Hiatus? Producing enough chapters/content? Please weigh in. Open discussion! (Patreon)

Hey, everyone!

You may have seen my post on discord.

I don’t know if this is an inappropriate post to make, but I like to check in since I appreciate your support so much. Still, I also know that you are supporting me monetarily — and I don’t want to feel as if I’m taking advantage of you or not fulfilling my part. I know you are all here to support me, or read a story that I wrote, which is just amazing. I am so grateful. I want to make things for you, write for you, do Q&As, and have time to talk with you and respond to your comments, but lately, I haven’t had that time, and it is really bothering me.

At my year mark of solely writing, I feel really burnt out, and I think it’s a rotating interest in which stories I want to work in — and an this weird sense of obligation to work in stories I’m not feeling at the moment. I don’t think I am producing as much content as I should be, especially looking at August.

I know that I love writing, and I know that I love my worlds and characters and sharing them here. I wouldn’t write if I didn’t have a community to share them with. But there’s also a little bit of pressure that comes from making writing my job. I kept trying to catch up over the summer — and after my break that I spent backpacking instead of creating backstock (😬 which I regret), and now that my daughter is back in school, I thought there would be more free time, but I am still hitting frustrating writer’s block.

I feel as if I am always “writing” lately, but I’ve noticed that I am not producing anything but frustration when trying to write, and perhaps it’s because I feel like I’m on a self-made deadline to create content. (This is no one’s fault! Just my own expectations.) If I finish a chapter in DARLING, for example, and it took me five days to complete it — there’s no rest period because it’s going to take me three-five more days to produce another chapter of a different book, so I need to start working again quickly. The cycle repeats. Then I look at books I’m not in the mood for but desperately need an update — go to my drafts, and sit there in frustration. I’m losing more and more of my free time to sitting in front of the computer, angry that nothing is coming out.

I am losing my drive to work in specific stories (stories that I love) like Wicked Boy and Black Velvet because the slice-of-life plots rely heavily on characterization and small, semi-realistic events. I feel like if they aren’t working towards what I want to portray, the content is easily lackluster and lacking heart. I can feel the interest of readers slipping when I go into a story to write without really wanting to write in it.

I feel guilty making posts apologizing for being slow. I don’t want anyone to feel like they’re losing interest in books I really care about. I also don’t want you to feel as if you’re hanging around for a month, and every book but the one that you’re here for is being updated. This, I’m sure, is something that happens.

In the end, I guess the question is — would you guys like me to take a month-long hiatus where I catch back up or are you satisfied with the content and understanding of the fluctuations in output that occasionally happens from month to month? Do you read multiple books? Are you okay waiting for your book to be updated while you read a different book?

If you have any suggestions on how to balance my books and updates or how to create a schedule that satisfies patrons but doesn’t burn me out, please let me know. I am only reaching out in such an embarrassing way because I am at a loss, and I miss the community that we had earlier this year when I was in a rhythm and creating consistently and talking with everyone always.

It feels really empty to not even have the time to comment back to some really wonderful and well-thought out comments!

I know so many of you always comment and prioritize my health and happiness which is SO sweet. But I really would like to know what you think is best. I feel this imaginary pressure to produce, or that Patreon might slip out of my hands and I won’t be able to write for a living anymore —

and I know that it doesn’t stem from any readers because you’re all so patient and kind, but in the back of my mind I know I’m most content when you guys are — and I’m most excited for stories when you are. I don’t want any unhappy patrons/readers.

So please let me know your thoughts or suggestions. I am all ears. I really want to make this work in the best way. I am grateful to be doing what I love (I am just not doing it fast enough!)