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"So, what's going on?" (Update Post & List) (Patreon)

Published:
2022-02-01 18:11:35
Imported:
2024-02

Content

Gosh, this has been a long time coming, hasn't it?

As I'm sure many of you are at this point aware, things haven't been going great here. Things haven't been going great for me much at all, lately. Because of that, I'd like to apologize to all of you for the things I've done and the things I have failed to do.

I don't even really know what to say, and it feels artificial to prepare, like, an "apology" post, like I'm reading it from a teleprompter, so I'm just going to try and vomit what I'm thinking into this box, and hopefully it comes out as coherent.

For a long time, I couldn't even bear to look at the comments that people were leaving on my """story""" posts, because I wanted to somehow try and convince myself that this was all going to change, that I was going to suddenly, inexplicably rally, that I was going to become the coked-out fifteen-thousand-words-in-one-day Stephen King monster that I felt like I had the potential to be. I was going to write everything I'd promised, post it all in one big "SURPRISE, FUCKERS!!" update, and everything would be fine. I don't know what delusions I was operating under, but this didn't end up happening the four or five times I swore to myself it would.

Today, I finally sat down and read over the comments and the feedback I've gotten. I haven't looked at any exit surveys from the people who decided they were fed up with the fucking Peter Molyneux of monster girl fiction, a title I have earned thrice over at this point. I can't imagine that the sentiment expressed there is too different, though.

The way I've acted has been offensively unprofessional, and for that, I'd like to apologize. I have failed to communicate basically in any capacity. People have expressed understanding that life can get Real Shitty, and have offered sympathy, and that is incredibly kind of them. That also does not change the fact that I did not say a single thing about life getting Real Shitty and how it would (not "could," would. Did, in fact) affect things. I don't know why I didn't say anything. I guess I just wanted to pretend everything was fine, even when it wasn't, and the result ended up being exponentially worse.

Part of being professional, I'm finding out, is making an update post that doesn't have any good news. I don't have a secret trove of Incredible, Sexy Fiction to post here. I don't have a timeframe, I just have a list of stories that have yet to be written, and an earnest sentiment that I want to be the author that you all want me to be. I'd call it a promise, but at this point, I don't think a promise from me would mean too much.

As of right now, the following stories are currently in my "to do" pile:

  • Sweet Dreams (Ch. 2 & 3)
  • They Love ( Ch. 1 & 2)
  • By The Horns
  • Daydreams (Ch. 1 & 2)
  • The Tome of the Wilds (Ch. 1, 2, 3, 4)
  • Cat's Meow
  • Click Here!

 how there are any of you still here and willing to go "no but maybe he'll finally deliver" after radio silence for nearly a full six months and thirteen fucking unfinished chapters is fucking beyond me, christ almighty

This is, frankly, a lot. This is a lot, and I can't promise I'll have it done by any specific deadline. You guys deserve that, but I cannot in good faith make any sort of assurance that it'll be done in (X) amount of time.

That being said, I want to do this. This will be hard work, and it will be the sort of thing that I have to chip away at, but it is something I want to chip away at.

I wish I had more things that I could tell you with certainty, but I don't, and I can't. I've made a lot of promises to you in the past and broken a lot of promises to you in the past. I'm going to try my best to be better. I'm probably going to fuck up again. But I hope that this little update of "Hey, Carol, could you please explain what the fuck you've been doing?" demonstrates that I don't want to just keep running away from people who have proven time and time again that they are willing to support me as I try to write things worth reading.

As always, thank you, thank you, thank you for your patience and for your support. It means more to me than you could ever know, and even when it comes in the form of "Hey, I love your writing and I want to see more of it, but the way you're acting fucking sucks," it is so, so encouraging to know that someone is saying it because they want to see me succeed, not fail.

Comments

Tom Arnold

You are good enough. You are smart enough. And gosh darnit, people like you.

Anonymous

So I saw this post when you made it a while ago, and felt like I should contribute something. After a bit, I felt like I'd left it too long, and that commenting wouldn't be worth it any more. I told that thought to get bent and took some time to sit down and actually get my thoughts here. I'm not going to dispute any of your claims about your behavior being unprofessional in some instances, but I was quite happy to read this post - I agree that professionalism involves being able to deliver bad news to stakeholders, or even just "this isn't done yet, and I don't know when/if it will be". I'm proud you were able to be real about this and post this level of honesty, and for that amongst other reasons, I'm not leaving the Patreon. I've been in similar situations, and although it's always a bit different, there are parts we can all relate to. At the time of writing this, you have over a hundred patrons who still think you're capable of delivering the kind of stuff we signed up to give you money for in the first place, and demonstrably believe in you to that degree. We want to see you succeed. One piece of brashly unsolicited advice you can feel free to ignore is to not use this second wind to bite off more than you can chew. It might feel like you need to go back to the cadence that you had before, in "the good times", but unless you're careful, you can slip back into the same sort of scenario from a few months ago. Ignore it. Go easy on yourself. Having people pay by the story doesn't hold you accountable to a certain number of stories in any timeframe, beyond your needs for the pledges from your supporters. I am a firm believer in sustainability, and burning yourself out again trying to hit specific timelines is, in my opinion, not the way to go. I think all of your supporters, but especially you, would be much happier with stories you want to write for their own sake, in their own time, as opposed to "chore" stories once a month or whatever to appease the timeline cops. This sort of sentiment seems to be echoed in all the other comments on this post too, so I don't think I'm too off-base here. I'm really happy to see this update from you - you're an excellent writer, and I want to continue to do what I can to make sure you're able to bring this art into the world :)