Everlast (Patreon)

You’re finally awake. 

Just start doing crunches while I explain this place. We just call it the Gym. It’s pretty big, for a gym, but you’ll get bored soon enough. There are 11 guys here at the moment, you included, and from what I’ve heard it has been as many as 13. Any time someone leaves, someone else takes their place, like you just did.

Now, this next part is a bit harder to explain. Time and space doesn’t appear to work the same in here. To give you an example, if you go all the way over there to the locker room and exit through the other exit, you’ll end up in the crossfit room over there. It’s like the other side of the gym and rotated 90 degrees. Or perhaps those two actually sit together and this room is fucked. Or the spinning room. Who knows? It’s best to not think about it. And before you ask, no there is no door that leads out. There is no window. Just the Gym.

Continue what you’re doing. I’ll just get some burpees in.
10… 9… 8… 7… 6… 5… 4… 3… 2… 1… 1… done!

So that’s the other thing. You need to work out. If you stop you’ll start to feel sore in a few minutes, and then it just gets worse and worse. It’s slow enough that you have time to power through a shit, but you there is no time for day dreaming.

There’s a vending machine in the locker room. Just press anything you like and it pops out. Protein bar, protein shake, isotonic drinks. You’ll hate it in less than a week, or whatever time notion you manage to adhere to. There are no clocks. No one gets sleepy. It’s just workout.

The vending machine never runs out either. There are always fresh clothes in your locker. The rooms kind of reset when no one’s in them, clean all the shit out, remove dead bodies, fixes anything broken, reracks the weights. Those kind of things. Perhaps that’s where the number 13 comes from. You can observe all the rooms with 14 people, so perhaps there is something that wants to stay out of view.

10… 9… 8… 7… 6… 5… 4… 3… 2… 1… 1… done!

What else is there to say? Oh, yeah. Leaving. The most popular way is to weigh the bar way up and do an unspotted bench press and let go. You have to really commit though, because if you don’t die you’ll heal up pretty fast. There is something freaky going on with our bodies in here. I barely recognize myself anymore, and I’m not talking about all the muscles.

Is there other ways to leave? Who knows? If anyone succeeds they wouldn’t be able to tell us, would they? Let’s do another set of burpees together, and then I’ll show you around, introduce you to the guys, get you a vanilla protein pudding.