Lith's Diary - March (Patreon)

Dear Diary,

It's been a stressful month! I'm still getting the hang of taxes, and it always seems to get more complicated than I thought it was last time. Worse, I ended up putting it off longer than I really should have, so the worse it looked, the more I worried, but I didn't do anything about it until... well. They're almost done with now, and the worst is past, but I'll be very happy to close the book on them for this year. I hope your taxes have been a lot less of a headache and heartache! I feel like just about my whole month has been spoiled, which is silly and mostly my own fault. Putting it off doesn't help anything!

But it's okay. I'm just about done, and that's good. I'm a little bummed, actually, that I ended up too busy. I wanted to put together something funny for april fool's day, but I knew it was going to be a lot of work, and I ended up too distracted between work and taxes. Maybe next year, I guess! Next year, I'll get my taxes done sooner. Promising myself that might be a good way to disappoint myself, but I'm gonna try. I've never been a big believer in new year's resolutions and all that so much as just... always trying to be a little better than you were yesterday.

Sometimes I forget about that when I'm caught up in the day-to-day, but I do think that's important. Wherever you are in life, whatever you're doing, whether you're rich or poor, among friends or alone, whether you think you're good at what you do or only just holding on... Each day is worth it, as long as you find some way to improve yourself, even just a little. Learn something new and useful, or take the time to figure out how to do something a little better, or just reflect on what you've done well and should try to do more often. Remind yourself of who you want to be, what ideals you hold in your heart, and try to take one more tiny step in that direction. There are many, many days in our lives, and as long as we keep making our little steps every day, we can go further than we might ever think.

And... more than that... there's a certain hope that goes with that. And that's precious. I've seen some people that have just... given up on things ever being better than they are now. They turn to things like tearing other people down to feel better about themselves, or even destroying themselves because they think they're not "worth it." It's tragic, watching them spend their energy on destroying, rather than building up... we all have so much capacity for action, for changing our world, that often goes completely untapped, but it's worse still when it's turned the wrong way. It's important to treat others well, to treat yourself well, and to think about how things can be better. Even when we can't do anything big, if everyone does something small, that'll make for some pretty big, hopefully positive changes. And the hope that comes with that... it shows. It makes you a better person, I think. You can tell people that are still hoping for tomorrow from those that have given in. Even if you're sad, it's not so bad if you believe in the possibility of tomorrow being better.

I guess this all sounds kinda silly. "Power of positivity" or whatever. But I do think it's important. We have a lot of power for change, even just in how we see the world, how we engage with it and process it. That does matter, and it does make changes. I just want to see more people willing to hope, you know?

Well. Anyway. Something a little less serious... I've been playing rocket scientist! I think I miiight have mentioned this a long time ago, back when I last played, but I've started getting into Kerbal Space Program again. Science mode seemed to be a little too easy for me, so I've switched to Career mode, and it's definitely more challenging. You have to work to build your reputation and take on contracts for funds along with running experiments for science, and all of that adds a lot more to do, practicing and refining your skills before you jump to the next big milestone. I've had fun gradually building up to bigger rockets and learning how to efficiently get into orbit, then jump out to swing around the Mun. It definitely takes a while to get the hang of the system for plotting out orbits and stuff like that, but it's pretty rewarding once you get the basic idea. So far I haven't had to get into any heavy math stuff, but when I look around online they're mostly talking about formulae for ideal lifting speeds and stuff and it looks kinda steep, but there are still some folks saying you really don't have to jump into all that. I hope not! I do like an efficient rocket, but I don't want it to turn into a lot of work and math just trying to make anything happen.

I'm still working on actually landing on the Mun. I don't think I ever did that, even in science mode-- not and return to Kerbin. So that'll definitely be a big milestone for me! After that, and Minmus, it looks like a big jump trying to make it to another planet in the system, but I'm looking forward to flailing around trying to make it happen. I dunno how far I'll go, but it's a big system full of challenges!

I guess that does kinda tie into what I was talking about before, doesn't it? Kerbal is the sort of game that is really all about laying out a big series of challenges for you to try yourself against, to learn and improve until you can overcome them. It's a lot like life, except that when you screw up horribly you can reload from your last save before the big explosion. Haha. I know we all wish we could have a few backup saves... it would make life a lot less scary, a lot less... hard to deal with. But we have to do the best we can while still playing it safe.

I hope you're holding on to your own hopes in your life, Diary. You've been a big help with mine. Even if... if the things we're seeing in that place, my home or whatever it is, bring some... challenges. We can overcome them. We've got our own mission, to make things better. We'll do it, together, and as long as you're with me I know we'll make it. Thank you, Diary, for being here with me. For helping me keep up hope. Things can and will get better, if we just hold on and keep trying.

Next time I see you, both of us will be just a tiny bit better than we are now. I'm looking forward to it. Till then!
-Lith