Catch My Breath (Patreon)

It's been kind of a fucked up month for me.  The hospital visit was way more disruptive than it needed to be.  Combined with the DIY home improvement I helped mom with I'm very much off kilter now.  I just can't go at things like I used to.  I don't heal as fast as I did when I was young.  I can't sleep off a bad day anymore.  It takes longer.  

Anyway, this meager offering is just something to close the month out on.  Godwilling I will someday be able to produce more extra content and keep my house of cards standing a little more firmly someday, but that day is not this one.  

It's funny, my mother was talking about taking some of my money and starting a savings account.  I've never gotten around to doing it because I really have never believed I had much future left.  I was very much into planning ahead when I was younger.  I wrote the first Between Failures script ten years before I actually did anything with it, but now I just live day to day.  The idea of having money for the future just seems silly.  

On the one hand some people might think of that as a toxic mindset, but for me it allowed me to try things I wouldn't have because of the fear of failing.  Now I just do stuff, because I take failure as an inevitability.  Start a webcomic?  Why not?  Dump all my life into it?  What have I got to lose?  

Now it's, like, why save for a tomorrow I'm going to spend alone?  I kind of feel like I should just ride the train until it crashes into the station in a fireball.  I dunno, what do you guys think?  You're paying for me to be alive basically.  Is how I've chosen to spend my life acceptable to you?  Doing something else isn't going to make me any happier than making my comic, so why not just do that until I can't?  At the end I don't want there to be anything for anyone to covet.  No money for the government to steal off my corpse.  I just want there to be a burning scar in the earth where I screamed my last curse at everyone I still care enough to hate.  And hopefully there will be people who will save and distribute my comic on through the ages, so I can speak to people who come along far after I'm gone.