Chapter 242 - A Wilted Rose May Yet Bloom (Patreon)

Feedback on this one would be nice, as it sets up a lot of important shit for down the road.

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"By now, ya probly figured out I was in love with the receptionist back at Imperalis's Adventurer's Guild- those stupid paintings and statues told ya that much. Back then, I was a simpler man. I only cared about proving my worth and livin' up to my family name. I was gonna be the next Count Chasteworthe, after all. Now, This pimp wasn't even lookin' fo' love at the time. I swear. But one day, our ol’ Guild receptionist retired, and they brought in a transfer from Hollobell to take her place. I ain't never seen nobody as beautiful as the new girl, and right away I set about tryin' to woo her- as a man is wont to do. I didn’t come on too strong or anythin’, but I made it very clear I was interested."

Before he continues on, I bring up an obvious question. "And you're really sure you didn’t just want to get laid?"

"Naw, not at the time," Pimpington laughs, although his eyes show only sadness. "Nowadays, I ain't so sure. Point is, I worked my ass off to get her to notice me, and she did, but..."

Easy enough to figure out where this is going. "Let me guess. She wasn't interested?"

The pitiable man nods, saying, "Not in the fuckin' slightest."

"Why did you work so damn hard for her sake, then?" I can't say I have much experience with unrequited love, thanks to a certain Goddess... it must genuinely feel miserable if it makes you do such stupid things.

"Because she pretended she to be interested and didn't even give this pimp any reason to doubt her."

"Shit... That's pretty bad, but..."

"It gets worse." He says in a hurt, deadpan tone. "Lemme put it this way, I was hot shit in my prime, ya know what I mean? I brought in lots of gold and never failed a quest I was sent on. Hells, I was personally requested for dozens of quests every week! Everyone wanted me in their party! People would do anythin' to get me to help 'em out... and the Association? Well... they noticed that. Just like they noticed I was a fool in love."

"You can't possibly be implying-"

"Boy, I fuckin' wish. The woman of my dreams started approaching me off the book, and she'd ask me all sorts of personal favors which in reality were high payin' quests fo' the damn Guild. She'd make up excuses, sayin' her sick mom needed a potion made outta a hundred green dragon scales, and, dumbass that I was, I'd go and hunt down the nearest green dragon for her. Course, this pimp didn't know the Guild was actually sellin' em to a stupidly rich alchemist in Tior, naw... shit, that's just one example, man. Another good one was when she asked me to go and kill a bandit king who was slummin' it up near her sister's village. Fought like a thousand a them mothafuckas and barely got outta there with my life, but I did it, and I did it for free. Oh- then there's the time that the major trade route from Imperalis to Hunnihome got blocked by a giant, mutated Bastard Bunny. You ever seen one of them, Master?"

"I've read about them in my monster reference books, but..."

"Well, this Bastard Bunny was twice as fuckin' big as the biggest one I ever saw, and it even had a huge-ass sword like a mothafucka. Don't matter. I went and killed it for her anyway. Said her daddy wouldn't be able to make enough gold to eat if he couldn't sell his wares, and that was enough fo' this pimp..."

"How long did she lead you on like this?"

"Promise me ya won't laugh..."

"You have my word."

"Three years. I was in love, damn it, and my family brainwashed me into following my passions thinking that she was 'the one', y'know what I'm sayin'? And it ain't like this pimp didn't notice things were fuckin' weird. I just wanted her to feel the same way about me that I felt about her! I... agh!" He grits his teeth and slams his fists limply into the bed again, causing feathers to fly out of the mattress. Despite the criminal acting out, Victor remains silent and only watches. "This... this is the first time I've talked about it since I met the Boss. This is hard for a pimp, alright?"

"Pimpington, I'm not judging you... please, continue."

"I'm good, I'm good..." He says, panting and shaking his head. "I was wise to what was goin' on about a year and a half in, but I kept going thinkin' I could make her actually like me. Dumbass mistake, I know, but here we are. When it came close to three years of dancin' around, and after hundreds of unpaid quests, I was ready to move on. This pimp prepared himself to hurt, but I was still dead set on telling her I was gonna move on and pretend none of this ever happened. Just my luck, I caught her in a spare room talkin' to our Guild Master. I ain't the nosy type, but I heard my name bein' said, so I eavesdropped through the crack in the door. Mothafucka was handin' her a bag. Get this- she was getting a hefty ass chunk of gold for lying to me and pretending she was into me. She didn't look too happy about it, but the Guild Master did. So, I snapped, and I killed him without even thinkin’ about it. I wish there was a mo' dramatic way of puttin' it, but... it all happened so fast. I ain't never been so angry in my life."

"Just like that...?"

"Just like that. I lost it all. Family revoked all my ranks and titles in exchange fo' getting me out of the legal problems it caused. The Association stripped my license and confiscated all the treasure, weapons, armor sets, and magical artifacts in my Guild storage. At the time, I'd done so much pro bono work I barely had any cash left. It’s my own damn fault it happened, sure, but I still saw firsthand that everything I believed in, everythin' my family taught me about findin' the one... all of it was horse shit. I took what little gold I had, found the nearest brothel, and lost my virginity to a bunch of nameless hookers this pimp don't even remember. Best decision I ever made."

"That's... all so awful. I'm not about to say you did the right thing, but... I... don't know if I wouldn't have done the same in your shoes."

"Yeah, well... this pimp-" Pimpington is interrupted by the sound of sobbing, only it's not coming from me. We're both confused once we hear it, but once I look over my shoulders and see the stoic knight wiping a single, manly tear from his eye, everything makes sense. Except not really.

"How terrible," Victor says with a shake of his head. Then he regains composure almost immediately, saying, "I'm still going to torture you, though."

The pitiful criminal laughs, "Lot of good your sympathy does a pimp, then."

“It’s nothing personal.”

“Yeah, yeah, you soldier types are always just ‘following orders’.” Pimpington shrugs before looking back at me.

My feelings on the matter are a lot more complicated than Victor’s. Yes, I’m very sympathetic to Pimpington after learning his story, but... I know damn well about how the Association works at large.

From a young age, my grandfather always talked up the horrors the Association wrought on their adventurers. Their insurance scams, their overpriced adventuring goods which leads into their debt traps, their numerous fees for basic services, the way adventurers are treated like meat in a grinder.

I know that from hindsight, my grandfather was no saint, but he always bragged about not having to do any of that evil crap.

This is the first time I've ever seen such blatant evidence of their misdeeds, though. I assume everything Pimpington says is true since my eyes didn't pick up a single hint of a lie anywhere within his testimonial, so my mind is buzzing with questions.

How high up did this go? Was it just the Imperalis Guild Master's scheme, or was someone higher up in the Association aware of what was going on, and they signed off on it? And for that matter, how much gold did they even make after three years of stringing him along? Gold-ranked quests aren't exactly cheap...

I guess the most pressing question of all I have in mind is- “How did the Association not get in trouble over this?”

“Why the fuck would they? I killed a fuckin’ Guild Master.” He laughs.

“You were a high-ranking nobleman. I find it hard to believe you couldn’t have used that against them.”

“The only noble house who’s got any power over them Guild mothafuckas are the Lundreames themselves. Maybe the Glorigolds, too, thanks to all that cash they throw around... but for the most part, nobility don’t mean shit to the Association.”

The more I think about this, the more hatred I feel brewing inside me toward the system, and illogically, towards myself for being a part of it. "I'm sorry."

"Fo' the fuck what?" Pimpington tilts his head, confused.

"I'm sorry that my institution did this to you. I can't help feeling guilt by association. Stupid, I know, but..."

"Master, ya ain't like them. Not at all. Long as you keep on keepin' on and doin' your thing, this pimp feels like everything'll work our fo' ya." His words make him sound sure of himself, but I wish I could feel the same.

"If only I was as optimistic as you. My Guild is no doubt gaining attention from the Association with every passing day, and it's only a matter of time before they start poking their head in my business."

"When that day comes, don't back down. Mothafucka, I seen how you fight with them girls under yo' belt. Don't be afraid when the pencil-pushers come after ya. They ain't shit. And if ya find you can't walk down their road no mo', make yo' own damn road, ya feel me?"

"That's impossible."

"Bitch, then make it the fuck possible!" Pimpington shouts, a wily smile spreading across his cheeks. "This pimp was a simpleton who believed in bullshit like knightly values and chastity, now look at me. Despite all the horrible crap that happened, it's not like I'm not happier with who I am now! I did what I wanted to do, and damn did it feel good!"

An optimistic idea for sure, but I counter by telling him, "Happy men don't often plot out elaborate revenge schemes."

"That's different," Pimpington sighs, his sharp eyes growing distant. "Bossman came to me with a plan, and I thought it sounded like a hell of a time."

"Am I correct in thinking that your revenge is aimed at the Association somehow? I already know that Alvahs Vehl is a former adventurer as well, same as the false Duke's butcher."

My knowledge catches the Pimp off guard. He raises an eyebrow before playing it off and looking in another direction. "Told ya I ain't sayin’ shit. Context clues are yo' friend, can ya dig it?"

"Right, right... I admire your loyalty, if nothing else. But from the sounds of it, your loyalty is going to endanger a lot of people. That’s something that I won't let happen. I've been given a bounty quest for every major member of your organization. From here on out, we're going on the offensive."

Pimpington reacts to this news with a mix of emotions. Oddly enough, he seems both pleased and annoyed. "That so? Well, good luck with that shit. It ain't gonna be easy. If ya can pull it off, then good on ya, but I ain't no snitch, so y'all are gonna get no help from me. Can't say it wouldn't be nice if you could beat some sense into 'em like you did for me, though..."

Like I thought, he’s not totally against the idea of his friend’s being brought to justice. "Does that mean you no longer want your revenge?" I ask, hoping to get him to say more on it.

"I'm apathetic about it at the moment," He shrugs. "Blue balls'll make it so a man can't think about much else, ya feel me?"

"Pimpington, please. I'm asking you this as someone who genuinely sympathizes with you and who respects you. Is there absolutely nothing you can tell me?"

After thinking long and hard about it, the pimp struggles greatly with himself, and he eventually offers up, "Don't get killed, Guild Master."

It's not anything useful, but it's kind of him all the same. "It was nice to see you again,” I say before leaving him with a bit of sarcasm. “I'll come back for you when I’ve split off from the Association and am running a nice little independent Guild of my own.”

"Heh. Lookin' forward to it, ya feel me?"