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Doubts (Patreon)

Published:
2021-05-06 16:19:35
Edited:
2021-05-08 15:35:45
Imported:
2021-05

Content

I'm trying to decide if it's still worth being here and doing what I do. Maybe, what most people here don't know is that my real passion isn't modding, but writing and my Sim Oliver. But how many times I'm told it isn't ok to be who I am or like what I like has me wondering if it isn't just time to walk away from this community. I get ideas for mods while playing. And it's usually always something for Oliver to expand him and his story. It's why I'm one of the hardest people to make suggestions to since I won't make something I probably won't use. Why bother when I know I won't put my best into it? So I guess what I'm here asking is, are my hopes and dreams valid or should I throw them away to just make others happy? Is Oliver and his inspiration worth continuing for my creations?

*Note: This and the incident on Srsly's server are why you were not charged this month. It's not right for me to do so, when I feel like such a terrible person. I also will probably be very inactive this month due to this.

Thanks

EDIT #1: Thank you for your comments. What I've noticed is a common theme is people saying they see how important Oliver is to me. He shouldn't be. He isn't real. And I've hurt enough people senselessly because of my care for him. I think it's time to re evaluate my life. If that means removing him from it to be a better person, so be it. I am sorry to those I have hurt. And thank you to those who put up with me.

EDIT #2: Thank you for all the comments and concern. I am not quitting, I am just taking a break. While I do have my own insecurities and issues to work out, I just need time for myself. Honestly, I am still bitter about someone's recent false accusation of me and this needs to be addressed. Using your disability as a crutch to get away with poor behavior is not acceptable. I have a laundry list of mental health issues, but I in no way expect people to treat me like some special snowflake because of it. My mental health issues do not define me, but explain why I am the way I am. I can only apologize and try to act in a more acceptable manner. I have indeed learned who my real friends are and who truly cares about me in these past few days/weeks of turmoil and I am grateful for them. Anyway, as far as the break is concerned I most likely will just be mildly inactive and slow to product updates or new content. I hope for everything to be back to normal next month, if not sooner.
P.s. - Yes, Oliver is staying. The comments are absolutely correct. He is no doubt part of me and its perfectly OK to love and care for him. Real or not, he's why I create and why I'm even here in the first place. I can't forsake that just because someone doesn't like him or agree. As much as I've tried to walk away from him, I just can't. It doesn't feel right. It feels like something is missing.

Lastly, Thank you to everyone who commented, liked, sent messages, and showed concern. I deeply appreciate you all for letting me have this discussion and allowing me to be open and honest. 💜

Comments

sherry jones

Hi, I really enjoy your mods, but you must do what is best for you.

silver

I don’t keep up with gossip or what happens in one server or another but whatever happened I hope everything is okay. You should do what makes you happy and if following your dreams makes you happy then you should do it. Nobody should ever make you feel like you don’t deserve what you want. That being said, I enjoy your mods and whether you chose to continue modding is up to you but certainly do not give up your inspiration and love for Oliver or any of your ocs and enjoy them to their fullest. Thanks for being here~

Anonymous

Hi Your False Hope, I love your content and I appreciate the person you are 💜 I will always be there for you and I encourage you to continue, at your own pace 🤗

Anonymous

Just create whatever you want, it’s very unlikely you will make everyone happy but you will find your community of people that are in the same wavelength and appreciate you for your creativity and content.

True AI

Hey, your patrons pay to get your work, so we obviously feel it has value. And so do you. There will always be someone out there who thinks what you do isn't right, so you have to do what is right for you and ignore the naysayers. They most likely wouldn't value your opinion, so why value there's? I find your work extremely valuable, so I really hope you don't walk away from modding.

Anonymous

Cat already said this above, but I agree--I can't speak to anything about the server because I only peek through the image galleries and then hop off, so I don't know what's been happening on there the past week, but there's no reason anyone should be making you feel like you can't take joy in your own creations. I don't know much about Oliver and his story but I enjoy seeing the pictures you post of him and the mods you make based on him. This is all to say: you gotta do what's best for you, and nobody should make you feel like you need to give up on your dreams. Your content is wonderful and I'd miss it if you decided to stop modding, but it shouldn't come at the risk of your own health and wellness. <3

Stunna447

Please please don’t stop modding. I love your mods. I don’t know what drama happened if any but I know I’m not the only one who appreciates the work you do. Stay strong. <3

Anonymous

If it doesn’t make you happy, I say **** it. Despite the amount of love one gets, it doesn’t make the hate easier to hear or deal with. Your mental health is important. And while I would be sad to see you go, my sadness is not more important or even relevant to your happiness. Take a break.

Christian Graff

hey you, i wasn't really active in the sims community for a long time and if at all i was on nisa's discord. When Eco Living was released it spoiled my fun so much that I stopped. Now after some time I am back and play from time to time. Mostly not very long but I come back every now and then. Of course, the mods are always very interesting, because they keep the game experience fresh. If modding isn't fun for you right now, because maybe you have your head full of other things that are more important, then you should focus on what is important to you. I've always played role-playing games regularly with friends since my school days. Like Shadowrun, and D&D and stuff like that. That's when I had the most fun creating the characters, creating the background stories, and developing those characters with all their strengths and flaws. These could be 30-pages long and nobody was interested in them except me. Not even the game master took the trouble to read through them all. Unfortunately, in my group at that time, the consensus and the focus was more on beating up monsters and scoring points. That's why I lost the fun at some point and after several years, in which I always felt uncomfortable while playing, I actually stopped. Almost 10 years later I slipped back in by chance and found a group that shared my interests so that I found fun in the thing again. Maybe, like me, you just need a break to collect yourself and figure out what you really want. Best regards G315t

LightningZBolt

Always prioritize yourself first. Don't worry about trying to cater to other people if it's not what makes you feel good. I mostly create for myself also, other people liking it is just a bonus.

Anonymous

I truly enjoy your mods and look forward to all your posts and updates. I really enjoy the photos I see of Oliver and love that he is the inspiration behind the mods I so enjoy. I can see your attachment to him and it makes me happy someone else is as attached to their sim as I am to mine, I recently started writing my sims storylines down and couldn't imagine the courage it takes to share your work like you do. No one should feel obligated to create anything they don't want to or have a reason to. I would have a large gap in my gameplay if I were to lose your mods because they add so much and seeing as you're one of the few creators that allow me to play with my sim as I want to completely not to mention the representation you've given to severe mental illness. But you need to do what's best for you and if you choose to stop modding publicly, you should do so with no guilt or feeling of obligation to anyone. You, your passions, and your mental wellbeing are all the most important things in this situation and should come before any desires of mine or others. I hope you stick around and as long as you do, I'll be here, but if you don't please take care of yourself. <3

Sharon Swem

Love your mods but, you have to do what's right for you! If you leave ,we will miss you very much! Take care of you!💖

Anonymous

Do what you love, if you make a mod to further Olivers amazing story then we'd love to have access to it but if you feel it is too personal to him and yourself then you don't have to. Never feel obligated to share part of yourself with us ESPECIALLY if it makes you feel like you might be judged. You are amazing not just as a modder but as a writer and a friend for Oliver because at this point he isn't a character you create he has his own story to tell he just needs your help.

Anonymous

I'm sorry you are going through this, but this is why I only post my mods for free when I want. I make mods to enhance my gameplay and share them with others when I feel like it. Life is hard enough without having extra pressure to do this and that added onto it.

Anonymous

I agree with Jennifer and Sharon. I love your mods and will miss you if you leave but I understand if you do leave. Take care of yourself <3

Renea Vaughan-Allen

If doing something for someone else is making you unhappy don't do it. You are special and important too. Your happiness matters.

Renea Vaughan-Allen

Especially if they are taking you for granted and you don't feel appreciate d. I love your mods but totally understand if you stopped doing the.

Anonymous

I'm sorry you feel this way, I stumbled across your mods after I spoke to you in a server, I was struggling with a story and your mods have made it perfect. Do want brings you joy. Life is hard enough without feeling obligated to be or do what others want you to.

Anonymous

First and foremost, always be you. You have said you are first and foremost a writer and the only reason you make any mod is for your writing. Keep it that way. I love numerous of your mods and are very thankful they exist. There are, also, numerous ones I don't care for and don't use. That's totally fine. As a writer, myself, I totally get why you make mods and I thank you letting me and others borrow your mods to use in our own sim stories. As you know, us writers borrow ideas from other writers all the time. We change them to the point the ideas are no longer the writers' who we borrow from but our own and the other writers were/are our inspiration. -hugs-

Anonymous

im not really sure what's going on since im new here. im sorry to hear that people are getting you down. all i can say is i love your work! not just the mods but your sim Oliver too! i think you are very talented! especially as im not lol. I really appreciate you, your work and especially all the research you most have done on the different topics/realities you help bring to the game. its helped me (and im sure many many others) to create my own stories with my sims. I really hope you continue to create mods despite what other think. especially as your mods seem personal to Oliver's story. though ill understand if you dont. -sending lots of love your way-

Anonymous

I'm also from fic communities and writing what you want for *you* and sharing it with others is a really common. Doing the same thing with mods makes total sense to me. I was surprised not to be charged this month and was totally happy paying. Sometimes what you build is exactly my id too and sometimes it's not but that's creativity. I don't love every painting by the grand masters either. Fuck the haters, your subs can choose to change their subscription status if they want. Build what you like for you, share if you want, and tell the haters to scroll harder.

GreyNaya

Think of yourself first YFH, and do what you wanna to do, that's the most important thing. Nasty ppl have always been and will always be, especially easy to bullied online because it seems so safe. When a person is asserting himself at the expense of another - this is a pathetic. So just fuck them off. Fortunately, the world is not just made up of jerks - there are also ppl who love your creations, support you, and worry about you. Just take a break from all this, spend time with Oliver and do only what will make you happy.

Anonymous

Your hopes and dreams are valid. This game is a game and is about simulating a life and making a story and doing what you want to do. You are absolutely not obligated to make others happy especially at the expense of your own safety, sanity, inspiration and happiness. It is obvious you care very deeply about Oliver and put a lot of work into making these mods just so that the story can go exactly how you want, and I'm personally just glad you decided to share because so many of them are things that I also find fit perfectly into my game. The people whose opinion really matter will be there for you, and the rest of them can shove it. Put yourself first.

Anonymous

I love your mods and will miss you if you leave, but I also understand if you need to take a break the community because you need to do what's best for YOU. Also, it's obvious how much you care about Oliver and I'm just glad you've chosen to share his story and the mods you've created for him with the rest of the community.

Latesha Coleman

If real or not that's a character that you made. Its your baby so it should mean whatever you want it to mean to you. That's like if you wrote your first successful book that would be your baby you would be proud of it. This life is not about making others happy because at the end of the day they are not there to make you happy. Your happiness starts with you and you alone. Don't destroy your well being for people who probably don't even like themselves. I realize that why people attack others because they are just not happy themselves so they want company in their misery. Live your life, create what you love, enjoy what you do and forget about everyone else. Its about you everyone else is a bonus and if they can't respect you they can move on but be who you are and don't you ever change for anyone.

Anonymous

if Oliver, a fictional sim who doesnt represent anything hurtful, is hurting someone just by existing, that sounds like that persons issue, deffinitely not yours. youre not responsible for someone elses idiocy and absolutely should not bend to their will. neither you nor oliver are doing anything that could be considered offensive or hurtful. if someone decides to take your being intersex as offensive, thats on them and they should seek out help. you and your creations are beautiful and super awesome and thats a FACT 💖 also, your identity isn´t something to get offended by. you don´t owe those who choose to be offended by it any sort of apology

Emilie Moine

Bonjour j''apprécie beaucoup tes mods et je sais que les gens peuvent être bêtes et méchants surtout si ils sentent que les personnes en face d'eux peuvent être touchés par leur gestes mais il ne faut pas que ça t'atteigne a ce point fait ce qui peut être bon pour toi surtout occupe toi que de toi et pas des autres 😉

Anonymous

Even if Oliver is not real - he is somehow real and important for you. He's a part of you. And if you need him to express your personality (it doesn't matter - if it's only for yourself, privately, or in public) - you shouldn't give up. Just remember that he is not real, and try to understand yourself - why you are needed in him so much. Maybe it can help you to understand yourself better. And those who are not interested in that part of your life could be able just to pay no attention. It's their problem, not yours.

sun shine

just because something isn't "real" doesn't mean that it shouldn't hold value. please, don't cry. don't let their negativity trump your positivity. they're random people over the internet with no filter.

LightningZBolt

Something doesn't have to be 'real' for it to matter to people. Sometimes the thinhs not tatngible to us matter the most. Realirty doesn't dictate importance.

Anonymous

i dont know about "He isn't real." so he shouldn't matter. look at all the amazing Authors/writers there are in the world. I think a part of the reason some book sell so well is because to the writers their characters are real! they were born from the writers imagination and thoughts or experiences. just because they aren't living breathing people doesn't mean they don't matter. i cant count how many times I've read a book or watched a movie and cried because someone i liked died or was hurt (i mean have you seen all the GOT red wedding reaction videos!) those feeling are real and that means those "characters" matter to me and others. However you need to do what's best for YOU. don't worry about haters. i just hope that at the end of whatever decision you make you can be happy. *sending Lots of love*

Anonymous

If I spend money on you it's because I love what you do! You must think of yourself before all and the haters that they eat shit !!!(Sorry google trad)

Anonymous

i found you the other day and instantly joined your patreon and downloaded almost all of your content...it is fantastic ...you are amazing ...please do not let anyone bring you down.... *sending virtual hugs*

Anonymous
>>59426350

I second this as I literally just did the same!! I had been looking for traits and content just like this! Found you from Vicky Sims! You're much appreciated for sure!

Anonymous

I'm so late to this, but I'm so glad that you decided stay. Like so many other comments said something doesn't have to be real for it to be important or valuable to you. You do what makes you happy and what's best for you. I just wanted to say thank you for all you do, I love your mods. You're one of my favorite creators, you're so talented!

Anonymous

Hope you feel better soon. Hey I get it!! your sims are your safe place & your happy place when your struggling with real world problems. There is nothing wrong with that and just because Oliver isn't real doesn't mean He isnt important or benefits you in some way. Don't get rid of Oliver maybe just prioritize some time to work on you too? I really hope things get better for you.

Anonymous

PS: I really enjoy your mods they make my game so much more enjoyable thanks for making them. :D PSS: I recently made two sims within the last couple of years that I got VERY attached to. I love playing them and giving them a nice life and I really get a kick out of them. Nothing wrong with your sim bringing you happiness.