Lith's Diary - June (Patreon)

Dear Diary,
Phew! I was really mad at that game last month, wasn't I? I'd almost forgotten until I went back to take a look. It's kinda funny, actually: when I look back on the game now, I mostly see it as "fun and full of stuff to do, but kinda annoying in some ways." Maybe just being able to vent about all the crazy stuff it put me through helped me come to some peace with it. I did beat it pretty soon after that, too, I think. The ending was okay, though just a little underwhelming after all that, I think.

Oh, and I did pick up an old clicker game again, mostly to play in bed. It's helped a little, I think. I put off trying a new one, since it tends to be such a gamble at what point they'll start holding back the fun until you give them money or something. I will say that's one thing I appreciate about this one, it's got a pretty cool development team that seems to prioritize making that stuff less annoying. I think I've probably mentioned Zombidle before, though. I'd recommend it if you're into the "clicker hero" or whatever style, I'd say it does a lot more to actually be fun and interesting than any of the others I've seen.

Hmmm, what else... things have gotten less crazy this month, that's been nice! I briefly touched on some problems I was having last month, and that made me go "wow, was that that only last month?" So I guess I've been doing a lot better, and getting a lot done. Life has been less stressful, and I've just been able to relax and treat myself sometimes, but also get work done. Looking back, I guess it's been a pretty decent month!

I went back and played through Prey again. I probably talked about it before? Good stealth-oriented game that turns the obsessive item-collection of most Bethesda games into something actually pretty meaningful and satisfying. I tried playing the "evil" route, kinda, this time. I did the whole good guy route the first time and saved the day, but the reveal at the end really makes you wanna try playing "the other side" as much as you can, to see what it's like. And that was a nice change, but... the story didn't actually change much. I was honestly surprised-- I mean, they were decent about making characters change what they said and did to account for "oh, everyone over there died, I guess they can't help" and such, but there was almost none of the "you are being a big meanie and should stop it!" thing you'd usually see in games promoting that kind of choice. It's a very light touch with the "choice" besides feeling like a jerk seeing yourself do all these things, I guess. The main difference was that you'd start getting attacked a whole lot by this big monster specialized in kicking your butt that you're suppose to hide from... which was nice, because it was full of loot when I killed it every time!

Hmmm. So it was fairly fun for a replay, but now I think of it, it's true there was one thing that was kinda frustrating about it. I tried to go pretty hard on the "be one of the monsters" idea, and I thought I did a decent job of it. I was hoping I'd get a couple achievements in the end for playing in such a drastically different way, but there was nothing. I looked it up, and it turned out that most of the achievements were... Hmm. Let's talk about achievements for a minute, okay?

To me, achievements started as the idea that if you went out of your way to do something cool, the game would be like "hey, nice job! Here's proof that you did this hard thing!" Sort of like how you'd have to take a screenshot or something to prove you did a cool thing in a game, but this tracks it for you. You'd get achievements mostly because you were playing creatively or just really well, and then maybe you'd look at the list and say "hey, there are a few left, what are they for? ...What? I didn't even know you could do that!" And then you'd go back and play some more, or maybe decide that if you ever play the game again you'll try to do that next time. That kind of design feels rewarding, and like some small part of your time in the game persists "outside the game." That's fun.

But that last bit, the part where you look at the achievements and go try to do the thing you missed, seems to have kinda... grown out of control? Sometimes they'll make it a part of the game specifically: "kill 3 enemies at the same time with this weapon!" or something, as a side objective on your screen that gives you some bonus money, or something silly like that. That's not bad, I think. But the style of achievements in Prey kinda bugs me.

Some of them are okay, but basically, a whole lot of them are "you HAVE to hunt me, and you still might fail" achievements. Not because they're hard, but because they require so much very specific, obscure stuff to be done over the course of the entire game, or even multiple playthroughs, that you'd basically never get it without reading about the achievement first, and sometimes even then you might have to go asking around online for how to make it actually happen.

So I was trying to play a bad guy, and I basically figured sure, I'll go kill everybody, because it's one of those games where even the questgivers and such can be killed. I even looked it up 3/4 of the way through, and yes, there as an achievement for killing "everyone." Well, it turns out that they're really picky about that. You can't let people die to the horrible monsters-- you have to kill them BEFORE the monsters do. Sometimes even doing things that result in them dying don't even count, if you didn't directly shoot them or something. Instead of the game saying "wow you did the thing!" it's holding up a blurry target for people that just obsessively play the game over and over to struggle for, to figure out on forums and finally hunt down.

I guess the point is, I feel like it's wandered into an unfun space where the game basically has "hidden, complicated side objectives it won't tell you about and will never explain," instead of "noticing when you do something clever or exceptional." I've never been big on achievement hunting, but some games make it fun, while others don't. I remember playing that game a while back... Attack of the Earthlings, I think it was? It had one or two achievements for each level that were just "do this slightly harder thing you might possibly do anyway while playing through the level." I only got maybe half of them by accident, but by the end I got the idea they were there and started looking them up as a little optional extra challenge as I went through the level, because they felt reasonable, clear, and added fun rather than just... forcibly extending the amount of time you're playing? It's very similar in a lot of ways, but I think one inherently creates a lot more fun moments than the other.

Hmm. I guess there are tons and tons of ways to add achievements to a game, really, I've seen all sorts of design philosophies there. It's kinda weird to think about how something as abstract as that can add to or take away from the experience of a game. Overall, I think they've been a benefit, but like with a lot of game design, we still have a lot to learn about how to handle it. Games are still a very new medium, after all!

...Wow. I had still been wondering what I'd talk about after Prey, but I guess I went on a bit of a tangent! Hmm. I just recently started a couple new games, but I'm not far enough into them to really talk about them yet I think, so maybe next time I'll talk about Yakuza and... I don't remember the name, it's um... Swedish or something? But it's subtitled "the little shop," so you can probably guess what it's about. Other than that, life has had its ups and downs but has been pretty decent all around I think!

...I haven't had a whole lot to say about what's going on in the void recently because, well... yeah. I'm kinda surprised it's come to this, but I have the impression some people have been really happy with it. And... I mean... if that's so, then I'm glad. I know I'm not perfect, and I can't be everything people want. I could never... ah... fill those shoes, you know? So... if that's what you need, then I'm glad you're able to get a little of it. You've done so much for me, and for Lithier, how could I complain about you finding some happiness?

Still... I think things are going to be getting back into the, um... Soon, we'll... Heh. I'm still really nervous about what's coming. You know... the end. Maybe part of me was glad it got put off a little... but waiting and wondering is even worse, in a way. All I know is... I'll be counting on you, Diary. So... take care of yourself, and make sure you're ready. I don't think this is going to be easy...

Thank you, Diary. For standing by my side.
-Lith