A Tough Time (Patreon)

Good Day Everyone

I wanted to write this Journal because I have been feeling down and I think you all need to know why.

Its been a tough but good few months in my life. lots of things changing including moving back into a room of my own again out of the camper van. I also got back into my job too so I have been hard at work this month on that. 

Just this month in particular I have been struggling mentally and its not depression but more functionality. I been trying to think up ideas or draw commissions or do anything for that matter but nothing has come to pass. I work so hard on trying to sketch out new ideas but I feel like my brain is empty, like my imagination is just gone. I don't know what to do, I don't want this to be the end of my drawing life but I have consistently tried to draw new ideas for commissions but as soon as my pen touches my tablet, my imagination disappears like a distraction lingers.

Its hard to explain how I feel, I hope that everyone sees me as not just an artist but as a human as well and we all go through times like this, maybe not in art but in other activities, we grow accustomed to the enjoyment of our hobbies but they consume us so much it bores us eventually.

I find this hard because I have so many commitments, so much art and so many commissions to complete, I feel trapped unable to escape this endless cycle. I don't have the funds to refund and the only logical answer would be to finish the commissions but as you can see this is the entrapment, there is no escape. I don't want to just disappear like so many other artists do because its not fair on everyone. I know many would happily like to see me disappear but I would never feel free, consumed by guilt that I let so many people down.

I feel that a holiday would never free my mind, a break would never give me my imagination back. I am held back by the limits of my mind, my push for artistic satisfaction, my attention seeking nature almost none existent not getting the buzz I normally get from the approval of being liked as an artist.

So I have reached a crossroads, A moment in my life were I have to make a decision. I can either go a way were it means giving up on drawing or another way where I will continue to draw and hope that one day my imagination may return.

Its a tough call but NOT one I will be making right now as I need just a short break in order for me to try and gain some enjoyment in drawing once again.

I Thankyou for your precious time and hopefully understanding during this tough time

Yours

Chucky