The Other Santa (Patreon)

Chet peered nervously out the window again. He couldn't decide what was worse, looking out through the window and risk being seen and caught, or not looking out and miss an approaching cop and getting caught. Fuck, he was in deep shit now. The building was supposed to be empty on Christmas. Best case scenario the dude would survive and not remember him. Well, best case scenario was him not getting caught, and as long as that was the case he really couldn't give a shit who else lived or died.

Suddenly there was a noise behind him. Something got knocked off the table. He swerved around, his pulse taking a dramatic jump. There across the room was a fully nude man. Almost fully nude, as he was wearing a Santa hat and a Santa bag, but apart from that his muscular, tatted body was on full display. He'd seen many like that in prison. They are usually dedicated and committed, not just to their body and workout, but to everything. That's why Chet had stayed clear of them. If they like you, you are solid, but if they don't they are dedicated and committed to making your life hell. Better not be near them in the first place.

"Ho ho dude. How's it hanging?" the intruder asked. Chet realized his gun was on the other side of the room.

"How'd you get in?"

"Through the chimney, right? Is there one?" He looked around the cramped one-room apartment.

"You think you are fucking Santa or something?" Chet wondered if he could swipe the legs of the dude, get behind him and grab the gun.

"Santa? No, he's zipping round spreadin' cheer and jolly or whatever the fuck he calls it. No, I'm more of a naughty list guy. And you, Chet, are on it." He pointed at Chet with a finger gun, looking way too comfortable at standing naked, Chet thought.

"So you're what? Putting coal in socks or some shit?" The naked dude started to look around in Chet's dump of a home.

"Nah, we both know you're way beyond that." He started to move towards the bed, focused on something on the chair that acted as Chet's makeshift bedstand. "I try to talk sense into guys and take something for the trouble. Or fuck them straight. Sometimes beat the shit out of them. Everyone is different."

Chet practically dove across the room and grabbed the gun out of the pocket of his jacket. In a swift motion he unsafed it, pointed it at the naked Santa, and pressed the trigger. The sound of a loud crack came from his hand, and he immediately dropped the gun and howled in pain. Fake Santa picked up a pill bottle and turned to Chet. "Are these the only ones you steal, the antidepressants? No narcotics?"

"Fuck you! What the fuck happened to my hand? I can't move it!"

"Snapped tendon? Broken bones? I don't know. With a gun anything can happen. Isn't that right?" Chet's memory flashed to a few hours earlier when he shot at the guard as he was fleeing.

"What do you want from me?"

"I thought you needed someone to pin you down hard, and fuck you long and hard so you would feel it for days. Fill you up with seeds and common sense. But it looks like you keep fucking with yourself, so perhaps that's what we'll do instead."

"I don't... What?"

Poser Santa smiled a smug smile as he dug deep into the Christmas sack and pulled out an empty hand. "From my sack to yours," he said and threw a handful of nothing towards Chet. He could feel warmth in his chest, spreading throughout his body, and horniness like never before. In seconds his jeans were painfully tight, and he had troubles unbuttoning it with his left hand. "What the fuck did you do?" he shouted, but he was again alone in the room.

"This is Murphy again, we have apprehended the suspect with no resistance and secured a gun at the scene. We are going to take him to the hospital instead. Looks like he stole a bottle from the batch of viagra mislabeled as antidepressant and had a bunch. It appears he'd masturbated so hard he's broken his right hand, and just continued with his left. He is psycotic and rambles about having met felon Santa, whatever that means. We'll run a drug panel and tox screen. Also his dick is the biggest I've seen, and it's purple so that needs checking out too. Over."