Never Give a Yandere a Bolter [A Cliche (Yandere) 40k Romcom] Ch.34 (Patreon)

“We’re the first Humans to visit this planet in a while, yeah, Elodia?” Octus asked as the group continued their trek through the ruined city.

“As far as… I know… Perhaps… the Dragonlord could tell you… more…” Elodia answered. Her speech was slowly getting more fluid but it still had an odd tone that made it obvious that the Human language didn’t come naturally to her. “Why… do you ask…?”

Octus hummed consideringly, “Hmm… Just a feelin’ that we should’ve found something by now. It’s like this place has already been picked dry…”

Sabine naturally followed his train of thought, “You suspect we are not the first ones here?”

“Maybe…” Octus hedged.

Elodia freely offered up more information, “The Dragonlord… has declared the old Human cities… off limits… to all but the Craftworld…”

“So some other Eldar might have already searched these ruins…” Ashe postulated.

Geneva scoffed, “As if the Eldar would ever ‘lower themselves’ to scavenge from Humans.”

“They might,” Octus said, drawing curious and incredulous looks. “This city is probably from the Dark Age of Technology. When Humanity was at its peak in terms of technology and culture. Even the Eldar envied us for some things back then. I’m just sayin’, don’t write it off so quickly…”

“Is… true…” Elodia agreed. “The Dragonlord says… Humanity and Aeldari were… equals… before the Fall… His stories… of a time only he remembers… are fascinating…”

Octus let out an impressed whistle, “Damn… Y’all ever heard of an Eldar — hell, anyone — that old? He must be what? Several thousand years old now?”

Ashe shook her head, “At least 15 thousand years old. Older than the Imperium itself…”

The group fell into a brief silence as they pondered how a person, Xenos or not, could be that old. What could he have seen? What could he have done?

“Almost makes me wanna get a drink with him…” Octus admitted.

“Maybe he even met the Emperor at some point,” Sona pointed out, not one to shy away from saying something borderline heretical.

Elodia shifted slightly under the suddenly intense looks directed at her, “The Dragonlord speaks… of a Human known as Revelation…”

Only Ashe knew the true significance of that name. She gasped, “Him-on-Terra…”

Ashe may have been the only one to recognize the Emperor’s alias but Lilya was quick on the uptake, “Xenos or not, if this Dragonlord truly did know the Emperor before He took up His rightful mantle, he would be declared an Imperial Saint and this whole world a Shrine World.”

“T-That is preposterous!” Geneva sputtered. “There cannot be a Xenos Imperial Saint!”

“Perhaps not…” Lilya allowed. “But there is no denying how valuable his knowledge would be. If the Dragonlord’s claim is true, there is no telling what we could learn from him…”

Even Geneva’s prejudice and xenophobia could not argue against that point. So much of the Emperor’s history had been lost to time and mystery. The things this Eldar could potentially tell them about Humanity’s past were unmatched and invaluable.

What Ashe said next cut through the group’s rising awe and excitement, “No one would believe us. Not only that, we would be purged immediately if this information was to come to light. The Ecclesiarchy would call for our heads. Puritans and Radicals alike would stop at nothing to keep this information hidden. Perhaps not even Lord Guilliman’s word would keep us safe…”

The reality of the Imperium’s inner workings was sobering but Octus wasn’t completely deterred, “Well, then we just don’t tell anybody. Ain’t it enough if even just we know the truth? I, for one, still wanna pick this guy’s brain.”

“My people…” Elodia hesitantly spoke up. “Do not desire Human… attention… They just wish to… live in peace…”

Octus ran with Elodia’s words, “There’s another reason we shouldn’t tell anybody. Anyone who finds out about the Dragonlord is gonna book it out here. It’d be a slaughter… One we can prevent.”

The others saw the logic in Octus’ words and agreed. Geneva obviously didn’t care about the Xenos lives they would save by not telling anyone. She did care about her own life though. She knew that even the most loyal of the Emperor’s servants could be purged for knowing too much.

“Then it’s decided,” Octus said. “If we can, we’ll talk to the Dragonlord. Establish relations, interview him, and keep whatever we learn to ourselves. War is avoided, we get some invaluable history on the Emperor Himself, and everybody’s happy. Ya can’t ask for much more than that. And we can always come back ‘ere since we’ve got the system charted now.”

Everyone seemed at least satisfied, if not happy at seeing Octus take charge, with Octus’ decision. The group fell into silence, only now realizing that they’d stopped walking when the conversation got serious.

“S-So…” Violet stuttered meekly, still so nervous when drawing attention to herself. “W-What now? A-Are we going back to the ship?”

Octus suddenly barked a laugh, “Huh, I guess we did get a bit sidetracked there… Nah, I wanna at least finish up down here. The Dragonlord information is priceless but we can’t really use it. I still wanna find something profitable here before we leave. Say… where’d IV-20 get off to?”

IV-20, having grown tired of boring meatbag conversation, had wandered off deeper into the ruins. Surprisingly, he was accompanied by Spiffy. The two unusual creatures — one an intelligent beast and the other a strange combination of man and machine — seemed to get along with each other. That may have had something to do with the Dragon’s propensity toward the ‘sacred incense’ that matched IV-20’s…

Nevertheless, the two had wandered off in search of something interesting while the bipedal meatbags talked about whatever. Anyone who saw them would have been met with a… strange sight, to say the least. Seeing a dinosaur and spider-legged man-machine pass a spliff back and forth between them was not a normal sight in any millennium, not even the 41st.

The sight was made even more unusual as the pair seemed perfectly able to communicate, enabled by how prehistorically high IV-20 constantly was. Animalistic chirps and digital warbles were exchanged back and forth as the pair walked. Occasionally, intelligible words would be heard.

“##And that’s how I was excommunicated~##”

“Chiii-ruup~” Spiffy ‘said’.

“##I know, right? It’s not my fault that machine spirit was a lightweight…##”

Spiffy seemed to shake his head, blowing out a cloud of smoke as he did, “Tch tch tch…”

“##Well, no, not ~that~ time but-…##” IV-20 trailed off as something caught his attention before he could finish replying.

The thing that caught his attention was a part of the ruined city that hadn’t been seen in millennia. It was an open space between the skyscrapers and other decaying buildings, a sort of courtyard or square. Walkways crisscrossed the sky between buildings. Roots, vines, and other greenery covered the courtyard like a mat of nature.

Between these fallen monuments was something interesting. A completely metal sphere hung about the center of the courtyard. It was suspended from the surrounding buildings by thick metal cords.

And though everything around it had long since fallen to ruin, the sphere was almost pristine in comparison. Its smooth metal surface was almost completely free of dust or growth. Groves in the metal of the sphere pulsed with blue power as if this strange machine still persisted despite the decay around it.

“##By the Omnissiah…##” IV-20 whispered in awe.

Spiffy cocked his head and chirped, not understanding what the big deal with the sphere was. To him, it just looked like one of the balls Elodia would use to play fetch with him.

“##Of course, it’s a big deal!##” IV-20 practically shouted in his excitement. “##It’s ~archeotech~!##”

Spiffy chirped again and seemed to roll his eyes.

IV-20’s scoff came out as a sound almost like a hiccupping fan, “##The only thing better than that sticky icky sacred incense is archeotech, my dude~ C’mon, give me a boost##”

Spiffy grumbled but ultimately complied, allowing IV-20 to climb onto his back. Of course, that didn’t stop the Dragon from making a chirping crack at the man-machine’s weight. With the extra height, IV-20 was able to reach and access the archeotech sphere. One of his mechadendrites plugged itself in and his whole world went black…

After a couple of minutes of silence from IV-20, Spiffy started to get bored. At least the man-machine had left him with the spliff… Still, there wasn’t much for him to do but stand there bearing the weight. It wasn’t like he was going to let his new friend fall.

The Dragon’s boredom was broken by a feeling of concern that came over his bond with Elodia. She was worried about him and where he’d gotten off to. Spiffy sent back a loving chirp along with some pictures and sensations that should explain things.

And sure enough, only a few more minutes after that, Elodia turned up with the rest of the Humans in tow. She went directly to him, giving him a hug and chastising him slightly for going off on his own.

“There ya two are,” Octus said. “Whatcha got here?”

There was obviously no reply from IV-20. Spiffy tried his best to explain but his non-humanoid vocal cords made that difficult. Thankfully, Elodia was there to translate.

“Archeo… tech…” Elodia said, rolling the unfamiliar word around on her tongue.

Octus perked up at that, “Oh, score! That’s what we’ve been looking for!”

“What is… archeo… tech…?” Elodia asked curiously.

“Exactly what it sounds like. It’s technology from the Dark Age of Technology, Humanity’s zenith,” Ashe explained, eyeing the Tech-priest who still hadn’t responded to their presence. “What of IV-20? What happened to him?”

Spiffy chirped and Elodia translated again, “He did… something dumb… Too… zooted…? What does ‘zooted’… mean…?”

Ashe groaned, “It means he indulged in too much of his sacred incense and did something he shouldn’t have. Such as plugging himself into an unknown archeotech device.”

“Ah, shiiiiiitttt…” Octus cursed. “Anything we can do? Or should we just wait and pray?”

Ashe didn’t get a chance to respond because the Vox radio on her belt crackled and Amelia’s voice came out of it, “Uh… Inquisitor? We have a biiiiiittt of a situation up here…”

Ashe raised the radio to her ear and answered, “What seems to be the problem, Captain? Surely it cannot be as bad as what we are dealing with…”

“Are you dealing with Eldar?”

“… We just did, in fact…”

“Oh… Well, their reinforcements just arrived… A lot of them… Like, a whole frakking fleet!”

“That is impossible. The Eldar on the planet are Exodites. They have no access to void travel,” Ashe denied.

“They must have known there was trouble somehow,” Amelia said. “The fleet came in with their weapons hot. Only stopped when they saw there was just one of us… I’ll be honest, Ashe, we’re completely outmatched here. It’s… not looking good.”

“Must be… the Craftworld…” Elodia muttered, only overheard by Octus and those closest to her. “The Dragonlord… wants peace… He would not have… called them…”

“This seems awfully convenient though,” Octus mused. “They turn up now? They must have known we were here somehow…”

“Do not engage,” Ashe ordered Amelia through the Vox. “We have struck a somewhat peaceful deal with the Eldar on the planet and we could never hope to fight an entire Eldar fleet in any case. See if you can get a transport down to pick us up. If not… be prepared to leave us here to our fates…”

“Not gonna happen, Ashe,” Amelia declared emphatically. “I’d sooner blow the reactor core than leave you there. I’ll have the Astropaths send out a message but we’re so far from the Astronomican that I doubt anyone will hear it… It… It’s been an honor serving under you, Ashe…”

Suddenly, the speakers built into IV-20’s body sputtered to life. Instead of IV-20’s synthesized speaking tones, a clear, elegant, and unfamiliar voice rang from the voice-box as if the Tech-priest had been possessed by the soul of a noble being. It was ethereal and mysterious, not distinctly male nor female but attention-grabbing all the same.

“That will not be necessary, Captain,” the voice said, attracting everyone’s attention. “We have no quarrel with you and yours. We just wish to talk. If all goes well, this will turn into a very ~profitable~ proposal for both of our factions…”

Octus sighed, quicker on the uptake than the others because he was suspecting something like this would happen, “Lemme guess… Farseer?”

The voice distinctly sounded like it was smirking now, “Indeed, Octus Humblestock, the Perpetual Rogue Trader…”

Octus ignored the way the group’s tension rose around him from the Farseer knowing his name, nature, and title, and scoffed, “Are all of you space elves stalking me or something? First that crazy Drukhari chick, then the crazy Exodite dude, and now a crazy Farseer? I’m startin’ to see a pattern here.”

“You are something of a fulcrum in the web of fate, Octus. You are an unmovable anchor for people and events to revolve around. Something you would undoubtedly figure out eventually…” the Farseer paused. “Except for the Drukhari you mentioned… It seems that she was just incredibly obsessed with you.”

“Riiiiight,” Octus drawled sarcastically. “And I’m sure yer just tellin’ me this out of the goodness of yer cold, Xenos heart?”

The Farseer sighed melodramatically, “Oh, Mon-keigh… Your kind has such a delightfully crude way with words… But no, this information benefits me as much as it benefits you. You stand on the precipice of a great discovery for your kind. But you cannot take the final step alone. You will need my help.”

“Typical knife-eared arrogance…” Geneva muttered darkly under her breath. And for once, Octus couldn’t bring himself to disagree with her.

Neither could the Farseer apparently, “I will allow that slur to pass as if unheard. After all, I am guilty of the same. Though if we wish to maintain an amicable relationship in the future, perhaps we should refer to our respective species with the proper names…”

“Yeah, yeah,” Octus rolled his eyes. “Mon-keigh, bad. Knife-ear, bad. Just get to deal already.”

If the Farseer took offense to Octus’ cheek, they didn’t say anything about it, “Very well. There is a small Exodite village near your position. We shall meet there. Their chieftain will act as the moderator for our deal. I assume that is not too objectionable…?”

Octus gave a grunt of vague agreement, “Hngh… I’m guessin’ ya already knew about us taking in Elodia then, huh?”

“I saw the young Exodite’s troubles but I did not see your final decision on the matter,” the Farseer said, actually sounding pleasantly surprised. “I am glad that her situation found a positive and peaceful solution. Your empathy for others is commendable, Octus.”

Octus tucked that bit of information away for later. The Farseer knew far more than they should but they didn’t know everything…

“What are we supposed to do about IV-20?” Ashe asked now that something of a deal had been struck.

“Your pet mechanical man?” the Farseer clarified. “He shall be released as soon as our conversation finishes… I hope to see you soon, Octus…”

With that, the psychic-technological ‘possession’ of IV-20 ceased. His mechadendrite was forcefully ejected from the sphere device. He collapsed almost limply atop Spiffy’s back. Then the sphere disappeared with a great flash of blinding light.

As everyone blinked the stars out of their eyes, the Farseer’s voice echoed from the Warp into reality to leave one last parting remark, “And I shall be keeping this for now… As a little bit of… incentive to deal in good faith.”

IV-20 let out a wheezing gasp, sitting upright on Spiffy’s back, “##No! Put me back in!##”

“Easy now,” Octus soothed. “Just calm down and try to explain it to us.”

IV-20 looked at him with zeal and frenzied mechanical lens, “##S… T… C… Database…##”