"Program Me" (Patreon)

Lately, I’ve been thinking about the “wear the same thing every day” mantra. But not in an aspirational way, more of an accidental way. For those unfamiliar, the idea at the root of this is simple: you buy multiple versions and more or less wear the same outfit every day in order to reduce the amount of decisions you have to make in a day. It’s been popularized by folks like President Obama and pseudo-tech-savvy CEOs. Now, in one way this seems like one of those obvious ploys for people to intellectually justify why it’s dumb to care about fashion even though a lot of people like it and it can make you feel really good. And like all things, the entire philosophy plays into the horrible double standards of society where it’s regarded as “a smart, purposeful decision” for men and for women it’s just another excuse to criticize them). But I’ve been thinking about it as it relates to quarantine, not just because I’ve settled into 24/7 pajama time, but because I’ve found it increasingly hard to make choices.

That’s because my viewing habits are genuinely messed up. I loved going to the movies as much as possible (which wasn’t even as much compared to some of my friends who would go 2-4 times a week). Given that theaters are yet another industry on the verge of apocalypse, many love letters have already been written about the grandeur of the cinema. For me, I love the ritual of the dark theater, getting away from the world, and the meaningful discussion after. It’s not just a social experience, it’s also a huge part of the rhythm of what I like to write about, especially because with every month there’s usually SOME movie that becomes a giant talking point that I’m very much interested in. Movie going was an anchor of purpose. And so much of it was the ability to go into that room that locks me off from the outside world, where I can sit and truly focus… 

At home is a different story.

Not just because of constant availability of distraction, but because my brain is so much more erratic now. It’s in this constant state of “present shock” in looking at a 24/7 news cycle of horror. You go through the rhythms of protesting, volunteering, donating, and still feel absolutely useless at all other times. How can I sit and watch the new X like it means something important? And within that, writing is extra hard. Particularly in trying to find anything that feels either worthy or like a worthy distraction. Thus, I’m desperate for OUTSIDE structure, particularly when it comes to what I’m watching. 

Sure, a few recommendations have helped. I heard about Taskmaster from the Wonderful podcast because it has gone up on youtube in America and I’ve already mowed into season seven. If you’ve never heard of it, it’s a game show where five British comedians compete in silly tasks and get judged in even sillier ways. it really feels like the perfect gift of inanity at this moment. But even recommendations like this aren’t enough to help. So the thing I’ve really been gravitating is programmed content. We’ve seen it at drive-ins or twitter watch alongs, but the place that REALLY works for it turns out to be Twitch.

*WARNING: OLD PERSON TALKING ABOUT TWITCH, you know, a service that has been around a decade that is already passé for kids and yet a bunch of old movie nerds have stumbled in like we “oh, golly!”*

While Pluto TV has always been a joy, I’m discovering this whole bevy of hyper-specific, weirdo programing (most of which I can’t mention because it’s super illegal!) Channels that featured everything from old episodes of Pete and Pete that never made it to DVD to the infamous fake Chris Gaines episode of VH1’s “Behind The Music.” (which I’d argue is one of the weirdest and most confusing social documents of all time). Now, can I find this ripped on some video site somewhere? Of course. It’s the fucking internet. But there’s this joy in watching it because that’s what’s on. It’s almost going back to the immediacy of Live TV and with that, the ability to share it with people in the moment. It’s not just removing the decision, it’s doing it for all of us. It is the joy of being communally programmed. 

I realize that makes it sound like a nefarious cyber-bot is programming your mind and we’re just sheep or something, but I mean it in a completely different way. There is joy in showing and being shown something. Just the other night one of my good friends had a birthday where he programmed a double feature of The Lady Eve with Seconds and had trailers and all that. Friends have also been streaming video game play-throughs for the tiniest of audiences and it’s delightful. It’s not macro, but micro programming. It’s friends saying, “make a thing for me to be at.” It is the desire to take the chaos, make fewer decisions, and connect.

Which leads me to two simple prerogatives. 

1. PROGRAM ME - I’m going to start to start doing Patreon polls where people get to vote on stuff I watch (list suggestions below). Because gosh I’ve been having trouble.

2. Also, I PROGRAM YOU - gonna figure out a way to stream some stuff. Some dream double features and the like. There will be chat and fun stuff. Either way, the goal is simple.

Let’s bring a little order to chaos.

<3HULK