Please remove your pledges! (October Update) (Patreon)
Content
I am slow and am not able to deliver on my promises, mainly and also for a long time now I have had absolutely no enthusiasm for making art and feel I have lost that genuine enjoyment while making it. Trying to explain this is kind of tough to do but basically when I draw mostly it seems like I am in an almost robotic mindset, where drawing an images is more of an analytical activity rather than a refreshingly rewarding and creative act.
Similar to drawing as a kid, where you are utterly wrapped up in you own ideas and just making stuff for the sake of making it. I like to describe this as a rejuvenating form of creativity, where simply doing it is enough to power you through. I have not had this feeling for a very, very long time and its got to a point where I have honestly considered giving up, not only on Patreon content, but also FA and the whole, wanting to be a furry artist thing, and that's not good.
This is not even considering my slowness or lack of interest for commissions, Patreon projects or other commitments, but it has seeped into my personal art for along time now too. For instance, my sketchbooks have been gathering dust, or taken up to 4 or 5 months to fill. Often littered with unfinished sketches, sparse studies and lifeless drawings.
I also no longer know where my art is going or what is driving me to make it either. I can't work on stuff for monetary gain alone, which is why I am picky with commissions and it seems that, at the end of the day the thought of sketching either doesn't move me, or I sit down and draw a bunch of unfinished sketches, like my mind is detracted.
I have been dropping hints about this for some time now and most people (who I would say I know well on a fairly intimate and friendly level) have said things along the lines of "Just do what makes you happy" or "Make whatever works for you" and the like. However I honestly don't know what makes me happy with my art anymore. There is still something there, but I have no idea what it is and I think this is pretty evident in my slowing down of content and lack of uploads too.
Unfortunately I don't want to say I am burnt out, because I know how that feels, believe me I hit that a lot when I used to draw regularly, this just feels different to me, like something isn't adding up with it. Maybe I am running from my responsibilities but I just do not feel right, drawing what I do currently dose not get me out of bed with a good enthusiastic feeling, rather it forces me out, and looking at artists I admire I don't see that with them. They seem to genuinely enjoy what they do.
With that said, I have just gone about deleting my reward tiers on Patreon, however that dose not cancel people's pledges. I had initially wanted to make my Patreon entirely free for a while but I am not sure how this is done. Mainly so that the people who support me on here do no longer get charged monthly as I have been so piss poor with keeping up to schedule. So please, please get rid of your pledges, I don't want any of you to be charged for supporting me on here until I re open my Patreon back to how it was before.
I just can't take the fact that I am unable to keep my promises and then, charge people for it at the end of each month, it really stresses me out and I feel like a thief! I am just too flaky to keep this up currently.
I do plan on keeping my Patreon account open and will post on it like before, but I would feel a lot better about myself if you did not support me with your money, at least not if I can not get things together to the point where I feel it is worth the money I currently get offered.
I really hope you do stick around on here though. You do not need to support me monetarily to keep getting my work in your subscription feeds, if you wish to keep supporting me with donations however I can't stop you, but know I would rather you didn't. However you will still see work from me hopefully. :)
Thanks.