Keeping Up Appearances (Patreon)

“I’m ready to switch back whenever you are,” I said, looking up from my spot on the couch.  My scrawny body had just come back from class, and I could only assume that Dylan was ready to get out of it.  “I passed your Physics Midterm with flying colors, and as an added bonus, you had a pop quiz in Trigonometry that I aced for you”, I added.

He breathed a sigh of relief.  “Peter, once again, I’m in your debt.  This is, what, the fifth test you’ve passed for me?  Anyway, let’s switch back.”  

He gestured over to the now-familiar body swap device in the closet.  We both slipped on the device’s headbands, and I closed my eyes as Dylan started up the machine.  It had a tendency to swap without warning, and the sudden change in vision was very jarring.  I stood there, waiting, listening to the various clicks and thumps of the machine.  Nothing. Then several thumping sounds.  I cautiously opened one eye, only to see my body angrily pounding the device.

“It’s not working!” Dylan yelled.  “Why isn’t it working?”  He spun around on his heels, staring me down before I could even react.  “You!  What did you do to the machine?  You’re trying to steal my body, aren’t you?”

I felt myself panicking, despite being in the taller and stronger body.  “Dylan, I swear, whatever is happening, I didn’t do it.  I swear!  If I was gonna steal your body, I would have done it ages ago!  This is… some sort of malfunction or something!”

“I… shit, you’re right…” he paused, stroking his chin.  “I just… I have no idea what’s wrong with this damn thing.  And now we’re stuck like this.”

“It’s… it’s fine,” I said, as if it was up to me to decide.  This was Dylan’s body, not mine.  Sure, he had mine, but that was hardly a prize.  “We can… we can just stay home this weekend.  Until we fix the machine.”

“Yeah, I… shit, no you can’t!  I finally got invited to one of the football team’s keggers!  Do you know how unheard of that is for a second string?  I can’t not be there!  I… you’re gonna have to go to that party for me, Peter.”

I could’t believe my luck, but then immediately realized what I needed to do.  “Dylan, are you serious?  I can’t… Dylan, those parties are swarming with sorority girls!  What happens if someone wants to have sex with me?”

He paused, reached into his sock drawer, and tossed me several condoms.  “No glove, no love,” he said.

“Are you serious!?  I… Dylan, you want me to get laid?  In your body?”

He sat down next to me and placed a hand on my shoulder.  “Look, I know this is weird as hell.  But… I have a reputation to maintain.  If someone wants to have sex with the D-man, I’ve got to be a stud.  Besides, I… trust you, okay?  You’ve been in my body so many times, and you haven’t betrayed my trust at all.  I know this is asking a lot, and I know we need to study really hard together to pull it off… but… but I’ve seen you on game night when you and your band of role playing geeks come together.  You, if anyone, can pull this off.”

I felt weirdly proud hearing him praising me, for my role playing abilities of all things.

“Man, it’s not gonna be easy… You need to be able to hold a reasonable conversation about football, charm girls that approach you and get your rocks off with her wanting more.  Let me start you off by queuing up some videos for you.  You need to get comfortable enough to do this drunk and horny… and perhaps even have a good time while at it.”

Dylan closed the bathroom door and exhaled a sigh of relief.  It had all gone off without a hitch.  He looked at himself in the bathroom mirror, with Peters face looking back at him.  He wasn’t bad looking, Peter, but he was a shy, introverted, nerdy twig.  Dylan honestly didn’t mind being stuck in his body, which was why he hadn’t been afraid to break the machine, but being stuck forever wasn’t the plan. Once this is all over Peter would be neither shy nor a twig.

As he had expected Peter felt duty bound to play him as accurate as possible. He hadn’t lied when he told him he couldn’t think of anyone better to research and perform as him. Making the swap so close to the party forced the issue of sex and talking to girls. Once past that everything would get easier. Next week the plan was to get into more of a steady pace, teaching him how to eat and work out, to maintain his body. They would need to do football practice also, just the two of them, so he could quickly at least come off as an injured version of Dylan. They could make a cover story that Dylan was working out with his room mate Peter while he was recovering.

But Dylan’s plan wasn’t just to teach Peter how to maintain his body.  He would do everything right for the next 2-3 months, or however long it took.  Find and stick to the right macros.  No cheat days.  Metabolic conditioning.  Workout like clockwork.  Get enough rest and sleep.  When he eventually decides to reverse back the diode in the machine Peter will not only have mastered to swoon and successfully dick down any girl with confidence, but do it in a befitting body.  And he would know how to keep in shape.

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