BIG DADDY DISPATCH: DECEMBER (Patreon)

Dispatch Eighty One December 1, 2023

Greetings WHM Family!

We did it! We just put out what many people are saying is the biggest month of WHM shows, EVER. All bangers, as the kids say. How do we top that? How about if we leaned full tilt into Holiday silliness in a way we haven’t in YEARS? How ‘bout that?

Speaking of, NEXT THURSDAY if you’re in the Tri-State area, you really need to come out and see us talk about Tim Allen’s The Santa Clause at White Eagle Hall in Beautiful Jersey City, New Jersey! It’s going to be an incredible show (a hometown show for Steve, of sorts), the energy is gonna be off the charts and it’ll be our only New York area show for a good long while. Tickets are here! Come out and say “hi!” You won’t regret it.

Oh, and on a non-promotional note…This December somehow marks the 13th anniversary of Andrew convincing Eric, Chris, and Steve that a podcast was A.) A thing B.) A thing worth doing. We plowed through blindly and put out three-man episodes (because having all four of us wasn’t technically feasible just yet) on a bi-weekly basis with some off-kilter titles like Number One with a Bullet, The Pack, The Hand, and so on and somehow people listened. Not a lot, for sure. But enough to keep going and keep going we did…for 13 years. We never expected anybody to enjoy this silly shit and we can’t tell you how thankful we are to have you as a Patron. It’s an honor we take very seriously and there is no way there’s a We Hate Movies without you. No way in Hell. So, thank you. We’re lucky to have you this Holiday season and wish good tidings to you and yours.

Banner Credit: We Hate Movies The Big Daddy Dispatch by Felipe Sobreiro

Image Credit: We Hate Movies Holiday Logo by Felipe Sobreiro

LAST MONTH ON WHM

Episode 705 – The Hunger Games

For November’s special switched-up We Hate Movies episode, the boys head off to the capital with Katniss to compete in the titular to-the-death contest for fame and fortune. Why does it sound like Andrew has read these books? Could it be because he has? What was the decision-making process behind not using blood or gore really at all for such a brutal concept? Did Jennifer Lawrence completely pilot these movies? Just in time for the inevitable prequel series that’s…actually not that bad!

Episode 706 – Psycho (1960)

To kick off We Love Movies month here on the show, the fellas grab a cool milli from the advertisers and decide to hide out and hang out with a cagey blonde and some twitchy momma’s boy who keeps finding dead bodies around his motel and home. Was Marion Crane not a little right to take the money and run? Has any other movie of the time opened so frankly in the throes of horniness? Did people know that women showered naked just like men before this film came out? Look, maybe that snooping ass Arbogast had it coming, okay? Maybe he had it coming a little bit.

Episode 707 – Batman Begins 

Andrew, Eric, Chris, and Steve go from the prison camps and hideaway training fortresses of…Asia…to the upper-crust indulgences and street-level heroism of Gotham City with their personal friend, Bruce Wayne, as he begins to take control of his inheritance in more ways than one. Did this movie invent the style of Christopher Nolan movies as we know them? Is this the best depiction of Thomas Wayne? Did the detractors of this movie consider paying attention to how cool it is? Or is that not their thing? Fun fact: the real-life Oppenheimer created the vaporized fear gas that the Scarecrow uses in this film. What? It’s a fun fact, not a true one.

Episode 708 – Blade Runner

The gang grabs a transport down to the world of Los Angeles 2019, where Harrison Ford’s Rick Deckard, one of the most well-known of a unit of the titular replicant-hunters, must track down a quartet of revolutionary replicants who have grown tired and unsympathetic to their organ-needing masters. Is the close-to-the-skull haircut a mistake for Ford? Is this the best Royal Rid movie that’s ever existed? What exactly is Gaff’s…deal….in this movie? Say a quick prayer for Sean Young while you’re at it.

Episode 709 – Beetlejuice

Andrew and the boys head to the most bureaucratic afterlife you could imagine to help the Maitland’s navigate their ghostly new life with a family of art-and-commerce-obsessed yuppies and a for-hire bio-exorcist who can’t help but get a little handsy. Is this the best movie of the Tim Burton miracle run? Has any other debut movie so immediately announced the style and vision of a brilliant new popular artist? Would you try to ride a sandworm if you had the chance? Nice fucking model!

WHAT ARE WE WATCHING?

This is a space for us to talk about some NON-We Hate Movies related content that we've shoved into our eyeballs in the last month: TV, Movies, Cartoons, and Sports (maybe?). Just about anything that isn't pornography.

Andrew:  I absolutely cannot believe November is already over and I’m scrolling through my Letterboxd diary again to remind myself what I watched this month. Let’s see:

The Man Who Knew Too Much(1956): I watched this (first time on the big screen, but I’ve seen it on DVD multiple times) at Film Forum a few weekends back. Universal struck a new 4K restoration on DCP and it looked really great up there. The film itself isn’t one of my favorite Hitchcocks, and indeed, I prefer the first Man Who Knew Too Much to this one, but all the same, Jimmy Stewart and Doris Day are great together and the symphony sequence is still fantastic. D+ Film Forum audience though, which is about par for the course with those people. “No late seating” policy my ass, Film Forum…

Fantastic Mr. Fox: This was my first-ever re-watch since seeing it in theaters back in 2009 and wow, this is just a magnificent movie. We watched on the Criterion Blu-ray and the stop motion is brilliant, as are the top-notch vocal performances. It’s the perfect movie to watch right as the leaves start falling and what not. Great movie.

A Clockwork Orange: First time in a long time, watched on the Warner Bros 4K disc. It’s not a film I go back to often (obvs), but it’s still a masterful, challenging piece of cinema. The brutality is tough, but outside of that, it’s also very funny, gorgeously shot, and McDowell is so incredible. Not my favorite Kubrick by a country mile, but still a great, if difficult, piece of filmmaking.

Saboteur: Getting through another Hitchcock 4K set, so this one was viewed at home. It’s low on my list of Hitchcock titles, mainly due to the fact that the film’s lead, Robert Cummings, was more known for his comedic film work and really feels out of place in this wrong-man situation. But the Statue of Liberty sequence still rocks, and works nicely as a little seed of an idea for what would become the finale to North by Northwest. Also, when the explosion happens in the beginning, the guy who uses the (gasoline-filled) fire extinguisher bursts into flames and becomes this incredible stunt dummy. It’s hilarious and great.

Oh, and finally, I decided to catch up on the old Netflix Daredevil and I have to say, those Netflix shows were the best shows Marvel has created so far in the live action space. I’d seen the first season of Daredevil before, along with the first seasons of The Punisher, Luke Cage, and Jessica Jones, all of which I liked. By the time Iron Fist came out, I was spent, so I never watched that. But so far, I’ve gone through the first two Daredevil seasons, along with that 8-episode Defenders miniseries that takes place between the 2nd and 3rd seasons of Daredevil. Honestly? No one watched it when it was on, but I’d highly recommend that too. You don’t need to know much about what’s been going on in Luke Cage/Jessica Jones/Iron Fist if you haven’t watched those first seasons. I’d say the Iron Fist story plays the biggest role in the Defenders miniseries, but they do a good enough job of laying it all out there so non-Iron Fist viewers can still follow, I didn’t have a problem. But it’s fantastically violent (including multiple decapitations), has Sigourney Weaver as the villain, and kind of serves as a nice little bonus season for Daredevil. I finished the third and final season of Daredevil the other night and I can confirm that it’s the single best season of television Marvel has ever produced in this modern era.

Chris:  We are in end-of-year mode, so I am trying to see as many small and large movies I’ve missed. Here’s the highs and lows:

Saltburn:  I’m just going to say it: I really hate Promising Young Woman. I don’t think it’s because it’s too truth-y or intense. I think it’s a very timid and messy movie without any of the positives of what might come with movies with those descriptors. My words for Saltburn, Emerald Fennell’s ill-received follow-up to that film, are not as harsh, and that’s kinda a hit against the movie along with all the other problems with the movie itself. It asks a not-particularly-urgent question: What if The Talented Mr. Ripley was reconceived by someone who is consistently blackout drunk and then made very poorly to boot? There’s also a cloying sense that Fennell wanted to pre-designate this as a camp classic of some sort. I wasn’t consistently pissed off at this movie and though it makes for a better viewing experience by a hair, it means that there’s a lot less on the line in this film than there was in Promising Young Woman. Heck, at least that movie actually gave me an emotion to feel, even if it was not a pleasant one.

The Adults: Hugely slept-on American indies are myriad every year, but I’d really hate for this one to slip by without anyone noticing. The third feature from the wildly talented Dustin Guy Defa, who appeared as an actor in Rick Alverson’s Entertainmentand Matias Pineiro’s Hermia & Helena (both bangers), deals with the reconnection of two sisters with their manipulative and secretive brother, who uses his time back in his hometown to settle old scores as much as spend time with a younger sister who adores him and another sister who has grown weary of his shit. It's a movie about young attractive white people talking about family BS and personal issues as many films in the American indie mode are, but the genius is in the detail. Defa gives special attention to the shared world of song and characters that the siblings have created with each other over the years, and uses that to fully explore how hometown pride and family connections both aid and hinder your own personal growth. Defa uses his time wisely and the talk is always both weighty and fluid, but without Michael Cera, Hannah Gross, and Sophia Lillis in the main roles, I’m not sure if that would have totally mattered. A really lovely film.

Enys Men: There’s no way to explain this movie beyond its opening conceit: a woman spends her days on an isolated island, receiving radio transmissions and taking notes on the local flora, until something weird starts happening. That’s it. After that, things get difficult to put into words, especially without spoiling certain elements. It’s on Hulu, it’s relatively short; just watch it.

Leo: For those looking to expand their interest in Indian cinema after the landmark action epic that was RRRwill likely find a lot to like in this loose Tamil-language remake of Cronenberg’s monumental A History of Violence, including the bonkers opening involving the titular hero (Indian superstar Vijay) facing off with a blood-hungry hyena in his town and the song where Vijay talks about being so “shit scared” that he needs to piss his pants urgently. Director Lokesh Kanagaraj, who you may know as the man behind last year’s Vikram or the beloved Master, really has a ball with the material in a way that Cronenberg specifically did not want to, and while it does not all hang together, it is nothing less than riotous as an entertainment. Ideal opener to a double feature with A History of Violence.

Eric: I started going through the Roger Moore Bond movies because I never saw any I don't think outside of Moonraker during childhood.

Here's where I'm at so far:

Live and Let Die (1973) - Great song but oof, that movie isn't good.

The Man with the Golden Gun (1974) - Christopher Lee, 3 nipples - how do you fuck that up? Dreadful. Bringing back the joke sheriff character? Oof.

The Spy Who Loved Me (1977) - Far and away my favorite. I had a lot of fun with this one, the aquarium shenanigans, etc.

Moonraker (1979) - Okay, Jaws you can bring back. He's a compelling heavy. But this movie is only so-so to me. I remembered uh, more space stuff, that isn't here.

Some other stray views:

Napoleon (2023) This one is getting mixed notices it seems but I really enjoyed it. Ridley Scott knows how to do big battle sequences that are mesmerizing and perplexing (they'd really just marched into bullets, huh?) I think Joaquin is great and I do love the absurd-y moments of comedy such as the sex scenes. I had a ball with it and can't wait to see a longer cut.

Oppenheimer (2023) Tricked the whole family into joining me for my 5th viewing on Thanksgiving. Good news, they all loved it. I was surprised!

Special Effects (1984) Really dug this Larry Cohen movie starring Eric Bogosian as a disgraced film director who kills a girl and then makes a movie about it to try and save his failing career and complicate evidence that'd implicate him. Also, Zoe Lund plays 2 roles!

Steve:It’s kind of my favorite time of the year, wherein there is absolutely, positively too much shit to see in theaters and I wind up missing stuff. I love it. Here’s a rundown of some things I haven’t yet talked about on an On-Screen Live.

May December: I really like the way Todd Haynes makes movies. Truth be told my wife is a Haynes SUPER FAN so that means we spin his stuff a little more frequently in this house than you might’ve guessed. All that said, this is an absolute highlight in a great career. This might be my favorite Natalie Portman performance of all time, which is saying something (as I loved Vox Lux for Chrissakes), she’s fantastic here. Always in control, never totally showing all of her cards or allowing any vulnerability, detached, and of course kind of horny. A tremendous combo. Julianne Moore is just crashing the boards here, giving killer minutes and allowing her character to be as unsympathetic as she needs to be while also being kind of pathetic? And man, oh, man I’d never seen Charles Melton (apologies to Riverdale fans, but I if watched a second of that show, I’d have to watch the whole damn thing), but I won’t be surprised when he starts popping up in everything. He’s really incredible here. I love that Haynes picked an actor that’s about two or three years too young as opposed to going in the other direction. He’s just this giant, sad, floundering BOY and it’s really interesting and heartwarming to watch him with his kids and just the right amount of unsettling to watch him with his wife. Also, the humor in this movie is so goddamned important. Watch this one, won’t you?

The Marvels: Congratulations on not being the worst MCU movie this year, that belongs to our friends at Quantamania, and there was no way this would top that in the pure shit department. It also is absolutely not a good movie either! Watching this one, I couldn’t help but think about that Variety story where Mahershela Ali allegedly nearly left Blade because they added three co-leads and pushed Blade to the background of his own damn movie. That’s what we have here and I truly do not get this instinct. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against Teyonah Parris or Iman Vellani, but Brie Larson is one of the VERY FEW Oscar winners in the MCU stable and one of the VERY few actors they have that make me feel like I’m watching a MOVIE when I watch them act. I dug that first Captain Marvel, I liked her character and I liked the world they created and now we’re just cramming two other TV Characters into her film, which has her struggling for air-time and relevance in what should’ve been her sequel. It’s just a shame. Also, holy shit was this the most anonymous villain Marvel has put up to date (which is really saying something).

After Hours: I bought this Criterion 4k (drink, Andrew!) over the summer and never got around to it. Holy shit, how have I slept on this movie for so long? Such as unique, singular film both in Scorsese’s filmography and well, Cinema in general. A funny Yuppie-In-Hell riff that makes perfect use of all Griffin Dunne’s many talents. Watching Paul find himself in deeper and deeper shit through either bad luck or terrible decisions is an absolute treat, I feel other actors would be too nebbish, too passive, or too much of an asshole but Dunne keeps him right at the margins of all three to keep you rooting for this lost soul. I can go on and on here, fantastic supporting performances abound (Catherine O’Hara, John Heard, and Rosanna Arquette deserve particular attention), but what I love about this film is the internal geography and psychology and how they inform one another. Each new corner of SoHo is another circle of hell in the Inferno, but (and I love this) it also feels like OLD NEW YORK. Loved it.

PATREON MAILBAG LIGHTNING ROUND

Here's a fun space where folks on Patreon get to ask us Questions directly. This month's entry comes from 

Lauren, from Australia who asks: “What character from a Christmas movie is most relatable to you this time of year and why?”

Andrew:  I think one of the most relatable characters from a Christmas movie for me has got to be “Bill Murray” in A Very Murray Christmas, because his attitude toward the holidays in that film is exactly what mine is every year: I don’t want to do it, I’m begrudgingly agreeing to participate, but then, as catastrophe inevitably strikes and plans have to shift around, he finds that making things your own way during the holidays can still be okay and fun too. In other words, not doing the same exact thing, the expected thing, each year is how we can make this time of year tolerable/interesting. So maybe this year, instead of your usual routine, mix it up a bit! For us, we spend most Christmas Eves now at Bemmelmans Bar (yes, inspired by Sofia’s film) and then follow it up with some Chinese food at home. A far cry from the more traditional Christmas activities I was used to growing up and you know what? It’s refreshing and fun to start your own traditions!

Chris: Good question and I think it is pretty obviously Cousin Eddie from Christmas Vacation. My family begrudgingly puts up with my crude sense of humor, lack of hygiene, inability to do anything helpful, and horrifying horniness because, at the end of the day, I have a good heart and would very happily kidnap your boss at gunpoint if it made you feel better before the cops kicked down your door. I am not a full-throated Christmas booster in the mold of a Clark Griswold but I enjoy the holiday for the most part. My family is mostly easy to get along with and we have miraculously only contracted one out-and-out psycho Republican in the bunch, which I take as a blessing, so the chit-chat and snacking is never some grueling ordeal for me. They do give me some guff when I empty my shitter into their sewer grate in the morning, but hey, nine out of ten ain’t so bad, right?

Eric: Ebenezer Scrooge. I'm not the biggest fan of Christmas, as it creates such insanity towards the end of the year that I have honestly never particularly found it enjoyable. That said, I think my heart might grow a few sizes this year (The Grinch is also relatable) because I moved into a house for the first time in 21 years. In the tiny apartments I've lived my entire adult life in, Christmas decorations, etc., would just get in the way. Now that I have room for things, I walk around the house and think, "Hey, decorations might actually be nice now." I'd still probably rank Halloween and Thanksgiving above Christmas though. Listen, I'm trying, and maybe by next year you can slap my ass ‘til it's green and red.

Steve: Might not surprise anybody, but I guess I see a lot of myself in Charlie Brown from A Charlie Brown Christmas he’s just doing his goddamned best to give those around him the best holiday he can, against all odds. He’s feeling that melancholy that comes with the end of the year, but he does really enjoy the season. I think that’s me (just trade out Snoopy for two cats).

DECEMBER SCHEDULE

Say what? The schedule in advance?! It's the least we could do! By subscribing to this newsletter you get a sneak peek at what we're putting out in December!

Episode 711 –Die Hard 2

Episode 712 – Silent Night, Deadly Night

Episode 713– Love Actually

Episode 714 – Fred Claus

Patreon Episodes:

We Hate Movies – Lethal Weapon

Animation Damnation: Doug: “Doug’s Christmas Story (s4, e10)

The Nexus: TOS: “Requiem for Methuselah” (s3, e19), TNG: “Suddenly Human” (s4, e4)

Gleep Glossary: Star Wars Holiday Special: Redux

MelR0210: 90210 “Castles in the Sand” (s3, e6), Melrose Place: “Swept Away” (s2, e21)

Once in a Lifetime: A Very Nutty Christmas

4th Quarter Syncable Commentary: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

PATREON RSS BUG

If you’re having trouble with the RSS feed updating or episodes not appearing in your app, Patreon has acknowledged this bug and they have a fix: "Try unsubscribing and re-subscribing via your app by re-entering the unique RSS feed you were given and is on our Overview section of the Creator page. Or try using a different podcast app or RSS feed reader."

Please consult this page and contact Patreon Support if the problem persists. We apologize for any inconvenience you’ve experienced on Patreon and truly appreciate your continued support!

UPCOMING NEWS AND PROMOTION

On Screen Live continues to kick ass apace each and every Monday at Noon (mostly)! We’ve got great coverage of end of the year films and all the new trailers you could ever want to hear us talk about Check it out on our YouTube Channel! We also just dropped another LIVE video Mailbag that you don’t want to miss out on.

We also have all officially sanctioned VHS Trailer Game episodes up to this point. Eric has also put out great clip packages like WTF Exorcism with Marc Merrin,Dr. Loomis is the Worst Doctor, Dilf Den, George Bailey as Michael Meyers, John Wick-Mentary,  Toby Jones in Bee Movie, Sausage Claus, David! Muppet Hitchcock Presents, and many more! You can also watchthe entirety of our Witchboard episode! Complete with visual gags (most of which are almost funny.). You'll find all sorts of cool shit like Mailbags, VHS Trailer Games, Full Episodes like Rampage (2018), Any Which Way You Can, Bram Stoker’s Dracula and Saw III. Like we said above these are great for sharing and introducing folks to the show. There's so much content there we can't list it all here. Just go and subscribe already!

Eric and Ben are back in the the blue and they’re dishing on Hooker family secrets and hanging out at the mall, when they review “Street Bait” Listen here!

Did you know that Andrew has a website? No, it's not an OnlyFans (yet), it's a cool blog for some musings and Jupin-centric goings on. Lookit that fancy graphic from Raphael Sarmento! Check it out at andrewjupin.com

If you're a fan of the show and a fan of looking sharp, you should check out our merch on our TeePublic store! We have some hot off the presses designs by Felipe Sobreiro and some, like the above, might not be around forever (wink wink)!  We also have "The DILF Den", and a "Crispy Critters" design from friend of the show, Nathan Hamill!  There’s a ton of other great designs like The VHS Trailer Game Logo, Demon-o's Pizza, Egg Lawyer, The Order of the Boop, The Kornkast design and many more, with more to come!

That's going to do it for this month's Dispatch! See you next month to kick off our 14th year of We Hate Movies!

Take it easy,

Andrew, Chris, Eric, and Steve

We Hate Movies