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Vivian's Hiss (with Art!) (Patreon)

Published:
2023-03-01 07:58:48
Imported:
2024-02

Content

Again, post will be updated soon, but the story at least is ready to read, along with stellar art from CuddleSword.

You can read it here!

Comments

Jay Aury

Fun one!

Anonymous

A few comments on your style of writing Please don't take this the wrong way. Your style is yours, and I like it else I wouldn't have become a patron. I am not a language/literature expert and couldn't have written what you have produced (I tried my hand once or twice - not a big success). Also, I am not a native English speaker. Still, there are a few things I would like to see in a story, things that you could try, that would make ME like them even more. Not sure if your other fans would react the same way. So, read or ignore as you wish. The main thing I am missing is a sense of struggle, a tug of war, between HIM and HER. Knowing your stories I know at the first paragraph that HE is going to lose, and is even going to like losing. That is OK. But it creates more of a story arc, of a competition, if HE (initially) actively tries to stay on top, to have things HIS way. HE could use "weapons" (spells, physical attributes, secret knowledge) to try and win conversations, discussions, physical interaction. And of course SHE would be smarter and subvert HIS "weapons" so that the end result would still be HE loses. But yes; "in the end", not just immediately. The idea being that a struggle won is more satisfactory than an immediate capitulation. HE would probably discover HE is OK with losing. but if HE already realizes that at line 1 the story is less compelling. You do have little bits of this competition in several stories, and those are the stories I like most (marital habits on lit). I like the idea of a domme succubus, just as I like the set of standard goblin characteristics you and a few others (quiet elegance, shimmering gloss...) have created on lit and patreon. But is it possible to think of other physical attributes than enormous breasts? Enormous tits don't do it for me. More diversity might create a larger audience, maybe. Unexpected initiatives can turn me on, verbal puzzles can be nice. Apparent contradictions between thoughts and actions (having a duel where HE loses because HE cannot maintain a witty dialogue while being distracted by HER physical actions, SHE being much better at schizophrenic behaviour) create story tension. Light voyeurism. Light play on HIS uncertainties for manipulation (but no deliberate "not-nice" out-and-out humiliation, this is about enjoyment!). I Personally dislike stories in non-English (cumbrains). They are just too difficult to read, to get into them. Your stories mostly do not have a POV. Having one can put a whole new light on a story (HE attempting to understand what SHE is doing, and of course not understanding in time). The back-and-forth between HIS and HER POV can also be exciting. I hope you don't mind my comments. In any case, keep on writing!