Love Addict's RPG Vol. 2 Ch. 64 (Patreon)

Aaaaand here it is.

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"Fuckin' finally! I'm so damn hungry, and I can't even remember the last time you made breakfast for me like this, Mia. Thanks a ton!”

"I made you breakfast yesterday morning,” Mia closed her eyes. “You ate it on stream.”

"...I did? I mean, that sounds like me, but are you sure?"

"Sí. You're welcome, though. Dig in. You too, mi amor."

“You don’t have to tell me twice,” he said.

A peacefully generic song played within Oliver's mind as the three of them were packed together on the living room couch, with a full breakfast spread on the coffee table before them. The oven kept the food fresh during the multiple interruptions, and everyone was itching to sink their teeth in, Zoe most of all.

Oliver watched as she tore into everything on offer like a ravenous lion. He didn't know whether to be horrified or impressed with her vigor. Aside from Zoe’s lack of table manners, eating together like this was nice. It was also the second day in a row that Mia had cooked for him, and Oliver was already hoping it would become a more regular occurrence.

Eating Mia’s cooking made him smile, which in turn made her smile whenever she noticed him smiling. It was a sickeningly sweet feedback loop of pure love, the likes of which were only possible when coming from a pair of adorably awkward virgins. 

Feeling the need to compliment the little chef, Oliver gave her his honest opinion. “Breakfast came out really good, Mia. Thanks.”

“Kinda hard to fuck up anything on today’s menu, but you’re welcome all the same…” Mia softly smiled.

“Better not be getting any funny ideas, Olive,” Zoe said after shoving a gargantuan forkful of pancakes down her throat. “You got another thing coming if you think I’m gonna give up my live-in chef without a fight!”

He managed an awkward laugh. “We’ve only been dating since Monday. I'm not going to be taking Mia away anytime soon.”

“Not in much of a hurry to leave, either,” Mia looked away and frowned, embarrassed. “Your place is a little… I mean… all my stuff is here, and, ah…”

“You don’t need to beat around the bush. I know how much my apartment sucks.”

"Sorry, mi amor..."

“It does, now, does it?” Zoe raised a brow. “Problem solved, then. You can live here, and we’ll share her!”

Mia almost choked on a piece of bacon. Oliver quickly patted and rubbed her back while she washed it with some water. They both stared at Zoe in the aftermath.

"Whoops. Probably could've phrased that better." Zoe gave an apologetic grin and resumed stuffing her face to cover up the awkwardness. A moment later, she added, "Still, the offer stands. I think it'd be a net positive for all of us, personally. You two would have all the time in the world to get sexy with each other, and I'd get more of Mia's cooking! What the fuck would you call that other than a win-win?"

The lovers both reddened at her suggestion. Oliver was also amused by Zoe's simplicity, finding it funny how much she thought he could just uproot himself and move in with them like it was no big deal. Granted, his inventory system would trivialize transferring over his few possessions, but still. He'd have to tell his parents if he'd moved into his girlfriend's place, and that wasn't a conversation he was mentally prepared for.

Focusing on the here and now, Oliver had a new angle to work from now that he knew how much Zoe loved Mia's cooking. He went for it, asking Mia, "You're not forgetting to feed your pet three times a day, are you?"

"Typically try to make sure my perezosa gets at least one home-cooked meal a day, but I don't generally like barging in on her streams like I did last night. Being on camera makes me a little nervous, sí? That, and..."

"And?"

"Just generally don't enjoy cooking for people when I can't watch how they enjoy it..."

"What're you talking about?" Zoe laughed incredulously. "You can watch me enjoy your cooking whenever you want, silly. You just gotta boot up my stream after you drop the food off."

Oliver blinked. He then looked at Mia, catching her staring stone-faced into the middle distance. How the point flew so far over Zoe's head that it reached the moon boggled his mind. You'd think she'd at least notice Mia's visible disappointment, but no. She just kept on eating in total obliviousness.

Since Mia didn't have it in her to fully express herself, he figured that duty fell to him.

"I think what Mia's trying to say is that she'd be willing to cook for you a lot more often if you stopped streaming long enough to sit down and eat together like we're doing now. Right, Mia?"

"...Right," she nodded meekly.

[Mia has gained +1 Affection!]

"Damn," Zoe stabbed down on a stack of sliced pancakes a little harder than she needed to. "You know I'd love to, Mia, but that really doesn't work for me. I get some of my biggest tips whenever I'm eating on stream. Some pervs actually get off on watching chicks chow down on cam. Gross, right? Fuckin' weirdos. Still, gotta give the fans what they want!"

[Zoe has lost -1 Affection!]

Oliver considered the notification, noticing a pattern.

This was the second time Zoe's affection dropped. Both times were the result of him implying she should stream less. It seemed like she was repellent to the very idea and that constantly making such suggestions would only annoy her. She was still acting polite about it, but her patience wouldn't last forever.

Note to self; don't expect to change Zoe's mind through words. She just jumps straight into excuses about why she can't stop streaming. That, or she'll mention how she needs to make her fans happy...

It was a safe assumption that Zoe's affection would rise faster if he started taking her side and reinforcing her current lifestyle, but even if he warned Mia that he'd be lying to get on Zoe's good side, it wasn't an option. Not when he could easily imagine how his life would've played out if someone had done that to him.

Oliver's best bet was to avoid routinely calling Zoe out and focus on naturally building her affection. No stranger to how these things went in many of his favorite games, he figured that Zoe's Heart Events were his best shot at provoking some self-reflection out of her. All the more reason to get there as quick as he could.

Wanting to get to know her, Oliver opted to get the girl talking about her obvious passion.

“You know, Zoe, all this talk about your career makes me interested in hearing more. I’m not a big stream guy, so I don’t know jack shit about what it takes to do what you do. Hell, I don’t even know what your channel’s called, what kinda games you play, nothing.”

Zoe was very receptive.

[Zoe has gained +1 Affection!]

“Seriously? Mia didn’t tell you any of that?”

“I did not,” Mia conceded, then quieted down to let her friend do her thing.

“Well, shit. Might as well take it from the top, then. Listen up, Olive!”

It was a good thing Oliver actually was a little interested in hearing about this. Otherwise, the ridiculously long rant Zoe kicked off would’ve been unbearable. She spoke fast, getting into rapid-fire detail about her life as a streamer.

To start things off, Zoe took out her phone and flipped it around so he could see the design on its case. There was a cute picture of a grumpy, gray-green cartoon sloth holding a video game controller. The letters ‘LSG’ were displayed in pixelated font to its side. He recognized the art as Mia's work and was told the letters stood for the channel name- LazySlothGaming.

Mia wasn't kidding. Zoe was reasonably successful and had a little over two thousand subs, though her streams sometimes had at least twice as many viewers depending on the game she was playing. She’d been a Tweak streamer for going on four years now, starting not long after graduating.

There was an element of ironic tragedy to Zoe’s success in that it was apparently Mia’s idea for her to become a streamer all those years ago. 

The grim look on her face expressed how conflicted Mia felt about that.

“I was kind of a massive fuckin’ wreck back then,” Zoe laughed, implying she wasn’t one right now. “And then all of a sudden, Mia sat me down one day and presented this huge-ass plan of action, showed off some work-in-progress sketches she’d made for potential channel logos, some stream overlays, and boom! Everything was smooth sailing from then on out.”

“It was the fuck not,” Mia blushed. “Took about a year before you got used to being on camera. And then another before you started making any money.”

“Details, details. I got there eventually, and that’s all that matters.”

“Wow,” Oliver looked at them both. “I had no idea you had such a big part in this, Mia.”

“Yeah, well…” while looking away, Mia somehow managed to cut her finger on her butter knife. “Mierda!” She hissed, sucking the wound.

“That’s not even the whole story!” Zoe said with pride. Mia’s injury was apparently commonplace enough to not even regard it. “Mia even ran my social media accounts for the first year or so while teaching me the ropes. I got the hang of things eventually, but I sure as fuck wouldn’t have if it weren’t for her!”

“…You don’t say,” Oliver focused on Mia, who was turtling up. “Anything else she helped you with?”

“Oh, yeah. Tons of shit! Mia used to watch loads of different streamers for new ideas, she’d search for trending games I should be playing, moderated my chat, helped me take sexy selfies for my socials, and… uhhh… hmm. I can’t think of anything else off the top of my head, but I’m probably forgetting some shit.”

“Can’t say I’d be surprised,” he sighed. “Damn. You’re a really good friend, Mia. One might even say you’ve spoiled Zoe.”

“…One might,”

Oliver wasn’t accusing her. He better than anyone how fiercely stubborn Mia got when trying to care for someone she loved. He just hadn't expected it to bite her in the ass as hard as it did.

Putting the thought aside to continue the conversation, Oliver asked Zoe about the kinds of games she streamed, which inevitably turned into a lengthy rant about her personal tastes.

Zoe was a self-described video game purist.

She loved the medium with all her heart and didn’t differentiate between consoles, genres, or individual series. It didn’t matter if you were talking about a dudebro military FPS, a retro platformer, or even an eighty-hour JRPG with grinding galore.

All she needed to get absolutely hooked was for a good game to be precisely that: good.

The more Zoe talked about her interests, the more captivated Oliver became. She was fun to listen to, and her enthusiasm was infectious. He started suspecting that her good looks weren’t the only reason she had so many followers and was almost disappointed when she'd finished with her spiel.

“Aaaaand that’s about the gist of it. I’ll play anything and everything, but I usually stick to whatever’s the hot new thing for my channel's sake. Gotta give the people what they want.”

“I guess that makes sense,” Oliver thought aloud. “But wouldn’t you rather just play whatever you wanted instead of worrying about pleasing people you’ve never even met?”

“Eh,” she shrugged. “It’s not all bad. I still get to spend every second of my day fuckin’ around and playing games, which is more than most people can say about their jobs! And wouldn't you know it, it's all thanks to Mia!”

“Sí. Go, me.” Mia slumped against the couch, dying inside.

Oliver found mild amusement in his girlfriend's suffering before asking Zoe the last question he had left. The big one. The one that concerned him more than just about anything else.

“So... what all do you do for fun when you aren’t playing video games?”

“…Huh?”

“I mean that when you’re done streaming and you turn the camera off for the night or whatever, are there any other hobbies you enjoy, or-”

“Other hobbies?” Zoe squinted at him like he was speaking another language.

Fucking Christ. I can't say I expected anything less, but... I had my hopes... he sighed.

“…Random question, what did you two get up to when you hung out together the other night?”

“I hooked up my Surge-Box out here for a few hours, and Mia watched me play Lords of Galius. Why?”

Oliver glanced at Mia.

“I like watching her play,” she huffed defensively. “You know I have shit motor skills, and it’s a pretty game, besides. Get off my back.”

“Okay, okay,” Oliver knew when to leave well enough alone, but still.

Things were pretty dire, and Zoe's lifestyle made Oliver feel strangely sympathetic. It reminded him too much of how he lived after dropping out of high school. Of the two years he spent being a burden on everyone around him.

As if he didn’t already want to help fix things around here enough.

Now that everyone was finished eating, Oliver volunteered to help Mia with the dishes. She appreciated the gesture and helped him pile everything up as they took it to the sink. Zoe stayed behind to continue messaging people on her phone before they all sat down and decided what they wanted to do together.

Unbeknownst to Mia, Oliver and Zoe had secret plans in store. He had a quest to fulfill and further LP to score. Once they'd washed the dishes, Oliver excused himself to the bathroom again and opened his skill menu. He had 270LP to work with, and more was on the way. Now was not the time to be conservative. Oliver wanted at least two Love skills.

Flipping over to tier two immediately, Oliver combed through his options. The clutter was as immense as ever, making it a chore. Since he already had a kiss scheduled with Zoe, finding something that boosted affection gained through kissing seemed like a safe bet. A skill like this wouldn't help him in the short term with other heroines, but it would help with Mia, which was equally important.

This was what he landed on;

[Kiss King | ** | Love | Increases your general proficiency in the art of locking lips and trading tongues, making the act of kissing you more enjoyable for your heroines. Affection boosts earned as a result of kissing receive one to three bonus points depending on the timing, impact, and meaningfulness of said kiss.]

All in all, Oliver thought it was just what he wanted. It was also nice that it made him a better kisser. He was far from an expert, even though Mia hadn't given him any complaints. The only thing he was worried about was that the wording made it sound like he'd need to go for more dramatic kisses to get the biggest bonuses.

Man, this would've been great to have before I kissed Mia in front of her brothers yesterday... Oliver sighed, though it wasn't as if he had the LP to waste at the time, even if he'd known about the skill back then. At least he'd have it from now on.

He'd already pulled off one grand public display of affection. No doubt he could do it again.

[Skill Purchased! Kiss King -50LP]

Oliver went through another one of his crazy hallucinations as the requisite knowledge downloaded itself into his brain. This was the most awkward one yet as the sensation of dozens of lips and tongues pressed against his own, each one imparting different styles and techniques. The experience was pleasurable, though it left him feeling guilty. He wondered what Mia would think if he told her he'd just made out with a bunch of ghosts in her bathroom.

Moving on, Oliver wanted something to help him reliably gain affection faster in a more general sense. He came up with the idea to look for something that boosted gains made through speech. Given that the vast majority of affection increases he earned were through conversation, this seemed like a no-brainer.

[Smooth Talker | ** | Love | Affection boosts earned as a result of things you say receive one to three bonus points depending on the impact of what was said.]

Unlike Kiss King, Smooth Talker didn’t actually make him a smooth talker. It just rewarded him for being one. Probably something to do with game balance again, Oliver reasoned. If he always spoke amazingly well, the skill would trigger every few seconds, wouldn’t it?

Probably better off this way. I was halfway worried that a speech skill like this would’ve made me supernaturally persuasive or something, anyway, and I wouldn’t have been comfortable with that. Too close to hypnotism shit.

This, though? This is nice and simple- just the way I like it.

[Skill Purchased! Smooth Talker -50LP]

Oliver didn’t experience any skill download weirdness this time and was thankful for it. He didn’t feel any different, either, meaning he had to go and test it out for himself. Good thing he had two test subjects ready and waiting.

He looked at himself in the mirror out of habit on his way out, telling his reflection that he could do this before returning to the living room, where Mia and Zoe sat on opposite ends of the couch. Zoe had just remembered that Mia should typically be at work on a Thursday morning, and Mia was filling her in on why she wasn’t.

“Hey,” Mia patted the middle cushion between them. “Come on over. Got the best seat in the house for you, mi amor.”

“Don’t mind if I do,” Oliver slipped in, sitting closer to Mia than Zoe.

Zoe winked at him once he got there, prompting him to nod in return. Seemed that the plan was still on.

“You’re not tired, are you, Zoe?” Mia asked. “Was hoping to take you up on your offer and have you hang out with us for a little while.”

“Haven’t slept in two days, but eh. I’ll be fine if I chug another gulpie in a bit here,” Zoe lazily tossed her phone off to the side, giving them her full attention. “After all, I wouldn’t wanna miss the fun we’re gonna have.”

Mia narrowed her eyes. “…And what fun is that, mn?”

“Oh, nothing, nothing… I just thought it might make for some good entertainment if we put Olive here through a little test of character so we can see what makes him tick…”

“Please tell me this test doesn’t involve boxing. I’m serious, I’ll head straight the fuck home.”

“Don’t think boxing is where she’s going with this, no…” Mia said grimly. “Think she’s going somewhere worse.”

“Aw, am I really that obvious?”

“Considering how that game’s always been your favorite way to fuck with people? Sí, Zoe. You really are that obvious.”

“Okay, cool. You two are clearly having yourselves a moment, so I’ll just sit here and wait until someone gives me context. No rush.”

Mia sighed, held his hand, and gave him a dire expression. “Mi amor, I need you to listen to me very carefully. The perezosa is going to challenge you to a certain game that you should under no circumstances accept.”

“I’ll let you watch him make out with me a little if he wins,” Zoe said smugly.

Mia’s grip on Oliver’s hand doubled in strength. Her eyes widened as a long silence fell over her. “...Mi amor, I need you to listen to me very carefully. The perezosa is going to challenge you to a certain game that you must win at any cost, no matter how steep.”

“Right… so… what’s even the big deal about this game, anyway? What’s it called?”

“DokaDon Empire…” Mia uttered.

“Never heard of it,”

“Not surprising, it’s pretty fuckin’ obscure,” Zoe stated. “It’s kinda like a digital board game where you roll dice and progress along a big map. Each player is trying to build an empire for themselves, and the goal is to undercut and steal resources from each other. Really intense shit.”

“So it’s just like Monopoly?”

“It’s Monopoly as redesigned by Satan,” Mia added. “Big Red had a quick look at it and thought it could do with a few thousand degrees more suffering and misery.”

"That bad?"

"Pretty much," Mia sighed.

“You can always back out if you’re too intimidated, Olive. Wouldn’t wanna make you cry in front of your new girlfriend.”

“I’m sure I’ll be fine,” Oliver laughed off Zoe’s lame attempt at taunting him.

“You won’t be, mi amor. Game will either make you cry or make a monster out of you. No two ways about it. Last time Zoe roped Becca and me into playing, I ... well, see for yourself...” Mia pointed at a spot next to the entertainment center, where Oliver suddenly noticed the wall’s color was slightly off.

“…And Rebecca?”

“She cried. Hard.” Mia hung her head. “And I’ll never forgive myself for what I did to her…”

“...And you want me to play this horrific, mentally scarring board game from hell just for a chance at some cheap sexual gratification?”

“…Sí?”

Oliver sighed. “Okay, good enough for me. I’m in.”

[Mia has gained +3 Affection! +1 Smooth Talker]

[Zoe has gained +1 Affection! +1 Smooth Talker]

There it was; Oliver’s first taste of his new skill in action. Mia and Zoe both liked him saying he was down to play, but it wasn’t like his declaration was all that impactful. Thus, only one extra point.

I guess I can only expect bigger bonuses when I say something meaningful. Fair enough. Even if Smooth Talker mostly gives me plus ones, they’ll still add up.

Oliver was satisfied with his purchase, just as his heroines were satisfied with him.

“Man. You really found yourself a keeper, Mia.” Zoe sharply smirked as she stood from the couch. “It takes a special kinda guy to willingly dive headfirst into hell itself just to get their girlfriend off a little harder, but you really ain’t gonna let that stop you. Huh, Olive?”

“I guess not. I’m still having trouble picturing just how bad this game could possibly be, but… even if it is as bad as you guys keep saying…” Oliver took a sideways glance at Mia. Her cheeks burned scarlet, and she kept shifting around in her seat like there were ants in her pants. Her excitement wasn’t subtle. “Something tells me I’d be going against my best interests if I didn’t go for it.”

“Might be you stand to gain something from playing along, sí,” Mia mumbled under her breath, the tiniest hint of delirious exhilaration hidden in her quiet voice. “It’ll be fine, though. Really. It’s… not that bad… and I’ll be right here to provide moral support every step of the way…”

Her left hand suddenly rested on his inner thigh. She started rubbing upwards along its length.

“Mia… I won’t win if you can’t keep your hands to yourself…”

“Mn? Ah-” Mia realized what she was doing and pulled away, blushing even brighter. “S-Sorry, mi amor. Might be getting a little ahead of myself…”

“I noticed,” Oliver gave her a weary smile as Mia scooted closer to the couch’s edge away from temptation.

“Heh. Ever the adorable fuckin’ perv.” Zoe laughed at her friend’s all-too-familiar antics, delighting in how her expression became poutier.

She then excused herself to set the stage, returning from her room with an old-school SnoyBoy 2 console, two controllers, and a copy of DokaDon Empire. It only took her a couple of seconds to rig everything up before handing Oliver the player two controller and then lounging back on the couch.

The nostalgic sound of the console booting up overrode Oliver’s omnipresent BGM, giving him a welcome reprieve from royalty-free hell.

“This is usually the part where I’d give you one last chance to pussy out, but it looks like you’re pretty much locked in…”

“Can still back out of this if he wants to,” Mia claimed. “He just knows he’d better not.”

“Indeed, I do. Sorry, Zoe. I don’t care how crazy this stupid game is. You’re going down.”

“Whoa there. I said I’d make out with you, dude. Never said I’d go that far!” Zoe cackled.

A little of Oliver’s confidence shriveled up as his face became flushed. At his side, Mia trembled at the thought and looked close to drooling. All this over a dumb joke.

Zoe shook her head. “Christ, you nerds were fuckin’ made for each other…”

The game finally got past the many company logos preceding the title screen as a retro-sounding JRPG song started to play, the words ‘DokaDon Empire’ appearing above a giant castle with a bright blue sky behind it. Several generic hero characters flitted about before the castle's gate, mages slinging spells and heroes slicing slimes.

Between the art, the music, and the tacky UI, everything about this game screamed ‘shovelware’ to Oliver. It lowered his guard. Made him think they’d been messing with him until now- that it had all been one big prank.

Oh, how sweet it was to live in ignorance's comforting embrace.

***

Stat Changes

Oliver Chase | Strength 9 | Style 1 | Spark 1 | Smarts 0
Cash: $920 | LP: 170

Mia Rosas | Status: Girlfriend | 68/100 | ❤❤♡♡♡

Zoe Myers | Status: Mia's BFF | 15/100 | ♡♡♡♡♡