Big Daddy Dispatch: June 2021 (Patreon)

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Dispatch Fifty Five, June 3rd, 2021



Hello WHM Family!

WE ARE BACK IN THE STUDIO! After 14 months of YOUR incredible support and our slowly going mad in our respective homes recording remotely, your four intrepid, surly podcasters are back together, in person! So, for the most part all main feed episodes are going to be in our studio with the four of us bouncing silly, inane, perverse, irritating, and hopefully humorous jokes off each other for your benefit! 

We don't want to pretend that we're on the other side of this thing yet, as there's still a lot of devastation and sickness and a lot of stuff won't ever be the same, but we do want to thank every single one of you that remained a patron during an incredibly difficult time. It wasn't easy for us to get up the will to do this dumb little enterprise and 100% the only way we all got through it was with your incredible support. So, consider this a very humble and sincere "thank you" as we all keep our fingers crossed that we are indeed turning a corner on this thing.

The best way to celebrate? How about a kick-ass Summer Blockbuster Extravaganza? Sound good? Sounds good. 

Banner Credit: We Hate Movies The Big Daddy Dispatch by Felipe Sobreiro

Image Credit:  We Hate Movies: The Return by Chelsea Jupin

FRQNCY1: A VIRTUAL MUSIC AND COMEDY FESTIVAL, LIVE FROM BROOKLYN! & SCANNER COP COMMENTARY FROM VINEGAR SYNDROME!

This SATURDAY, we are going to be back on stage and IN-PERSON (for an entirely virtual festival) talking Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome! Slightly altered lineup is above, so please check it out! Oh, and for those SO INCLINED, we'll be hosting a Virtual Backstage hang at 8:45pm EST as well on that very feed, it's gonna be super informal and judging by the time a little boozy. 

This is going to be an all-day blast and the video WILL NOT BE REBROADCAST after June 5th, so you want to make some time for this one! All tickets, including T-Shirts, and virtual backstage passes can be found on the FRQNCY1 website! 


Also currently out there in the world is a GORGEOUS Scanner Cop & Scanner Cop 2 Box Set out by Vinegar Syndrome!


Why are we letting you know this? Is it just because Scanner Cop fucking rules? Well, yes. But also, this amazing package comes with a commentary track by your favorite podcast! That's right, we recorded a hilarious commentary track for Scanner Cop that we cannot wait for you to hear! You'll be able to get your copy on the Vinegar Syndrome website, which is currently re-calibrating after their massive Halfway to Black Friday sale. We do have it on good authority that more copies will be available when their site goes back online on July 1, so don't get discouraged and check back then!

LAST MONTH ON WHM

Episode 545 – Stargate



The boys cross through the liquid portal into future-Egypt (or something) with James Spader and Kurt Russell to free the proud Wheezinthejuicians from a cruel, all-powerful alien emperor. Why would you allow French Stewart’s character to survive this trip? What is with the big-time adventure score to this nuts-and-bolts sci-fi film? Is James Spader staying behind to become the next, fatter Ra? All this and more in the latest installment of Russell Rules!

Episode 546 – Escape from New York (PATRONS ONLY)

For this month’s We Love Movies episode, Andrew, Steve, Eric, and Chris head into the dystopian prison colony known as Manhattan with world-class bad-ass Snake Plissken to rescue President Loomis from the Duke and his minions. Can you really trust a guy who is okay being referred to as “Brain?” How have practical effects barely ever reached heights like these? Is there a better end to an action movie out there? When in god’s name will Cabin stop defending late Carpenter crap? All hail Lee Van Cleef!

Episode 546 – The Simpsons Movie with Henry Gilbert and Bob Mackey



The gang heads to Springfield with old friends Bob and Henry of the stellar Talking Simpsons podcast to discuss one of the aughts’ cruelest mistakes, The Simpsons Movie, in which Rainier Wolfcastle turns into Arnold Schwarzenegger and puts Springfield under a dome to stave off Homer’s environmental pig-shit disaster. How desperate was everyone for this that most excused all the horrors within? Why isn’t Mr. Burns the villain? Who is this for? WHAT THE FUCK WITH THE LITTLE BART PENIS?! It’s times like these when you remember Matt Groening was on the Epstein flight logs.

Episode 548 – Saw III

Andrew, Eric, Chris, and Steve once again step into Jigsaw’s trap by wasting another 100 minutes of precio….hmmm….valua…hmmmm…pretty good life with Saw III, in which the most fragile and violent boomer to ever exist unloads all professional responsibilities onto a grieving father while he receives emergency surgery. What is the focus of this film beyond the fetishization of human suffering? How long until Jigsaw puts a trap on a kid for calling him “poopy head?” Who was asking for 40 minutes of backstory on Shawnee fucking Smith? Also, as always, a lengthy discussion of Becker.

Episode 549 – The Mighty Ducks



Quack, Quack, Quack, dear listeners! For the first in-person recording of the show since the pandemic started, the gang hits the ice with Emilio Estevez as Gordon Bombay, the legally obligated coach and former would-be hockey star of the underdog pee-wee hockey team of the title. Is it possible to even count how many times we’ve seen this? Is Charlie trying to help Gordon fuck his mom? Where do rich people go to find real sport psychos like Lane Smith? Did this movie run so that Heavyweights could walk? All hockey terminology, history, and rule-explaining provided by resident hockey expert Andrew Jupin.

WHAT ARE WE WATCHING?

This is a space for us to talk about some NON-We Hate Movies related content that we've shoved into our eyeballs in the last month: TV, Movies, Cartoons, and Sports (maybe?). Just about anything that isn't pornography.

Andrew:  My movie watching in May was kind of all over the place. I was stoked to celebrate my return to The Movies with two trips to see two lackluster horror films, Spiral and Army of the Dead. Snyder's film had its moments, but Spiral was just total Dullsville. For the show, I had the opportunity to rewatch the most excellent David Cronenberg film, A History of Violence. Boy, did it ever feel good to rewatch an impeccably made, super-challenging film. And for whatever reason, I loved William Hurt's performance this go-round. I've also been trying to knock stuff off my Letterboxd Watchlist so I finally caught Arthur Penn's Night Moves starring the one-and-only Gene Hackman. Goddamn, what an excellent film. It's a sweaty-ass, 1970's L.A. noir and it's just great. It doesn't come up much in conversation these days, but it's well worth your time. Oh, and finally, last week I was able to catch Janicza Bravo's Zola and hot dog, was that ever a wild ride—Taylour Paige is incredible as the titular dancer looking to make some fast cash who gets wrapped up in a totally insane series of events over one wild-ass weekend in Tampa, Florida. Bravo's singular vision was a breath of fresh air as I screened the film and I cannot wait to see what she does next. Check it out when it arrives at the end of this month.

Chris: Consider me officially addicted to Chinese action/adventure movies from 1975 to 1998. I’ve always been heavy into Johnnie To ever since seeing his first two Election films and Exiled, and I’ve seen a lot of the wuxia made post-2000, but never made a point of venturing into the genre or its more fantastical/horror-tinted off-shoots, to say nothing of all the gun-oriented action of the 1990s. The best I’ve seen this month is Tsui Hark’s Zu: Warriors from the Magic Mountain, which keeps the same fleet-footed pace as Hark’s films while offering a wondrous and unpredictable world of god-like warriors at battle. There’s so much color! So much actual invention in how to display fighting styles, techniques, and supernatural powers, as compared to the dull realism of modern digital expression. The fights rule too, but what strikes me about the best of these works is how they stick to the cardinal rule: actual light hitting real, tangible things, and letting the director, actors, and creative crew build from there.

Now, to be fair, there’s more sign of CGI use in Yuen Woo-ping’s Iron Monkey – the original cut, not the American cut that was actively butchered by none other than Harvey Weinstein – and it is no less impressive or thrilling as a technical work and a notable entertainment than Hark’s film. It’s a retelling of chapter in the life of folk hero Wong Fei-hung, specifically his father’s brief partnership with the titular Robin Hood-esque hero, during which the young legend was kidnapped by the corrupt local government. Thankfully, they keep it light on story, and high on zippy dialogue, sharp physical comedy, and absolutely breathtaking fight choreography given an added jolt in its unrelenting belief in humility, generosity, and being really, really good at kicking people’s asses. I also just finished (and loved) Chang Cheh’s Five Elements Ninjas and think it is exactly the structure they should do for any future Mortal Kombat movies, but I’ve gone on enough now.


Eric: Still surprised it's somehow June and I'm reflecting on May 2021? Wild shit. Disturbing timeline we're trapped in here, folks. Anyway, a lot of my first views for the month of May include more kung fu! Honestly love those Shaw Brothers. Dirty Ho from 1979 (not what you think.) It's about a prince secretly posing as a jeweller who basically cons a thief into being his bodyguard and a lot of hijinks ensue. Definitely veers comedy which is a good thing! I also really enjoyed Sammo Hung's The Prodigal Son where a town is paid off to act like this little rich boy is a great kung fu master and the truth being exposed and well, check out the movie. 

Lightning round of other first time watches: Dead & Buried? Pretty cool ending. Malice with Alec Baldwin, Nicole Kidman, and an absolutely stacked cast? A gigantic budget lifetime movie people like to call "neo-noir" so it doesn't sound like a TV thing, but baby it feels like a TV thing. Not a fan, but it is batshit. Definite future episode. Train to Busan? Yes, I waited way too long on this because of zombie fatigue. Didn't see Zack Snyder's latest yet, but I'm glad I took the time to see this instead. And finally the WE ARE BACK TO MOVIE THEATER watches: Mortal Kombat? Oh boy. See you in January. Guy Ritchie's Wrath of Man? Actually surprisingly decent Dadfernoon material. Sure the plot probably doesn't make sense but it's tense guys being tense around armored trucks. That's primo Dad stuff right there. Co-stars Scott "Toyota" Eastwood to boot. Sadly this inspired me to check out more Guy Ritchie movies I let pass me by and boy howdy that King Arthur movie he did is among the worst things I have ever seen. 

Steve:  Goddamn how I wish there were worthwhile movies to see in the theaters, ladies and gentlemen. I rode shotgun with Andrew to see Army of the Dead, which was very close to becoming my favorite Snyder (a low bar for sure), but my man manages to trip over it all the time. It's just way too long and the length detracts and waters down the elements I really liked about it, which is a shame. So, Watchmen remains at the top of Snyder Mount Olympus, which is not at all a high mountain. Kind of a mole hill, really. Bautista is a genuine star who I hope finds a really fun role in the near future. He brings it here. 

I also checked out Simon Barrett's Seance... which really had some moments! It gets far too Scooby Doo explain-y at the end, but if you're a fan of his output with Adam Wingard (like I am) that aesthetic and worldview shines through, a bit dimmer here however as Barrett isn't half the director Wingard is. Some good kills though!

I also did the Mare of Easttown which I just fucking loved, folks. I'm in the camp of give me a 2nd season, even if it is watered down and somewhat redundant just because I love the world and the characters so much. I can watch Kate Winslet eat an apple for 7 hours, and this was decisively a lot better than that. Easily my most enjoyed HBO property in some time. Hell, I'll take a Guy Pearce spin-off show about Richard traveling the country bedding ladies but ultimately letting them down because of his inherent douchey-ness. He did write a novel. Did you know that?

PATREON MAILBAG LIGHTNING ROUND

Here's a fun space where folks on Patreon get to ask us Questions directly. This month's entry comes from 

Dan in Wisconsin who asks: 

"Making it a personal goal of mine to watch every AFI top 100 movie. What movie(s) do you think should be in there as well as what ones would you take out to replace it with?"

Andrew: One of the things that's always bothered me about this dumb-ass list is that it's striclty narratives. Not a single doc or concert/performance film anywhere to be found. So if I had my say, I'd boot Tootsie, a film I've never given a shit about and think is totally overrated, and replace it with my favorite non-fiction film, my favorite performance film, and one of my favorite films of all time, Jonathan Demme's Stop Making Sense. Put non-ficiton films on this list, cowards!   

Chris: MY MAN! Do you have an infinite amount of time? To begin with, I find individual critics lists a lot more instructive than institutions or organizations as to what you should be watching from the American back catalog, but I will not go on my entire soapbox rant here. Let me just focus on one: Gone with the Wind, one of the few American movies brave enough to attempt to be as racist as Birth of a Nation. Clark Gable is very handsome and we sure do like talking about how sad it was for the South to lose the war and all their free labor, but I’ve never heard a cogent response as to why this is so special or sweeping. How much god damn credit is sweepage getting in this calculation? Too much! Ang Lee’s Ride with the Devil offers a thornier portrayal of the Civil War’s losing side, but even that should be nowhere near a list of the best American films ever. Better to put Killer of Sheep, Nothing But a Man, Chameleon Street, or Deep Cover on there – they're all miles more innovative, thematically daring, and moving than Selznick's shithead antebellum ode and Spike Lee was the only black director represented on the OG AFI list, if I’m not mistaken. No good. 

Eric: Maybe Toy Story? I never understood the fuss over that movie or the series. Now granted, I have only seen the first two movies once (in theaters) and then never again. Never saw the third or fourth or farting astronaut cartoons or whatever they get up to now. So as far as I remember, it's a propaganda film created to instill wild emotions tied to toys. Like "Hey, kid, you should remain a baby forever. And if anything ever happens to your Intellectual Property Doll from the Disney Corporation - real human pain and suffering is being bestowed upon that doll and why? It's because you didn't love the Intellectual Property enough." Or something? Anyway, I had a wonderful replacement title to slide right into this AFI Top 100: Zapruder film. Go ahead, try to find me another movie that has as much historical and cultural influence. You can't! 

Steve:  Not to pick on a sweet hearted, dim witted, little alien—no I'm not talking about Forrest Gump (though see our episode for my thoughts on that "classic")—but E.T. is just one Spielberg too many on this rotten list. It's totally fine! Good or even great! But it's by far the weakest of the FIVE MOTHER FUCKING ENTRIES given to Steven Spielberg. And I get it, we love the guy! He's great, but Christ, watch some other movies. I don't need that 

As a replacement I'd add Halloween, because you know...Horror movies exist and were really important in the 1970s and 1980s and John Carpenter's mouth breathing psychopath had a lot to do with that. Just a thought! I would put Texas Chainsaw Massacre instead, but this is a grampy list and I'm trying to be respectful.

JUNE SCHEDULE

Say what? The Schedule in advance?! It's the least we could do! By subscribing to this newsletter you get a sneak peak at what we're putting out in the month of June!  

Episode 550 — 101 Dalmatians (1996)

Episode 551 — The Prophecy 

Episode 552 — Jonah Hex

Episode 553 — Fast Five with Jon Gabrus

Episode 554 — Wild Things with Angelica Jade Bastién

Patreon Episodes:

Patreon Exclusive We Love Movies — A History of Violence

Animation Damnation — DC Showcase: Green Arrow & DC Showcase: Jonah Hex

The Nexus: TOS: "Patterns of Force (s1 e21) TNG: "The Survivors" (s3, e3)

Gleep Glossary: Ken

Melr0210: 90210: "Summer Storm" (s2, e3) Melrose Place: "My New Partner"  (s1, e23)

Once In a Lifeftime: Death of a Cheerleader (1994)

Quarterly Synchable Commentary: Jackass: The Movie

Find all this crap and enjoy it legally, just like we do! now!

PATREON RSS BUG

If you’re having trouble with the RSS feed updating or episodes not appearing in your app, Patreon has acknowledged this bug and they have a fix: "Try un-subscribing and re-subscribing via your app by re-entering the unique RSS feed you were given and is on our Overview section of the Creator page. Or try using a different podcast app or RSS feed reader." 

Please consult this page and contact Patreon Support if the problem persists. We apologize for any inconvenience you’ve experienced on Patreon and truly appreciate your continued support!

UPCOMING NEWS AND PROMOTION




Do you know that Eric crushed a can on last month's Mailbag? You would if you were subscribed to our Youtube Channel Last month we dropped a massive episode of our live Q&A show, The Green Room and we've also been extracting the VHS Trailer game from all episodes so that they can live on their own with Felipe's fantastic artwork. Eric has also put out great clip packages like David! Muppet Hitchcock Presents, Egg Lawyer, Lak Sivrak, the Wolfman of Star Wars, Michael Biehn at Comic Con, Loose Loomis, and many more! Like we said above these are great for sharing and introducing folks to the show. You can also find full episodes like Blind Fury, Moontrap, White Noise, Knowing, Cool as Ice, and The Devil's Advocate! There's so much content there we can't list it all here. Just go and subscribe already! 

This month on Hooked on T.J. Hooker: Eric annoys Ben with a soundboard as they discuss the Season 3 Finale of our favorite hedgehog policeman! Listen here!

If you're a fan of the show and a fan of looking sharp, you should check out our merch on our TeePublic store! We've got awesome designs including some brand new art by Felix for the totally un-crooked VHS Trailer Game! Be sure to check out their awesome art at their instagram @abrakadamnart. We also have a ton of great designs like The VHS Trailer Game Logo, Egg Lawyer, The Order of the Boop, The Kornkast design and many more, with more to come! 

That's going to do it for this month's Dispatch! Thank you all for your incredible support and we'll see you next time!

Take it easy,
Andrew, Chris, Eric, and Steve
We Hate Movies