Big Daddy Dispatch: October 2023 (Patreon)

Dispatch Seventy Nine September 29th, 2023

Greetings WHM Family!

Ladies and gentlemen the 2023 Spooktacular has started…EARLY! That’s right it’s not even October yet and we are knee-deep in the spooky season. It’s our favorite time of the year, because we’re gorehound losers, and we believe a lot of you are too!

We had a lot of fun kicking off this season with the help of none other than Billy Dee Williams, but that’s not the only surprise your dirty uncles have up their sleeves this season, believe you me! I would specifically keep your ears peeled this coming week because not all the Halloween content we’re putting out in the month of October will be announced in the schedule below. That’s right, you’ll have EVEN MORE coming to you…but what? And in what form? A giant slor? Who are you Vince Clortho? You’ll just have to wait a few more days to find out!

Banner Credit: We Hate Movies The Big Daddy Dispatch by Felipe Sobreiro

Image Credit: The beloved We Hate Movies Spooktacular logo by Felipe Sobreiro

NEW PATREON OFFERINGS

Oh, my god….Even more for your Patreon buck? You bet your ass there is! The best podcasting deal in town just got even better with TWO new offerings to existing pricing tiers. If you’re paying for The Walsh Tier ($10) or The Belushi Tier ($8) already, you get these benefits for FREE! If you’re on a lower level, well, this might be the time to up your game as it were.

For starters, you’ve asked, we’ve listened! Eric Szyszka (all hail VHS Trailer Game Master. Hail. Hail.) took on the herculean task of creating a BRAND-NEW RSS feed for the Archived Episodes! That’s right, that Google Drive link is no more! For $5 (and up) you have access to an RSS Feed that gets you the first 109 episodes ofWe Hate Movies, as well as a bunch of other cool stuff, some early Animation Damnations, some interviews with luminaries like Stephen Tobolowsky et al…. It’s a LOT of content! And it’s now easier than ever to enjoy on its own RSS Feed.

Also, if you are in that very un-silent majority of folks who don’t like ad breaks in their podcasts, well, you’re in luck. We’ve just announced a brand-new feature on the $8 and up tiers: every new Main Feed We Hate Movies episode will be released simultaneously on our Patreon feed AD-FREE. That’s new episodes going forward, gang, starting with The Phantom Menace Redux episode ! AND You still get all the other great content you’ve come to love. It’s a great time to be a WHM Patron! Check out those levels and choose the one that’s best for you!

LIVE SHOW ALERT

TRI-STATE AREA, are you ready for a kick-ass holiday show from your favorite podcast? Well, they’re not available. But we are! This December, We Hate Movies is doing a live episode on Tim Allen’s 1994 grunting Santa picture, The Santa Clause at White Eagle Hall right up the street from Steve’s apartment in Jersey City*! This is going to be a great time at an awesome venue talking about a shitty movie, which will get everybody in the holiday spirit. Our last New Jersey show sold out, so you definitely do not want to get left out in the cold for the live show on December 7th! Get your tickets now!

*Steve’s address is not available even to the highest level of Patreon subscribers.

LAST MONTH ON WHM

Episode 694 – Star Wars: Episode I: The Phantom Menace: Redux

As the victor of last season’s VHS Trailer Game, Eric picks The Phantom Menace as his redo episode and boy howdy, there is still a lot to unpack here. The boys discuss the polished reputation of the prequels, especially this episode that deals with the locating of young Anakin Skywalker by a pair of Jedis, Qui-gon Jinn and a young Obi-Wan Kenobi. How big of a celeb is Sebulba in the podracing circuit? Is he available? Should there have been more Darth Maul or did they get it just right? Why did no one stop the entire conception of the Viceroys and their voices? You know, honestly, Jar Jar isn’t that bad. Yeah, he sucks, but not like especially so in this mix.

Episode 695 – The Faculty

The fellas head back to school with Elijah Wood, Jordana Brewster, Josh Hartnett, and Clea Duvall and face off against a species of super-thirsty reptilians who have taken over the bodies of students and teachers alike. Why did we allow Jon Stewart to act…like at all? What’s with the rules of the alien species constantly changing? Can someone figure out what Josh Hartnett’s homemade drug pens are made of? Keep an eye out for convicted rapist Danny Masterson and Richard Linklater favorite Wiley Wiggins in this Criterion (Channel) classic!

Episode 696 – Blade  (Patrons Only)

For this month’s We Love Movies episode, Chris Cabin fulfills his prophecy with the boys to cover one of the best-ever comic book movies, Stephen Norrington’s Blade, starring Wesley Snipes as half-vampire vampire hunter who must face off against the latest kingpin of the vampire mob and the mythic Blood God. Why didn’t Wesley Snipes get more franchise work like this? You know, aside from the taxes. Is Udo Kier an actual vampire or is he just an ambassador to their world? What happened to Stephen Norrington? Why didn’t he direct six more excellent action movies? What’s that? League of Extraordinary what? Oh. OH! Oh. I get it. Nevermind.

Episode 697– The Expendables 3

Oh Jesus, another one?! Andrew, Eric, Chris, and Steve gear up with Barney Ross and Co. as they rescue Wesley Snipes, fight off Mel Gibson, and help Antonio Banderas get over his role in Benghazi. Yeah, that all checks out. What happened to Mickey Rourke and why is Ronda Rousey here? Why isn’t there more Dolph? What would it sound like if Stallone sang the most famous TV theme songs for his beloved fans? Bring back Simon West to get some juice back in the franchise, please and thank you.

Episode 698 – Saw V 

For the fifth time, the boys must square off against John Kramer and his many disciples. This time, a new disciple has emerged in the wake of the fourth film, which now explains part of the fifth film, which will not be fully understandable until the sixth film. Got that? Anyway, as you might expect, this one is mostly bad traps, dressed up with an uninteresting mystery and backstory that is impossible to care about. Does anyone know what’s going on here? Is this all hinging on me enjoying watching Costas Mandylor and the Gilmore Girls guy? There are HOW many more of these?! Shut it down, I beg of you. Please!

WHAT ARE WE WATCHING?

This is a space for us to talk about some NON-We Hate Movies related content that we've shoved into our eyeballs in the last month: TV, Movies, Cartoons, and Sports (maybe?). Just about anything that isn't pornography.

Andrew: This month I did my semiannual NYC theater crawl where I screen a film at a theater here in the city and then another film at a different theater and so on. I live around the Upper West Side, so I generally organize it so that I’m working my way downtown with each stop. Here’s what went down:

STOP 1: The AMC Lincoln Square for Emma Seligman’s Bottoms: Yeah, this didn’t work for me. Don’t get me wrong, I was laughing my ass off and  it’s probably the second funniest film I’ve seen this year (hi, Barbie). I think Ayo Edebiri is fantastic in it, along with most of the rest of the supporting cast. All the other supporting girls in the “Self Defense Club” were fantastic, and hot damn, you gotta hand it to Marshawn Lynch for delivering the surprise comedic performance of the year. The guys playing the jocks didn’t do it for me (trying too hard to be live-action Daria characters) and the people playing the other teachers and administrators were sort of doing like knock-off Strangers With Candy which you can keep. I also don’t get it with Rachel Sennott. I’m glad for her success and wish her absolutely no ill-will, lemme make that clear, but whatever that persona of hers is, it doesn’t do it for me. Someone whose delivery style lands somewhere between somnambulist and constantly hungover doesn’t work in my view. I got a few laughs from her performance, but not much. C’est la vie. The movie overall has no idea what kind of movie it wants to be: is it satire? Is it parody? Is it absurdist, real out-there comedy? It tries to smoothly switch between gears which it mostly gets away with until it asks you to actually feel some legit emotion toward these characters at the end and sorry, you just spent the whole movie vacillating between live-action Daria, Not Another Teen Movie, and a bad SNL sketch. Real emotion was the last thing on my mind. Shrug.

STOP 2: Film at Lincoln Center for Christian Petzold’s Afire: Petzold’s films have this vibe to them that’s kind of hard for me to articulate, I just know that when I’m watching his stuff, I’m seeing some real deal filmmaking. Afire was no exception. I was completely entranced the entire time. I’d wager a lot of that was because of Paula Beer, in her third collaboration with Petzold, as the mysterious Nadja. I also appreciated Petzold’s daring in creating this completely unlikeable jerk of a protagonist in Leon (Thomas Schubert), this whiny, easily distracted, woe-is-me writer, and then leaving us with him for every scene. It’s a real challenge considering every scene you just want to scream at this pretentious turd to shut the fuck up and work on his terrible book. And yet, despite Leon’s best annoying efforts, you can’t look away. I was totally drawn in and needed to know what happened to this guy who’s really the personification of a wet sack of laundry. Petzold, somehow, made me care about him. I didn’t think you needed the final scene at all. There’s a perfect shot to end on right before, and instead Petzold takes another 3-4 minutes to gives us this completely superfluous scene that I don’t think added anything.

STOP 3: The IFC Center for Park Chan-wook’s Oldboy: It had definitely been the better part of two decades since I’d revisited this, and with good reason, of course. It’s a tough one! First, the restoration that NEON put out is solid. A measured improvement from my first viewing of the film on a bootleg standard def DEE VEE DEE. Before the film, they played an intro from Director Park and it was pretty funny. He mentioned all the violence and so on, but also said that if you were a fan of octopus, you might want to brace yourself. I laughed out loud, but the tiny crowd of folks in the auditorium with me were silent; I wondered if no one else in the theater had seen the movie before? Anyway, I was sure to brace myself for the famous restaurant scene, just in case my pork burrito I housed between this screening and the previous one decided to try and make a second appearance. Anyway, the movie is still totally fucked up, twisted, wild, funny, violent, and yes, a hardcore product of the early aughts! All the clothes! The bad cell phones! It was all there in full effect. This isn’t a movie for everyone, but if you haven’t seen it before, and think you could handle it, I can’t recommend it enough. And if you like it and haven’t caught it yet, see if you can track down a screening of the restoration. Hoping we get a UHD release date soon!

STOP 4: The Paris for Francis Ford Coppola’s The Conversation: I settled in for my final film of the day, a late show at the newly renovated (banger new sound system) Paris theater up on 58th street. Full on beer and pork belly, I sat alone in the crowded balcony eagerly awaiting my first re-watch in a long time. Honestly? You can make the case for this being Coppola’s best movie. Yes, I’ve seen the first two Godfather films, and yes, I’ve seen Apocalypse Now (all cuts), and yes, I’ve seen Jack. Wait, scratch that last one, it screws up the point I’m making. All this to say, there’s just something about this movie that sets it apart from other, better known, Coppola films for me. It’s a class all its own. Yes, it’s slow. Yes, it’s absent of any kind of bombast or cinematic showboating. Can you recall lines from it the way you can with, say, The Godfather Part II? Of course not, but I guess that’s exactly why I love it so much. And sure, as much as I love actors like Pacino, Cazale, Brando, De Niro, Keaton, Duvall, Shire, Sheen and Hopper, this is the only Coppola film that contains arguably the absolute best performance from one Gene Mother-Fucking Hackman. Hackman as Harry Caul is a flat-out revelation. Full stop. The role is so unlike anything else he ever did in his career and you can’t take your eyes off the guy. Goddamn, just writing about this screening makes me wish I was watching it right now. It sucks that they have yet to produce a 4K release for this. I should mention this was the only 35mm presentation I caught the whole day and it looked and sounded incredible. Props to my old projection booth buddy, Yves Leibowitz, who was running the show that night and did a fabulous job. See this one if you haven’t yet folks, it’s unlike anything you’ve ever seen.

Chris:  Last year and into earlier this year, I was going through the films of Allan Dwan. It’s difficult to go full-completist with guys who started that far back but I got pretty deep into his filmography. Now, I have turned my eyes to André De Toth, the Hungarian-born Western and Noir specialist responsible for the original House of Wax and the film-school staple Pitfall. Those are two of my least favorites of his that I’ve seen, though I can never not enjoy a truly macabre Vincent Price vehicle.

As for noirs like Pitfall, De Toth also helmed the much stronger and diabolical Crime Wave, but my first major opinion about the man is that he is a much, much better Western director than noirs or dramas. My favorites of his thus far – Riding Shotgun, Thunder Over the Plains, and Day of the Outlaw – are all cowboy movies and two of them star the great Randolph Scott, who worked with De Toth on a half-dozen films. Day of the Outlawtrades Scott in for Robert Ryan is a far meaner film due to this, and boasts a far more acidic script than what De Toth often favored.

Riding Shotgunis the one that has stuck with me the most, to the point that I don’t know how I haven’t heard of it before. Scott plays a stagecoach guard who is hunting down his mortal enemy, an outlaw leader who plans to rob his stagecoach. Well, wouldn’t you know, due to some misunderstanding – including one set-off by a very young Charles Bronson – the people of the local town think Scott’s marksman specialist is part of the invading gang, who are still planning to hold-up the casino. De Toth uses the setting ingeniously and creates a thrilling portrait of small-town justice as an excuse for indulging pure reactionary politics. The moral compass never gives you a completely clear reading in this one and the tension, humor, and strategic narrative build toward a wildly satisfying ending. Thunder Over the Plains, which deals with Northerners taking advantage of Texans after the Civil War, is nearly as good, but Riding Shotgun is explosive in a way nothing else in De Toth’s canon is. Seek it out!

Eric: I finally caught Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem. Honestly, I was not excited to watch this. I thought it'd be very much not for me. But guess what? A miracle happened! I loved it. Really had a great time with it. See? I do like animation. Eat your hats.

Here's some lesser known things I've watched this month:

Sleepstalker (1995) A Freddy Krueger knock off without the charm. Some guy kills 6 families and once executed for that, he returns as a literal Sandman, made out of sand, and yes, he recites lullabies. And yes, he's after that one kid (now an adult) who escaped his Skinamarinking 17 years prior. It's not good, but might be worth a bad movie night spin.

Peacemaker (1990) Robert Forster as an alien? It happened. It's about a serial killer alien landing on Earth and a cop alien chasing him but the hook is you don't know which is which! Loved this one. It's basically non-stop stunt work and from the director of Witchboard.

Strays (1991) It's the horror movie about … cats! Yuppie couple buys a house in the country but the problem is it's infested … with cats! Best part about this dud is when a service worker is killed in the basement by a cat and then the crew is just gently dropping other cats on top of his body, as if that's menacing.

Kung Fu Corner:

The Magnificent Ruffians (1979) is a pretty solid movie. This is definitely because it is directed by Chang Cheh who is the master of these movies in my opinion. I also enjoy that a lot of scenes are about people refusing to pay for meals at restaurants so they get beaten up, which is great training! I ended up watching this right before the latest TMNT movie which turned out to be a very weird experience: because this one is in it! Clips from this movie are in a montage!

And for New York Film Festival stuff like Jonathan Glazer's Zone of Interest (2023), well, tune into our YouTube channel!

Steve: Weirdly late August into September has been pretty devoid of me going to the movies. Much to my chagrin! I would’ve loved to check out Bottoms, but I just had some personal obstacles. Expend4bles I’m fine missing. Believe me, I’m fine. This all begs the question, what did you watch you worthless little toad???

2001: A Space Odyssey: My wife and I went out to the newly renovated (again) Paris Theatre to check out their 70mm print of this masterpiece. It had been a while and it truly knocked me on my ass. Firstly, the reason the Paris shut down (no it wasn’t bedbugs) was to renovate their sound system, and holy smokes it was worth it. Something about a brand new, state of the art panoramic sound system and Kubrick’s space opera go together like fine red wine and red meat. Gorgeous to hear, gorgeous to see, it’s a film you could easily convince me was made twenty years after it came out because it still has stunning special effects shots that make you question how the hell they did that. An intense, still puzzling, feast for the senses. Would recommend.

The Graduate: Yeah, I guess my wife and I are old people now. I dunno, sometimes the repertory screenings just fit better with our plans. Anywho, the Roxy had this on 35mm and similarly we’d never seen it in on the big screen, so it was time to pop in and hang out with an icy and confused Dusty Hoffman. It still fucking slaps as the kids say, but seeing it in a crowded theatre changed the temperature (for me, at least) from a ruminative drama to well, a dark as hell comedy and the comedy really plays. The scene with Hoffman nervously checking into the hotel with Buck Henry as a 1st class straight man is a master class of comedic tension. Anne Bancroft’s Mrs. Robinson remains as enigmatic, sexy, and yes, hilarious as ever. Those Simon and Garfunkel songs are really fun to hear in a theater too*!

The Intruder: We have in the Sajdak household started the spooky season and hot damn I’m happy about it. We popped on this one from 1989 and it fit the brief: be an engaging enough 80’s slasher to keep me from falling asleep on the couch at midnight. There’s a lot of inventive shots here for good and ill (hope you like seeing a shopping cart used as a camera dolly, because you’ll see it at least twice!) and there’s some gnarly kills with fun as fuck gore, and of course Sam Raimi acting and Sam Raimi’s brother Ted, also acting! It’s just a little less fun than all of what I just described sounds, mostly because the film runs out of steam at about 1hr 6mins, and we have a full twenty-minute cat and mouse sequence between our killer and final girl. It gets repetitive, but it’s still well worth a watch.

*Except for “Scarborough Fair.” That song fucking sucks.

PATREON MAILBAG LIGHTNING ROUND

Here's a fun space where folks on Patreon get to ask us Questions directly. This month's entry comes from

Chris, from Chicago who asks: “Do you remember the first horror movie you ever saw? Would you recommend it?” - Chris from Chicago

Andrew:  The first “horror” movie I can recall seeing was the second Ghostbusters film in theaters and I remember being shit-scared by Viggo the Carpathian. But since I don’t really want to count that, I can recall the first time a horror movie really made an impression on me and, indeed, kind of changed the course of my life. Friday the 13th VI: Jason Lives was the film that really got me intro horror in any real way. I was at a buddy’s house sometime between 1993 and 1995 (years are fuzzy, but I remember I bonded with this kid over The X-Files and this was also definitely in grade school), and his mom was your classic Did Not Give A Shit What We Watched kind of mom. She was awesome. She wore almost exclusively tie-dyed t-shirts and constantly just sat at the kitchen table smoking and talking on the phone. Anyway, I would go over to this kid’s house and we’d watch The X-Files and then whatever else was on TV. One week, TNN (the proto-Spike TV) was airing the sixth entry in the popular horror franchise and I was locked. the fuck. in. I’d seen these films’ VHS boxes at the video store and had been obsessed with them for some time. I got into hockey as a young kid so the fact that there was a film series where this monster was running around with a hockey mask on? Hell yeah. But unlike my friend’s mom, my parents were not that fast-and-loose at the video store or with television broadcasts, so I hadn’t yet experienced any of these movies. And so that was it. From then on, I was hooked. It’s a lot of why the Friday the 13th franchise is still my fave after all these years. Oh, and yeah, I’d def recommend the movie. It’s a great entry point for the series!

Chris: The first horror movie I ever saw was almost certainly A Nightmare on Elm Street and that movie still holds the fuck up. It rarely gets said but Craven really did catch lightning in a bottle with that one. The idea is genuinely scary and he gets nashty with it from very early on and doesn’t let up much until the hand comes out the door and the Freddy car drives off with the kiddies inside. There’s the barest amount of polish but what makes the film work so much for me is how often you can feel the low-budget risks the film takes. There’s a scrappiness to the entire endeavor, beginning with that first big death where the girl is thrown up onto the ceiling before Freddy opens up her chest and arteries, and there’s never any attempt to paper over or deny how slapdash some of this had to be. Like all great horror movies, there’s a constant feeling that this just barely got made in a coherent form and it’s a miracle the thing works as well as it does. If you have somehow not seen it, you absolutely should.

Eric: The first horror movie I ever saw? Normally, I'd say Zapruder film with this kind of prompt but I'll humor you. One of my earliest memories is hiding as a child to the librarian ghost at the start of Ghostbusters. We're talking about full-on ducking behind the sofa. I know that's more of a comedy, so here's another one and I think I've told this story before though. I walked in on my uncle watching Hellraiser III late at night and it just happened to be the scene where the lady gets her skin ripped off! Not a recommend! but definitely listen to the WHM episode on it! As far as what actually got me INTO horror and enjoying it, it was the first three Evil Dead movies (Evil Dead, Evil Dead 2, Army of Darkness.) I love those to death to this day, so much so that I still haven't watched the 2013 Evil Dead remake or Evil Dead Rise.

Steve: First movie I was scared at in the theaters? That’s gotta be the ending of Who Framed Roger Rabbit, where the Judge horrifically turns into a cartoon, producing a level of terror that James Wan can only dream of achieving. First Horror movie I’ve ever seen? That’s gotta be When a Stranger Calls Back, the TV Movie sequel to the legitimate original film (which I’ve still never seen). This one was creepy as hell for a little 10-year-old-coward to see, it had a murder with an intensely creepy voice that not only would call and torment young babysitters (like the first one), he was also---SPOILER ALERT---a ventriloquist that could throw his voice around the room which made it impossible for intrepid Charles Durning to find where he was! He also had super camouflage at the end? Where he painted himself like a brick wall or something? There was a lot going on and it scared the shit out of me.

OCTOBER SCHEDULE

Say what? The schedule in advance?! It's the least we could do! By subscribing to this newsletter you get a sneak peek at what we're putting out in October!

Episode 699 – Exorcist: The Beginning

Episode 700 – Bushwhacked

Episode 701– Pumpkinhead

Episode 702 – The Purge

Episode 703 – The Devil’s Rain

Patreon Episodes:

We Love Movies – The Exorcist

Animation Damnation: South Park: “Korn’s Groovy Pirate Ghost Mystery” (s3,e10)

The Nexus: TOS: “The Lights of Zetar” (s3, e18) TNG: “Brothers”(s4,e4)

Gleep Glossary: Gethzerion

MelR0210: 90210“Sex, Lies, and Volleyball/Photo Fini” (s3, e4), Melrose Place: “The Young Men and the Sea” (s2, e19)

Once in a Lifetime: Killer Under the Bed (2018)

3rd Quarter Synchable Commentary: Society

PATREON RSS BUG

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Please consult this pageand contact Patreon Support if the problem persists. We apologize for any inconvenience you’ve experienced on Patreon and truly appreciate your continued support!

UPCOMING NEWS AND PROMOTION

On Screen Live is back and better than ever! In fact right now you can follow Andrew, Chris, and Eric’s takes on the offerings of the New York Film Festival as well as all the jokes about box office numbers and trailers you’ve come to expect all on our YouTube Channel!

We also have all officially sanctioned VHS Trailer Game episodes up to this point. Eric has also put out great clip packages likeDr. Loomis is the Worst Doctor, Dilf Den, George Bailey as Michael Meyers, John Wick-Mentary,  Toby Jones in Bee Movie, Sausage Claus, David! Muppet Hitchcock Presents, and many more! You can also watchthe entirety of our Witchboard episode! Complete with visual gags (most of which are almost funny.). You'll find all sorts of cool shit like Mailbags, VHS Trailer Games, Full Episodes like Rampage (2018), Any Which Way You Can, Bram Stoker’s Dracula and Saw III. Like we said above these are great for sharing and introducing folks to the show. There's so much content there we can't list it all here. Just go and subscribe already!

It's back in stock, baby! You can get a KICK ASS edition of the super fun B-Movie Scanner Cop, which includes our commentary track, which isn't available anywhere else! Get yours here!

Eric and Ben are back in the the blue and they’re dishing on Hooker family secrets and hanging out at the mall, when they review “Street Bait”  Listen here! 

Did you know that Andrew has a website? No, it's not an OnlyFans (yet), it's a cool blog for some musings and Jupin-centric goings on. Lookit that fancy graphic from Raphael Sarmento! Check it out at andrewjupin.com

If you're a fan of the show and a fan of looking sharp, you should check out our merch on our TeePublic store! We have some hot off the presses designs by Felipe Sobreiro and some, like the above, might not be around forever (wink wink)!  We also have "The DILF Den", and a "Crispy Critters" design from friend of the show, Nathan Hamill!  There’s a ton of other great designs like The VHS Trailer Game Logo, Demon-o's Pizza, Egg Lawyer, The Order of the Boop, The Kornkast design and many more, with more to come!

That's going to do it for this month's Dispatch! See you next month for We Love Movies Month!


Take it easy,
Andrew, Chris, Eric, and Steve
We Hate Movies