The future of this patreon page. (Patreon)

I am not quitting drawing as a whole... but I do want to take a step back and stop doing it semi-professionally and kinda return to just drawing what I feel like, when I feel like for my own enjoyment.

Before I started on deviantart, I only had a retail job for as far as doing things in my life went. That made me depressed. I then started the deviantart page and drawing for it added more value to my life and it did. I could be productive with the job and have fun and take part in a passion with drawing.

Now I only got drawing, but it's not just for my own fun, it's to make stuff for people who pay me for commissions or to justify being a patron as I try to offer new content on a regular enough basis.

Now I'm once again feeling unbalanced, to say the least. I feel constantly like I need to be working on a drawing, preferably a commission, I need to be making money or else I am not spending my time right.

It's clear to me that I need work and hobby seperated. That I was happiest when drawing was something that I had full control over and just did to unwind and not in the aims for profit or other such gains.

Honestly, going professional was never even really a dream of mine, I just kinda stumbled into it after the sissy stuff caught on so well. Which I guess brings me to my next topic, again I'm not quitting. I'm probs gonna keep drawing feminine guys or dresses based on different things, but the pace at which I will, will be slowing down.

I'm not sure if in the long run I will keep enjoying being a kink/fetish related artist. It has a stigma and brings a certain attention to your work. I can't help but wonder if the only reason people want to see my art, is due to the kinky nature of it. I want people to look at my art because they enjoy how it looks, because of how I've designed something, not just because it turns them on.

It makes me question the sincerity of my art. It makes me question why I make the art that I do. Do I do it because I enjoy it, or because I don't want to lose the succes that I have gained from it. Do I care for what I draw and when I look back do I feel something?
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In short here is my plan of action. August will pretty much stay normal. I'm finishing that genie commission, if time is left over maybe finish one of my own drawing like the Grusha in the big coat and then go to work on the prompt poll of this month.

After that I want to go back to my roots and draw some monster art for my monster DA page (MisterMonsterMaker)

I do still have sissy or tf/tg related ideas, but I don't know when I will get back to those. So I do not know if September will be offering much content, the patreon will possible close or at least no get super regular updates around this point. I totally understand and maybe even recommend that people check their subscription and maybe turn off the automatic extention. I will try my best to find compromises and if needed will refund if asked. I can imagine people wanting to see the prompt poll and may be have their subscription end just around that. So one idea I have is to make stuff free to see after all the subscription have ran out, so everyone can still see the final updates on the final few projects that I will have shared here

If there are any questions feel free to comment or dm, but basically, the patreon will more or less stop around september, will I reactivate it in the future...? I do not plan so for the near future at least.
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Now let me try to explain and kinda ramble about my feelings a bit more...

Creature design is my passion, it's what I can turn my brain off for and just let my hands flow. I do like sissy art, i do like femboys and drag queens, but it is not the same artisitic passion as my love for drawing eldritch horrors and mutants.

I draw monsters because I love making monsters.
I draw sissies... because I would want to be like that in real life...

This will be hard to explain, but I think the main reason I draw sissy stuff is to kind of make up for the fact I can't do it in real life or not as much. Now that I've realised I'm Transgender, I see now that drawing the hyper feminine sissy stuff, was probably my way to express my desired feminity and desired gender.
Basically I imagine that once I've transitioned and I can do the feminine desires I have in my day to day life, then I won't be needing to draw it instead. My feminine desires will have been fullfilled already. The motivation to make fetish art, will have stopped.

I will probably still draw a dress from time to time, but it won't be to have some guy in it. I like character/creature design, part of that is outfit design. I love gijinka's, it is why I like turning the Ben 10 aliens into drag outfits. I like translating a creature or character into an outfit.
However until now I have always added a bulge. Not because I originally wanted to, but because other wise I thought my audience wouldn't like it as much. It's the same with the Monster Hunter Fashion series, turning those armors into pretty outfits are fun and a legit artistic process I enjoy. However I feel like I had to put a guy in the outfit and give him a bulge. Because without those fetish factors, people wouldn't want to see it. Or so my feeling is.

So I could see my page shift from forced feminized sissies, into more wholesome, just trans girls wearing cute outfits type stuff. Maybe still some karmatic stories or thematic tf's here and there, but the focus might shift and maybe more collabs with friends, still drawing for others in a way, but only because I want to do it and it would be fun
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Just yeah I'm not sure that I'm truly passionate enough about drawing sissy or fetish content to keep up with the pressure and the effects that being an online content creator has had on my real life routine. I am not against being a content creator, but the art I create, I need to be fully passionate about it.

I've had some periods where I basically tried to just make money of drawing, The stress of taking on whatever commissions, needing to then make them done in time to go to the next one. It made me more or less ignore the real world and become even more of a shut-in ''I dont want to go outside, i have stuff to draw'' ''i dont need to go outside, i have commissions to do'' I have so many times neglacted other stuff, like family activities, due to thinking ''work/commissions go first''

I've more or less not gone outside for the last 2 years, unless it was the short time i had some jobs again, groceries or appointments. I want to change that, I want to get back to being a part of society, I want to stop feeling like I'm on an alien planet when I go to the store and am surrounded by people again. I just want to feel okay with going outside again and not like it's some huge bother and preventing me from working on art.

Of course drawing is not the only reason I have this problem, autism, general anxiety, depression etc etc, but, drawing on some kind of proffesional level, has not helped me break from the bad habit in any case.

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When I put the ''1 drawing each 3 days'' schedule into place on my deviantart page, I felt some pressure go away, I had more time to create stuff and such... then I made the patreon and now had the pressure to keep making stuff again because else I would lose patrons their interest, or so you know my mind said.

So yeah I just want to go back to the time where I drew what I wanted because I thought it was fun and the process of what I made was fullfilling to go through, being able to share it then with people and them liking it, was a bonus.

Currently those goals have swapped, to have fun is the bonus, and to get people to like it and make some kind of profit or gain from it, is instead what I keep worrying about.

So I want to get rid of needing to draw, for the schedule, for other people and go back wanting to draw, just for my own reasons, to unwind, to have fun with etc

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I've never actively wanted fame, but now that I got it in some way, I feel the social pressure of needing to keep it. ''Isn't this what every artist wants?'' ''Don't you want to make money of your hobby?'' ''Don't you want to be special?''

I feel like I'm living what would be someone else their dream, and because of that it would be wrong of me to give it up or try to take a break from it, because I've been lucky enough to get it and it would be rude to give up.
The truth is I never really imagined myself as a proffesional.
 I feel like people would be dissappointed and I would be selfish for wanting my hobby back, instead of my art being a service or a social resource, I want it to just be my way of relaxing again. That I then show to people for fun and not because I feel obligated to show something.

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I think that is more or less all, I hope its understandable and sorry that it did kind of jump from all over the place.

In any case, despite of all this, I do still very much appreciate the support you all have given me in the last almost 2 years. Wanting to support me in a direct way like being a patron and taking a subscription is very generous and I cannot take it lightly that people have been interested in seeing my artwork early for a fee.

It has honestly help me keep paying for the phone bill and health insurance and helping me keep some savings instead of only losing money when I didn't have a job.

But I need to step up and get a regular job again. I need work and hobby to become seperated, so I can once again have a healthy daily routine, so i can be both productive and have time to unwind and enjoy drawing or going through a new game, instead of feeling guilty that I'm not producing something and questioning if anything else then to be drawing is okay.

Thank you all for your time, for your support, for enjoying my work.
I am NOT quitting drawing, I am not fully stopping with tg or sissy content either, but I am going to slow down and try to let more of real life get back into my daily routine.

Thank you for reading, if you have questions or suggestion regarding how to handle ending the patreon page for when it is September, please comment or dm me.

-Brianna