Lith's Diary - September (Patreon)

Dear Diary,
Last month I think I sounded kinda... hm. Completely worn out? Destroyed? Something like that. I was honestly a little surprised when I went back to look.

So I guess that's the good news I should start off with! I'm feeling a lot better! Things are still pretty busy, but I do get to actually relax properly, to the point sometimes I'm frustrated with myself for not getting enough done. But um, looking back at how I was talking last month, maybe I earned a little break! I'd just forgotten how frayed I had been getting for a bit there.

So yeah! I'm developing a routine again, taking better care of myself, and mostly still getting stuff done. A lot of the craziness the last several months has been me trying to make things better for myself, and I'm finally getting to enjoy a little bit of that better life. There are still lots of ways for things to kinda go wrong maybe, but I'm past the worst of it in a lot of ways, and if I keep working at it, I think I might be able to put myself in a better position just to enjoy life than I've ever had before. It's almost scary. One of those "fear of success" things I guess? But I don't want to let that hold me back. Even if you don't think you're some amazing person or whatever, that's no reason not to try and seize the chance when you can to live better and be happier!

I just have to be careful not to fall back into my old habits too much. I think that'll be my big challenge right now. Don't let my new routines be as bad as my old routines. Make sure I get out more. Eat better. Make more friends, somehow. I'll make it work!

Hmmm. I'm still not playing much in the way of new video games. Actually, I've just kinda been playing a little bit of lots of old games lately. Gotten nostalgic for Team Fortress 2, Overwatch, and Slay The Spire, so I've been playing those when I have some free time. I wanna play new games, but they always require so much time to really get a feel for how they work, and I still don't have a lot of that. I've already talked about the games I'm playing recently, so I don't wanna rehash on that stuff. Let's see...

For some reason, I have cable again. I haven't watched it for years, but now I've got it, and it's changed a lot, so why not give it a try? I've mostly left it on cartoons while I'm doing someting else, and it's been... illuminating. I forgot how many dang commercials there were! Wow, it's kinda obnoxious. Kinda really obnoxious. And I'm kinda disappointed they aren't showing as much of the stuff I remember liking growing up, they seem to be a lot more focused on appealing to kids. They used to have stuff even midday for teenagers and the like, but now I guess that's only really at night, and a lot of the stuff that's for kids is... REALLY for kids. Like, grating, squeaky, hyperactive stuff that doesn't seem to make any attempt to appeal to the parents or anything. I know there used to be a lot of cartoons that at least slipped in some pretty smart humor and such.

Well, maybe that's unfair. In some ways there are actually a lot better cartoons going around right now. Part of the reason I got cable was cause I wanted a way to get access to some of the crazy stuff they've been putting out, like finishing Steven Universe. And while I didn't really enjoy it, I could understand why that Gumball show seems fairly popular, it had some decent content to it. I guess I feel like instead of most shows just having a little good stuff, now it's more that some shows are completely brainless and others are a lot smarter and more thoughtful than you thought they did kid's shows. In the end, I guess that's an improvement, especially with streaming services. Easier to skip the garbage and get all the good stuff. But.. that does mean cable itself seems more useless than ever.

Well, things change, and it's important to try and make the best of it you can. Maybe that's the important lesson today. I know I'm always afraid of change. I like things safe and a bit predictable, and change makes me anxious, but the last few months have been nothing but change. And it's been a big opportunity to make things better. Yes, I've lost some things, and yes, life will never be the same. That's what happens. We lose what we had and gain new things instead. What's important is that we do all we can to both influence that change to be for the better, and that we learn to take advantage of changes that come up. Change is scary, but with effort and a little foresight, you can make every change a good change. Or at least... not as bad a change as it might be otherwise.

I hope you're not afraid to seize changes for the better, Diary, even if they're scary. ...I guess that's a big part of the question we're facing in the void right now, too. We're facing a pretty big change, and I can definitely see how it could be scary, but we can make it work out for the better. Just gotta be smart about it! And... follow your heart. You've done a great job so far, helping out with guiding me through the void and keeping the whole thing going, so I know we'll be able to finish this right, together. Thank you, Diary, for helping me through all these crazy changes. We'll come out better, I hope, on the other side.

I'll see you there.
-Lith