Returning from a long forced hiatus and working again. (Patreon)

Hello patrons, I'm returning to draw again, in this post I will explain what happened since October as much as I can, I will try to be as concise and serious as possible and in the next post, I will share with you what I'm working on right now, but first, please let me express my humble apologies and my gratitude, that's the most important thing.

 I am sorry, I won't lie, truth is, there were more chances for me to come and explain things earlier and despite the risk of ruining my reputation and disappointing you, I decided not to because I was afraid, I could feel the weight of each passing day like bricks, it was a terrible experience and I deserve part of that, because things could've been handled better, but I am still immature  so those were the consequences, once again I am very sorry for worrying you, for disappearing and for not being able to communicate things in time, feeling disappointed would only be natural.   

For the people who are still around, thank you from the bottom of my heart, for the ones who left I hope my public message reaches them eventually so they know that I'm thankful to them too, saying that I don't deserve you it's a given at this point, I am not sure what you saw in my work or me but I truly hope that I can show you that again, if you're kind enough to give me a chance at this point.   


Before I continue with that, I better explain what happened, it was not a single problem or accident but a series of chained events that were ultimately too much to handle, it is a long post so if you don't have the time just know that it was a health problem (not my health but my family and friend), then hardware, electrical and then health and hardware again.

 During October and November my sister and mother were sick, they are much better now but it was that virus, the left over effects were more severe that the virus itself, and we're still dealing with that to this day (losing the sense of taste and smell partially and heart related problems) , that in itself didn't stop me from drawing, in fact I got the opportunity to work with a store and get a really nice pay, I was excited but talking about lewds or about anime during those times didn't feel right so I was quiet with my friends and social media.  Just trying to do my work for the most part, however shortly after finishing my last Tatsumaki drawing my almost new UPS died due to the several amount of blackouts and electric failures, earlier last year I spend what I consider a serious sum (I remember thanking you for that)  to get a good one because my previous ups died too soon, and yet this new one died too (not too long before that, it was my monitor giving me problems). I went out to get it repaired, took a week for the technician to show up and they couldn't repair it anyways (still had to pay to get told things I already knew) so I just waited until the end of the month to get my patreon support and buy a new one as unfair as that was.  I will list the other problems happening simultaneously before jumping to what happened in November, some of them you might've know already  

°I have no internet service, just my phone in 4g
°My mom and sister couldn't work at that time so I was the one covering most of the expenses
°A good friend suddenly had to stay in bed too, heart arrhythmia (he's the one who lend me the paypal account to get paid for my works)
°Electricity was still a pain from time to time.

 In November I was delayed and had nothing new to show so I worked hard to get things done quickly and show results to my clients in private and patrons, got paid in advance so I spend the money I got in more ram for my pc (because I was asked to work in huge resolutions) and clothes for myself, but I still I didn't want to talk, the fact that I had multiple delays thought the year was bothering me too so  I just wanted to SHOW instead of telling new things but it was during this time that my sister's condition got worse with her heart so we ran to the clinic (the free one) for a checkout, thankfully we could get all the medicine and we were able to calm down but I was not feeling good, I did little progress a day, having some really pessimist thoughts in my head, I wasn't enjoying it but still had to do it.   

That's when a new problem presented itself, a small problem at first but it turned into something worse with time... My tablet was having hiccups; it would jump the pencil to a side or draw random lines randomly, at first just a little but eventually each 20 or 30 seconds, so I changed to my old tablet just to find out that is not working anymore, the pen doesn't work (Yes, I am aware of how ridiculous everything is at this point, I don't blame you if you start doubting me) so I was thinking of getting a new cheap tablet but I had no money left and even if I had, the shipping won't make in time or the courier wouldn't even work during those times, so I just plugged back my tablet and continued working with supreme patience.  

Forget about showing new things, finishing my current work for my new and old clients that they already had paid long ago was my top priority but despite my feelings the tablet was just not in condition to work so this is when I finally thought "I'm fucked up... I can't do it" I ran out of options, so during the last days of November I wasn't doing much to be really honest with you all, just depressed, but when I Was trying to distract myself with something else for a change I noticed that the audio in the computer would get stuck sometimes, I realized then that my tablet wasn't broken, it was the computer! and my best friends is an expert with computers and the only one I trust to check mine... However he was sick so I had to wait until he recovered (recently, talking with the doctor that checks both my friend and my sister we found out that many patients here that had covid, suffered from many other problems afterwards, one of them was problems with the heart) and after that and many other visits to the clinic I was finally able to work again.

  I finished my client's work properly during December but for my followers and friends I only had sad stories and excuses to share, so I stayed quiet, trying to recover my self confidence and returning back to what I wanted to do back in October in order to move forward now. I will never get back all the time that was lost, and yes, the money  I took from patron kept me afloat because to be really frank, I had nothing left...  So I took it, spend pretty much in just food, I'm very grateful for it of course very much but also feeling super guilty. I need to reflex on what I did (and what I did not) so for February I won't take any so it will be freezed until March, I will keep sharing as  I used to of course as I try to revive my name and remind everyone that I'm still alive.

 __________________________________

 Hopefully that wasn't too depressing or dramatic to read, if you have further questions I will answer of course, I probably skipped a lot so you might be confused with some parts, but yeah 2020 was the worst year of my life and many others too and today I'm just glad to be able to work again.