Script: Your Ex Wakes Up Next To You (Patreon)

here's another little behind-the-scenes thing for you. this is the script I wrote for the "Your Ex Wakes Up Next To You" video. hope this is nostalgic!!
---
The couple wake up, not expecting to be sharing a bed. MC is bleary and doesn’t realise where he is for a few moments

[sleepy groaning and rolling around, maybe some funny mumbling]

“Hold on…”

“Shiiit…”

[more bedsheets rustling as MC looks over at the person sharing a bed with him]

[he takes a deep breath, steeling himself. for a moment, he may consider trying to sneak out, but he isn’t that sort of person]

“Fuck do I do now?”

“I mean… What can I do, except…?”

“… Ah, fuck it.”

[he reaches over. more rustling sheets. a deep breath in]

“Hey.”

[evidently, no response]

“… Uh, hey. Wake up.”

[more rustling, then a louder rustle and the bed creaking as Listener wakes up properly and is shocked by MC being there]

“Whoa. It’s just me.”

“Okay, yeah, I know that doesn’t really improve things. But you know, could be worse. At least, I think. Would it be worse to wake up with a total stranger next to you? Maybe not.” [nervous laughter]

[more rustling and creaking as MC now sits up in bed]

[a few seconds of silence, only breathing and ambience audible]

“Did you sleep well?”

“No, haha, I don’t remember either. My heads killing me though.”

“You don’t have any painkillers around, do you?”

“Oh, in here?” [he pulls open a drawer next to the bed] “Nice, thanks. Keeping them in the bedside drawer for mornings like this is genius. Can’t believe I never thought of that before.”

[sounds of the pill packet crinkling and tearing as MC swallows a few painkillers with a mouthful of water]

“God. How much did we drink last night?”

“Jesus, heheh. It’s been a long time since I went that hard. Why didn’t we stop?”

“Reminded you of the old days? I swear we were never that wild.”

“Hey now, I’m not *that* much older. This hangover will pass in no time, just like always.”

“Alright. Pfft. Maybe not. But hey, at least you’re experiencing it with me. That makes it a little better.”

“Sure, I love seeing you suffer.”

“Or maybe it’s just that it lends a sense of… camaraderie to the whole situation that I find comforting. But you’re not finding out which it is.”

[mc groans]

“God, my head is spinning.”

[bedclothes rustling again as MC rolls around, then a creak and a quick movement]

“Ah, sorry, I didn’t mean to touch you, I — uh — just, your bed’s so small.” [nervous laughter]

“No, I don’t think I could afford any better in this city. It’s just… Heh… I’ve never slept in the kitchen.”

“Ok, ok, kitchen/diner/lounge combo. It’s very catchy, I’m sure it sounded great in the listing.”

“I’m only fucking with you. It’s a nice little place. And hell, I’m glad you’ve got it all to yourself instead of living in a room in a shared house or something. Bet that would’ve made last night much more awkward.”

“I think I’m gonna…”

[rustling as MC goes to get out of bed]

“Brrrr, nope, too cold. Is your heating broken?”

“Oh man, fuck landlords. I lived in a place once that didn’t have hot water for, like, 3 months.”

“But, still. Could be worse.”

“I mean… The cold would be more of a problem if we couldn’t, uh… *combine* our body heat.”

“You know that was meant to come out much more smooth. But still.”

“Yeah. C’mere.”

[rustling and sighing as they move up and cuddle]

“Mmm. Damn, I’ve missed this.”

[lots more deep breathing. really intimate voice. sound of skin on skin, skin on hair]

“Your hair is *so* soft. I can’t get over it.”

“Yeah, no, that’s not the only thing that’s soft.”

[mc plays with the Listener’s right ear while whispering in their left]

“You always liked this, right? I realise I never asked.”

[mc kisses the Listener on the face opposite the ear they’re massaging]

[a sharp inhalation]

“Shiiit. It’s fucking ten to nine. Why didn’t I look at the time before now?”

[LOUD bedsheets rustling as MC flings himself out of bed]

“Have you seen my shirt?”

“And my boxers?”

“And, like… Have you seen *any* of my clothes?”

[lots of noises of items of clothing and furniture and other things being moved around carelessly as MC searches for his clothes]

“Oh, found a shoe!”

“Is there anything over your side of the bed?”

“Why wouldn’t you tell me even if there was?”

[the noises stop]

“You’re just gonna call in sick again?”

“I mean… Yeah. I guess I could. Probably gonna quit soon anyway.”

[exhalation, laughter]

“Fuck this shoe. And fuck work. I’ll call in sick in a bit.”

[a powerful inhale and exhale, as though MC has his hands on his hips and is surveying his land as king]

“You staying in bed all day, just… enjoying the view? That the plan, or…?”

“Yeah, I mean, planned to go home at the end of the day. But I don’t *have* to. There’s nothing waiting for me at home except a pizza in the fridge. And, you know, it’s a pretty good pizza. But you might be a little better. Just a little bit.”

“I don’t know about that. I mean, it has nduja on it. Come on now.”

“I knew you wouldn’t understand. This is why we broke up, our taste in pizza just wasn’t…”

“Oh, shit, I’m sorry. That was a horrible joke.”

[mc hurries over and sits back on the bed next to the Listener, who we can assume is upset at MC’s shitty breakup joke]

“Sorry. I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“No, I don’t think it’s funny. I hate it. I just… Deal with shit like this through humour, you know?”

“I don’t like it about myself. It’s something I want to get over. It’s not fair on other people — on you — to try to turn every bad situation into a joke just so I can cope with it.”

[a tight hug and squeeze, ear murmuring]

“I’m really sorry.”

“Good. Thank you. I’ll cut that shit out, I promise.”

“I mean, if you think… If it’ll matter after today. I hope it does.”

“Yes, I’m being sincere.”

“Yeah. I guess… We have all day to see how things go, so.”

“You wanna cuppa tea? I’ll bring it to you in bed, if you like.”

“Yeah. Like the old days.”

[sounds of the guy moving just a few steps into the kitchen area. cupboards open and he hums and mutters to himself as he looks for the mugs. two are produced and placed on the side as the kettle boils]

“Hey, uh, where do you keep your teabags?”

[bed creaking and sheets rustling as the Listener finally gets out of bed]

“Oh, you don’t need to come show me, I’m sure I can —”

[the Listener pads towards the guy]

“Heh. I’d ask you if you know you’re not wearing anything, but that would feel a little hypocritical.”

[bodies rub against one another. close-up voice]

“What do you mean screw the tea? I’ve already boiled the…”

“Oh, what am I saying?”

[BIG SMOOCH. MEGA SMOOCH. SLOPPY ONE]

[this continues as they fall back onto the bed, and the audio fades out to kissing and the sound of rustling bedsheets]