SKMay2021 Carol Nighty (Patreon)

I think that the comedown, or release, or whatever you want to call it, of the pandemic has made everyone strangely distant.  I don't know how to say it exactly.  In myself I feel very distant from my audience.  Much more so than than ever before.  For over a decade I felt like I was very connected to you/them, I'm not sure how to address the group, but recently people feel closed off, on edge, worn out.  Even my pastoral content can't stop the malignance of the greater world from weighing everyone down.  I feel sad.  Deeply sad.  Like I have failed he people who depend on me to briefly shield them from that malaise for just a few seconds 3 times a week.  I even hesitate to speak of it here for fear of adding to the problem.  I just want to help, but I don't have the energy left to reach out as much as I used to.  These last relentless years have taken a toll on everyone & my instinct is to try and do something, but I feel spent.  Does anyone else feel that way, I wonder?  

Normally when I feel this way I draw Nina, or Jo, because they represent parts of myself that radiate a positive energy, but tonight I drew Carol because she has a connection to that part of me that endures.  The strength of the base of the pillar.  It might seem strange that I don't identify with Thomas at these times, but Thomas inside is not representative of my strength, he's the part of me that needs to be saved.  He is, on some level, wrong.  Insincere.  Still very much part of me though, just not the part I want to commune with.  

I dunno, maybe it's silly to think so deeply about an image of a pretty woman.  Maybe it's a lie I tell myself to make it okay in my mind to just draw someone arousing.  Maybe it's all of that stuff all at once.  In any case I hope it pleases you all in some way.  I hope it helps.