Reviewed Performance Review (Patreon)

As you might have seen, I've spent some time reviewing and rewriting stories so they adhere to the Patreon Community Guidelines. One of the stories that required major rewrite was the "Performance Review" collaboration. Generally speaking it was the collaboration and rewrite stories that caused most troubles for me, so I'm apparently naturally inclined towards writing within the guidelines. The problem with this story was the "non-consensual sex", i.e. rape. Alan had totally set up the scene for it to happen to himself, but it's still a struggle snuggle. Even if it had been rewritten so the potion he drank would have made him willing, he was forced to drink the potion thus removing his free will to consent.

Obviously this creates an interesting thought experiment on where the line is drawn, when you have access to all of sci-fi and magic. You could pay someone to force themselves upon you, to simulate a rape fantasy. You meet them in person, pay them in advance, decide on a time and place, agree on a safeword, anything to make it perfectly, and perhaps even legally, clear that it is played out with consent. Then you take a potion to forget about all of that, so it appears like a real rape to you. Is it a real rape?

The easy way out for the Performance Review was to focus on physical transformation instead. I had already written something towards that, from Alan's point of view, as a possible sequel. Unfortunately it didn't work well to suddenly shift PoV mid paragraph, so I went with a physical struggle rather than a mental one. The idea was to play on his homophobia, and how it informed his previous decisions and his current situation.

Different PoV ending

Alan had never actually given gay sex much thought, not from a narrative perspective. He’d gone over lots of anatomical details when crafting the potion, but he never could bring himself to actually think through the act itself. To Alan, faggots were something embarrassing to be kept away and pretend to not exist. Like herpes, if properly managed, could be kept under control expect for the occasional unfortunate outbreak of pride festivals. He didn’t turn those in his way into mindless gay caricatures because he hated them or were disgusted by them. He did it so that they would be. So that everyone else would be revolted by them, to make sure they never had a chance to make a comeback and ruin his plans.

But Jeff wasn't mindlessly trying to score a fuck as his new identity. He was here for revenge for something that happened before his body was deformed and his mind supposedly wiped. Why it was it that Jeff still could function to the degree he could and retain so much of his old self? Everyone else’s mind had gone in just a few hours, except for Rodriguez, and now Jeff. He had a theory that Rodriguez slow change was somehow linked to the small change in Rodriguez body, but now realize the real answer was far simpler. Both Jeff and Rodriguez were already faggots! That must be why their decent into nymphomaniac dolts had been slowed, or perhaps would never complete.

The color drains from Alan's face as he realize his situation in full. If his theory is right, he is on the other side of the spectrum, so his transformation will be faster than the others, and more severe. If he was just simply resisting before, he is now actively fighting for his life. He doesn't have an hour or two before the transformation is irreversible. He needs to get to his alchemist lab at once.

(I stopped writing here, since the shift in PoV wasn't working for me, but the plan was to continue as in the published version. Jeff starts hitting Alan, and discovers his impacts creates muscle growth. I even went looking for photos of someone exhausted and overly muscled to end the story with, but it was better to cut the ending short in what was released)