Past vs. Patrick (Patreon)

Few years ago i began to write a story surrounding two of my characters (Filip and Darek). At a time it wasn't only a one person endeavor. It progressed along the written role play between me and my friend. But now after a long break and decay of the friendship i decided to pick up my boys that i loved so dearly and bring them back to life. I always seen myself (and parts of my friends' personalities) in both of them even though they were almost the polar opposites. 

Darek was anxiety driven disaster of a human with big sense of guilt following him like a shadow through his teenage years. Seeking love and acknowledgement, easily falling into depressive states. Apologizing for every breath he took, a person who would bend over backwards just to make people around him feel good, even if that meant hurting himself.

Filip was aggressive, easy to provoke, bratty and beyond belief stubborn. Loyal to the point of showing obsessive tendencies. Easy to manipulate and use people. Growing up with the feeling that he can only count on himself. Fighting the world yet deep inside feeling very lonely and desperate for a real friend who wouldn't be scared to be painfully honest with him.

These two had pretty complicated friendship.
Darek being gay but seeing Filip only as a soul brother.
Filip being 99% straight but mistaking his only deep feelings for Darek as being sexual instead of just seeking a real friendship. Being overzealous towards Darek, obsessive and obviously jealous for the attention he was giving to his partners.

Story of those two didn't have a good ending. Darek never reached mental stability, and Filip ended up alone as a drug addict.

This story was a reflection of my own mental state at that time. I had many personal problems surrounding my own perception of myself. Felt very caged in my own mind yet still not being able to understand changes that were going through my life.
Years after that my life took a turn, and it happened by starting to be more truthful towards myself and then people around me. It gave me strength big enough to actually start perceiving reality in a completely different way. It took me a long time to rewire my schemes of thinking. 

This time i decided to split those two characters. They never met, never bonded. And even though they still have a deep meaning to me, just as they were wired before, I decided to make the story different. 

Sometimes to find supportive people who love you and empower you, you need to let yourself be found. And you need to give yourself a possibility and an option to stand up for yourself and what you truly feel. 

Patrick was not planned. Unconsciously i put him in a place he was needed, to heal up damages from the past. To be a guide, provoking to think differently, a positive force of change and assertiveness. Funnily enough i already feel him as a part of me, just as I did with Darek and Filip in the past. But this time, there's less darkness and confusion, more light and hope.