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John Soprano

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Topic: [ANNOUNCEMENTS] Leviathan is dead.
In: Boards ► United States ► New England ► New Hampshire ► Brockton Bay ► General
Dragon (Original Poster) (Verified Cape) (The Guild)
Posted On May 15th 2011:
It is my utmost privilege and delight to formally announce that today, at 14:09, Leviathan was killed in battle by John Soprano, independent rogue of Brockton Bay. Today stands as the sole endbringer battle with a single casualty: Leviathan himself.

It is customary to avoid sharing recordings of endbringer battles. It is thought that such recordings do nothing but demoralize. Not this time. I think this one deserves to be seen by the world. [Here] it is; Leviathan's final moments.

On behalf of everyone, thank you, [Pitmaster Soprano]. I am a refugee from Newfoundland. I remember the day the sea took my home and father from me. I have fought the beast at every occasion since, no matter how hopeless it seemed at times. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. You may shun the title, but you will always be a hero.

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(Showing page 1 of 2)

►Laotsunn (Kyushu Survivor)
Replied On May 15th 2011:
Holy shit. Is... Is this for real?

►Bagrat (Veteran Member) (The Guy in the Know)
Replied On May 15th 2011:
Check the OP. This comes from our scaly overlady herself. It's legit. She wouldn't fuck around like this, especially not mere hours after an endbringer battle. I'm happy to say, Brockton is still standing!

►Laotsunn (Kyushu Survivor)
Replied On May 15th 2011:
I know, it's just... It's Leviathan, you know? It's hard to wrap my mind around.

►Rime_Official (Verified Cape) (Protectorate Philadelphia)
Replied On May 15th 2011:
It's real. I had the honor of seeing that monster's final moments in-person. I've never been happier. In case Dragon's own recording isn't enough, [here's] my helmet cam if you guys want another angle.

►Point_Me_At_The_Sky
Replied On May 15th 2011:
May as well. Have [mine] too. I mean, I don't have a helmet but you get what I mean.

It was the single trippiest thing I've ever seen, in the best way possible. Endbringer battles aren't safe, not even for brutes like me. I went in expecting the fight of my life and... and then Vista cleaves a tidal wave like something straight out of an anime. Mr. Texas jumps in with some poor girl swung by her legs like a flail. I think her cape name is Mars? She's packing some serious heat, heh, get it?

And then there was that red light. The recording doesn't do it justice. I've never been more terrified than I was watching that light.

I take back everything I said, [Pitmaster Soprano]. You don't need to do anything; just keep running that BBQ place. I'll just be happy you're not a villain.

►BadSamurai
Replied On May 15th 2011:
Yeah, this feels surreal. Don't get me wrong, I'm super stoked Levi's dead and all, it's just... It's hard to believe.

I mean, I wasn't in Kyushu, too young, but my parents came here because of it and they never liked talking about it, you know? It's always been our "nono topic," that thing you just don't bring up no matter what. Except, instead of "Dad, I'm gay," it was "Our entire extended family drowned to death because of a literal Godzilla."Now, mom just popped open a bottle of sake and chugged half the bottle.

I'm honestly a little scared.

►Laotsunn (Kyushu Survivor)
Replied On May 15th 2011:
lol Trust me, she's not alone. I'm more of a whiskey guy myself, but I'm pouring out a bottle for my brother. He didn't make it.

►Lolitup
Replied On May 15th 2011:
I guess the Holy Grill is now everyone's favorite restaurant. I mean, shit, I don't even like Texas barbeque, more of a South Carolina guy myself, but I'll give the place a try. If anyone deserves a pass for being objectively wrong, it's Soprano.

►Bagrat (Veteran Member) (The Guy in the Know)
Replied On May 15th 2011:
^Begone, vile heathen. Brisket is love. Brisket is life.

►Brocktonite03 (Veteran Member)
Replied On May 15th 2011:
Hahaha, Bagrat became a Soprano-shill. What happened to being The Guy in the Know? Nothing interesting for us?

►Bagrat (Veteran Member) (The Guy in the Know)
Replied On May 15th 2011:
Hell no, have you seen the OP? I'm not going to try to compete in an infowar against Dragon of all people. I know my limits. Which means I can kick back and celebrate with delicious brisket.

It's nice, actually, not having anything to do as far as data gathering.

►Brocktonite03 (Veteran Member)
Replied On May 15th 2011:
Fair enough. Can we appreciate how awesome [Vista] looks cutting a tidal wave in half? Like shit, she made my cold, dead, Brockton heart believe in hope again. I almost have hope dad will come back from buying cigarettes.

►XxVoid_CowboyxX
Replied On May 15th 2011:
Does this mean we have two Triumvirate-level capes in Brockton Bay?

►Answer Key
Replied On May 15th 2011:
Oh, hey, even Void's staying on topic lol. Today is truly a magical day.

►Whitecollar (Cape Wife)
Replied On May 15th 2011:
Let's not rag on him too much. If anything, this is encouraging.

More to the point, I'd say there are three capes who are "Triumvirate-level," if not considerably stronger: Vista, Don Texas, and that new cape, Mars. I mean, [look at this]. I don't know why Don Texas was swinging her around like a flail, but I'm pretty sure normal capes don't make miniature suns on demand.

►Bagrat (Veteran Member) (The Guy in the Know)
Replied On May 15th 2011:
lol Don Texas. All hail the mafia boss of delicious barbeque.

►XxVoid_CowboyxX
Replied On May 15th 2011:
So who's stronger? Vista or Alexandria?

►Brilliger (Moderator: Protectorate Main)
Replied On May 15th 2011:
Don't know. Don't care. Take it to the [Battleboards].

►Kirin White (Verified Cape)
Replied On May 15th 2011:
As a former member of the Sentai Elite and a rogue in Canada, thank you [Pitmaster Soprano]. This is a debt I will never be able to repay.

►Jade Dragon (Verified Cape) (Sentai Elite Tokyo)
Replied On May 15th 2011:
On behalf of all sitting members of the Sentai Elite, I would like to echo Kirin White's sentiment. You have done our country an invaluable service. Perhaps my brothers and sisters who fell in Kyushu can finally rest in peace.

►Dragon (Original Poster) (Verified Cape) (The Guild)
Replied On May 15th 2011:
Black Kaze has asked that I express her gratitude for her. Once again, thank you, [Pitmaster Soprano].

►Answer Key
Replied On May 15th 2011:
Isn't Black Kaze a Birdcaged villain?

►Kirin White (Verified Cape)
Replied On May 15th 2011:
She is. She was also a former member of the Sentai Elite and a friend who fought in Kyushu by my side. Leviathan has a way of changing people. Whatever she is now, she still remembers.

►Answer Key
Replied On May 15th 2011:
Yeah, no disrespect. I'm just surprised Don Texas even got someone from the Birdcage to give him props like that.

End of Page. 1

(Showing page 2 of 2)

►Bruce Lao
Replied On May 15th 2011:
Leviathan left a lot of scars, man. My uncle came from China in 2002 when the scaly fuck hit Shanghai. My aunt and niece didn't make it. Rot in Hell, Leviathan; you won't be missed.

►Mane Magenta
Replied On May 15th 2011:
Heh, Don Texas. Is that going to be his new cape name?

►Bagrat (Veteran Member) (The Guy in the Know)
Replied On May 15th 2011:
His cape name is whatever the hell he says it is.

►Pitmaster Soprano (Verified Cape)
Replied On May 16th 2011:

lol You know, I'm kinda okay with Don Texas. I'll also accept Mafioso Mesquite and the Godfather of the Grill.

►Chilldrizzle
Replied On May 16th 2011:
The Man! The Myth! The Lege-wait…

►Bagrat (Veteran Member) (The Guy in the Know)
Replied On May 16th 2011:
lol Good to hear from you. I kinda expected you to put out a statement sooner tbh.

►Pitmaster Soprano (Verified Cape)
Replied On May 16th 2011:
Ehh, what's there to say? Levi came. Levi died. I'm busy running my restaurant, thanks. Barbeque won't make itself.

►Brilliger (Moderator: Protectorate Main)
Replied On May 16th 2011:
Your wish is my command.

►Pitmaster Soprano (Verified Cape) (Endbringer Slayer) (Don Texas) (Mafioso Mesquite) (Godfather of the Grill)
Replied On May 16th 2011:
You know what? Fine, I'm cool with dumb titles.

One more though: Heaven's Feel.

►Brocktonite03 (Veteran Member)
Replied On May 16th 2011:
Hahaha, I feel like you need to do another AMA. I mean... We have questions. Lots of questions.

►Pitmaster Soprano (Verified Cape) (Endbringer Slayer) (Don Texas) (Mafioso Mesquite) (Godfather of the Grill)
Replied On May 16th 2011:
You know what? Sure. [Here] it is. I might not answer because I'm busy, even with my new part-timers. You can try though. I'll check in when I can spare a few minutes.

►Brilliger (Moderator: Protectorate Main)
Replied On May 16th 2011:
Sure. You can have whatever tag you want. But what's the Heaven's Feel?

►Pitmaster Soprano (Verified Cape) (Endbringer Slayer) (Don Texas) (Mafioso Mesquite) (Godfather of the Grill) (Heaven's Feel)

Replied On May 16th 2011:
Souls. Wishes. Life. Death. Eternity. A path to Akasha.

►Brilliger (Moderator: Protectorate Main)
Replied On May 16th 2011:
That explained absolutely nothing and yet sounds uncomfortably ominous.

►Pitmaster Soprano (Verified Cape) (Endbringer Slayer) (Don Texas) (Mafioso Mesquite) (Godfather of the Grill) (Heaven's Feel)

Replied On May 16th 2011:

Oh, hey, look! An [AMA]!

End of Page. 1, 2

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Topic: Post-Leviathan AMA
In: Boards ► United States ► New England ► New Hampshire ► Brockton Bay ► General
Pitmaster Soprano (Original Poster) (Verified Cape) (Endbringer Slayer) (Don Texas) (Mafioso Mesquite) (Godfather of the Grill) (Heaven's Feel)
Posted On May 16th 2011:
Welp, here I am... again. Ask me things. I might answer, but probably not. I recently got some new part-timers and they need to be taught. It's like potty-training a litter of puppies.

Edit: In accordance with the Contract, I am announcing the advent of the First Holy Grill War! Scroll down to [this] threadmark for details.

(Showing page 1 of 2)

►Bagrat (Veteran Member) (The Guy in the Know)
Replied On May 16th 2011:
First! Something easy. Who's [Mars]? You showed up with her and it seemed like you knew each other. Is she a new hero?

►QwertyD
Replied On May 16th 2011:
What are the weapons you used? I'm trying to think of all the legends I know and none of them fit the bill.

►Answer Key
Replied On May 16th 2011:
He called his last attack "Enuma Elish." That's the name of the Babylonian creation myth, kind of like the Hebrew Genesis. If you're familiar with the generic Olympian or Norse mythologies, you're probably going to have to dig back a few thousand years further to ancient Babylon or Sumer.

►QwertyD
Replied On May 16th 2011:
Woah, that's pretty badass.

►Answer Key
Replied On May 16th 2011:
lol Don't quote me. I'm just copying what Google told me. It's not like I have a WMD in my pocket.

►Bagrat (Veteran Member) (The Guy in the Know)
Replied On May 16th 2011:
Wait, [zoom in]. Is that red weapon your chicken spit?

►Pitmaster Soprano (Original Poster) (Verified Cape) (Endbringer Slayer) (Don Texas) (Mafioso Mesquite) (Godfather of the Grill) (Heaven's Feel)
Replied On May 16th 2011:
[Bagrat]: After discussion, they decided they didn't care about their secret identities. Mars is not her cape name, just her usual nickname. Mars is short for Marissa Newland, a member of the Travelers. They're my part-timers. Don't worry, they're nice now.

[QwertyD]: I lent Mars Kavacha and Kundala, a set of armor and earring worn by Karna of Hindu mythology. She would like to point out that she has since relinquished the armor as she is happily retired.

I used Enkidu, a set of chains used by Gilgamesh to bind the Bull of Heaven. That was more of a joke than anything. And [Answer Key] and [Bagrat] are both correct. Enuma Elish is the name of the attack. Ea, the weapon, is also what I use to rotate my roast chicken.

►Bruce Lao
Replied On May 16th 2011:
Hahahaha, did Leviathan die to a chicken spit? Excuse me while I get drunk all over again.

►Miraclemic
Replied On May 16th 2011:
Holy shit, this is live? Alright, are you worried at all about the Travelers causing trouble? Shouldn't they face justice for their crimes?

For the uninformed, they're a group of unusually powerful nomadic [villains].

►Pitmaster Soprano (Original Poster) (Verified Cape) (Endbringer Slayer) (Don Texas) (Mafioso Mesquite) (Godfather of the Grill) (Heaven's Feel)
Replied On May 16th 2011:
[Miraclemic]: They're reformed. They had a reason to be nomadic, the kind that would have necessitated an endbringer response if they remained in one place for too long. Had. I fixed it. Truth is, most of them are good kids, except Francis, he's kind of a dick.

In any case, here's my official stance on the Travelers: They are my minions. If they do something wrong, I will be the one to discipline them.

►Reave (Verified PRT Agent)
Replied On May 16th 2011:
Oof. On one hand, they're really dangerous. Pretty much all of them are heavy hitters. On the other hand, if anyone can keep a leash on a group like that, it's you. I think the PRT is taking a wait and see approach.

Question: Does this mean you'll be taking up a team name like New Wave?

►Laser Augment
Replied On May 16th 2011:
Is Mars single? Because damn, she's really hot.

*The user has received an infraction. I don't know if she's underage, but don't be gross.

►Mezcal Mike (Veteran Member)
Replied On May 16th 2011:
Favorite type of liquor? What goes best with barbeque do you think?

►Laotsunn (Kyushu Survivor)
Replied On May 16th 2011:
Do you cook anything besides barbeque? Or if not, would you be interested in learning any Japanese recipes? My grandfather had a killer yakitori sauce recipe I'd love to pass along.

►White Fairy (Veteran Member)
Replied On May 16th 2011:
You know, I think eating roast chicken cooked on the weapon that killed Leviathan is going to be the highlight of my life. It's a weird flex, but damn is it a flex.

Is everything else in your store that dangerous?

►Pitmaster Soprano (Original Poster) (Verified Cape) (Endbringer Slayer) (Don Texas) (Mafioso Mesquite) (Godfather of the Grill) (Heaven's Feel)
Replied On May 16th 2011:
[Reave]: We're a neutral party. We have no name because we're not a team. They are my employees at the Holy Grill. In fact, you should consider the ex-Travelers to be civilians in all respects. Sure, exceptionally well-armed civilians who may or may not possess gear made by yours truly, but civilians. They won't fight unless someone makes them, and maybe not even then since I'm happy to knock some heads together on their behalf.

[Laser Augment]: I asked. She had some creative suggestions for "making the sun shine where it's not supposed to." I wouldn't push if I were you.

[Mezcal Mike]: My favorite drink and the drinks that pair best with food aren't the same. I'm a fan of bourbon, especially ones with a high corn content (51% is minimum but it can be higher), but I wouldn't drink it with barbeque. That's more the kind you relax and sip slowly on a cold evening.

When it comes to barbeque, it's brisket. Brisket is king. It should of course be eaten with good company. For that, light beer goes best. You can knock Corona or Dos Equis all you want, but they're easy to drink and popular because of it. Grab some lime if you want a bit more tang but the beer shouldn't be the star of the show anyway.

[Laotsunn]: I'd be delighted to hear about your grandfather's recipe. I made the Tohsaka Special hot sauce based on seasonings used in mapo tofu and I have a Korean cheesy corn recipe that a friend showed me that I sometimes serve in lieu of normal cornbread. Adding something from Japan sounds like a good idea.

[White Fairy]: Nope. Lots of things in my store are Noble Phantasms, but Ea is special even among them. I'd say there are only a handful of things I can think of that are in the same league.

►Laser Augment
Replied On May 16th 2011:
lol I shot my shot. Sad day.

►White Fairy (Veteran Member)
Replied On May 16th 2011:
At least you know when to back off. I'm pretty sure Mars would eat you alive even without Don Texas playing big brother.

So, who else is a part of the Travelers? Can we get an introduction from the Holy Grill staff?

►Valkyr (Wiki Warrior)
Replied On May 16th 2011:
I can answer that.

Trickster: Their leader and high-level mover with line-of-sight teleportation that swaps objects of similar mass. He can also swap himself with an object or person, making him really hard to pin down.

Sundancer (Mars): Blaster-YES who makes miniature suns. I'm guessing the armor that she wore makes her immune to thermal and kinetic energy or something for her to be used like a flail like that.

Genesis: Mult9-form Case-53? Changer? Monster projection? Something of that nature. Often takes the brute position on the team. We don't even know if they're a man or woman.

Ballistic: High-level blaster who imparts kinetic force onto anything he touches. Doesn't sound like a big deal until you see him hurl a truck at bullet-speeds.

Actually, now that I'm here, I'm officially retiring all of their wiki pages out of respect for Don Texas. You can view them still, but there is now a big popup that says they're happily retired. Fuck with them at your own peril.

Also, question: Since you're a public cape, do you have anyone who manages your mail? I feel like you're going to need it, and soon.

►White Fairy (Veteran Member)
Replied On May 16th 2011:
Wow, talk about a stacked team. Changer-brute, incredible mobility, and two highly lethal powers. No wonder they've never been caught. Major gangs have been built around less.

How did they come to be under your care anyway? Can we get more detail about that?

►Dragon (Verified Cape) (The Guild)
Replied On May 16th 2011:
I second [Valkyr's] recommendation. You will need someone to manage your mail, both physical and digital. I am happy to recommend someone should you require it, [Pitmaster Soprano]. If you require any other assistance, please reach out; I'm happy to help.

Question: I'm quite partial to myths about dragons myself. Do you have anything in your arsenal related to them?

►TRJ
Replied On May 16th 2011:
I was there at the Holy Grill with my parents when Levi hit. [Here's] proof. We know Mars left with you, and I think [this] is Genesis next to Trickster. Ballistic stayed behind with a [drill sword] to guard us. So who's the other guy? His face keeps changing so he's a cape but is he an ex-villain too?

Also, what's with the Hello Kitty doll? How is it talking?

►SilentSongstress
Replied On May 16th 2011:
Most important question. I can't believe none of you bothered asking this yet: Will you be showing up for other endbringer battles?

►Miss Mercury (Protectorate Employee)
Replied On May 16th 2011:
Yes, that's very important. Do you have a plan for the other endbringers? The Simurgh especially. We would like to recommend that you workshop a solution with us so as to avoid the worst possible outcome.

End of Page. 1

(Showing page 2 of 2)

►Pitmaster Soprano (Original Poster) (Verified Cape) (Endbringer Slayer) (Don Texas) (Mafioso Mesquite) (Godfather of the Grill) (Heaven's Feel)
Replied On May 16th 2011:
Yeesh, this thread's busy. It's hard to keep track of all the questions.

[White Fairy]: They have PHO accounts of their own. They'll introduce themselves when they feel like it. Or maybe I'll just give them this account to shitpost on. Whichever I find funnier I guess.

[Valkyr]: Thanks for retiring their pages. I'm going to keep them on the straight and narrow, but I won't stop anyone who fucks around from finding out.

And no, I don't have anyone who manages my mail. I have bounded fields though. They've since been updated extensively. The only people who are permitted into my store are those who are delivering supplies necessary for my restaurant, those who work directly for me, Vista and Delphi, and those who want to eat and won't ask for autographs or discuss cape business.

The mail will probably accumulate on the street, but I don't actually care. Anyone who wants anything there is free to dig through the pile at their leisure. I only ask that you random strangers digging through my mail will also be kind enough to clean up a little.

[White Fairy]: That's a long story that's really not mine to tell. Like I said, they had a problem that forced them to be nomadic. I took care of it. That's all I'll say on the matter.

[Dragon]: I'm not going to ask the greatest tinker alive to sort my mail for me lol. I'm sure you've got better things to do than that.

As for Noble Phantasms related to dragons, of course I do. Ascalon comes to mind, not that I'd ever use it on you of course.

[TRJ]: That other guy's name is Oliver and he was their driver. He doesn't have offensive powers so the threat assessments would have missed him. He says hi.

The Hello Kitty's name is Noelle. She's actually the true leader of the Travelers. Francis (Trickster) is her bitch, if you didn't see the [shirt]. She used to be the endbringer-level threat I was talking about. Don't worry, she's sweet, and very adorable.

[SilentSongstress]: Yes. It's part of my Contract. The Illuminati agreed to leave me alone and I agreed not to kill them all. They managed to weasel out a promise from me to clean up the endbringers. And big Z. It's a long story.

[Miss Mercury]: I'm sure the Lady of Outdated Headwear will find me on her own time. Don't worry about it; there are talks happening in the background.

►Mane Magenta
Replied On May 17th 2011:
lolol He's using the public to clean up his mail. I went over and holy shit. It's only been a day but there's [so much stuff]. A lot of it's thank you letters and bottles of liquor, bourbon especially obviously. I also found a bunch of nudes. The police came to cordon it off.

►Pitmaster Soprano (Original Poster) (Verified Cape) (Endbringer Slayer) (Don Texas) (Mafioso Mesquite) (Godfather of the Grill) (Heaven's Feel)
Replied On May 17th 2011:
You shouldn't send nudes in the mail. You never know how few fucks the one on the receiving end will give.

►XxVoid_CowboyxX
Replied On May 17th 2011:
HAH! The Illuminati is real! Pitmaster Soprano said so himself!

►Bagrat (Veteran Member) (The Guy in the Know)
Replied On May 17th 2011:
Ah, shit. Please don't encourage Void…

►Pitmaster Soprano (Original Poster) (Verified Cape) (Endbringer Slayer) (Don Texas) (Mafioso Mesquite) (Godfather of the Grill) (Heaven's Feel)
Replied On May 17th 2011:
But... They are though? I mean, they don't call themselves the Illuminati of course, but they exist. They're kinda annoying. If I had to describe them...

Imagine a group of drunk raccoons with a heart of gold. Just the one. Now rip out that heart. The ones that are still alive are idiots floundering around, trying to accomplish their objectives while not being able to find their own feet. I mean, they technically mean well, but they're so clumsy about it that they spin right past "good intentions" and back around to "stupid evil."

Don't worry. I have them handled.

►Bagrat (Veteran Member) (The Guy in the Know)
Replied On May 17th 2011:
This is worrying. You have no idea how worrying this is.

►SilentSongstress
Replied On May 17th 2011:
Seriously. You know what? Let's add more fuel to the fire. What's the "Contract?" And why the capital letter?

►Pitmaster Soprano (Original Poster) (Verified Cape) (Endbringer Slayer) (Don Texas) (Mafioso Mesquite) (Godfather of the Grill) (Heaven's Feel)
Replied On May 17th 2011:
[SilentSongstress]: Pretty much what I said. I kill the endbringers for them. They leave Brockton Bay alone. Heh, now that I think about it, Brockton real estate prices just shot up, huh? You're welcome, homeowners.

Now, there's a second Contract, one that's much more important than the one I have with the Illuminati. It has to do with my capacity as the Heaven's Feel. Really, it's more like a Ritual than a Contract.

►SilentSongstress
Replied On May 17th 2011:
I'm confused.

►Valkyr (Wiki Warrior)
Replied On May 17th 2011:
Join the club. Seriously, have you tried updating his wiki? Because I have. The further I dig, the less I understand.

►Pitmaster Soprano (Original Poster) (Verified Cape) (Endbringer Slayer) (Don Texas) (Mafioso Mesquite) (Godfather of the Grill) (Heaven's Feel)
Replied On May 17th 2011:
Anyway, speaking of Contracts, I promised that I'd give out some of my gear. Or, I'd at least try, which means testing people to see who is worthy. In light of that, I am proud to announce the First Holy Grill War!

Applaud, you peasants.

Let fire and smoke be the origin.
Let barbeque sauce and wood be the cornerstone.
The ancestor is my great mast-Ah, I'm the Third, aren't I? So it wouldn't do to invoke the Second. Umm... Oh, I know!
The ancestor is the great master John Wayne.
The alighted smoke becomes a bark.
The gates of the cardinal smoker close.
Coming from the Lone Star, the three-forked road that leads to Akasha circulate.

Thusly, I declare: My brisket shall be your dinner.
In accordance with the approach of the Holy Grill, if you abide by this feeling, this reason, then answer!
Here is my oath. I am the one who becomes all the good of Texas barbeque.
I am the one who lays out all the evil of St. Louis.
You, seven heavens clad in three words of power, arrive from around the world, oh hapless schmucks I'm foisting my job upon!

►Brocktonite03 (Veteran Member)
Replied On May 17th 2011:
Why do I feel like that poem has way more significance than it should? Can someone who's good at riddles tell me what that all means?

►Answer Key
Replied On May 17th 2011:
lol I can take a crack at it... The Contract is to give away a weapon (or try).

I have no fucking clue what the first stanza is. I think he's just talking about barbeque... or his smoker...

"My fate shall be your sword," probably means he's giving away a sword of some kind. The next line implies he's going to call them.

And then he rags on St. Louis barbeque I guess...?

"Seven heavens" implies seven contestants, though I have no idea what the "three words of power" mean. He's going to pick them from around the world so he... doesn't have to do work. But we know Don Texas loves barbeque, which means that's not the "work" he's foisting on someone else.

I... I think he's saying that if you win, you'll be obligated to fight the endbringers in his place. I mean, that's the only "work" we know of from his "Contract."

►Point_Me_At_The_Sky
Replied On May 17th 2011:
Holy crap. I mean, I'm not sure I want to win something like that then. Don't get me wrong, I was willing to fight Levi here, but go around the world to do it?

►Good Ship Morpheus
Replied On May 17th 2011:
Coward.

►Mane Magenta
Replied On May 17th 2011:
Hey, stfu. She's far from alone in that. If you've ever been in an endbringer battle (that didn't involve Don Texas), you'd understand.

►Pitmaster Soprano (Original Poster) (Verified Cape) (Endbringer Slayer) (Don Texas) (Mafioso Mesquite) (Godfather of the Grill) (Heaven's Feel)
Replied On May 17th 2011:
lol I'm going to pin this post to my OP. The riddle was just for fun. It's an inside joke; don't worry about it. Now, to speak plainly:

1. I require the services of a mover who will deliver seven letters for me to my seven contestants.
2. They will be brought to me to complete a task.
3. The one I choose will receive [this]. It is Galatine, the sword of Sir Gawain of the Round Table. He was known as the Sun Knight and the sword is comparable to Vista's Caliburn in scope.
4. The First Holy Grill War shall take place precisely one week from now.
5. There is nothing saying you must fight endbringers on my behalf. All I ask is that you become a hero, the paragon of a hero as you define it.

►Answer Key
Replied On May 17th 2011:
Yay, I was pretty close.

Do you have candidates already? Can we nominate people?

►Pitmaster Soprano (Original Poster) (Verified Cape) (Endbringer Slayer) (Don Texas) (Mafioso Mesquite) (Godfather of the Grill) (Heaven's Feel)
Replied On May 17th 2011:
[Answer Key]: I try to nominate people who suit the Noble Phantasm. For example, no matter how great a hero Myrddin is, he will never receive Galatine from me. It's just not his style. And yes, I have them decided. They're free to reject of course, but I'm not accepting suggestions.

►Kirin White (Verified Cape)
Replied On May 17th 2011:
This is but one small way I can repay you. On behalf of all who fell in Kyushu, call on me. I can cross the globe, or even leap to the moon, should you ask.

►Strider (Verified Cape)
Replied On May 17th 2011:
Not Japanese and I've got no personal tragedy with Leviathan, but ditto. You need a letter delivered, hit me up, don.

End of Page. 1, 2

Author's Note.

Phew. This closes out the second arc of The Holy Grill. Things happened. Plot hooks were left dangling. Mars is traumatized. All in all, a productive arc, eh?

I'm tired so no animal fact. I wish someone would send me bourbon too lol.

Also, if anyone has any interesting Noble Phantasms (more than just "big sword, big laser") and challenge ideas that fit the Servant in question, let me know. The Holy Grill War should be appropriately crackish.