Fast Saga feels like an entry I’ll remember less for it’s singular moments and highs, and more as an important moment of course correction in a series that knows how to try and shift from mistakes and developments. In a way, now that everyone’s “home” I’m weirdly more excited for the next adventure than ever before…

Get ready to FasTEN Your Seatbelts, y’all!… Get it!?!?!?

Feel free to use that, Universal.

<3HULK