Santa’s Slay Drive-In Totals (Patreon)

Thank you so much to everyone who joined me for my favorite (or tied for favorite…I can’t decide!! 😋) Christmas movie tonight!  ❤️

As promised, here are the Drive-In Totals for ya, both in video form (live from our screening at The Music Box in Chicago last year) and written out fer ya. If these totals don’t entice you to watch it, nothing will! 😉🎅❤️❤️

We have:

41 dead bodies.

12 breasts.

1 dead dog.

Three motor vehicle chases, with crash and burn.

Neck-breaking.

Multiple axed carolers.

Skeet-shooter bowling.

Fire-breathing.

Pipe-bomb Christmas presents.

Exploding fireplace.

Turkey forks through the hands.

Sledgehammer to the cranium.

Stripper-pole electrocution.

Valet parker eaten by a reindeer.

Face burned off.

Punch-bowl drowning.

Christmas-tree throwing-star to the back.

Turkey-dinner suffocation.

Gratuitous medieval drawings.

Gratuitous Fran Drescher.

Gratuitous Christmas rap.

Gratuitous stop-motion animation.

Gratuitous Orthodox Jews.

Heads roll.

Kung Fu.

Stripper-pole Fu.

Curling Fu.

Menorah Fu.

Ice pick Fu.

Zamboni Fu.

Bazooka Fu.

Drive-In Academy Award nominations for:

Bill Goldberg as Santa, who says “Just spreading a little yuletide fear”;

James Caan, as the family patriarch at Christmas dinner who says “I don’t wanna screw the bird, I wanna eat it”;

Saul Rubinek as the Jewish deli owner who tries to fend off Santa by shining a Star of David on his forehead;

Robert Culp, as the crazed inventor grandpa who reads in Norse from the Book of Claus and dons a leprechaun jacket in the final faceoff;

Emilie de Ravin as the understanding girlfriend who says “Are you fucking retarded?”;

Dave Thomas as the stripper-loving preacher;

Tiny Lister as the goofy gas station attendant; and

David Steiman, the writer/director, for doing things the drive-in way.

Four stars, Joe Bob says check it out

(And so does Darcy! 😉❤️❤️)