Episode 602 - The New Client (Patreon)

There are very few shows that are willing to turn the screws on the audience like BoJack Horseman. In this episode, we follow Princess Carolyn on her journey of new single motherhood and it does not pull a single punch. We get the full brunt of the endless cacophony, the repetitive din, and the constant assault on her well-being. We cringe alongside her as multiple versions of herself phase in and out, all as she desperately trying to make it through the day with her porcupine daughter at the hip and prove she can “do it all.” The episode purposely feels like twenty five minutes of mounting anxiety; a grating, stress-test tactic that I could see many other shows not being willing to take. But this isn’t other shows. To that point, the episode also has the dignity to be very, very funny along the way. 

But since this episode also approaches everything as a mounting to-do list, it’s impossible to talk about in terms of plot. So I’m going to talk about its different depictions of exhaustion.

- The Exhaustion of the Body - 

I’ve spent most of my life being tired. I’ve had an ugly cocktail of sleep disorders for pretty much my whole life. Meaning every night since 6th grade I’ve dealing with various forms of insomnia, shift work sleep disorder, and exploding head syndrome (yup, that’s a thing!). These disorders have had endless repercussions on my life, but you also learn to high-function within them the best you can (and lately it’s been going better!). But for years it meant going through an entire work day, pumping caffeine, and learning how to still think critically at 30% power. But I also remember a very specific physical state that happened when was working an insane amount of hours: I would get to this point where I was so physically tired that I could instantly pass out, then seemingly one second later, be hit with a startling time to wake-up (just like Princess Carolyn does in this episode). You felt like you got literally zero rest. In fact, you were just as tired as when you went to bed. But the cycle just went ever on simply because you had to do it.

For most people, and now for Princess Carolyn, they don’t experience that kind of sleep disruption until they have children. When suddenly there is a crying baby that throws your natural cycle in chaos, ensuring that you have no ability to truly get prolonged rest. For some people, the disruption of a baby merely makes them tired throughout the day (for those with insomnia issues like mine, I’ve had friends who have said that having kids actually helped their sleep issues because it gave them a truly important fixture to operate around). But for those who have had a lifetime of peaceful sleep habits, a new baby wreaks havoc on the very core of their being. Suddenly, they can barely function. And it effects everything about their mood, perspective and their ability to perform basic functions. It is in that space that they realize how fragile things are in their lives. It even brings up the existential question, “Why? Why am I doing this? Why did I have kids?!” It would seem a terrible thought, but is it really? Well, we’ll get to that. First we have to talk about…

- The Exhaustion of Disassociation - 

I want to single out this element of the show, too. Because disassociation is something I had heard described before, and even knew people closely who suffered from it. But it was something I didn’t understand until I actually experienced it for myself this year. And good granola, if you’ve never experienced that personal hell know that I do not recommend it. You can be performing an action as simple as going to the sink, then you turn back to the stove, but your body is still at the sink. Suddenly it creates this feeling mortal panic, what are you doing? Where are you? Why are you here? I want to make clear it’s NOT daydreaming. It’s NOT concentrating on something else. Having never experienced before, that’s what I thought it was like because it was the only emotional experience I could compare it too. Repeat, It’s NOT LIKE THAT. It is literally feeling like you are being ripped apart, or thrown somewhere else, and constantly fighting to be back in your body, to be together, to be thinking as if in a normal place. It is a personal hell.

I mention this because this state of dissociation is what the visual imagery of episode is depicting through and through. We see Princess Carolyn constantly being being thrown “out of phase,” and this brand of disassociation can be a common occurrence for parents who have their sleep utterly disrupted. It also makes it nearly impossible to concentrate on anything except trying to get back in your own body (while also feeling scared to, because that’s where your mind thinks the danger is), but she has to concentrate on her baby instead. It is such a specific kind of mental issue, that it can make you feel completely “unfit” to get through the day, let alone be responsible for a small child. Which of course brings up the existential question, “Why? Why am I doing this? Why did I have kids?!” It would seem a terrible thought, but is it really? Well, we’ll get to that. First we have to talk about…

- The Exhaustion of Career - 

I’ll never know what it is like to be a working mom in Hollywood. Heck, I will never know what it’s like to be a woman who is a working professional. Nor will I will ever know what it’s like to be a mother. Nor will I… Oh, you get it. The whole point is that I will never know what it’s like to be a woman, period (just as I can never know what it’s like for anyone else who identifies on a different place on the gender spectrum). And I should never presume to know. All I can do is listen, empathize, and believe them every step of the way when they speak to their experiences. I must recognize all the horrible systematic disadvantages that come with their experience in comparison to mine. And then, most of all, recognize how insanely easy it is for me to do nothing about any of it. Because it is so easy to go “that sucks! I’m so sorry!” and change nothing about my life, habits, or intent. Which means we all must resign ourselves to look at our role in the system and then actually fucking help.

And Princess Carolyn isn’t getting much help. The pressure of the Hollywood system suffocates her at every step. She’s defined herself by her work for years on end, but now, she’s facing her most difficult trials and tribulations, yet. Her outside life is finally impinging and the professional life, getting all mixed together in one big ball of horror. She has to face the biting irony of trying to smile and pose with her little literal cute porcupine for the “Women Who Do It All” magazine shoot and it brings up all these deeper questions. In one way, the instinct to lionize such women is born of good intention. Because for so long, society told women that should only be mothers or support figures and that wanting a career is shameful. Then they were told for so long that if they wanted to have a career, then they better not be a mother cause it will hurt said career. It was all a rigged game, a way to make women be “wrong” no matter what they chose. Which super sucks because there is nothing in this world that is wrong with wanting both. Especially when the same standard is not held to men.

But in another way, the pressure to do both creates yet another rigged game, because it comes with the social pressure to pretend like it’s all flawlessly in hand. A pressure that ignores how it’s literally impossible for any one person to “do it all.” As the episode’s conceit makes clear, it’s impossible to be in two places at once. And it’s impossible to do everything full time at the same time. But that doesn’t stop society from ignoring that reality. They still construct an industry that doesn’t allow you to let your foot of the gas, crack, or even show a sweat. Take the episodes anecdote about, “Karyn Katata,” a famous showrunner who took a measly 3 weeks of paternity leave and suddenly everyone questioned her commitment to work. Suddenly, she went from the darling of the industry to having every offer dry up. All because she dared to take three weeks to care for her child (PS - this story is not really an exaggeration about pressures in the industry, it’s brutal). And how do most people respond to this? With a shrug.

“Does it suck? Sure! But that’s the system, so you better not let it happen to you!”

But the second we adopt that thinking is the second we prop up the same systematic horseshit. Because what people really need is help. They need support, even if it is just in our understanding of their struggle. Because it’s so easy to help with that simple shift in perspective. Fuck, look at the difference of how we treat husbands who take parental leave, where it’s viewed as this noble sacrifice and given a pat on the back. It’s just another bullshit double standard in an industry that’s full of them. Imagine if we could see parenthood an empowering choice in either direction. One where both the having or not having was viewed with different kinds of strength? But Princess Carolyn is offered no such sympathy, just more endless pressure that eats at her. And so it brings up the existential question once again, “Why? Why am I doing this? Why did I have kids?!” It would seem a terrible thought, but is it really?”

Well, I suppose we better finally get to that…

- The Exhaustion of Perception -

At the end of the night, having fallen asleep for two whole days at BoJack’s rehab and thus missing the gala (something that once would have been unthinkable to her), Princess Carolyn finally stops pretending. She slumps down in a chair and tells her enemy Vanessa Gekko to shut up. It is not said with malice, but a resounding existential tiredness. She has no interest in playing the game anymore. And it is at this moment that her long time “enemy” sits down and asks what’s wrong. This is when Princess Carolyn makes the confession…

She isn’t feeling the thing she’s supposed to be feeling. She loves her baby. Of course she loves her baby. But it’s messing with her understanding of love love. “Untitled Princess Carolyn Project” is coming with so much pain, so much thanklessness, so little fulfillment. But it’s not even that dynamic that’s killing her. She’s used to that in a way. It’s more that, for the first time, Princess Carolyn feels so inept and so confused as to what she should be doing. Parenthood does not come natural to her whatsoever. So she confides to Gekko, telling her how work makes sense. But that she worries deep down, she’ll never be able to truly love her daughter and make the connection that so many others seem to have… oof.

You can tell the guilt of all this has been eating at her the entire episode. But Gekko doesn’t let her dwell on that for a single moment. Instead, Gekko gives her a crucial shift in perspective. The understanding that parenthood is a job. The toughest most thankless job in the world, even. But thinking about it too much and creating a sense of false expectation of what it should mean? These things are the traps. Instead, it is something you just do. And you do it the best you can. Because that’s the job and there’s no alternative. In that moment, for the first time, Princess Carolyn realizes that Vanessa Gekko would probably make a better friend than an enemy (along with realizing that the hatred was purely on her side the whole time).

The two of them may be talking about parenthood, but life is full of these kinds of moments. Times when you realize you have been fighting and fighting and fighting for reality to look a certain way, to feel like how you thought it would. But instead we are hit in the face with something that is both far more underwhelming and mundane. But like most of the things that we fight for in life, we learn that our expectations are not something to conquer, nor are they mountains to climb… they are something to let go of. And the moment we let them go, our struggles suddenly feel less like struggles. The obstacles involved suddenly feel quieter, more balanced, and possible to get through. All be cause we have let go of the deeper turmoil raging underneath. Then, a funny thing tends to happen when we do that. Suddenly, we can find the bits of happiness and joy we were looking for in the first place. And it is in that moment that Princess Carolyn makes her little baby daughter laugh for the first time. Just by doing one of her patented tongue twister. As luck would have it, this action is something that comes quite natural to her.

And gosh darnit, it makes her daughter happy.

OTHER NOTES

-There’s been a lot of subtle changes to the opening credits through the years, but this year’s makeover is incredible. Seeing BoJack sober and wide eyed, looking at the wreckage of his life, seeing all the pain he’s caused, it’s all so beautifully evocative.

-Mister Peanutbutter is still being as evasive as ever. His addiction to happiness and inability to be honest is crushing him inside. But for the first time in their relationship, it is BoJack who has empathetic advice, “I understand that feeling of needing to bottle up your guilt. Not burden other people with it. You think you’re protecting them from your toxicity. You convince yourself you’re being selfless. But it comes out in other ways. And it infects everything.” Yeah, way to fuck me up BoJack (and thank you for such a beautiful articulation).

-I love Todd succeeding by not respecting people’s time.

-The inscrutable logic of Birthday Dad continues to be one of my favorite running jokes.

-Poor microwaved baby!

-The reveal that “Doctor Champ” is just his name and he’s not a real doctor is priceless. But dammit there are so many good lines in this one…

BEST JOKES

-“Have fun failing upwards!” / “I always do!”

-“Med School Nights: The Day Shift”

-“That sounds awful masculine! Dad! Mister! Nut! Peen!”

-Todd using baseball gloves to handle baby porcupine.

-“Yeah, my baby’s needles.”

-“Hello internet! Keep up the good work with all those charming memes! I love the one where his boyfriend is looking at the other lady. And his girlfriend turns to him with this expression of [pause] tremendous pain.”

-“Let’s get good seats!” / “We’re sitting in a circle, they’re all good seats.”

-“But I’m pretty sure you OR Doug cheated on Pickles.”

-“I’m sorry for making your life more difficult this week, and also, always.”

-Best Tongue Twister: “Cloister the oyster, say tata to the tartar, and make sure there’s no feta for Greta or brie for Brie.”

-This Week’s Mean Joke Target: “I can tell I’m interrupting your meeting with David O. Russell so we’ll make this quick.” I’ll say, this show has gotten way better at punching up, which is not really a phrase I like using. I always thought W. Kamau Bell put it perfectly when he said joke targets are all about two simpler questions, “who do you want to include? And who do you not want to include?”

-Best Bit Part Animal: Eight cigarette rehab octopus… those sure are four words I never thought I’d say together.

-Moment That Made Me the Happiest: Ruthie… it’s is a really good name.