BIG DADDY DISPATCH: AUGUST 2023 (Patreon)

Dispatch Seventy Eight August 1st, 2023

Greetings WHM Family!

And just like that, season thirteen is OVER! But don’t let the sign fool you, August will be just as jam packed with WHM content as any other calendar month. We’ve got all torpedo tubes loaded with excellent end-of-the-season content, from amazing stuff on the Patreon feed, including a much sought after WLM, a Once in a Lifetime that will make you cringe, and not to mention a two-part TNG of the Nexus! Things continue weekly on the main feed to with hilarious live episodes and yes, the grand finale of the VHS Trailer game!

All this is leading up to the exciting and unprecedented fourteenth season of We Hate Movies! We already know what our season premier “re-do” episode is going to be, and believe us, you are going to be excited to hear it! Oh, and there’s gonna be a MAJOR Patreon Announcement coming in September that you all do not wanna miss!

Banner Credit: We Hate Movies The Big Daddy Dispatch by Felipe Sobreiro

Image Credit: A still from “Burns, Baby Burns” fromThe Simpsons (s8, e4) via Frinkiac.com

NEW LIVE SHOW ALERT

TRI-STATE AREA, are you ready for a kick-ass Holiday show from your favorite podcast? Well, they’re not available. But we are! This December, We Hate Movies is doing a live episode on Tim Allen’s 1994 grunting Santa picture, The Santa Clause at White Eagle Hall right up the street from Steve’s apartment in Jersey City*! This is going to be a great time at a great venue talking about a shitty movie, which will get everybody in the holiday spirit. Our last New Jersey show sold out, so you definitely do not want to get left out in the cold for the live show on December 7th! Get your tickets now!

*Steve’s address is not available even to the highest level of Patreon subscribers.

LAST MONTH ON WHM

Episode 683 – Garfield with Bob Mackey and Henry Gilbert

The gang welcomes back Henry and Bob from the Talking Simpsons podcast to talk about a uniquely maddening adaptation of everyone’s favorite lasagna obsessive, voiced by an entirely checked-out Bill Murray. Has there ever been more product placement in a movie for kids? Why is Garfield CGI and all other cats are real with terrible animated mouths? Isn’t this just a bit too much Breckin Meyer for a major audience? Jesus Christ, they made another one of these?!

Episode 684 – Mission: Impossible (PATRONS ONLY)

For this month’s We Love Movies, Andrew, Eric, and Steve join Ethan Hunt on his first mission to recover an explosive NOC list and find the villain who killed his team. Poor Emilio Estevez! Has the series ever topped this De Palma-helmed stunner? Is this the moment where Tom Cruise fully took hold of the American moviegoing public? Even with wisdom, how does Jon fucking Voight land Emmanuelle Béart? She had to be another double, that’s the only explanation.

Episode 685–  Mission Impossible: II 

The boys ride out to Australia with Ethan Hunt and his jewel-thief girlfriend/pawn to stop the spread of a super-virus and dash the sexual and financial dreams of…some guy played by Dougray Scott. Is this movie just for the die-hard John Woo fans? Why does this continue to have such a bad rap when it mostly works? Did they not have any other Australian comedians they could call to pretend to fly a helicopter? Has any other IMF adventure been this steamy? WE ARE GAGGING FOR IT!

Episode 686 – American Pie 2 with Angelica Jade Bastién

Vulture critic and longtime friend of the show Angelica Jade Bastién returns to head out to the beach house with the fellas and endure the miserable and horny adventures of the Pie Fucker & Friends. Shouldn’t this be more fun? Did they bring back every single joke from the first one? It really does seem so. Wouldn’t you just run screaming if you had friends like these? Features a host of forgotten pop-punk bands on the soundtrack too, which is exactly half bad.

Episode 687 – The Postman

Eric finally breaks the boys down and gets them to take a three-hour journey with fake mailman Kevin Costner who, unexpectedly, becomes the greatest man to ever live in post-apocalyptic America. Why can’t we get more of this mule? Are we supposed to swoon for this Costner romance with the woman whose husband couldn’t get hard and then got stabbed in the heart? What did Will Patton do to anyone to be fed these lines? Truly disheartening to see Tom Petty hanging out in Bridge City.

WHAT ARE WE WATCHING?

This is a space for us to talk about some NON-We Hate Movies related content that we've shoved into our eyeballs in the last month: TV, Movies, Cartoons, and Sports (maybe?). Just about anything that isn't pornography.

Andrew: I did a couple of completist watches this month, along with some other things of course. Here’s what stood out:

The Three Flavors Cornetto Trilogy - I know Steve hates that moniker, but it’s the easiest way to mention all three titles at once. Yes, this month my wife and I went through all three Edgar Wright/Simon Pegg/Nick Frost film collaborations. I was pleasantly surprised by how much Shaun of the Deadheld up. Sometimes with film comedies, especially ones that were released around the time I was in college, I’ve seen them so many times, the jokes just don’t work on me anymore (Super Troopers). But I was pleased to see I still found this totally engaging and funny. There are a couple of 2004 “OOF” moments here and there (all from the Frost character), but otherwise it’s still great. Now, Hot Fuzz was one I wasn’t particularly keen on when I saw it in theaters and I look back now thinking it must’ve had something to do with the theatrical experience itself because upon my (first ever) rewatch, I found this to be so fucking great. The mix of giallo crime/Wicker Man-type town cult/and ridiculous cop action is such a wild blend, I truly loved it. I think Pegg and Frost are both great here as well. I know some people were telling me that it’s “the point” of the film, but I do wish we had wild insane violence taking out these corrupt townspeople at the end and not goofy antics, but hey, it’s fine. And then finally, The World’s End, a film I flat-out did not care for when I saw it in theaters (again, the only time I ever checked it out). This time though, it played so much better for me and I think that largely has to do with the fact that I’m now the exact age the characters are in the movie. A lot has happened to me in 10 years and now that I’m caught up to the rest of these fellas… I can relate. Not that these films are numbered, but I’d rank them 2-3-1.

The Insidious Franchise - I was really pumped up to check out Patrick Wilson’s directorial debut, Insidious: The Red Door, or, per Senator Sajdak’s legislation, Insidious 5. So, I went back through and re-watched the first three, then checked out the fourth one for the very first time. Insidious still remains an all-time banger horror flick. I remember watching it for the first time and being shit-scared throughout and this time that mostly held true. The filmmaking and camerawork being responsible for so many of the eerie scares in this franchise is what makes these movies stand out for me, and this one has a ton of that. Eerie as fuck. With Insidious: Chapter 2, I decided that this time around I would just accept the concept of The Further and see where the re-watch would take me. Gotta say, part 2 played way better for me this time. With Insidious: Chapter 3, they clearly realized the most popular part of the franchise is Lin Shay and smartly went the prequel route, telling an Elise-centric story. I think it’s fine, but it’s the least-successful of the bunch. Although you got Dermot Mulroney floating around and that guy is always welcome. And finally, Insidious: The Last Key was a pretty decent sequel to 3 and prequel to 1. It’s the Rogue One of these movies with the ass-end of the film bumping up against the start of part 1. It’s more backstory into the Elise character and since Lin Shay was there, I was down to clown. Love that lady. And then yes, of course, The Red Door I caught in theaters and liked very much. Can’t wait to see what Patrick Wilson directs next.

Star Trek: Strange New Worlds - I’ll close with a bit of TV. I’ve been saying this on On-Screen Live for a few weeks now, but this new season of ST:SNW kicks serious ass. I absolutely love the production design and all of the characters are written and performed so well. The addition of Carol Kane this season has been so fucking funny. Love her. If you’re watching along this season, so far I’d say my favorite episodes have been, as of this writing, “The Broken Circle,” “Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow,” and “Among the Lotus Eaters.” That said, I’m writing this two days before “Those Old Scientists” airs and as a fan of Star Trek: Lower Decks as well, I’m pretty exciting to see what they do with Mariner and Boimler’s guest spots. ::Robert Stack Voice:: UPDATE. Since I wrote this, I got to see “Those Old Scientists” and thought it was fun as hell, although it was really interesting noticing the differences between Quaid and Newsome’s live action performances versus their animated ones.

Chris:  The best movie I saw this month was Showing Up, which beat out stiff competition from Oppenheimer, Barbie, and Shin Kamen Rider to get to its spot. Kelly Reichardt is one of the best American filmmakers to come out of the aughts and I don’t think I’ve ever felt one of her movies come off as so unencumbered, so astonishingly free yet not ostentatious even in the slightest. I imagine that has to come from the personal nature of the story – the working and intimate life of a celebrated yet minor sculptor, played by the brilliant Michelle Williams, leading up to a show at a small gallery and her landlord’s heavily anticipated show as well. That’s the broad sketch but Reichardt and Williams find the erratic heartbeat of the character and the story by luxuriating in quiet moments of introspection, analysis, and barely held-back torrents of emotion, as well as some shrieking class friction. As with First Cow, there’s a distinct warmth to this film that is pointedly absent from anything up to and including Night Moves, and it fits her remarkably well, as much as I may pine occasionally for the Reichardt of River of Grass and Wendy and Lucy to make a return. She might still. Who knows? What Showing Up proves more than just about anything is that Reichardt’s moving and unexpectedly funny ruminations on art and commerce, friendship and ownership, the work of life and the life of creative arts can be molded and shaped in different visual registers. If Wendy and Lucy is inarguably one of her most difficult films to get through, this goes down deceptively easy, despite it containing all the heartbreak and wild-grown unease that drew people to Reichardt in the first place with Old Joy. Can’t wait to see what she puts out next.

Eric: So, I've been absolutely slammed between moving and finishing out this WHM season so my viewings have been on the lighter side. Here's a rundown of some shit I dug.

Kung fu corner features me cracking open more of the amazing box set that is Shawscope Vol 2. I cannot stress enough that if you're a kung fu fan, both those Arrow-released Shawscope box sets are worth your time:

Five Superfighters (1979) – It's probably because I've seen so many of these now but this felt pedestrian with the boilerplate plot of being beaten up by a wandering master who will absolutely not only challenge your way of kung fu but your way of life too. It's okay!

Invincible Shaolin (1978) – Now that's a little more like it. This is directed by the outright master Chang Cheh (if you're curious he was my #1 director according to Letterboxd last year.) This one's about Northern Shaolin teachers instructing the army instead of Southern Shaolin teachers. As you can imagine, this creates conflict. A good movie, but again, a lot of these movies are like this! So that makes it slightly more forgettable.

Blue Steel(1990) – Enjoyed this movie, a first view for me. Directed by Kathryn Bigelow and about a rookie cop (Jamie Lee Curtis) who basically starts dating a witness to her first shoot out by accident. The guy's obsessed with her though, and it's Ron Silver, so that's scary! Clancy Brown and Tom Sizemore round out the cast. Would be a fun double feature with the absolute stay tuned The Rookie(1990 also) starring Charlie Sheen and Clint Eastwood (who also directs.)

Steve: Well, I did the BarbenHeimer thing, which you already heard me talk about on our incredible On-Screen Live season finale, which, if you didn’t watch live, you can always stream on our bountiful YouTube channel! Oppenheimeris now my favorite movie of the year, nudging out Beau is Afraid and it looks damn unbeatable, but we’ll see what Mr. Scorsese has to say about that!

Speaking of that short, Italian genius with the bushy eyebrows, my wife and I watched The Age of Innocenceover the weekend and while we liked it, we fell short of loving it. The production design and cinematography are pretty peerless, just top-notch interiors and painterly compositions throughout. The story itself gets tripped up by an oppressive voice over, which is your standard ‘I loved the book, let me read it to you!’ adaptation problem. Also, Marty is known for having big, memorable performances even in even his quieter movies, but everybody, even Daniel Day Lewis feels muted here.

We caught a 35mm print of Flash Gordon at the Metrograph a few weeks ago, and hot damn is that movie fun. I don’t think I’d seen the film end to end since childhood (barring some possible, long forgotten “midnight viewing” at my old Astoria place), and it really draws you in immediately with a steady, self-assured cheesiness. I found that refreshing. Everybody here knows this movie is, at best going to be a silly little trifle but plays it straight to the best of their ability. This is what I love about old school genre filmmaking: absurd dialogue delivered by mostly capable actors in ridiculous costumes. Also, that Queen score is fucking fire, even 40 years later.

PATREON MAILBAG LIGHTNING ROUND

Here's a fun space where folks on Patreon get to ask us Questions directly. This month's entry comes from

Lee Murphy, from Galway, Ireland who asks: “Every film so far this summer has either flopped or been under-estimated by opening projections. Do you see this leading to a shift in how movies are made (i.e. reduced budgets etc.)”

Andrew: You know Lee, I’ve been in and around this business for all of my adult life and while I wish I could tell you I think that’s going to happen, I’m just not sure. I would love for people to take a look at the fact that Barbie and Oppy both cost about HALF of what they pumped into Mission: Impossible: Dead Reckoning Part One and Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny and then reevaluate accordingly, but these studio heads are like Sideshow Bob stepping on the rakes.

When the industry is on the other side of these strikes, I certainly hope that the producers and studios can take a look at the wild trail of wasted money left in their wake and make some changes, but only time will tell. That said, again, I think it’s really great that two movies that cost half of Indy 5 and M:I 7 just blew those two titles right out of the wate, but when it comes to these big blockbusters, I just don’t know.

Perhaps this could mean a return to producing more mid-level comedies and dramas. Even cheaper genre stuff. Because if there’s one thing to take away from the big Barbenheimerweekend, where the American box office combined totaled just over $300 million, it’s that audiences want, no, audiences need variety at the movies. Can’t all be capes and cowls and so on. So let’s see if the studios can be inspired to create a little more of a mix on their slates each year.

Chris:  I really have no idea and I don’t think I believe anyone who says they do. What I can say is that Hollywood, and the current globalized American filmmaking industry in general, doesn’t learn. They don’t do that. They search for more money and if that happens to coincide with giving money to a Christopher Nolan, a Greta Gerwig, or a Jordan Peele, it is not due to the studio-cartel’s recognition of their immense talents. It’s because they’ve made money for them before and they’re hoping the equation – Christopher Nolan + movie budget = big-time box office – is really just that simple and forever durable. It’s not, or course. I am deeply skeptical of any view of the future of movies that includes the people in charge taking stock of the fact that they’ve made a lot of wrong decision(s) or even *gasp* did something stupid because I don’t think they do that either. Even if they did, I have no faith whatsoever that they would change course to ensure this medium’s future, unless you count replacing Marvel and DC with Mattel and Nintendo as a bold new path for cinema. For them, I think the fact that movies look like shit, are barely memorable, and are an immense pain or an outright impossibility to see in theaters is about as important to them as my grandmother’s favorite breakfast cereal. Sure, if Barbieis any sign, Mattel’s films will have more style, organic idiosyncrasies, and personal weight than 90% of Marvel films, but the moment they figure out how to get audiences to stream a Mattel movie entirely guided by demographic feedback and numbers, they will do it and try to make that the norm again. I think we’re always going to have movies because I genuinely can’t imagine a world without them, but there’s nothing in my view to hold onto when considering where the movies might be going. All I can say is that I hope we continue to get movies as big and diverse as Barbie and Oppenheimer while we still have something here.

Eric: I definitely can see this shift happening, Lee. I think you probably wrote this in prior to the takeover of Barbieand Oppenheimer. Two movies that I assume cost a ton less than something like Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny. And you know what? It's exciting. I am so glad this happened instead of another weekend of empty theater seats. This PROVES people WANT to go to the movies. Give them a goddamn reason that isn't related to 1 movie they saw in 2008 (15 fucking years ago.)

Steve: To answer Eric, Lee’s very good question was indeed written before Barbenheimer weekend, but it’s still incredibly valid. Hollywood finally got two legitimate hits in one weekend and to quote the great Lyle Lanley it’s a lot like a mule with a spinning wheel “Nobody knows how he got it and danged if he knows how to use it” We’re gonna watch the current brain geniuses that are unnecessarily dragging out the WGA/ SAG-AFTRA strikes bungle and miss the key point of this hit weekend: these were two movies by proven directors that were not sequels of anything. That’s the move. Bold visions from trusted voices. But, we’ve got burgeoning oligarchs like Bobby Iger and David Zaslav reading the tea leaves and we should prepare for that shit to be misread. We’re going to keep humping IP until our hips break. Also, I will disagree with Chris on this: I feel that the coming Mattel-essaince is going to make the nadir of the MCU look like the best offerings of New Hollywood. I say this because to quote the great Amy Taubin: It’s about a fucking doll! I’m not expecting lightning to strike even twice without Greta Gerwig, Margot Robbie, or Ryan Gosling.

AUGUST SCHEDULE

Say what? The schedule in advance?! It's the least we could do! By subscribing to this newsletter you get a sneak peek at what we're putting out in August!

Episode 688 – Twins: Live in Los Angeles

Episode 689 – Fatal Attraction: Live in Salt Lake City

Episode 690– The Birdcage: Live in New Brunswick

Episode 691– WarGames: Live in Denver

Episode 692– Universal Soldier: Live in Phoenix, including the finale of the Season 13 VHS Trailer Game!

Patreon Episodes:

We Love Movies – Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

Animation Damnation: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2012) “Plan 10” (s2, e21)

The Nexus: TNG: “The Best of Both Worlds, Part 1”(s3,e26) & “The Best of Both Worlds, Part 2 (s4, e1)

Gleep Glossary: Gallandro

MelR0210: 90210 “The Twins, The Trustee, and the Very Big Trip” (s3, e2), Melrose Place: “Michael’s Game” (s2, e17)

Once in a Lifetime: Killer Profile (2021) aka Do You Trust Your Boyfriend?

PATREON RSS BUG

 
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Please consult this page and contact Patreon Support if the problem persists. We apologize for any inconvenience you’ve experienced on Patreon and truly appreciate your continued support!

UPCOMING NEWS AND PROMOTION

Our YouTube Channel continues to kick-ass folks! That's where you can catch all the new On-Screen Live episodes wherein we break down Box Office news, react live to trailers, and talk about stuff we're watching, all on a weekly basis! It is MUST SEE viewing for the WHM fan. We have just had our season finale, but this show will be back bigger and better than ever in September, folks!

We also have all officially sanctioned VHS Trailer Game episodes up to this point. Eric has also put out great clip packages like Dr. Loomis is the Worst Doctor, Dilf Den, George Bailey as Michael Meyers, John Wick-Mentary,  Toby Jones in Bee Movie, Sausage Claus, David! Muppet Hitchcock Presents, and many more! You can also watchthe entirety of our Witchboard episode! Complete with visual gags (most of which are almost funny.). You'll find all sorts of cool shit like Mailbags, VHS Trailer Games, Full Episodes like Uncharted, Jurassic World: Dominion, Bram Stoker’s Dracula and Saw III. Like we said above these are great for sharing and introducing folks to the show. There's so much content there we can't list it all here. Just go and subscribe already!

It's back in stock, baby! You can get a KICK ASS edition of the super fun B-Movie Scanner Cop, which includes our commentary track, which isn't available anywhere else! Get yours here!

Eric and Ben are back in the the blue and they’re dishing on Hooker family secrets and hanging out at the mall, when they review “Street Bait”  Listen here!

Did you know that Andrew has a website? No, it's not an OnlyFans (yet), it's a cool blog for some musings and Jupin-centric goings on. Lookit that fancy graphic from Raphael Sarmento! Check it out at andrewjupin.com

If you're a fan of the show and a fan of looking sharp, you should check out our merch on our TeePublic store! Our newest design celebrates our 2023 tour with a kick-ass design design by Felipe Sobreiro! We also have "The DILF Den", and a "Crispy Critters" design from friend of the show, Nathan Hamill!  There’s a ton of other great designs like The VHS Trailer Game Logo, Demon-o's Pizza, Egg Lawyer, The Order of the Boop, The Kornkast design and many more, with more to come!

That's going to do it for this month's Dispatch! See you next month for Season 14!


Take it easy,
Andrew, Chris, Eric, and Steve
We Hate Movies