Love Addict's RPG Ch. 45 (Patreon)

After spending an amazing day with Mia, things looked like they couldn't get any better. Optimism was a new sensation for the eternal pessimist whose brain was once steeped in self-defeating negativity. Oliver's guard was down, leaving him blindsided by the first official roadblock cropping up when it did.

Now, his powers were telling him he couldn't progress his relationship with Mia until his beef with her older brothers had been dealt with, and Oliver was less than amused by the sudden turn of events. He liked the direction his life was heading in and didn't care much for the sudden record scratch. It felt aggravating. Like when you finish a game only for a pop-up window to appear congratulating you for completing all available content and then urging you to buy the DLC.

Thus, Oliver called a strategy meeting and sat at his coffee table to plot things out with his trusted confidant. He started catching Bradley up about his date with Mia while the artificially-created best friend was in the kitchen getting them drinks. After Bradley was seated and had presented their iced tea, Oliver continued on until he was done, skipping only the steamier details.

"Astonishing!" Bradley clapped after downing his glass in a single motion. His throat didn't even contract as he drank; the liquid just sort of slid down there. "Aside FROM your failure to [Kiss the Girl] in [Prize Planet's] parking LOT, I don't think things could've gone ANY better for you, my [Greatest Chum]! Excellent work in ALL regards!"

Oliver scratched the back of his neck. Thinking back to the way he choked earlier still embarrassed him, but it would've been a lot worse if he hadn't made up for it a thousand times over. "Thanks. As always, you were a great help. Your guide-"

"[Bradley's Love Locations]!" Bradley reminded him with a wink and a smile.

"Yes," Oliver sighed. "I wouldn't have known about that arcade otherwise, so again, I can't thank you enough. Really cleaned that place out as much as I could get away with." The only loot he kept for himself was on the coffee table in front of him: a mildly expensive silver watch he planned on pawning and a couple of Sorcery the Consumption structure decks.

Bradley had a bright idea that he couldn't wait to share.

"I believe I MAY be of SOME assistance! Feel free to LEAVE this [Wrist-mounted Timeteller] and ANY other [Sellable Loot] you accumulate during your romantic adventures to YOU old pal Bradley! Using my [Street Connections], I will [Hustle and Grind] to cut YOU the [Sweetest Deals], no pawnshop required!"

"So, on top of being my token best friend character, you also want to be a generic merchant by selling my shit to your hobo friends?" Oliver asked and was met with an enthusiastic pair of finger guns. "Sure, why the fuck not?" He grabbed the watch, closed the latch, and tossed it to Bradley. "That's one problem solved. Now, if only you could get Mia's hulked-out older brothers off my back."

"Why it's FUNNY you should-

"Nope, scratch that. Forgot who I was talking to for a second." Oliver shook his head. He was in a rush to solve Mia's locked heart event, but not to the extent that he wanted Juan and Julio sleeping with the fishes.

"Roger that," Bradley shot off more finger guns and clicked his tongue, which wasn't exactly the most comforting response. "Though I DO want it [On the Record] that I could've BETTER prepared you for THIS if you'd allowed me to SCOPE out [Tutorial Girl Mia Rosas'] family in advance!"

"Still not looking for a spymaster, Bradley. Not an assassin, either. Just an advisor, thank you."

"[Advisor] it IS!" Bradley winked. "Let's start by discussing the [Rosas Twins] in greater detail."

"Okay," Oliver nodded while sighing. He always took issue with Bradley calling Mia his 'tutorial girl' but however apt it might've once been, it no longer felt especially so now that her progression was gated behind a boxing match with her eyepatch-wearing hermano.

Oliver explained his thoughts about the overall situation and his current impressions of both brothers.

Juan Rosas was the human personification of a bad time. Oliver really didn't want to draw this conclusion given all of the stereotypical Latin American brain music his subconscious dreamed up, but the way that Juan presented himself was pretty close to a stereotypical gangbanger. The butterfly knife, the eyepatch, the scars, and the crass tattoos all lent themselves to this image, as did his general attitude. At his best, you could call him wild. Unhinged at worst.

Julio was an altogether different beast. Though physically identical in many ways to his brash counterpart, their similarities became nil the longer you looked at him. He carried himself like he was better than his brother, and that's because he was. Calm, collected, and a man of few words, Julio's presence captivated you and made you listen closely whenever he spoke. He was also shockingly observant and reminded Oliver of Mia in many unsettling ways.

That said, there was another side to the twins that Oliver noticed the longer he spent in their company. Both of them were dumbasses; Juan loudly and proudly, Julio in a more absent-minded manner. They were covered in scars of their own making, and Oliver had witnessed both of them injure themselves. He could understand forgetting to flick the ashes from a joint and burning your hand, but it took a special sort of stupidity to think whittling a block of wood in a moving car was a good idea.

And then there was the way they treated Oliver.

The twins put up a good front when trying to scare him, and it worked like a charm for the first half of their interaction. Oliver got a better read on them only after they got out of the car. Juan and Julio weren't his enemies. You might even say they were borderline friendly with him. He would take them out if they stood in his way, but Oliver wished they could've talked this out a bit more. It made him wonder where the whole idea of a boxing match even came from.

They wanted to protect Mia, so he found it weird how things ultimately boiled down to a contest of strength. If he had a little sister, he sure as hell wouldn't be okay with ending her over to whatever scumbag was strong enough to beat him up. The silliness of it led Oliver to draw an uncomfortable conclusion.

"Do you think my powers are influencing them at all, Bradley? Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful that the solution is so straightforward; it's just that I... well, from their point of view, I don't think their concerns about me are entirely invalid. Not sure why they would just roll over after I pass a simple strength check."

"I DO believe there's something to THAT," Bradley offered the most comforting smile possible. It wasn't very, but the sentimentality behind the attempt did most of the heavy lifting. "You have TO understand that many of your [Reality Warping] abilities are taking place [Under the Hood], like [Passive Checks] a [Game Master] makes BEHIND his [Fancy Screen]! It's improbable YOU will ever [Truly Grasp] the EXTENT to which you are subconsciously [Pulling the Strings] of those who inhabit THIS world."

Everything kept coming back to 'fuck you, I've got mine', it seemed. Oliver sighed. "So, what? You think I should just suck it up and stop caring about all the side effects?"

Closing his eyes, Bradley fiddled with his bowtie, interlaced his fingers, and sat his hands down on the table with a renewed focus. "Let's LOOK at this from [Another Perspective]. Regarding YOUR powers, the [Name of the Game] is [Gamification]. Did you not want THIS world to be [Simpler and Less Complex]?"

"I did, but you should know by now I don't want to fuck with people's minds or subconsciously control their actions..."

"Oliver, buddy, PAL, my friend..." Bradley spoke softly, the artificial voice coming from his throat quieting. "This is only as much of a [Monkey's Paw] scenario as you ALLOW it to BE. Your powers MAY have simplified the twin's [Legitimate Grievances] towards your character INTO a [Boss Battle], yes, but what EXACTLY is stopping you from sincerely [Earning Their Respect] after THINGS have [Simmered Down]?"

Oliver stared at Bradley for an uncomfortably long time. Then, his gaze shifted toward the floor and hunched over as he lost himself in thought for who knows how long. When he finally raised his head again, it was with an embarrassed smile. "I really don't know how I got so far in life without someone like you or Mia around to knock me upside the head when I'm being stupid and overthinking things. You're right, as usual. First, I'll knock down the twins, and then I'll make things up to them down the line the right way."

A little bit of color rose in Bradley's cheeks, looking odd on his plasticky skin tone. He let out an honest laugh. "Just LIKE that? Doesn't sound like you're ALL that [Hung Up] on this!"

"The murky ethics don't bother me as much as the lock keeping my relationship from progressing," Oliver shrugged after phrasing it like that. "I might have principles, but I also have priorities," thoughts of Mia rushed through him, making his heart race and bringing a smile to his face. "And I'm not gonna let things I can't control stand in the way of them."

Bradley was moved by Oliver's convictions, rising up and giving his friend a standing ovation. "Well SAID, [Best of Friends], well SAID! Luckily, I believe you HAVE more than enough [LP] to [Engineer] a way PAST this [Brotherly Blockade]! However, before you make ANY big purchases, wouldn't it be WISE to inform [Your New Girlfriend] of THE situation? [Communication is Key]!"

"Yeah, I mean, I definitely need to tell Mia about this, but..." Oliver felt heat beginning to rise in his face. "When I left, she had some pretty important things to do and is probably still busy."

"Nonsense!" Bradley sat back down only to slam his hands on the coffee table with unnecessary panache. "You don't want to worry [Girlfriend #1, Mia Rosas] when she finds OUT about this all on her OWN, do you?"

As always, Bradley knew exactly what Oliver needed to hear. The thought of her stressing out about him was enough to get him to stand up and take his cell phone to the bathroom, where he'd have more privacy. He closed the door and called Mia, childishly excited to hear her voice despite it not having been an hour since he'd left.

A slow and sweet voice awaited him on the other end of the line.

"Mi amor," Mia answered in a husky, drawn-out tone, her words punctuated by heavy sighs and a monotonous whirring buzzing noise coming from only a few feet away from her phone. "I knew you'd call. I knew you would, mn... I was waiting for you like a good girl, Ollie. It's okay. I didn't get enough earlier, either. I... I'm more than comfortable with having some fun over the phone together if you want... oh, fuck, we can do it all night long, even..."

Oliver closed his eyes. He knew this would be bad but didn't think he'd be this hard this fast. His eyes shot towards the door. Bradley would certainly leave if he asked him to, and then he'd be free to... no, no.

Gotta stay focused. Phone sex is nothing compared to the stuff we'll get up to after her lock is undone. Oliver repeatedly reminded himself. It didn't do much good. Though he wanted the stuff on the horizon, it wasn't like he didn't want the phone sex, too. He wanted everything she had to give and more.

Still, he tried his best to resist.

"I need you to focus, Mia. Something important came up, and we need to talk about it."

"What's more important than exploring our passions together...? You're not bored with me already, are you? Even though I'm so very, very wet for you- ah- MN!" She cried out, Oliver's imagination torturing him as he envisioned what caused such a delightful and erotic yelp.

"I'm serious, Mia," Oliver raised his voice and counted prime numbers.

"So am I, Ollie, so am I... did you hear that just now? I'm so horny for you that the sound of your voice just made me-"

Oliver's nostrils filled with a sharp intake of air. He didn't want to use a domineering tone out of fear it might make things worse, but at this point, it was his only way of getting through to her. To hell with it.

"Shut up," Oliver demanded, creating silence on the other end of the line. "Turn off whatever is making that buzzing sound and take it out if necessary. After that, keep your free hand to yourself. Understood?"

The buzzing stopped not even a second after he was done with his commands. "Yes, sir. Anything you say, sir. Anything. It's, um, it's only a wand, by the way. I've used my fingers a lot down there, but I'm still still nice and ti-"

"Mia-" he almost shouted. She was going to kill him at this rate. That, or give him gigantic blue balls.

"Sorry, sorry," Mia slurred her words in a hurry. Oliver thought he heard her whisper, 'God, you're hot when you talk to me like that' under her breath, but she continued on without acknowledging it. "Okay. I'm... I'm good. I mean, not good, but I'm mentally here right now, so that's a step up. Everything okay?"

"Wouldn't go so far as 'okay', no, but things could be worse. This will probably kill your buzz, so I apologize in advance." He cursed his choice of words right after saying it, damnable visions cursing him with glimpses of what he was missing out on.

"Not so sure about that," Mia softly chuckled. "Left me wanting more, mi amor. Take an awful lot to kill a buzz this fierce."

"Remember when you said you wanted to keep your brothers away from me for as long as you could help-"

Oliver hadn't even made it through the entire sentence before he heard the sound of the phone getting whisked through the air in a fit of rage. It slammed against a wall, the sudden noise hurting his ear and making him recoil. He then heard her stomping around her room, shouting incoherently in Spanish for upwards of half a minute.

It was about what he expected.

Mia got right back into it when she finally picked up the phone again, asking in a feral growl, "What the fuck did they do to you, Ollie? Speak carefully. Depending on your answer, my buzz might not be the only thing that dies tonight."

"...Juan and Julio ambushed me when I left your apartment, and they also snuck around my apartment building to ask my neighbors abou-"

"PUTA MADRE-" Mia shouted, threw the phone again, and started stomping around once more. Oliver almost wished he could've seen it, knowing how cute she looked when she got stubborn and feisty. This was a whole new level of anger, though. Scary.

Mia recovered a lot faster this time but was huffing and puffing when she got back on the line.

"Maybe you should put me on speaker," Oliver laughed dryly.

"I'm fine this time," she seethed. "Go on."

Mia listened to everything Oliver had to say. He told her about the ambush, the car ride, their talk in his parking lot, and their motivations. Aside from occasional Spanish curse words and general sounds of grumpiness, she was silent throughout until asking, "And you're okay, mi amor? They didn't hurt you?"

"No, they pretty much only hurt themselves... why, do they usually go around hurting other people?"

"Nah, they only LARP as gangbangers to pick up 'chicas'..." Mia cringed at the thought. "Doesn't mean they're not still dangerous. It's just mostly by proximity."

"And yet you're telling me they're carpenters?"

"Delivery men slash sales reps, more often than not. Dad doesn't have them doing the actual woodworking part unless it's a rush job and he suddenly needs all hands on deck..."

"That, uh... sounds..."

"Like the worst environment for a pair of clumsy idiotas?" She sighed heavily. "It is. Got plenty of horror stories to attest to that."

"Does one of these stories have anything to do with how Juan got that eyepatch?"

The other end of the line went silent for a long time. "Don't talk to me about the eyepatch," Mia shuddered, repeating in a quieter voice, "Never talk to me about the eyepatch..."

Now Oliver wasn't sure he even wanted to know.

Mia collected herself before he officially dropped the matter, saying, "Do me a favor and hold tight for a few, mi amor. Gonna give them a call."

"There's not much point in doing that. I'm pretty sure their minds are made up, and we're doing this boxing thing."

"Oh, I know they won't listen," she agreed. "It's more for the sake of my mental health. Need to yell at them for a few minutes."

Oliver spared her a laugh. "Understandable. I'll be here."

Mia hung up after thanking him, and after taking a couple of minutes to freshen up, Oliver stepped back into his one-bedroom apartment. Bradley was busy folding and organizing some laundry. How odd. He hadn't set anything to wash today because the building always got mad if you left your clothes sitting around too long.

"Welcome BACK from your [Bathroom Conversation]! While you WERE on your [Hot Date], I took THE liberty of-"

"God, can you stop making my life so much easier?" Oliver had to try not to laugh. "I already owe you more than I can ever repay. I don't need you sneaking into my place to do household chores like an elf out of an old fairytale in addition to all the other shit you do for me."

"NO promises!" Bradley winked. "Moving [Onwards and Upwards], what did [Starter Girlfriend Mia Rosas]-"

"Nope, absolutely not letting you use that one. Go back to 'Tutorial Girl' if you have to."

"What did [Tutorial Girl Mia Rosas] have to SAY about the [Current Sitch]?"

"Well, she's not fucking happy, I-" Oliver's phone started ringing. "That's her, hold on." He didn't need privacy now that Mia's buzz had been killed, so he answered the call in front of Bradley. "Any luck?"

"Fuckers are acting a hundred times more thickheaded than usual," Mia spat the second after she heard his voice. "Barely listened to a word I was saying. Fuck. Don't know what's gotten into them."

Oliver thought he had a pretty good idea of what was making the twins so bullheaded on this issue, but he chose to keep silent. In response to his silence, Mia kept on talking.

"Can't fucking believe they think you're going to turn into some philandering playboy and cheat on me. Christ. If they only knew how stupid they were for being worried about that of all fucking things..." Mia laughed in a strange way that Oliver wasn't sure how to take, but then she went straight back to being grumpy before he could process it, correcting herself with an angry growl, "Rather, if only they listened to what I was trying to tell them..."

"And what were you trying to tell them?"

"Not important," Mia mumbled, sweeping it under the rug to keep things infuriatingly vague as always. "Got any idea why they think that about you, though? Didn't get much details out of 'em."

Oliver replayed the highlights of his conversation with Julio in his mind, frowning as he did so. He looked to the other end of the coffee table at Bradley for moral support, finding a contradictory smile both warm and fake at once. A thumbs-up followed shortly thereafter.

"He said he saw in my eyes that I'd been hurt before," Oliver confessed.

"Yeah, he did say that much. Told him I was working on it and that if he'd mind his own damn business and give a girl some time, I'd fuck out the last vestiges of sad white boy you've got left in you, but noooo..." Mia sighed for the umpteenth time, Oliver assuming this happened frequently whenever her brothers were concerned. "I swear, it's almost like he thinks a fairy godmother's gonna show up, wiggle her wand in your face, and Cinderella you into Fuckboy Prime, Master of Negging and Destroyer of Cunts..."

The way Mia trailed off at the end sounded a little funny to him. Like there was longing in her words or perhaps disappointment. It was hard to tell, especially when you were as perpetually clueless and out of your depth as Oliver tended to be.

It didn't help that his mind was elsewhere, preoccupied with everything Julio had said.

"I feel like I need to be honest with you," Oliver softly raised his voice. "Some of the shit Julio was saying hit a little too close to home."

"...Mi amor?"

"I'm not saying he's right about me, but I'm not saying he was entirely off the mark about all of his observations, either. I just, I..." Oliver was getting flustered. He only meant to be honest with Mia and was now on the verge of saying all sorts of wild stuff.

Mia helped center him, urging, "Go on, now. Want to get to the bottom of this, so say what you need to say."

"I've been lonely for a really long time. It's probably why I latched onto you as hard and fast as I did. Like, I can confidently tell you right now you're the most important thing in my life, and that's solely down to me just not having anything else going on for me..." Oliver interrupted his emotional speech to give Bradley a sideways glance, ensuring he didn't take it wrong. Bradley made an okay sign with his hand, signifying that he understood Oliver wasn't implying he didn't appreciate his best bro.

"That said, this last week has been really weird for me regarding girls, and I'm not just talking about you. Hanging out with Stacy did weird things to me, and there was even a moment or two where I felt these little pings of satisfaction with Tessa, too. Again, not saying Julio has me down pat, but I feel like you deserve to know how wack my shit's been."

"...Really? Let alone the chick who bullied you out of high school, you got a little side crush on the boss lady?" Mia actually chuckled in disbelief.

Regardless of how chill Mia was, this definitely wasn't the reaction Oliver expected. He assumed she would've been more upset that his thoughts had strayed here and there, especially with how fast their courting went. Instead, he only sensed a sort of mild amusement from her.

"N-No, that's ridiculous," Oliver blushed while letting out an awkward laugh and wiping sweat from his brow. "They're absolutely not crushes. Like you said, this is Stacy and Tessa we're talking about, for Christ's sake."

"Of course, of course," Mia hummed, probably with that catlike smile of hers, if he had to guess. "Not crushes. Only 'satisfaction pings', sí, mi amor?"

Oliver sighed and shoved his face into his palm. "I get the feeling you're taking this seriously."

"Oh, I am," Mia's reply came with the swiftness of a leaping viper. Suddenly, she sounded confident and self-assured, much more than he was used to hearing out of her. "Taking it far more seriously than you'd think. Go so far as to say I'm taking it direly, in fact, but that's neither here nor there. Imagine we might circle back to this once all the drama is wrapped up nice and tight. For now, though, only got two things to say about it. First is that you're adorable. Second is that you're mine, estúpido. Any questions?"

He was blushing again, though this time it was far past what he could control, and Oliver turned away so Bradley couldn't see him. "None that I can currently articulate."

"Guess that means we'll leave it at that," Oliver could hear her giggling, still placidly amused on the other end of the line. This girl and her puzzles. "Oh, those stupid, stupid idiotas..."

After another sigh, this one sounding a little dreamy, Mia abruptly changed the subject. "Anyway, this ridiculous boxing match you've gotten yourself dragged into. You got a plan to not die on me, or should I look into slipping mi hermanos some laxatives? Got keys to their place. Say the word, and I'll arrange a one-way trip to dehydration station."

Mia was shockingly enthusiastic about poisoning her brothers. Good to know, but it probably wouldn't unlock her second heart event. "Sounds like a solid plan B. Counterpoint: I've watched a couple of gritty boxing anime in my time, and I'm pretty sure I'll know what I'm doing once I'm in the ring."

"Mi amor, you're what, a lightweight at most? One hit from a heavyweight like Juan is liable to kill a scrawny white boy like you. Hell, you even taken a punch before?"

"...Can't say that I have," and Oliver would've preferred to keep it that way, given the choice.

"Color me surprised," Mia's tone implied she should be colored anything but surprised. "Better be about to tell me you have more tricks up your sleeve, Ollie. Don't know how we'll get past this if you don't. Could always try talking to my parents, but I don't think-"

"Actually, that's exactly where I was going with this. I wanted to know if you're comfortable with me pulling more 'tricks' like I did at the arcade. I get that you've got a complicated relationship with them, but they're still your family, and they obviously care about you a lot. I felt like I'd get a guilty conscience if I didn't at least check in with you before-"

"Fuck your guilty conscience," Mia laughed abruptly. "Give it to me straight, ese. Tricks or no tricks, you really think you can handle this?"

"Yes," Oliver said with as much confidence as he could, looking back at Bradley with a burning resolve. The second this call was over, they'd start strategizing how best to spend 300LP to make this problem disappear. "I'm pretty sure I can."

"Mn..." Mia paused briefly to take in some air before spilling her heart out in a cold and distant display of approval. "Watching you get your ass kicked ain't my idea of a good time, but you beating the shit out of my annoying brothers? Fuck, I'd pay to see that. My whole life those bastardos have been nothing but one headache after another, and now they think they can just show up, threaten my boyfriend, and tell me they know what's best for me? Ollie, I don't just want you to do what it takes to win. I want you to do what it takes to make it hurt, por favor."

The sudden seriousness hit Oliver so hard he was forced to laugh. As an only child, he couldn't relate to how frustrating it must've been to grow up around such overbearing older siblings. Mia's thirst for violence had him thinking he might've dodged a bullet.

He was slightly hung up on how quick she was to trust him, however. It felt good, giving him a crooked smile, but he had to ask purely because he wasn't used to the sensation. "That's a tall order. You really think I can handle it?"

"Course I do," she said without hesitation. "Whether you know it or not, you're the kinda guy who gets things done. When you say you'll make something happen, got no reason I shouldn't believe you."

Oliver's smile widened again. Trust was such an empowering thing. He felt as if he didn't even need to spend his LP to take down the twins at that moment, silly as it was. Now that he knew how much Mia believed in him, he was more fired up than ever before.

"Thanks. Just a heads up, I'm not gonna be at work tomorrow. Got some preparations to make and some training to do. I'm hoping to take care of the boxing match on Wednesday, depending on how things goes. I'll let you know in the evening so you can tell your brothers."

"That really enough time?" Mia asked, curious rather than doubtful.

"I think so, yeah. Just going to need a day or so for my body to adjust to its new best friend: highly illegal steroids."

She was caught off guard and laughed mildly at that. "Don't get too friendly, now. Definitely prefer having a boyfriend who can make his own testosterone and plenty of it, mi amor. Especially after tonight."

"Ah, yeah, I..." Oliver blushed and became tongue-tied. Thankfully, Mia decided to cut things off for now and leave it at that.

"Gonna go and take a cold shower now that getting off's no longer in the card, then head to bed. Keep me updated, sí?"

"Will do, but... one more thing before you go. Mia?"

"...Yes?"

"I really am going to win. Just wanted to make sure you know that."

"...Confidence, mn? You love to see it. Talk to you tomorrow, Ollie, and good luck."

Pushing the thought of Mia's cold shower out of his mind, Oliver turned his attention back to Bradley, who'd been waiting patiently by folding laundry this entire time.

"[War Council]?" He asked excitedly.

"War council," Oliver confirmed, and then the boys got to work.

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