Lith's Diary - October (Patreon)

Dear Diary,
Last month I talked a lot about how scary change can be, and about how I wanted to make sure I'm changing my situation for the better. Well, things are still kinda in flux and I'm still pretty nervous about how it's all going to pan out, but I do think I'm doing a good job making some of the changes positive! I mentioned I wanted to eat better, get out more, and make more friends, and I've made at least a little progress in all of those. Pretty happy with that! It doesn't need to be a huge improvement, but looking back over the last month, I'm improving steadily where I wanted to, and that's great, I think. If you dive into it too fast, it's easier to reverse the effects later, in my experience. Steady progress means better long-term improvement!

So I need to keep focused on improving there, steadily. I've had a few other crazy challenges pop up along with those, but I didn't let them distract me too much from making my life better. A little effort every day moves mountains.

So yeah! I'm kinda crazy busy again and also frustrated just cause there's so many things I want to be doing with my time, recreationally, but I have to get all my work out of the way first. But overall I think I'm in a good spot right now! Or maybe I should say, on a good trajectory. It's where you're going that matters more than where you are, right? If you're making things better or letting them get worse.

Okay, I'm going full motivational speaker today. Sorry! I've been working a lot and pushing myself to stay focused, so that's kinda my mindset right now, I guess. I keep having to remind myself to take breaks or find something fun to do when I realize I'm getting grouchy or needy. It's important to maintain that balance, but right now I'm leaning a little toward getting stuff done. I'll have to make it up to myself later.

I did try a new game this month, though I haven't had the chance to play recently. I actually played Endless Space a few years back and rather liked it, thought it felt a little... empty? Not in terms of gameplay, but somehow, it just felt like the personality, the sense that these were actually people and lives you were dealing with, was missing. The interface was great, very crisp and satisfying to work with, and the gameplay wasn't bad, but it just always felt like something was missing.

Well, I finally tried the sequel, and I'd say it's done a lot to fix the problems from the original. Like its predecessor, it's a turn-based sci-fi strategy game where you rule an empire spreading from system to system and trying to win the game by one of a dozen victory conditions. I like to focus on building up for a powerful late game while carefully avoiding conflict, so I chose a science-focused race and started burning through the tech tree. There's been a ton to learn, and like I said, that was one of the big reasons I've put off trying new games: just getting through that initial phase where you actually learn how to play and how everything works can take a lot of time, and if you don't get through all of it in a relatively short time, including putting what you've learned into practice, it can fall apart in your head pretty quick.

I love strategy games, but they tend to be the worst for this sort of thing. I had to put in a lot of time, but this one did feel overall fairly easy to pick up for everything it was trying to do. Nice design, fairly intuitive, and tons and tons of tooltips for figuring out what this or that means or does. It's still very crisp and has a great interface-- I found myself trying to right click to close out of menus in other games and such, it felt so smooth and natural, but nope, only Endless games have picked that up. I did get pretty swept up in the "one more turn" thing, and even found myself engaging in combat, which I usually try to avoid. The AI is pushy, but respects both a show of strength and a measure of restraint. It's still really annoying trying to accomplish anything with the AI, but I'm still feeling it out.

I probably put 20 hours into this one match, just taking my time learning everything and experimenting and save/loading some to see what certain things do, and I think I'm probably two-thirds of the way to actually finishing the match. I do feel like I like and understand the game now, but dang, it took a lot to get started. That's what really frustrates me sometimes. I have hundreds of games I bought on great sales or whatever and I never get around to playing them. Chances are there are a ton of them I'd really enjoy playing, but the effort and the time just to get to the point where I actually have a feel for the game, to know if I'll like it and to understand how to play properly... I love games, but it can be so much easier just to watch a silly show or something.

I'm really hoping that once things do settle down, and I've got healthier new habits and maybe have a little less work I have to have done yesterday, that I'll actually have the time to play games properly again. Like, lots of games! But right now, I'm only barely squeezing them in where I can.

Well, no sense complaining about it. I guess in a way, it's nice to have a squeeze on your time. It helps keep you active and engaged with your life, and it often means you're "wanted" or even "needed," which can be a nice feeling. You're getting things done and being productive, which helps with boosting self-esteem. Sure, it'd be nice to have time to do whatever you want, but I've been there, and it can quickly leave you feeling like... what's the point?

As ever, it comes back to balance. Work hard, so you can earn the time to relax, and enjoy that time all the more for it! I hope you're keeping up a good balance in your life, Diary. I'll be better about that myself in a little while, I think. I hope! At least I know I can relax and just feel comfortable with you. I hope you feel the same with me. I know I get a little rant-y about how to live a good life and whatever sometimes, but I never want you to feel uncomfortable just being yourself with me, okay?

And... thank you, for being that refuge, for me. We've had a lot of time to waste in the void, but it never really felt like a waste sharing it with you. Now... things are getting weird and complicated, and suddenly the time we have together feels so precious, doesn't it? With the... the end looming closer. And everything that's coming with it... Just... stay close to me, alright? I mean... in the way you see as best, I guess... Things are going to be so strange.

Anxious, excited, worried, busy! Aaaargh!

Just... take a deep breath. We'll get through it together. You and me, Diary.
-Lith