Rehabilitation (Patreon)

 - I’ll fucking what?!
- This is your final warning, Mr. Sullivan. One more outburst like that and I’ll hold you in contempt.
- But, your honor, how is reducing my intelligence not “cruel and unusual” punishment? It’s permanent mutilation. You are literally using neurotoxins.
- White collar crime is the most costly for our legal system, and anything we can do to lessen the burden for taxpayers is a win in my book. I find this a very compelling way to keep recidivism down. You can’t commit fraud again if you’re as dumb as a second lick of paint. And if you are stupid, you don’t even know when you do act stupid, so it’s clearly not a punishment.
- But I can’t keep my job. I’ll lose my apartment.
- The state obviously has a reforming and caring role to play as well. We are not kicking you from one criminal path to a different. During your probation period you’ll be given lots of preparations and work training, supplements and hormone boosts. Two months from now you’ll look like you’ve carried cinder blocks all your life. Just follow the instructions from your probation officer. Well, you have to, or it’s prison time as outlined in the sentencing.
- But I was just fucking using my neighbor’s fucking Netflix!
- You had your warning. That’s an additional five IQ points deducted.

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