My creative cycle (Patreon)

Back in 2012 I joined the Mass Effect community on tumblr, but it didn't last very long and after I left I was feeling very conflicted and unsure of how to voice those feelings. Eventually I made this comic, trying to visualize how roleplaying is like a give and take process. You give out ideas, you take your partners ideas and together you make something cool and fun. 

Unfortunately, during my time in that community I came across some very toxic people. And at the time I didn't recognize those red flags, and I didn't have the courage to say no to their uncomfortable requests. I made these changes to my characters, mostly Branka, to appease them. And no matter what was changed they wanted more and more, until they got bored and found new people to roleplay with. "She's too boring" were the exact words of one particular person and was the springboard to help me finally quit.

I changed my blog into an ask blog which did okay for a while. But at the time I had this belief no one wanted to associate with me because I hung out with these toxic people. I didn't treat anyone badly, but I figured guilt by association applied here. So I went into this weird self exile from the community. I shut down my blog, made a new one and stayed in my lane. And it was a time where I tried to unlearn people pleasing habits and be okay with how I wanted my characters to be. In time, the nicer people of the community found me because they recognized Branka and it made me cry when someone said I was really nice to them ;u;

I remember when I drew this the image of a little Branka in bandages made me cry a lot for some reason.