July 2022 Update 2 (Patreon)

Sorry about the lack of any preview sketches for this one and for this post being a bit personal, but I feel I've got to put this out there.  Also, I'm sorry if this post is all over the place, but that's where my mind is right now...

For most of my adult life, I've had to deal with the hell that is mental illness - I'd rather not specify which ones - and for the most part I've managed to keep it at bay, but in the last six years, things took a turn for the worse when I experienced my first full-blown panic attack.

Over the years, I've had to deal with various issues related with said mental illnesses - along with several emergency room trips due to issues suspected to be heart-related.  Unfortunately, as I have not worked a job that provided health insurance in over three years, I have not been able to arrange a consultation with a cardiologist to address these concerns, let alone see any mental health professionals (aside from one time which left me with a considerable distrust of psychologists and psychiatrists).

Also, I've had to deal with persistent anxiety for most of this time, and there periods where it can be nearly overwhelming.  When I broke my thumb back in April, I've noticed this anxiety become even worse.  It has gotten to the point where the majority of my time I feel like I'm on pins and needles, and I feel like I'm on the edge of a panic attack just trying to drive to a store two miles away to get food.   At this point, even my drawing is impacted;  it can be pretty difficult to concentrate on linework and shading when you're short of breath and full of feelings of doom and woe...

I've been exercising just about every day over two years and tried watching what I eat, but aside from losing a fair amount of weight, it's done little to alleviate my symptoms.
I've also considered going back to work in a full-time job that would hopefully provide health insurance, but again, when I feel like I'm going to have another attack every time I get behind the wheel, as well as not having had a car for over three years, without even touching on how it would affect my work assuming I'd even be able to secure a job, is easier said than done.

As I'm typing this, my anxiety is through the roof, accompanied by faint intermittent chest pain.  I've tried to arrange an appointment with a cardiologist at a local walk-in clinic several times over the past month, but to no avail.  I also want to avoid going to the emergency room, as the potentially crippling costs makes me all the more anxious.  So, all I can do is hope it goes away...

Finally, and I apologize for being grim, but from this point forward, if you don't see any updates from my Patreon or any other social media I post from over a span of 90 days, you might as well consider the worst and stop any pledges.

That's all I have to say right now.

Take care.