Barbell (Patreon)

My entry in a discord caption competition. Shared first place.

He was not only a bean but apparently a dill. I couldn't believe he bought my BS about mystic powers and aura induction or whatever I called it, but here he was in the gym looking ill at ease. "There's my bro! Come here!" I said, putting on a fake smile and pulling him in for a bro hug, trying to make him as self-aware and uncomfortable as possible. Presumably he wasn't used to physical contact, looking as he did.

"Let's get you shredded! Follow me!" I continued and marched off towards a barbell station without even looking if he followed. "Um.. Hi. Did you really mean all that about... you know getting muscles near someone?" Apparently he did follow. "Dude, what do you think all coaches, spotters, and gym buddies are for? The conversations? It's all about harmonic resonance. What my body does affects your body. Go and get me a pair of barbell plates. Those black ones." I got into position under the bar. I needed to make his time as miserable as I could so I'd be rid of him. Why did I say I'd help him? That's what I get for running my mouth.

He struggled back with one plate in each hand, 50 lbs each. "Just squeeze the handle of the stop at the end of the bar, slide on the plate, and put the stop back. On both sides." Fuck, even getting the stops off was hard for him. "I want you to feel the equipment before I begin," I say to rationalize why I'm letting him set up the equipment. There needs to be something a little bit more mystic BS to sell I'm really a nutjob.

"Now go sit on the floor just by my head." He sits down cross-legged behind me and the bar rest. "Like this?"

"No, put your legs under the bench. I want you to feel like you are doing this with me. I want you to see everything, hear everything, smell everything. Yes, like that. Now look up at the bar." I do a few reps as perfect as I can. "I want you to imagine you are doing this. Concentrate on the bar. " I continue to lift. I can do 50 lbs all day. "Really focus on the bar." Well, perhaps not all day, as I felt I was beginning to break a sweat.

"Ok, now it's your turn. Stand up." I quickly get on my feet and remove the plates. "Here, grab this," I say as I hand over the bar to him and everything stops making sense. Almost instantly his body swelled to as muscled as mine and the bones inside the body jiggled around as in a horror movie before settling in place. He yelped in surprise and took a half step to steady himself under his new weight. What the fuck did we just do?