Paradise, AZ (Patreon)

“Until death do us part”, “as long as we got each other”, “love is what home feels like, if it was a person”. I always thought they sounded cheesy and naive. Don’t get me wrong, I married out of love. We had a wonderful wedding were we invited everyone who were important to us, friends and family. Then straight to honeymoon. All inclusive Caribbean cruise, perfect suite, perfect staff, perfect weather. Everything was perfect. Then came Bonaire.

The place is wonderful, I’m sure, but it was the blessing at the voodoo shop that is all I will remember. Well, that’s not the right word, since I can barely remember anything from that day. It’s what stuck with me. We woke up two days later in the back of a well worn Chevy Silverado 1500.

Disorienting doesn’t even begin to describe it. We must have been knocked out for quite a while. Although the truck was parked in the shade it was crammed, sweaty, and the air was stale with the smell of breath, teen bodies and auto repair shop. Then I really freaked out. Gone was my meticulously sculpted body that made me such an effective and imposing negotiator for the bank. Instead was a 16-ish hillbilly grease monkey dressed to look the part. Off brand hoodie and camo cap. I almost swallowed the tobacco, which in itself was a moment of what the fuck.

It was worse for her. She totally lost it, not keeping the “what the fuck” part quiet. She was screaming versions of it over and over for minutes. It took quite a while to work out who we were, originally. She was the one demanding my name, and having no other options I told him. That’s when he suddenly calmed down and told me hers. Then the shock, relief, adrenaline and whatever else these bodies were pumped up with took over and we had the most passionate sex of the entire honeymoon. Up to that point at least.

The past week has been one of discovery. Apparently I am Brody and he is Ace, according to the driver licenses. We have a shitty place that is all ours. Quite large though, but property here is dirt cheap. It took us a full day to realize that we had missed two days. Days we have absolutely no memory of. There are still three days remaining of our honeymoon and we haven’t decided what to do next. We can’t go back doing what we did before. Even if I didn’t look like a brat and talked like a farmer it’s been painfully obvious I don’t have quite the brainpower anymore. But we love each other, perhaps more so than before, so we just might forget everyone we once knew and start a new life here. The only thing that hurts me is that he has the bigger dick. Yes, both meanings.