BIG DADDY DISPATCH July 2021 (Patreon)

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Dispatch Fifty Five, July 2nd, 2021



Hello WHM Family!

It is BLAZING HOT out there (because the planet is dying) and the Summer Blockbuster Extravaganza is in full swing! We've been talking our asses off with some fantastic guests, and guess what, this month the movies get even bigger, but not necessarily better! This month is going to have A HUGE Blockbuster WLM, the return of Ben Worecester, a Gleep Glossary Sequel, and more of the profanity you've come to love! 


Banner Credit: We Hate Movies The Big Daddy Dispatch by Felipe Sobreiro

Image Credit:  Donald Pleasance as Golddust by Ray Allen

WHM FALL TOUR & SCANNER COP COMMENTARY FROM VINEGAR SYNDROME!

Ladies and Gentlemen, behold! New Fall Tour Dates! After a lot of re-scheduling and cajoling we have dates for two kick-ass tour legs and an amazing Anniversary show in our own backyard! People are going to be ravenous for these tickets, so do yourself a favor and grab them ASAP!

OCTOBER:

10/13, Cleveland, OH -  Nightmare on Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriors at Hilarities

10/14, Homestead, PA - Taken at the Pittsburgh Improv

10/16, Detroit, MI - Robocop 3 at the Majestic Theatre

NOVEMBER: 

11/18, Charlotte, NC - Under Siege at The Comedy Zone

11/19, Asheville, NC - Junior at The Orange Peel

11/21, Nashville, TN - Footloose (1984) at Zanies

DECEMBER:

12/9, Brooklyn, NY - The 10 Year Anniversary Show (One Year Late) at The Bell House

Come see us live! You'll regret it if you don't!

LAST MONTH ON WHM

Episode 550 – 101 Dalmaitans (1996)



Dog-skinning is back, baby! Andrew, Steve, Eric, and Chris travel back to 1990s London to watch *checks notes* video game designer Jeff Daniels and Joely Richardson save their, I dunno, 30-odd dogs from insane fashion designer and certified girl boss Cruella de Vil. How was anyone sold on a story centered on dog-skinning? Can we get more Joan Plowright at this table? Have you heard about this Bethany character? She sucks right? How did this cost so much when half of it is just animal reaction shots with an off-camera trainer? Just go back to 2D animation, you absolute vampires!

Episode 551 – The Prophecy

The gang gets biblical with Elias Koteas and Virginia Madsen as they run from raspy evil angel Gabriel (Christopher Walken) who wants to eat or kill or do something bad to a little girl named Mary. Where the hell did Eric Stoltz get this outfit? Is Viggo Mortensen the hottest devil in history? HOW many of these fucking movies did they make? Bania Alert!

Episode 552 – A History of Violence (Patrons Only)



Been a long time, Joey! For this month’s We Love Movies episode, the boys take a seat at Stall’s Diner to watch the unraveling of Tom Stall (or Joey Cusack? Or beloved character actress Joan Cusack?) after he becomes famous for killing two armed robbers in David Cronenberg’s thunderbolt of a movie. Is William Hurt good or bad in this and does that matter at all? Is Stall’s young son the bizarro version of Jesse Eisenberg? Did that motherfucker actually order a Genny Cream? Get ready for ample 69 talk, folks!

Episode 553 – Jonah Hex

The guys head to the old Wild Wild Southeast and talk about the titular DC Comics gunslinger who can resurrect the dead and shoot people and that’s ... kinda it. Has John Malkovich ever cared less about a role? Are we all comfortable calling this an actual movie? Why make a bootleg Neveldine/Taylor movie rather than just letting the junk maestros do their thing? Hopefully, this is the end of speaking about this movie at all.

Episode 554 – Fast Five with Jon Gabrus



Most important thing is family. Second most important thing is action movies. Returning pal of the show, Jon Gabrus of Action Boyz and High & Mighty comes by to shoot the shit with Andrew, Chris, Steve, and Eric about arguably the best installment of the best movie franchise made for people who spend half the runtime on their phone. Is it possible to believe that Vin Diesel wouldn’t get turned into ground lamb by Dwayne Johnson? Can we get more movies directly aping and reimagining action sequences (and villains) from the 90s? Did Christopher Morris Cabin just say he likes these fucking movies? We’re sure Gal Gadot loved the scene focused entirely on her ass.

Episode 555 – Wild Things with Angelica Jade Bastién



She’s back! Angelica Jade Bastién gets on the dangerously over-filled fan boat with the fellas and heads out to her homeland of Florida to discuss one of the horniest and wrongfully dismissed movies of the late 90s. How quickly did Matt Dillon say yes to the script where every woman on Earth wants to fuck him? Did all five members of this podcast episode wear out certain parts of their rental tapes? Can Eric or Andrew usurp Cabin at the last minute to pull out a big win on the VHS Trailer Game? We’re all a little envious of Kyra Sedgwick at the end of the day, aren’t we?

WHAT ARE WE WATCHING?

This is a space for us to talk about some NON-We Hate Movies related content that we've shoved into our eyeballs in the last month: TV, Movies, Cartoons, and Sports (maybe?). Just about anything that isn't pornography.

Andrew:  In the lead-up to F9: The Fast Saga, I purchased the 4k box set of the previous eight F&F films and diligently went through them all. I gotta say, I think I'm totally fine with my newfound commitment to enjoying mindless action more and those films certainly helped with that. We only live once, folks. The box set is pretty nice and the transfers and audio tracks of all eight films look and sound great. If I had to rank, for now let's just say maybe something like 5 > 7 > 6 > 9 > 4 > 2 > 1 > 8 > 3 > H&S. 

I also spent the last week and a half of June screening films at Tribeca. It's never a solid festival for narratives, but I saw some great docs including The Lost Leonardo, All These Sons, and Angelo Madsen Minax's heartbreaking, but fabulous film North by Current. The one narrative I saw that was pretty great was the absolutely enchanting Roaring 20's. 

Chris: Well, everyone, I’ve been moving, so I haven’t been able to watch as much as I would like on top of what I watch for the show. I’m finishing up my first complete watch-through of Deadwood, which, as it turns out, is very good and worthy of cultish obsession and love. One of the best written series I’ve ever sat through, for absolute sure. I did spend two and a half hours of my life sitting through In the Heights, which is not good but I put a lot of that on the fact that Miranda’s talk-rap style of writing/singing is like Quint at the chalkboard for me.

Aside from that, I’ve been making my way through a lot of Alan Clarke movies, after watching Rita, Sue and Bob Too on Criterion Channel. Clarke made most of his work for BBC, and was a fan of the long takes and long tracking shots, bless him. It lends immediacy and clarity to his electrifying studies of violent, outcast youths (Scum, Made in Britain) and hypnotic power to the quietly devastating Christine, which addresses adolescent drug addiction with bracing matter-of-factness. I had previously seen Elephant and The Firm, but Christine and Rita, Sue and Bob Too really sealed the deal on my love for and fascination with Clarke’s work. Oh, and again, F9 kinda ruled a little.

Eric: I think I didn't watch as much as I usually would have because this June has been going at breakneck speed! Plus I rewatched the Mad Max movies, a few big fat Marvel guys, and a ton of The Fast and Furious franchise – for work purposes. Those movies will devour you with their runtimes. In preparation for the FRQNCY fest (thanks to those who attended!) I rewatched and was re-captivated by Mad Max (the original from 1979.) What a picture! I really want to do a WLM on it sometime.

Some pretty good Kung fu I watched this month: John Woo's Hand of Death, Royal Tramp (1992) starring Stephen Chow, and Ninja in the Dragon's Den (1982) starring Conan Lee and Hiroyuki Sanada (Scorpion in the new Mortal Kombat) But tread lightly on that last one, Ninja in the Dragon's Den, as it features homophobic slurs kinda shouted randomly. Not sure if that was the dubber's idea or not. Sadly the Amazon stream is not available in the original language.

Another solid first time watch this June was Humanoids from the Deep (1980.) I know I can't believe I put it off this long either.

Steve:  I guess I need to let everyone know that I absolutely skipped that F9, as I think I'll remain the lone crank on the podcast about those films. Just not for me, no thanks. And that's the thing, I've been LOOKING for movies to see in the theaters too! I'm excited to be pretty disappointed by Black Widow next weekend!

 I stayed home for the Mark Wahlburg's trip to the Past Lives Pavillion, the grade A waste of time, Infinite. I don't want to spill too much ink here because I feel pretty confident we'll be talking about it in January (but those slots are filling up fast these days), but Lordy, what a completely incoherent, why bother effort from all involved. One day there's going to be a full scale investigation into how badly Hollywood let Chiwetel Ejiofor down and when that day comes most of these mother fuckers will be in jail and I will be happy.

Oh, and I've been really enjoying this year's NBA Playoffs. It's always a time of year I look forward to but this year has been especially fun. Sad, sure for the myriad superstars that have wound up missing games due to a series of injuries worthy of the Final Destination franchise. All that said, that Bucks/Nets game 7 is one of the most entertaining and exciting basketball games I've seen in my 25+ years watching the sport. Just wow. As of this writing it looks like the Bucks are headed for an NBA Finals with the Suns and if that happens, I'm gonna enjoy every damn minute. Here's hoping Giannis gets healthy soon so that series can be as exciting as it should be.

PATREON MAILBAG LIGHTNING ROUND

Steve:  16 year-old me would've picked IG-88 or Greedo, but the fun part of this show has been exploring the real nobodies of the universe, hearing their backstories and tweaking them in the WHM way. Keeping that in mind, I'd love to see a Figrin D'an of the Modal Nodes feature film by Alex Ross Perry in the vein of Her Smell called His Jizz. And it's all about how the rest of the Modal Nodes have to put up with his eccentricities, his affairs, and drug addictions.Here's a fun space where folks on Patreon get to ask us Questions directly. This month's entry comes from 

Jessie from Poland who asks: 

"One *extremely* important question coming from *me* to *you* is: if you had to choose a Gleep Glop from your Glossary of Gleeps to be the star of a Star Wars spin-off movie, who would it be?"

Andrew: If I was able to greenlight a Star Wars film based off one of these weirdo creatures from the Gleep Glossary, it'd have to be Hohass Ekwesh, the horse-ish fighter pilot. You'd get to play with all his wild multiple-minds stuff, see him become the poster-child for New Republic's good vibes campaign, and we'd even get to see the tragic death of Admiral Ackbar's niece finally play out on screen! 

Chris: As I have long argued, the best element of the original trilogy of Star Wars movies was the wall-to-wall character design, make-up work, wardrobe, and physical effects that built the world. The humans are, pardon me, pretty boring in comparison. So, I think our best bet here would be an old-fashioned puppet show starring Salacious Crumb, or possibly his litter of offspring that I assume Milne left out of his little book. Something that puts the focus back on physical creation would be fun, and puppetry is mesmerizing when done well. Anyway, I’m sure they are already considering a Crumb show, possibly utilizing the sensual tones of Robert Crumb.

Eric: Wow, what a question! I would've said Boba Fett any other year probably but now that dude's got a new TV show, Book of Boba Fett, which I think will be a Carrie Bradshaw like journal of Fett's later in life dating scene in a nice retirement community just outside Mos Eisley on Tatooine.This is a fun question because it focuses on JUST the 30 characters we've now discussed on the Gleep Glossary. Although, the secret pilot to this Star Wars side show was through Lak Sivrak in our 3 hour Star Wars (1977) episode. So I might vote that guy. A wolfman freedom fighter, a hot lover, and a poet with a blaster. He just might be the one for me.Other than that, I'd be into a Labria movie, you know the devil guy. Actually, you know what? If you can't do Lak Sivrak. Give me a Nien Nunb movie. What's that little pervert getting up to? I'd watch!

JULY SCHEDULE

Say what? The Schedule in advance?! It's the least we could do! By subscribing to this newsletter you get a sneak peak at what we're putting out in the month of July!  

Episode 557 — Iron Man 2

Episode 558 — Turner and Hooch

Episode 559 — The Village (2004)

Episode 560 — The Mummy Returns with Ben Worcester


Patreon Episodes:

Patreon Exclusive We Love Movies — Iron Man

Animation Damnation — The Mummy: The Animated Series (s1, e1) "The Summoning"

The Nexus: TOS: "By Any Other Name" (s2 e22) TNG: "Who Watches the Watchers" (s3, e4)

Gleep Glossary: Triclops (Ken's Dad!!)

Melr0210: 90210: "Anaconda" (s2, e4) Melrose Place: Bye Bye Billy"  (s1, e24)


Find all this crap and enjoy it legally, just like we do! now!

PATREON RSS BUG

If you’re having trouble with the RSS feed updating or episodes not appearing in your app, Patreon has acknowledged this bug and they have a fix: "Try un-subscribing and re-subscribing via your app by re-entering the unique RSS feed you were given and is on our Overview section of the Creator page. Or try using a different podcast app or RSS feed reader." 

Please consult this page and contact Patreon Support if the problem persists. We apologize for any inconvenience you’ve experienced on Patreon and truly appreciate your continued support!

UPCOMING NEWS AND PROMOTION




Folks, you gotta check out our Youtube Channel! You'll find all sorts of cool shit like Mailbags, Green Rooms, VHS Trailer Games, Full Episodes like Never Say Never Again, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, and Camp Nowhere! Eric has also put out great clip packages like David! Muppet Hitchcock Presents, Egg Lawyer, Lak Sivrak, the Wolfman of Star Wars, Michael Biehn at Comic Con, Loose Loomis, and many more! Like we said above these are great for sharing and introducing folks to the show. There's so much content there we can't list it all here. Just go and subscribe already! 



We just want to let you folks know that the Scanner Cop 1 & 2 collection is back in stock on the Vinegar Syndrome website! Why should you care? Well, A.) Those movies are awesome and B.) Scanner Cop features a synchable, hilarious commentary by your friends at We Hate Movies! Get your copy now before it's off the market! 

This month on Hooked on T.J. Hooker: Eric annoys Ben with a soundboard as they discuss the Season 3 Finale of our favorite hedgehog policeman! Listen here!

If you're a fan of the show and a fan of looking sharp, you should check out our merch on our TeePublic store! We've got awesome designs including some brand new art by Felix for the totally un-crooked VHS Trailer Game! Be sure to check out their awesome art at their instagram @abrakadamnart. We also have a ton of great designs like The VHS Trailer Game Logo, Egg Lawyer, The Order of the Boop, The Kornkast design and many more, with more to come! 

That's going to do it for this month's Dispatch! Thank you all for your incredible support and we'll see you next time!

Take it easy,
Andrew, Chris, Eric, and Steve
We Hate Movies