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The Pleasures of Hell - Chapter 017 (Patreon)

Published:
2024-03-05 19:50:32
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So this became the most complicated chapter I have ever written, I think. And that includes the insanity in MLV with 6 PoVs centered around a single clusterfuck of combat. The technical details of what happens are super important to the outcomes, so I think I ended up over-describing some of the mechanics of what's going on. Let me know.

Big things happen. Some readers will be happy with the story direction, and I bet a few will be angry. Feedback is wanted, so hit me.


Only 1 or 2 more chapters before the 1 interlude chapter (patrons voted for an MLV interlude chapter), and then back to PoH.


T1+ Bestiary: https://www.patreon.com/posts/poh-simplified-90310253
T2+ Bestiary: https://www.patreon.com/posts/in-depth-89961163

Comments

Darrion

It feels like David is a complete afterthought in the story. I mean honestly if you removed him, nothing will change. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s only here so the male audience would read because they don’t like female leads. He’s literally done nothing to move the story in any way other than… well honestly, I can’t think of anything. We learned about the scrying pools from him and about essence and some other shit but, Mia has had interaction with every notable character in the story so far and is the only one that is moving the plot forward. She’s got all the equipment and the overpowered group David has sex with three demons that have boobs, one of which his sister already met. You can take this chapter for example. It seems like everything that was said to him was either Mia parroting something she just said to somebody else back to David or her literally yelling his name. I could be 100% wrong and that’s OK. With that being said if you told me David is only here because the author thought he had to be here I wouldn’t be surprised. I wasn’t planning on saying anything because I was hoping with them coming back together. They will work as a group but seeing as they’ve been split back up, I’m worried it’s going to be more of the same. Mia is going to collect the best killers Hell has to offer, the most useful plot devices, hone her new powers even more, and David is just going to find more demons he can have sex with while he walking toward the destination. i’m still going to read because overall I do like the story and I find it interesting but this was a point of frustration that I just couldn’t let go. Hopefully I’m proven wrong.

Nox
>>131582137

I am sure we will see a lot more of both David and Mia. I absolutely did not and do not expect them to move the plot by themselves, and still in the first part of this story, which might be as long as MLV. I would totally *not* want to have them wield some kind of super powers from the start and be essential plot movers, because this is just lazy. Also, we as readers, cannot have both PoVs to explain the same things to us, as both are discovering them in Hell - pointless. So, David finds some things, and Mia others, which Novus hinted with ***spoiler*** the moments they had when they touched hands and the stranger then explaining about the sharing of knowledge. What I am getting at, is that, at least from my point of view, it is very well written so far from both main characters, we will get to see both traversing through Hell with different companions, the story has so much potential and I can't wait to see where it goes. There's a lot more to come, Novus does think these things thoroughly (knowing from reading MLV several times).

Elfy

I absolutely love the story BTW.