Lith's Diary - March (Patreon)

Dear Diary,
This month has been kinda crazy. I've been having... troubles... with some of my friends, and some of my friends have been going through a lot of problems of their own. It's been kind of a stressful, high-emotion month, I guess you could say. I hope you'll forgive me, but I don't really want to talk about it too much. I've spent lots and lots and lots of time talking it all over with them, trying to make things better, and by now I'm just kind of tired of it. I'd like to think about something else.

I guess that's another thing games are good for. When something big happens and I don't know how to deal with it, or how to feel, just... taking some time to play a game, get my mind off of it, and let it kind of stew in the back of my head helps me sorta deal with it, you know? I guess I rely on games for a lot of things in my life. They're a great way to spend time with people without having to try and make small talk, they can let you vent your emotions or escape from your troubles, and they can teach you useful stuff sometimes. I know a lot of the time when I hear stuff about space travel anymore, it kinda seems more "real" to me just because I've seen how hard it is to make that stuff work in Kerbal Space Program.

I dunno, I guess that's just me trying to justify talking about video games so much. I do play games a lot when I'm not... when I have free time. They're definitely the easiest thing for me to talk with people about. Is that sad? They're not a super healthy hobby compared to like... sports, or marathons or stuff like that. I guess there are people that do all that for fun, but I really couldn't see myself out there, um... embracing nature. I've tried it a little, too, and it just... I'd always come back all itchy and gross and not wanna go outside for a week. Maybe it makes me kind of a loser, but I do really enjoy games. They let me explore and be part of a lot of different worlds without having to deal with the gross stuff, or the danger.

It's silly filling my diary with my thoughts on games, right? I guess I feel dumb rambling about these to you all the time. But... hm. Well, maybe if you like the sound of a game I talk about, you can try it too, and maybe I'll help you find something new you enjoy? Or if you have a different impression of it than I do, then maybe that'll help you learn about how we see things differently. So that's like... indirectly, we can connect through how we perceive these shared pieces of media? ...I dunno. I guess that sounds kinda dumb. Well... it's not quite the same as sitting down and watching a movie together, but if it's something we can share, then it's still nice, right? And if not... then maybe, um... Well. Talking about what you care about, what you think about, is a good way to share yourself, right? I do spend a lot of time thinking about these games...

Haha. I really am just embarrassed I spend so much time talking about them. Well, I've rambled a bunch about talking about games instead of actually talking about them. Last time I said I'd talk about Slay the Spire, so maybe I should just get into that!

Well, um... It's a rogue-like about climbing a tower fighting a bunch of monsters and going through random events, but you play by using cards from your deck to attack and block damage. When you beat enemies you can choose new cards, and sometimes you get special relics that have some unique, always-on effect like making all of your attacks do extra damage. It starts pretty simple, but if you're lucky with the relics you pick up and good at picking the right cards and keeping your deck small, then you can actually get these awesome combos going. If you do it just right, you can basically blow through the bosses with hardly an effort.

But... most of the time it's actually really hard. You have a fair amount of control over what happens since you can build your deck and kinda control whether you pick fights or go for special events and such, but there's a ton of risk and randomness involved, and you have to kinda make a lot of calculated gambles while struggling to keep your health up and your deck thin so you can beat the boss in each area. I've died a ton playing the game, but the more you play the more you can unlock new cards and relics that make even crazier combos possible. There are currently two classes as well, so you can be this blitzing warrior with heavy attacks that can sacrifice his health for extra damage and cards, or this sneaky, evasive rogue that likes to hit for tons of small, rapidfire hits, poison enemies, and pull off all sorts of crazy combos. They're both a lot of fun, though the rogue can be really frustrating sometimes just because it's harder to make her builds work consistently, and it feels like a lot more enemies punish "lots of small attacks" than "one or two big attacks" like the warrior usually does. They still have one more class coming and a bunch of content I think; the game is still in development but it's already a ton of fun. Definitely one of those games that can be so frustrating you'll quit out after a bad run, swear off the game, then be playing again an hour later.

Mmn. Actually, it's kinda funny I enjoy it when it tends to be so hard. I've found that lately, I've had less and less fun playing hard games, especially the ones that punish you a lot when you screw up, like losing a lot of progress. I used to enjoy challenging games more, I think, but gradually I've just come to find them annoying. I'm starting to think I might actually have to consider starting to play games on easy mode? It feels like a mark of shame. But... I mean, I already deal with hard stuff in my life. I put a lot of effort into work, and into dealing with my friends, and with... well, everything... because I want to do it just right. So games are where I go to relax and have fun. Games are where it's okay to screw up, because it's just a game. I feel like if the game is really punishing, or it makes you fail a lot, then... well, that's not really relaxing or fun, is it? So maybe challenging games are meant for people that aren't getting challenged enough in the rest of their life. Maybe that means I'm not doing a great job holding it all together, but I want to think it's because I want to do an extra good job where it counts.

I'm coming off really defensive this month, aren't I? I guess I've got a lot on my mind. Like I said, it's been... crazy. Just... Okay. Here's one thing that's not about games.

Dear Diary,
I'm not very good at remembering to say nice things to people I care about. I mean... I don't mean I'm not nice to my friends. I think that I am! I just... I don't take the time to stop and tell them that I appreciate them, and tell them about what specifically I really admire about them. I've noticed that sometimes my friends just slip in these compliments here and there that seem to flow pretty naturally, but they just... they seem strange to me, because I don't tend to... do that? I guess I feel like I show how I feel with how I act, so it should be obvious that I like you, but... But saying it can make all the difference. It's true, looking back, that some of the nice things people have said to me out of the blue have really stuck with me my whole life. I still remember this sweet old lady that told me, when I was just a little kid, that when I smile, it lights up the whole room. And I was really embarrassed at the time, but... I've always kinda held onto that? It seems silly, but it still makes me happy. And... I'd love to be that to other people, too.

I guess I do take the time to tell one person, about once a month at least. I do appreciate you, Diary. You're always helping me out, and Lithier too. Thank you. And... I hope you take the time to say nice things to the people you care about. Sometimes, I've found, they won't even know how much you care about them unless you really take the time just to speak from the heart. It can be hard, but if you keep it in mind, sometimes a good opportunity can present itself for you to just say, "I love it when you do that," or "you do that really well," or "that's something I really admire about you," when something comes up that you like about them, even in passing. It can just... make such a difference to people sometimes. I think that's one thing I've never been very good at. It's too... proactive? I tend to just kinda roll with whatever's going on, I guess... But I'm trying to change. To work it in. Do you need to work on it, too, Diary? Maybe we can work to improve together! Try to say nice things to people before this time next month, okay? We'll see who can get the most compliments in!

...Okay that sounds really dorky. You don't have to do that. But I'll try to remember, and maybe next month I'll... report back on it? And if you wanna try and do it too, so much the better! We'll make April the month everyone's feeling better about themselves! Just... don't try too hard on the first I guess. Might give people the wrong idea.

Alright. I've been rambling all over the place. Thanks for being patient with me, Diary. I'll talk to you next month! Probably about games. Until then, think nice thoughts!
-Lith