September shenanigans (Patreon)

https://www.dropbox.com/sh/2vyauu40zs6djju/AABBrBobIqgC02jrDcqUOF87a?dl=0

September was honestly a really hard month

Finally kind of settled from the massive move and a bunch of events

The moving paralysis hit me hardcore and woth that came deep depression. I wanted to cosplay but couldnt until i unpacked and unpacking jist was this horrible task i just could not get myself to do and while i knew the mess was fucking with my head i just couldnt get the energy.

I realized this was because i had been in a state of ADHD paralysis, i couldnt do anything but sit and think about all the things i had to do and didnt know where to start, id waste my days in a state of constant depression and anxiety begging my brain to find clarity.

After finally a week of just no events and time to myself to ACTUALLY force myself to relax i was able to start unpacking.

And i was able to get my office all set up and that was really important because its my makeup area, streaming/desk space, crafting zone, and currently also a photoshoot area 😅 so yeah basically my whole life and job

But now i have this bigggg clear floor and its amazing! Its going be so great to craft in there!

Currently i still have lots of unpacking of my costume stuff to do but truly, finally getting some time of just not having events and places to be has been so helpful. And im ready to tackle the project

Part of the reason why this has been so hard too is that i probably will be moving again come june/july which really sucks. It feels so hard to want to make this house into a home with so little time knowing that ill have to just pack and clean it all up again, and im just dreading it with a constant countdown in my head.

They say moving is the emotional stress equivalent to losing a loved one and I believe it.

But in good news, its been great to be able to hang out with friends more casually instead of having to drive three hours there and three hours back to hang out.

I realized how isolated i was in my old place, and while as beautiful as it was on that lake, its more a retirement home than anything.

Its been really good for to be able to...mmm not be alone with my thoughts.

Like! We held a lord of the rings marathon! With themed food that i got to prepare! and like food and quality time is my love language so i cant tell you how happy it made me. And i had never done a full marathon in a day before it was so much fun!

Unfortunately this month had me relapsing back into bad self harm habits, i triggered my eating disorder again and just not taking care of myself... to put it lightly. And while im pretty open on social media about my mental struggles...there is alot i dont write. But im working on it i promise, the worst of it has passed.

Honestly i feel like ive been through so much lately i dont really feel grounded in who i am. Im hoping now im settled more into my place i can re-explore who i am and who i want to be again.

Im nervous and excited for the future

I think its gonna be great though 🥰

Thank you for always cheering me on and being here for me